Distrust

by Lisa Jackson

  “In light of the circumstances—”

  “The hell with the circumstances! Marry me, Dani.”

  Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest and all of her irrational female emotions were screaming inside her head, Yes, yes, I’ll marry you. “I—I’d like to,” she whispered. “But there’s so much to consider.”

  “Such as?”

  “Oh, Chase—”

  “Such as?”

  Her lips compressing, she pushed her hair out of her eyes. “Such as Cody, for one thing.”

  “I’ll adopt him.”

  “Just like that?”

  Chase muttered to himself and then shook his head. “Of course not. It will take time. He doesn’t much trust me yet.”

  “I wonder why,” she taunted. “It couldn’t be because you’re Johnson’s partner, or that you keep trespassing on my land or that you always seem to be getting into fights with me, could it?”

  Chase pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll work things out with Cody. Now, give me another reason.”

  Her hazel eyes narrowed. “Okay. What about the fact that you live in Idaho and my life is here, on this farm?”

  “For as long as you own it, you mean.”

  “Okay, there’s another point. And a big one. Caleb. And Summer Ridge. The creek. It’s the whole damned mess, the reason you’re here in the first place. You’re Caleb’s partner. You can’t get out of that, not until you convince me to sell my property to him, right?”

  He lifted a shoulder. “Essentially.”

  “Then I’d say we have some pretty hard bridges to cross before we even talk about marriage.”

  He didn’t seem convinced, but rammed his fists into his pockets. His thick brows pulled into an angry scowl. “Okay, Dani, we’ll play it your way for now. But just answer one question.”

  “If I can,” she agreed.

  “Do you love me?”

  The question hung in the air. She swallowed back the thick knot in her throat. “I don’t know,” she whispered, thinking back to the love she’d shared with Blake and how fragile it had been. Her feelings were strong for Chase, very strong, but to label them love? “I—I think it would be very easy to love you . . .”

  “But you won’t let yourself,” he said flatly.

  “I can’t. Not yet.” She cleared her throat and held up her hand, as if she could make him understand. “If things were different; if Caleb weren’t trying to manipulate me, if you weren’t his partner and if Cody . . . were more secure in his relationship with his father, I think I would fall in love with you very easily.”

  “A lot of ifs and none of them can be changed.” He kicked at a bale of hay and then dropped onto it as he reached for a piece of straw and twirled it between his fingers. “You know what I think?”

  “I’m not sure I want to.”

  “I think you’re afraid, Dani. Afraid to fall in love, afraid to trust, afraid to feel.” He studied the dry piece of straw before looking up at her. “l think your husband hurt you deeper than you want to admit and so you avoid any relationship with strings attached.”

  Her eyes clouded. “Then I would never have let you into my house last night,” she whispered. “’Cause I’ve never met a man with more strings tied around him than you’ve got!”

  Chase’s head snapped upward but before he could reply, she marched out of the barn and up the short rise to the house. Kicking off her boots, she strode into the kitchen and poured herself a strong cup of coffee. Sitting at the table, she was angrily looking through the window and across the fields when she heard Chase enter.

  “There’s coffee in the pot,” she said, glancing at him before looking out the window again.

  “Thanks.” He poured a cup, took a long swallow, turned a chair around and straddled it while his eyes were focused on Dani. “I’m sorry,” he said gently.

  “Don’t be.”

  “I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

  “No . . . it’s all right,” she said, thinking how close he’d come to the truth. She had been running from men, avoiding them, afraid of being hurt again. Blake’s betrayal had cut deep. In some ways both she and Cody were still bleeding.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  She lifted her shoulder and blew across the hot coffee. “I don’t think so.”

  “Maybe I can help.” He reached across the table and took her hand in his. The tears she’d fought all morning formed in her eyes. “I do care about you,” he whispered. “More than I want to. Dani, just believe me: I love you.”

