by L. D. Davis
“I believed under the care of the legal system that they could be redeemed,” I answered evasively.
She cocked her head to the side. “There is more to redemption than a stint behind bars and you know it,” she said. “You know that redemption is deeper than that. Redemption isn’t serving your time without trouble. Redemption is coming to your senses and seeing clearly the people you have hurt and feeling deep regret and giving up anything and everything to take back what you have done. You point no fingers, you make no excuses, but you take on the entire weight of the pain that you have caused, even if it means it will crush you. That’s redemption,” she finished sharply.
I hated Kyle Sterling, but my wife was…amazing. Her words penetrated me to the core. Not because I felt that Kyle Sterling was worthy of redemption, but because I knew that Emmy had spoken from experience, and she had been redeemed. I knew that she was stronger than ever before and level headed, and she knew her heart. She would not stray.
But still…
“Is there anything I can say to make you change your mind?” I asked her.
“If you told me not to go, I wouldn’t,” she said carefully. “I respect you, Luke, but I am hoping you won’t do that.”
And there it is. The final decision was left in my hands. What would I do with it?
Chapter Thirty-Two
Of course I let her go. I didn’t have to like it, and though I trusted Emmy I was on edge the moment she stepped through security at the airport and out of my reach. I had vowed to never let her go anywhere without me again, but there she was, walking away from me to go save Kyle Sterling from himself.
I went home to my kids. Diana was kind enough to show up early in the morning so I could take Emmy to the airport. It was still fairly early when I returned. Lucas was still asleep, but Kaitlyn was up and ready for the day to start, at least for a couple of hours before she would be ready for one of many naps. I needed a nap myself. I must have looked as tired as I felt, because Diana told me to go to bed, that she’d stay with the kids a few more hours.
“I owe you big time,” I said to her as I trudged up the stairs.
“You sure do,” she said.
I kicked my shoes off and fell into bed fully clothed. Emmy and I hardly slept at all during the night. After the kids were in bed, we sat up talking. She gave me a background story on Lily that left me cringing for the woman. She shouldn’t have driven all the way out here by herself so far in her pregnancy considering her past history. She had apparently lost a baby around the same time many years ago. I hardly knew Lily and even tried to pretend her problems didn’t matter, but like Emmy said, I wasn’t that heartless.
When Emmy started to tell me what she had learned about Kyle, I had stopped her. I didn’t want to know about his childhood and his mommy and daddy issues, and I didn’t think it was my place to know. I understood why Lily felt the need to tell Emmy, but I did not need to know. I did ask her why Kyle left Lily, however. That was unacceptable. I didn’t expect him to stay with her if he didn’t really want her, but he should have been around for his child. Period. When Emmy told me that Kyle had sought out and then seen pictures and video of what he did to her, and that it ‘undid’ him, I was…shaken…into silence.
I always believed that Kyle never really took full responsibility for his actions. I truly believed that he was much more aware of what he was doing when he did it than what he claimed. When he met me at the muffin shop and tried to get me to beat the shit out of him, I still didn’t think he was taking full responsibility. I strongly believed he was only trying to ease his conscience. I could argue that he sought out the photos and video because he was a sadist, but even I wouldn’t go so far as to make that claim. Despite how I felt about it, I really believed he loved Emmy, and even though he had hurt her, I couldn’t see him wanting to sit down and relive the experience.
I am not a professional psychiatric profiler. I could not say for sure that Kyle Sterling wasn’t a crazy son of a bitch that got off on hurting women, but as far as I knew, before Emmy he had hurt no one and no one after her. I was forced to believe that he truly did not remember very much about that night, that he really had been in a drug induced rage that blacked out any reasonableness. I was forced to believe that he had not meant to break Emmy’s wrist in Miami, and I had to believe that he had not meant to beat her.
