Distrust

by Lisa Jackson

  “I’m still working on the rest of it. I’m afraid it will take a couple of weeks to pull all the records together.”

  “That’s fine. I’m not as concerned with how long it takes as much as I am that we do a thorough job.” When she replaced the receiver, she found that Trevor had entered the room and was leaning against the arch separating the kitchen from the den. He studied her lazily, sipping his coffee.

  The thought that he was listening in on her telephone conversation with John made her bristle. “Are you trying to add eavesdropping to your skills of crime, Senator?” she asked scathingly. Her ragged emotions took hold of her in an uncharacteristic burst of anger. “First we have breaking and entering and now we can add eavesdropping. If you don’t watch out, I might be inclined to believe that last summer’s bribery charge wasn’t phony after all.”

  The gentle smile that had curved his lips disappeared, replaced by a grim line of determination. The glint in his steely blue eyes became deadly and his jaw was tight with the restraint he placed upon himself.

  “I came over here this morning because I thought that we could settle a few things between us,” he stated flatly. “But obviously that’s impossible.”

  Regret washed over her. “Look, I didn’t mean—”

  “It doesn’t matter.” He set his cup on the bookcase and stared at her with condemning eyes. “You never have trusted me and I doubt that you ever will. All your well-rehearsed speeches about being your own woman are a lot of garbage, Ashley. What it all boils down to is that you’re afraid of men and me. You can’t let yourself feel anymore.”

  His vehement words hit her like a blast of arctic air, chilling the kind feelings she had felt for him. She ignored the tears pooling in her eyes and leveled her disdainful sea-green gaze in his direction. “I was talking to John Ellis, the accountant for the timber company. He’s doing some work for me—work that I requested because of you. In a couple of hours I can pick up the reports in Bend.”

  His smile was forced and cynical. “Good. Then maybe you can find out just how misplaced your loyalties have been.” He walked to the door and put his hand on the knob. “Call me when you find out whom Claud paid to do his dirty work!”

  “If I do—”

  Every muscle in his body tensed and his hand whitened over the doorknob. “Just remember that we have a deal, lady. I expect you to hold up your end.”

  A gust of cold air filled the room as he opened the door. He walked out and slammed the wooden door behind him. The tears that had been pooling in Ashley’s eyes began to flow. “Damn you, Trevor Daniels,” she whispered, her small fists clenching. “Why can’t I just forget you?”

  Managing to pull herself together, she walked across the room and picked up Trevor’s empty cup from the shelf on which he had placed it. She started into the kitchen, but stopped, her green eyes focused on the table. There, shining dully against the polished maple, was Trevor’s key to the cabin.

  Chapter Five

  The office in Bend wasn’t particularly large, but it was run efficiently due to Eileen Hanna’s sharp eyes and knack for organization. When Ashley entered the airy offices located on Wall Street, Eileen looked up from her desk and smiled broadly.

  “I’ve been expecting you,” the plump, red-haired woman exclaimed as she led Ashley into a private office.

  “It’s good to see you again,” Ashley replied with a good-natured smile. “If all the offices of Stephens Timber were run this efficiently, I’d be out of a job.”

  “Nonsense!” Eileen replied, but warmed under the compliment. She unlocked a closet, withdrew a neat stack of computer printouts and handed them to Ashley. “John said you wanted to go over some projection figures. Looks like he got a little carried away.”

  “I told him to send me anything that might be pertinent,” Ashley said, eyeing the reams of paper. “I guess he took me literally.”

  “He’s an accountant, what do you expect?”

  Ashley laughed. “What I expect is more printouts.”

  “You’re not serious.” Eileen withdrew a cigarette from her purse and tapped it on the corner of the desk.

  “John said that he might be sending a few more things to me later today or tomorrow. I’ll pick them up on Thursday.”

  “Maybe you should bring a semi,” Eileen suggested as she lit her cigarette and blew a thin stream of smoke toward the ceiling.

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” Ashley hoisted the neatly bound papers under her arm and smiled fondly at the industrious woman.

  “Next time you’re here, I’ll buy you lunch.”

  “It’s a date, but I’ll buy,” Ashley promised as she walked out of the room and winked broadly. “It’s time I got some use out of my expense account.” When Ashley left the building, she could still hear Eileen chuckling.

  * * *

  It had been difficult to keep thoughts of Trevor from interfering with her work. The harsh words of their final argument kept flitting through her mind. She had been unnecessarily cruel because of her conflicting emotions and now she regretted the fact that she had blown up at him. It had crossed her mind to call the Lambert house and apologize to Trevor, but she had discarded the idea for now. She wanted to review all the information she had received from John Ellis before talking with Trevor again. Besides, she figured she and Trevor each needed a little time to cool off.

  During the following two days, Ashley studied every computer printout that John had sent. She wasn’t happy with herself until she had looked over each entry and sifted through the documents with a fine-tooth comb. By the end of the second evening, Ashley had barely made a dent in the volumes of information sitting on the edge of the desk in the den. Her eyes were burning and her muscles ached from her cramped position of leaning over the desk.

