by L. D. Davis
I gaped at the side of his head. During Leo’s surprise visit to New Jersey, I had used his laptop while mine was updating. I probably didn’t close out my Gmail when I finished, out of bad habit, and since Leo was a Hotmail kind of guy, the chances of him even realizing that he had access to my emails were small, but apparently not small enough.
“You snooped through my private emails?” I asked in astonished anger. Not that I had anything to hide, not really, but that didn’t mean I was okay with Leo or anyone else going through my emails.
The car slowed to a crawl as we moved down a wide street, dotted with trees and well-manicured lawns. The houses weren’t enormous, but they were big, family size, and though the neighborhood looked old, it was clean and there were kids outside all over the place.
Leo looked at me again. Instead of answering my question, which obviously I already knew the answer to, he asked a question of his own. “Why didn’t you tell me you still own a house with Xander?”
I fell back in my seat. He had read Xander’s last email to me. There was much he could deduce from it, and probably most of it wrong, but I didn’t know how I was going to convince him of the truth after I had withheld such a vital piece of information. It was hard for me to believe some things he said after finding out about Leslie, and now in a way, I was in his shoes and he in mine, though my secret was less devastating.
“I didn’t say anything at first because it didn’t seem important, and later…well, it didn’t come up, and it still doesn’t matter. It’s just a house.”
The car slowed down outside of a big white house. Cars lined the street, balloons floated on the mailbox, and several people lingered in the driveway smoking or talking. I really didn’t want to go in there.
“Why are we here?” I asked Leo. Mayson had emailed me the address with the date and time of the party, and with a map showing the proximity of the house to the city. She was being a smartass. She had also faxed it to me, texted it, and snail mailed it.
Again, Leo didn’t answer my question.
“Did you enjoy fucking him again?” he asked. His voice was remarkably calm, almost flat, but his damn sea colored eyes churned with stormy weather.
I stared at him with my mouth hanging slightly ajar. “I didn’t…”
“You didn’t what?” he challenged.
My eyes flickered up front to the driver who had enough sense to remain still and silent, looking forward as if he wasn’t even in the same car with us.
“I didn’t have sex with him,” I said. I didn’t know why I thought I had to explain myself to him. Had I not let him go? Technically, we weren’t together, right?
I wasn’t sure if he believed me or not. He leaned forward and told the driver to come back for us at five-thirty.
“That’s four hours from now!” I exclaimed. “I don’t want to be here at all, let alone for four hours!”
Ignoring my protest, Leo grabbed a tight hold of my wrist and threw open his door. He got out of the car, pulling me against my will to follow. I stumbled onto the street and tried to pull away from him, but he yanked me to his side as he kicked the door shut. He opened the front door and reached for a large blue gift bag I hadn’t noticed. He released my wrist but hastily wrapped an arm around my waist. It was like having a boa constrictor on me because he held me so tightly. We began to walk up the driveway. Music drifted from the backyard along with a smoke ring from a barbecue. Voices, laughter, and children’s cries and squeals floated out through the screen door.
I was nervous about seeing Emmy again like this. I was nervous about being around her family—my family—because I hardly knew them anymore. It wasn’t just Emmy that I ostracized from my life, it was her parents and her siblings, too. I didn’t do it on purpose. It just kind of happened, and honestly, I was feeling a little guilty about it. Sam and Fred, Em’s parents, still sent me cards around the holidays and Sam even showed up to one of my signings once, gushingly proud of me.
“You are going to smile,” Leo commanded in that calm tone. “You are going to talk. You are going to eat and drink, and be fucking merry.”
“Why are you making me do this?” I whispered, looking up at him.
“I am tired of your ‘my life is so tragic’ bullshit. Your brother’s addiction is your brother’s fault. Stop blaming her.”
I pulled away from him and stopped only a few footsteps from the door. He moved toward me, towering over me, but I didn’t step back.
“I don’t think my life is tragic,” I protested angrily in a whisper.
“Please,” he whispered back, his tone tinted with disgust. “You can’t be with me because of Leslie. Leslie treats you like yesterday’s trash, but you can’t let go of the friendship because you’re ‘loyal.’ Your brother became a hardcore drug addict before he started stealing money from your family, but it’s Emmy’s fault because she stopped supplying him with the drugs and money. You have mommy issues, but that’s all her fault, too, because god knows that you just go out of your pretty little way to try to have a relationship with her. You are selfish, and cowardice, Tabitha. You are the most selfish person I know, and the only person with less courage than you is Leslie,” he spat. “I didn’t see it before. You were right. I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did, because I would have never called you selfish before, I would have never called you a coward, but now I do see it and I think it’s time you start to rectify it.”
The tears had come instantly, burning my eyes as they fell over my lower lashes. Leo moved to block me from the view of the people standing close by, but he didn’t immediately touch me. When he had first started talking, I was angry and barely restraining myself from lashing out at him; by the time he finished, I was still angry, but I also felt shame and sadness. I wanted to walk away from that house, from those people and find a quiet, dark place to cry all ugly like, snotty and hiccupping, but that wasn’t an option, and would only further fuel Leo’s ideas about me.