I am not a naturally ignorant man. I sometimes purposely blind myself to things I don’t want to see and deafen my ears to words I do not want to hear, but that is willful ignorance. Though my education did not focus on drugs and the chemical reactions it causes in the brain and body, I know that many drugs alter the mind so significantly that a person can go from normal to monster in zero to sixty seconds. Finally, I gave him a little bit of credit. He had not hurt Emmy on purpose, and I had to give him credit for seeking out the evidence of what he had done. I wasn’t the one that had done the damage, but it made me want to vomit to even consider seeing that proof. I felt sickened in the past for causing emotional damage. I couldn’t imagine how it must feel for Kyle to know what he knew or see what he had seen. He must have feared he would do the same to Lily, and left to protect her and the baby.
With that said, I didn’t then, and I do not now forgive him. He still had choices before he ever laid a hand on Emmy. He could have chosen not to do drugs. He could have chosen rehab. There were probably more choices he could have made that I am unaware of. I had a better understanding of the circumstance, but I did not take away his accountability. His breaking of Emmy was not just physical, but it was emotional and mental and reached deep into her soul. He could have chosen to leave her alone before their relationship ever began, but then there were many choices I could have made, too regarding Emmy…
But, as Emmy would say, it is what it is. We have each other and two perfect children. I am not sure if any altering in our past decisions would have led us to the current life we share. If we had to go through all of it again to reach our pre-Iris days, I’d do every bit of it again.
I went to sleep with Emmy’s soft scent on my pillow. I felt uneasy, but I trusted her. One hundred percent.
***
“There’s a problem,” Emmy said in a hushed tone.
I sucked in a large amount of air into my lungs as my uneasiness nearly exploded.
It was a little before noon in Chicago, nearly one there in Philly. I had stayed in bed until about ten. I woke up briefly when Emmy called to tell me she had landed and was on her way to Kyle’s. I had to swallow the nervousness I felt about what she was about to do, but I didn’t keep her on the phone to make her second guess herself. I forced myself to sleep again, though I kept waking up until I gave up. I had relieved Diana and was fixing lunch for Lucas while Kaitlyn napped when Emmy called.
When she said there was a problem, I almost dropped the knife I was holding to make Lucas a peanut butter sandwich. Had I done the wrong thing by letting her go? All kinds of unimaginable ideas rushed through my head.
“What’s the problem?” I asked after some hesitation.
“Hold on,” she murmured and I heard a muffled brief conversation and movement. It sounded like she was walking and then the background noise changed. It sounded like she was outside now.
“Where are you?” I asked her. I tried to concentrate on finishing the peanut butter sandwich.
“I’m at Lily’s bar—or diner—pub—whatever, but she’s missing, Luke,” she sighed deeply. “I don’t have a lot of time to talk. Vic took her. He just took her,” she said and sounded close to panic, which made me panic. I had no idea who the hell Vic was or why he took Lily, but if it made Emmy panic, then I knew it was a serious situation.
“Emmy, what…” I didn’t know what questions to ask. “Was she taken or did she just…leave?”
“Listen to me,” she cried out. I heard her take a deep breath and then her words were hurried. “Vic used to work in my bar. He was obsessed with Lily. She stopped here at the bar for some reason thi
s morning, but Vic had broken in and then he took her and I think I know where he took her. I think she’s in labor, Luke. She grabbed her belly like she was in pain right before he took her. We’re going to go find her. We’re leaving in couple of minutes.”
“You’re not going anywhere!” I said much louder than I meant to. Kaitlyn startled awake and began crying and Lucas looked at me worriedly.
“I can’t let him go alone,” Emmy argued. “He won’t behave reasonably and he’ll kill Vic and then he’ll go to prison and then my trip would have been for nothing.”
“Let someone else go with him, Emmy,” I said firmly. “You’re walking into a dangerous situation. Let the police handle this.”
“We’re working on that, but it turns out that’s more complicated than you would think,” she said bitterly. “I’m going with him.”