  “If only it were that simple,” she said, her voice catching. Brushing aside her tears, she slowly withdrew her hand from his. “How about some breakfast?” she asked, hoping to lighten the thickening atmosphere in the room. “Ham and eggs?”

  “Sounds great.” He leaned across the back of the chair and smiled at her, a warm, lazy grin that stretched across his face and stole into her heart. “And I still owe you dinner. How about tonight?”

  “Tonight? Cody will be home.”

  “He’s welcome, too.”

  “I’ll think about it,” Dani said. Finishing her coffee, she got up from the table, took a few things from the refrigerator and pulled a cast-iron skillet from the cupboards. She cut thick slices of ham and slipped them into the fry pan. As she made breakfast, she was aware that Chase was silently sipping his coffee and watching her.

  “The newspaper’s in the box,” she offered.

  “Later. Right now I’m enjoying the view.”

  “That sounds like a line, cowboy,” she remarked, looking over her shoulder but laughing nonetheless.

  “It was.”

  “At least you’re honest—” she said and dropped the egg she was cracking onto the floor. “Damn!”

  “I’ve got it.” Chase got out of his chair, grabbed a wet dishrag and began mopping up the mess. Dani bent down to swipe at the floor with a couple of paper towels. “I try to be, y’know,” Chase said, when most of the broken egg had been placed in Runt’s bowl and the floor was clean again.

  “Try to be?”

  “Honest.”

  “Oh.” Dani avoided his eyes and concentrated on the hash browns and ham and eggs that were still cooking on the stove. How desperately she wanted to believe him. Feeling his arms wrap around her waist and the warmth of his breath brush against her hair, she closed her eyes for a blissful second before opening them again and concentrating on the sizzling eggs.

  “Careful,” she admonished gently. “I’d hate to spill this hot grease—”

  “Dani . . .”

  “What?” She turned in his arms and his lips caught hers, kissing her with a hunger that stole the breath from her lungs and left her weak with longing.

  “You can’t deny what we feel for each other.”

  “I haven’t. I’m just not sure I want to label passion as love.”

  His thick brows lifted. “How much passion have you felt for other men?”

  “I haven’t . . . not since Blake.”

  “Then why do you have so much trouble admitting that you love me—because of him?”

  “Maybe a little,” she conceded, turning again and busying herself with the meal.

  “You can trust me, y’know,” he whispered, kissing the back of her neck gently. “I won’t hurt you.”

  Please don’t, she thought but said nothing as she slipped the fried eggs, ham and hash browns onto a platter. Chase let go of her and was seated at the table by the time she’d finished buttering the toast and had placed silverware, plates and jam on the red-and-white checkered cloth.

  “Looks great,” he mumbled.

  “Especially when you’re starved,” she teased.

  He took a bite and winked at her. “Especially when you’re on the other side of the table.”

  “Don’t—”

  “Don’t what?” His amused eyes sparkled a crystal blue as he continued eating and watching her.

  “Don’t be charming. Okay? I just can�
��t handle it this morning.”

  “Why not?”

  She spread raspberry jam on her toast and avoided his gaze. “You wouldn’t understand.”

  “Try me.”

  After several seconds of trying to eat breakfast and avoiding the subject, she pushed her plate aside in disgust. “It’s just that I’ve got too much to think about right now. Cody’s trying to grow up too fast, he’s waiting on pins and needles for a father who won’t show up, the farm’s barely surviving, half the equipment is broken down, Caleb’s trying everything he can to convince me to sell and—”

  “And some guy you barely know who works with your worst enemy has just asked you to marry him.”

  “Yes! Yes!” she said, nodding. “It’s just too much right now. Understand?”

  “Nope. You were right. I don’t understand. Because you could make your life so much simpler if you just learned to trust a little.”

  She glared at him across the table, picked up her plate and carried it to the sink. “So you have all the answers, don’t you?”

  “Not all of them,” he admitted, finishing breakfast and bringing his plate to her.