After what was probably a full minute of me silently crying and wiping furiously at my eyes, Leo finally touched me. He swiped his thumbs across my cheeks, wiping away my tears. He didn’t speak, he didn’t try to console me and I didn’t deserve it. He just wiped at my tears until they stopped flowing. When I was sure my face was finished leaking, I let him silently guide me into the house.
I stood in front of the window in our hotel room, brushing my damp hair and watching the sun set and lights click on in buildings. Streetlamps flickered to life and headlights on cars lit up the streets. Leo sat behind me on the edge of the bed, where he had been sitting since I came out of the shower several minutes before. He was shirtless and without socks and shoes, only clad in his low riding jeans. It was a sexy look for him and after glancing at him once, my attention was divided between him and the outside world, but mostly I looked at him.
He raised an eyebrow when he caught me staring.
“What?” he asked cautiously.
“The no shirt and no shoes look works well for you,” I said, eyeing his bare feet.
The first genuine smile, at least the first genuine smile directed at me that day, materialized on his handsome face. It was a small smile, but it was real.
His tone was no longer flat when he spoke to me, but he still didn’t sound like himself. I could still hear and feel his tightly reined in bitterness, anger, and sadness. “Lucky you. You have a guy that looks good in clothes, out of clothes, and partially clothed.”
“That’s such a you thing to say,” I said, rolling my eyes as my own smile made an appearance.
“My vanity is one of the many personality traits you love about me,” he said, getting to his feet.
“There are many personality traits that I don’t love about you.” I snorted, crossing my arms across my chest.
He stalked across the room with confidence and power. I tried not to look intimidated as I casually leaned back against the wall next to the window. Leo planted his hands flat on the wall on either side of my head.
I inhaled the scent that was so him and so wonderful and sexy. All day I had been surreptitiously sniffing him. It was one of the things I missed most about him.
“Name one thing you don’t love about me,” he challenged. “I’ll bet you can’t name even one.”
Typically, there wasn’t anything I hated about Leo. Sometimes, I wished that I could abhor something about him, but I couldn’t. I loved everything about him, his big ego, his sarcasm and wit, his business savvy mind, his cooking skills, his sexual skills, his kissing skill, the way he fights for me…
“I don’t love the way you looked at me with disgust today,” I said in a small voice. “I don’t love the fact that you hated me.”
Leo dropped his head and stared at the floor between us for several seconds before meeting my eyes again.
“I didn’t hate you. I can never hate you. I was—I am angry, Tabitha, and hurt. You ran again, and then I found out that you not only still owned a house with Xander, but you were sleeping there, sleeping with him, kissing him while I was left in the damn dirt.”
“I didn’t sleep with him,” I protested.
He stared hard at me.
“But you aren’t denying that you kissed him.”
I tilted my head back, banging it lightly on the wall, and blowing out a large breath of air.
“He kissed me,” I said, staring up at the ceiling. “And I didn’t respond at first, I didn’t do anything, but then I kissed him back for a few seconds before I pushed him away and told him that I was in love with someone else.”
Leo’s body wasn’t touching mine, but I could feel it tense all the same. I continued staring up at the ceiling, being my cowardice self.
“Look at me,” he said in that quietly dangerous tone. “Look. At. Me.”
I inhaled and then dropped my gaze to his as I let my arms fall to my sides.
“I know in your mind you tried to justify what you were doing. In your mind, you gave me up, and you were single and that made it okay, but not so deep down you knew you were wrong. You knew despite all of your efforts to rid yourself of me that you had no right to give your lips and your tongue to that man. You knew that your kisses belonged to me. You are mine, and you were wrong not to tell him that in the first place. You played unfairly, Tabitha. You let him think he had a chance, which made him take something from you that wasn’t his to take.”
Apologizing didn’t feel adequate. Those two words “I’m Sorry” seemed insufficient for our circumstance. There were too many broken promises and too many things to be sorry for. Saying it would never be enough penitence to pay, but I had to say something.
“I’m sorry,” I finally said in a whisper, because there was nothing else to say.
Leo rested his forehead against mine as he let out a heavy sigh.
“What do I have to do, Tabitha?” he asked. “What the hell do I have to do?” He raised his head off of mine and met my eyes once again. “Do I have to beg? Do I have to get on my damn knees and beg for you to give us a chance? Is that what you want me to do?”
The unwanted image of Leo on his knees begging me or anyone for anything made my heart seize up. I didn’t bother to blink back the threatening tears as I slowly shook my head.
He brought one hand to my face, caressing it with his knuckles as he spoke in a sudden smooth and molten voice. “You have been pushing me away and running away for fifteen years. Aren’t you tired, baby? Aren’t you ready for me yet?”
I was tired and I was ready. I was one of the few people in the world who found true love, and I had run from it, let my fears rule over me. I had been a coward, but I was tired of that, too. I wanted to be happy, and more than that I wanted to make Leo happy. He had always given to me selflessly, even when we were kids and he just wanted to protect me from being a rumor in school, or when he wanted to protect me from the approaching catastrophe that was my brother. He was my hero even when I didn’t know it, like in college. Leo had always been a giver, and I had simply taken and run. It was time for me to give back to him.