“I am telling you no,” I said as I angrily cut the sandwich up into four pieces.
There was a moment of silence on the other end. I poured Lucas a cup of milk and sat it in front of him at the table. I ruffled his hair and forced a smile for him so he would relax some. I picked Kaitlyn up in my arms and rocked her.
“I…I can’t just walk away,” Emmy said softly.
“You can get hurt,” I said angrily, which didn’t help to settle my kids. “If he ever really loved you, Emmy, he wouldn’t let you go with him.”
“He’s already tried to stop me,” she growled.
“Good! Finally, he has done something that makes sense!”
“Luke,” Emmy said my name with a loud sigh. “I love you and I respect you as I said last night, but I’m going.”
“Damn it, Emmy,” I said in frustration. “I would have been better off if you didn’t call me and tell me you’re willingly walking your ass into danger.”
“Stop cursing in front of the kids,” she said softly. “Kyle’s coming. I have to go. Calm down. You’re scaring the baby.”
“Is there anything I can say to stop you?” I pleaded.
“No,” she said sadly. “Not on this. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. He won’t let anything bad happen to me.”
“He let something bad happen to her,” I spat.
I heard a muffled conversation again and then Emmy said, “I love you. I’ll call you soon.”
“I love you, too,” I said grudgingly. “If you get hurt or killed, there isn’t anything in this world that will protect Kyle Sterling from me.”
“I would expect no less,” she said, and then the line went dead.
***
Before we moved into our house, I had a sound system installed in the house. Whatever music I turned on in the living room could be heard throughout the house. Em and I liked to argue over what playlist to play. After many arguments and physical wrestling matches over whose iPod should be docked to the sound system, together we put together one long playlist full of songs we agreed upon. We named the playlist LukeEm. I was listening to the playlist a couple of hours after she announced she was running head first into danger. I had Kaitlyn strapped to me in a baby harness as Lucas helped me move laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. He was dropping more than a few pieces on the floor in the process, but he was having such a good time doing it, I didn’t have the heart to stop him.
I was glad both kids were awake to keep me distracted. When they were both napping, I couldn’t stop looking at my phone to see if Em had called or texted without me hearing it. I paced the entire first floor, worrying myself to the point of having chest pain. Eventually, I found things to do that needed to be done. I cleaned all three bathrooms. I cleaned all of the windows on the first floor. I started a load of laundry. I dusted and changed the bedding on our bed. By the time the second load of laundry was ready to go into the dryer, Lucas and Kaitlyn were both awake. Just in time, too, because I was on the brink of going crazy from my wandering thoughts and worries.
“Airs Mommy?” Lucas asked as we sat in the living room folding clothes
“Being a hero,” I muttered.
Lucas scratched his head as he looked at me. He had no idea what the hell I was talking about.
“Mommy will be back soon, buddy,” I said and kissed his forehead.
“Kay Kay pwetty,” he said, looking at his sister. That quickly he forgot about his mom, confident, no doubt, that she’ll be home soon like I said.
“Yes, Kay Kay is pretty,” I agreed and tickled my daughter.
After the laundry was folded, I put Kaitlyn in her stroller and made Lucas hold on to it as we took a short walk around the block. We stopped and talked to a couple of neighbors and I did my best to just enjoy the conversations, the nice day, and the kids, and ignore the phone in my back pocket that wasn’t ringing or dinging.
I was getting more and more worried as time went on, but I was also getting angry. Emmy knew I was worried. She should have at least been sending me text messages so that I knew she was okay, but I hadn’t received anything. I wanted to give her the space and time she wanted and needed, but my patience was thin and I was sick of worrying about her. I was just about to call her and give her a hard time when my phone rang. It wasn’t Emmy’s number, but it was an unfamiliar Pennsylvania number.