  The grandfather’s clock had just struck eight when Ashley heard the rumble of an engine nearing the cabin. A pleased feeling of exhilaration raced through her body. Waiting, she removed her reading glasses and tapped nervous fingernails on the edge of the desk. The engine was cut and footsteps approached the cabin. Within seconds there was a loud knock.

  With a satisfied smile, Ashley answered the door. Trevor stood on the porch wearing his enigmatic smile and tight, worn jeans. Snowflakes had collected in his dark hair and began to melt and catch the reflection of the interior lights. He was carrying a large package under his arms.

  “If it isn’t Senator Daniels?” Ashley teased.

  “Not yet, it isn’t,” he replied. “Ask me again in November.”

  “Come in,” Ashley requested, standing aside. She viewed him from beneath the sweep of dark lashes, and her green eyes gleamed wickedly. “Isn’t it nice to have an invitation for once?”

  His broad shoulders slumped, but his dark eyes glittered. “Why do you purposely goad me?” he asked in exasperation. “I came here with a peace offering, but I can see you’re not in the mood to settle our differences.”

  “I doubt that we can do that in one night—”

  “You might be surprised,” he ventured, his voice lowering suggestively.

  Ashley’s interest was piqued. She couldn’t hide the light of expectation in her round eyes. A pleased blush colored her cheeks. “Just what have you got in mind?”

  “You’ll see. . . .” Trevor brushed past her and went into the kitchen. Ashley followed in his wake, barely able to conceal her interest.

  “What have you got . . .” Her words died in her throat as he took off his jacket and unwrapped the ungainly package. Stripping the white paper away, he exposed two large Dungeness crabs. With a frown of approval, he placed the orange shellfish in the sink. “Where did you get those?” Ashley asked as she eyed the crabs speculatively.

  “Newport.”

  “You drove clear to the coast and back?”

  “It’s only a few hours—don’t you remember?”

  She swallowed against the lump in her throat. “Of course I remember,” she whispered hoarsely before turning away from
him to hide the tears that were gathering in her eyes. The last time she had been with him, they had met in secret rendezvous near Neskowin on the rugged Oregon coast. All night long they had watched the stormy sea batter the rocky shoreline from the window of the small beach house. After dining on fresh crab and wine, Trevor had made erotic and endless love to her until the dawn had come and torn them apart.

  “Come on, Ashley,” he persisted, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. “Lighten up. Let’s just try to forget the bad times and concentrate on the good.”

  “That might be easier said than done,” she murmured.

  He pressed a soft kiss into her blue-black hair. “Not if you try. Besides, it’s Christmas Eve.”

  “I know.” She had expected to spend the holiday alone for the first time in years and had tried to ignore the loneliness she felt. Now Trevor was with her and her spirits lifted.

  “Then let’s have a truce—in honor of the holiday.”

  “Okay, Senator,” she said bravely, despite the churning emotions battling in her throat. “I’ll give it a shot.” Blocking out the storm of feeling raging within her, Ashley forced all of her attention on the simple tasks of heating French bread, tossing together a green salad and pouring the wine while Trevor cleaned and cracked the crabs. They worked in silence and Ashley was caught in memories of the past.

  The light meal was enjoyable. Side by side, they sat by the fire in the den and laughed about the good times they had shared. Trevor was as charming as he had ever been and Ashley knew that if she let herself, she could fall hopelessly in love with him all over again. The rich sound of his laughter, the merry twinkle in his bright blue eyes and the sensual feel of his fingers when he would lightly touch her shoulder reminded her of the happiest time in her life—when she had been desperately in love with him. Even without all of the traditional trimmings, the evening became the warmest and happiest Christmas Eve she could remember. Relaxing with Trevor was perfect and natural.

  Several hours had passed before Trevor cocked his head in the direction of the desk. “You’ve been looking over the records of Stephens Timber,” he deduced.

  “That’s right. But I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. So far, everything looks fine. Nothing to prove that anyone in the family is the criminal you suspect.”

  “You’re sure?” She felt him stiffen. He was sitting behind her on the floor, his strong arms folded securely over her shoulders. She was leaning against him as she stared into the glowing red embers of the fire.

  She shook her head and her hair brushed against his chest. “l’ve barely started. Those reports are just for the last few months. I looked them over quickly and they seemed okay. I couldn’t see anything glaringly obvious.”

  “Claud doesn’t make glaring mistakes,” Trevor stated. All traces of humor had disappeared from his voice.

  “I know, I know. I’ve started going through the pages again. This time I’m studying each entry individually, but it’s going to take weeks.”

  “Ashley.” His fingers pressed urgently against her shoulders and dug into the soft muscles of her upper arm. “I don’t have much time.”

  “Then I’m going to have to recruit help, Senator,” she decided with a sigh. “I have other things I have to do. I can’t spend the next two months sequestered with computer printouts just to uphold your good name.”

  “Or yours.” He reminded her. “Just make sure your recruit is someone you can trust.”