  “Name one question you don’t have an answer for,” she baited.

  He poured himself another cup of coffee and lounged against the doorframe as he thought. “I don’t know what happened to your cattle last year. Didn’t you say something about them getting sick?”

  “My cattle?” She looked up sharply and then shrugged. “It was a mix-up, I guess. They got into some old pesticide we had around here. A couple died. Two cows and a calf had to be killed, but the rest survived.”

  “A pesticide?” Chase’s countenance grew hard.

  “No, that’s wrong. It was really a herbicide—an old can of dioxin got spilled in the barn, though it beats me how it happened. I didn’t even know we still had any of the stuff around.”

  “You said you blamed Caleb.”

  “I said I’d like to blame him.”

  “But you can’t?”

  “I didn’t catch him snooping around my barn, if that’s what you mean. He’s been careful to stay on his side of the fence—until you came along.”

  “And broke all the rules.”

  She grinned at the pile of suds in the sink. “Maybe not all of them, but more than your share.”

  He finished his coffee and set his empty cup on the counter. “I’ve got to run,” he said. “Can’t keep Caleb waiting too long.”

  Dani grimaced but didn’t argue. She needed time to think. Alone. Before Cody returned. Chase had upset her life more than she would have ever thought possible.

  She watched from the porch as he drove away, his Jeep leaving a plume of dust in its wake. Wrapping her arms around the post supporting the porch roof and leaning against it wearily, she closed her eyes to the obvious fact that she loved him with all of her heart.

  “Loving Chase is crazy,” she told herself. “He’ll only cause you heartache because no matter what he says, he still works for Caleb Johnson.”

  The Jeep turned left at the end of the drive and Dani watched sadly as it climbed the hill leading to Caleb Johnson’s rolling acres of Montana farmland.

  She felt like crying but instead clenched her teeth with renewed determination. No matter how much it hurt, she would never let Chase know how she felt about him. Their lovemaking of the night before would never be repeated!

  * * *

  Cody returned from Shane’s five dollars richer.

  “Let me get this straight,” Dani said, trying to remain calm and watching her son smooth the crumpled dollar bills on the kitchen table. “You were gambling for baskets?”

  “Yeah, and Shane and I beat these two other guys.”

  “Who were they?”

  Cody shrugged. “Beats me, just a couple of kids that Shane knew. Don and Mark, I think.”

  “Slow down, will you?” she begged. “How could you bet? I didn’t think you had any money on you.”

  “Fifty cents.”

  “And you bet it and came out with five dollars?” Dani asked, astounded.

  Cody opened the refrigerator and pulled out the pitcher of lemonade. “Don’t you understand about betting, Mom? Shane and I were ahead and the other guys kept pressing their bets.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Double or nothing.” He poured himself a tall glass of lemonade and polished it off in three long swallows.

  “What if you would have lost?”

  He shrugged and poured another glass. “I would have owed the other guys.”

  The headache Dani had been fighting all morning began to throb. “How would you have paid them back?”

  “From my allowance for the chores.”

  “But that’s for college.”

  “Not all of it.” Cody scowled at his mother.

  “I just don’t like you gambling.”

  “Aw, Mom, lighten up. Okay? It was just a bet on a ball game, not the end of the world!” He walked into the living room, switched on the television, kicked off his shoes and flopped onto the couch.

  “I think we need to talk about attitude.”

  “Again?”

  She walked into the room and sat on the arm of the couch. “Cody—”

  “Geez, Mom, lay off, will ya? I’m sorry I brought up the lousy game. I thought you would be thrilled.” He turned his attention toward the TV, drank his lemonade and effectively ignored his mother.

  After counting to ten, Dani said, “I’m glad you had a good time with Shane. I’m also happy that you enjoyed your game and that you won, but I’m just not that crazy about the gambling.”

  “Why not?”

  “Usually, when people gamble, somebody loses money they can’t afford.”