My gut twisted in fear and my mouth went dry. Lucas was on the family room floor playing with his cars again and Kaitlyn was in her pack and play holding Lucas’s stuffed whale. I tried not to imagine that the worst possible thing could have happened to their mother and that this was a phone call confirming it.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey,” Emmy’s voice floated over the line and I bent over with my head in my hand as I breathed a huge sigh of relief.
“I was so worried about you,” I said, my voice tight with emotion.
“I’m so sorry,” she said and I could hear the weariness in her voice. “My phone was in Kyle’s car when we got there, but then I was locked in a police car and—”
“Wait wait wait,” I interrupted. “Why were you in the back of a police car?”
“The police met us there. I tried to follow Kyle closer to the house, but he convinced an officer to lock me in the back of his police cruiser for my own safety,” she said with disdain. “Then with all of the commotion, they forgot about me for a while.”
I was glad that Kyle made that decision for her. If I knew Emmy at all, she didn’t go easily into the back of that car.
“How is Lily?” I asked and sat up again. “Is she okay?”
“Well, he didn’t really hurt her I don’t think, but she was in preterm labor like I suspected. Amazingly, the doctors were able to stop it, but she has to be on complete bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy.”
I genuinely felt a measure of relief for Lily. “I’m glad she’s okay. You’ll have to tell me everything when you get home and you’re not so rushed.”
“I’d rather tell you now and just move on when I get home,” she said. “I’m not ready to hang up with you yet. How are my babies?”
I blew out a relieved sigh and talked about the kids for a little while. Once Emmy was convinced that the kids were okay and I managed to keep them alive, healthy, and happy in her absence, she told me the whole story about Vic and Lily, filling in the big gaps that she had left me with earlier in the day. We discussed the legal ramifications of Vic’s options, and we both agreed the whole day had just been unreal.
“So, did you accomplish what you went there to do?” I asked carefully.
“I did,” she said. “I had to throw a spatula at his head and attack him, but eventually he listened to me.”
I wanted to chuckle, imagining Emmy jumping on Kyle with fury, but then I knew that meant that she had touched him. If he is like any other man, having an attractive woman who you happen to love attack you is very much a turn on. I could imagine Emmy’s eyes flashing with anger before hurling herself onto him. Did he just shrug her off? Did he try to hold her arms in an effort to keep her from beating the crap out of him and want to take advantage of her in that pinned
position? I would have.
“I don’t want to ask certain questions because in my heart I trust you,” I said, sitting back on the couch with a sigh.
I heard a soft expel of breath on the other end of the line. “What do you want to know?”
Once upon a time I didn’t ask the right questions. Once upon a time, Emmy didn’t offer up any information. Hearts were broken. Lives were altered. I trusted Emmy, but that didn’t mean I had to be a fool.
“Did you cross any lines, Emmy?”
“Depends on what lines you are talking about, Luke,” she answered. “I held his hand while we talked and again in the car. He occasionally touched my hair. I hugged him and I cried with him.”
Thinking about Kyle and his tainted tears touching her made my skin crawl, but I sucked back that comment and instead asked, “How do you feel?”
She sighed softly and spoke just above a whisper. “I feel drained.” She sighed again. “And…I feel a little sad. I can’t deny that. But I am sure that Kyle and Lily are going to be great, better than great, and that’s why I came here, right? They are each where they belong. Now I’m ready to go home, back to you and the kids, because that’s where I belong. That’s where I’m better than great.”
“Here is where you are perfect,” I said.
“I am only a reflection of my other half,” she said, her voice trembling slightly.
“Come home.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Emmy lied to me. She said she could not get a flight home before the morning, but as I walked through the house later that night turning off the lights, I heard a car door slam and the hum of an engine. I ignored it, believing it was one of my neighbors, because Emmy had sworn hours ago that she could not get home before ten in the morning. I did not know how I was going to sleep without her in our bed. I was tired, but I didn’t want to go lay in that bed alone. I would see her in less than twelve hours, but that wasn’t close enough. She wasn’t close enough.