I raised one hand to the back of his head, threading my fingers through his hair. My other hand grazed over his bare abdomen and eased to his back. My fingers crawled down and slipped beneath his jeans and his boxers and caressed his very good-looking, firm ass.
“I’m ready for you, Leonardo Pesciano,” I breathed against his lips. “Io sono tua, amore mio. Ti prego, perdonami.”
I am yours, my love. Please forgive me.
All of the tension that had been plaguing him seemed to leave at once. He melted over me, pressing my body against the unforgiving wall. I squeezed his ass and he growled as he nudged my legs apart with his leg. His thigh nestled between my thighs and against my pussy, making me moan.
“I love it when you speak Italiano to me,” Leo growled against my mouth.
He shifted against me and I moaned again. As if he couldn’t stop himself, he kissed me. His tongue stroked into my mouth hungrily. My fingers eased up to his bare waist and I held on to him as I was kissed obscenely. His leg flexed against me and my hips automatically swayed forward, increasing the friction. By the time he pulled away from my lips, I was excited and trying not to grind on his leg like a dog in heat.
“Don’t make me come find you again,” Leo whispered. It wasn’t a command. It was a plea.
I already made promises and broke them. My promises wouldn’t mean anything without some proof that I was able to follow through.
“What can I do to convince you that I won’t do it again?” I asked in a small voice.
Leo stared at me intently for a long time before answering.
“I want you in Miami when you’re not traveling for work,” he said quietly. “I want you to make the move.”
He studied my face, waiting for me to object and present him with an argument about why that was not yet possible, but I had no argument, no good reason. I was rarely home anyway. I loved Sandy and Mayson and my other friends, and even my broken family, but I had moved three thousand miles away for Xander once. I loved Xan, but nothing in the world came close to my love for Leo. Convincing Leo that I was ready for him wasn’t going to be a walk in the park. I would have to make some sacrifices.
“Okay,” I said, letting out a breath I had been holding.
Leo looked at me with his eyes slightly widened.
“Okay,” I said again. “I’ll do it.”
The smile that appeared on his face was so big and perfect. I wanted to see that kind of smile on his face all of the time. He let out a little growl and his lips crashed into mine. I wrapped my arms around his waist and caressed his strong back muscles as he kissed me. His leg shifted and I gasped into his mouth.
“I don’t want you to just be my roommate, Tabitha,” Leo said breathlessly a minute later. His nose trailed over my jaw and down my neck. “The last time I asked you to marry me was when I was inside of you, but the next time I ask I expect a response.”
“You’re so bossy,” I gasped as he nibbled on the sensitive area just below my ear. “You totally manhandled me today.”
“You needed to be manhandled,” he murmured, nuzzling my neck.
“Are you going to manhandle me into marrying you, too?”
“I might put you in a headlock if necessary, but I don’t think I will have to. You will say yes.” His tongue followed the curve of my neck to my shoulder where he kissed me softly.
“What makes you so sure?” I asked, moaning softly. “I hardly even like you.”
Leo planted one last lingering kiss on my throat before drawing up to look into my eyes.
“You’ll marry me because I’m a great catch,” he said with that obnoxious smile I loved to hate.
I rolled my eyes.
“It’s true,” he insisted. “I’m good-looking. I own two, going on three, successful businesses. I have an awesome car and a bike—girls dig bikes. I have a boat—girls dig boats, even you couldn’t resist my big dinghy.”
I groaned and tossed my head back
against the wall. “I think I prefer you to go back to your silent treatment.”
Leo chuckled as his arms circled around my waist, but he continued with his list as if he hadn’t been interrupted.
“I have a nice beach-front house. I can cook food that is so good that it can melt the panties off of you. I actually clean my house with my own two hands, and do my own laundry.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s nice to know you are capable of washing your own man panties.”
“You know why else you’ll say yes?” he asked deviously.
“Because the drugs you’ll give me will make, say, fanciful things?”
He responded to my jibe with a soft kiss to my lips, effectively shutting me up. He spoke in a faint voice.
“You will say yes because I am the only one in the world for you, and you are the only one in the world for me. You will say yes because you can’t deny this voltaic energy that has always been between us. You will say yes because I am your soul mate, your kindred soul, kindred spirit, your heart’s desire. I am your one true love and you are mine.”
I threw my arms around him, all smart aleck comments gone from my mind. I just wanted to hold him and for him to hold me. So many years were gone, so much time wasted. Leo was right. I couldn’t deny the energy between us, which had always been there. He was my heart’s desire, my kismet, the only true one for me. Maybe I had done the right thing all of those years ago. Maybe we had to go through all of these obstacles before the timing for us was perfect, but I was done running away from what was meant to be. I was ready for Leo.
“Yes,” I said eagerly.
He laughed again. It vibrated against my cheek and I loved it. “Yes what?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“I already know that,” he snorted. “But I haven’t asked you again yet, Miss Tackard.”
“Whatever! When you do, I won’t leave you in suspense.”
“Good to know,” he murmured happily.
We stood like that for several long moments, holding each other, feeling each other’s warmth. I listened to the steady, hard drumbeat of his heart.