  “Then they shouldn’t bet,” Cody said philosophically.

  “Precisely.”

  Cody slid her a knowing glance. “You’re just mad because of Dad, aren’t you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I heard you say that Dad gambled all of his money away. Somethin’ about the cash he got from Caleb Johnson for his land. He went to Las Vegas or somethin’. Right?”

  “Reno,” she replied woodenly. “But how did you know—”

  “I heard you say a couple of things and then some of the kids at school. . . .” He shrugged one shoulder as if the subject were of total disinterest to him.

  “Let me guess: Isabelle Reece.”

  Cody grinned and finished his drink. “Yeah. Not too hard to figure, huh?”

  Dani pursed her lips together. “Seems that Isabelle’s father knows more about our family than he does his own.”

  “Maybe his own family is boring.”

  “I’d be glad to take a little of that boredom right about now,” she whispered, slapping Cody’s knee affectionately. “Listen, Diamond Jim, just try not to get into any high-stakes poker games, okay?”

  Cody laughed and nodded as he handed his mother his empty glass. “Okay, Mom. It’s a deal.”

  It had better be, she told herself as she walked back to the kitchen and tried not to compare her son with his father.

  * * *

  The moonlight created a silvery ribbon that danced and fluttered on the rippling water. Chase waded carefully under the fence while darting glances up the hill toward Dani’s house. Nervous sweat ran down his neck and between his shoulder blades. If Dani caught him now....

  Silently cursing himself for his duplicity, he carefully took the water and soil samples he needed, quickly labeling each one with the aid of a flashlight and waterproof pen.

  “Damn you, Johnson,” he muttered, moving downstream and working as quietly as possible. His waders slid on the rocky bottom of the creek, but he managed to stay on his feet and slip the vials into his creel.

  The sound of the rushing water filled his ears, but still he strained to listen for any noise disturbing the night and hoped against hope that Dani was safely tucked in bed and sleeping soundly. He heard the distant sound
of a dog barking and Runt’s sharp answer.

  Go back to sleep, Chase thought. Whatever you do, dog, don’t wake the house! But Dani’s cabin remained dark, no lights flickered on.

  By this time Chase had made his way to the cottonwood stand and he had to bend to avoid the overhanging branches of the scrub oaks and cottonwood trees. It was darker in the thicket, more private, but he couldn’t help feeling that he was betraying Dani even as he tried to help her.

  You’re just trying to get to the bottom of this, he told himself for the thousandth time. And you can’t tell her what you’ve found until you’re sure.

  Runt barked again and this time the sound was much closer. Chase froze. Damn! He squinted through the branches but could see nothing but the dark shapes of the cattle slowly moving in the adjoining fields.

  Letting out a relieved breath, he placed the final sample in his creel and decided to get out while the getting was good.

  “What’re you doin’ here?” a boy’s voice demanded.

  Chase turned and found Cody standing on the bank of the creek.

  Great. Just what I need. “I wanted some soil and water samples.”

  “From our land?” Cody asked. The boy’s dark hair was askew and he was wearing only hastily donned cutoffs.

  “Yes.” Chase waded to the edge of the creek.

  “I don’t think you should be here, Mr. McEnroe—”

  “Chase.”

  Cody crossed his arms over his bare chest and his jaw jutted out angrily. “Does Mom know about this?”

  “Not yet.”

  “She won’t like it.”

  Chase looked at the sky and then shook his head. “Maybe not at first, but I’ll explain why I needed them.”

  “Then why don’t you do it right now,” Dani suggested as she approached. Unable to sleep herself, she’d heard Runt bark, Cody go downstairs and out the back door. After flinging on her robe, she’d followed her son and hadn’t caught up with him until now, when he was confronting Chase, who was standing, predictably, she supposed, in the creek. “I thought I told you to stay off my property,” Dani said and then ran her fingers through her tangled tresses. “But then I forgot, you don’t pay any attention to what I say.”