  “Of course.”

  “This is important. Anyone who helps you can’t tip Claud off. Can you be sure that the people working for you are loyal to you and not your cousin?”

  Ashley didn’t hesitate. “There are a few. Give me a break, Trevor. We employ over—”

  “That doesn’t matter. It’s not quantity, but quality that counts.”

  “I can handle it.”

  “I hope so,” he whispered, touching his lips to her hair. “Sometimes I question your judgment.”

  “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You always have.”

  The air was thick with unspoken memories. Silence weighed heavily on Ashley’s slim shoulders as she stared into the bloodred coals of the fire. “I don’t know you anymore, Trevor. Not at all,” she said in a quiet moment of complete honesty. “And what I remember . . . what happened between us, turned out very badly.” She turned her head and her green eyes looked directly into his.

  “A man can change . . .” he ventured.

  “And so can a woman.”

  His eyes searched the soft contours of her face before she turned away from him to concentrate on the slowly dying fire. “What if I said that I wish I had it all to do over again?” His fingers touched the round of her shoulders and lingered in the black silk of her hair.

  The old ache burned savagely in her heart. “I’d say I don’t believe you—no matter how much I’d like to. I’m not bitter, Trevor; just wiser than I was. What happened between us was your doing and nothing you can say will alter the past.” She felt the warmth of his fingers in her hair and knew that she had to pull away from him and break the seductive spell he was weaving. She couldn’t let herself forget the past and the pain. Struggling against reawakened love, she managed to stand and step away from the power of Trevor’s touch.

  Her voice was firm. “ I think it would be better to forget what happened eight years ago and concentrate on what’s happening now. For instance, the reason you’re here and what you really want from me.”

  The grandfather’s clock in the entry hall ticked off the silent seconds. A chill as cold as a North Pacific gale made Ashley shiver with dread and she rubbed her hands over her arms.

  “I thought we could spend some time together. It’s Christmas.” Trevor’s eyes never left her face. He watched even the most subtle of her reactions; the nervous manner in which she clutched the gold chain encircling her throat, and the movement of her tongue as she wet her lips. Desperately she wanted to believe him.

  “And you need me to check into the company records to condemn my own family. Isn’t that what this is all about? Isn’t that the only reason you’re here? Aren’t you just trying to clear all the dirt surrounding the Daniels family and push it onto the name of Lazarus Stephens in order that you can get elected? That is the most important thing isn’t it? Your career.”

  “And what’s important to you, Ashley?” Trevor asked quietly. His face had saddened. “Eight years ago all you wanted to do was settle down, get married, have children. Now you’re talking about women’s rights and finding yourself! What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” His blue eyes were blazing. “And what about your husband—how does he feel about all this new way of thinking? Or is he the reason you’ve become so liberated?”

  Ashley’s eyes snapped with indignation. “Richard and I were divorced four years ago.”

  “I know that.”

  “Then why do you continue to refer to him as my husband?”

  “Because he was!”

  “And that still bothers you,” she said, understanding a little of his pain.

  “Shouldn’t it?” His cold blue eyes narrowed and he lifted himself from the floor, trying to relieve the tired muscles supporting his back.

  “You were the one who couldn’t make a commitment,” she reminded him, hoping to hide the trace of wistful regret in her voice.

  Trevor’s fist opened and closed against his jeans, as if he were physically attempting to regain control of his temper. “Don’t twist the truth,” he warned. “I was willing to do just about anything to keep you—”

  “Except marry me.”

  “Ha!” The sound of his humorless laughter was as bitter as the night. “ How many times did I ask you to marry me? Or have you conveniently forgotten about them?” His voice was low, the sound dangerous. There was a kinetic energy in the air, ready to explode with the repressed passion of the heated argument.

  Ashley’s dignity wavered for an instant. “That’s right, Trevor.
You did ask me to marry you, several times.” She waved the back of her slim hand in the air as if the number were insignificant. “But asking isn’t the same as doing. I was tired of being engaged and tired of having an affair. I wanted to be your wife!”

  “Correction,” he interjected cruelly, his dark blue eyes burning with accusations. “You wanted to be anyone’s wife. Even if it meant running back to the man your father had chosen for you.”

  “I loved you. . . .” She sighed, tears pooling in her eyes with the painful admission. “Trevor, I loved you so much.”

  “Until you realized that I wasn’t going to become a millionaire overnight. The daughter of Lazarus Stephens wasn’t able to live without the comforts of wealth. You couldn’t wait for me, could you?”

  “Now who’s twisting the truth?” she charged.

  “Damn it, Ashley, this isn’t getting us anywhere.” His fist crashed into the warm rocks of the fireplace and then he swore, wincing against a sudden, blinding stab of pain.

  Ashley’s anger fled and was replaced by concern. “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Trevor.” She touched his arm. For a moment her fingers brushed his wrist and his blue eyes sought hers, unspoken questions in their stormy depths. Her throat tightened. He rubbed his forehead before letting his head fall backward to stare at the open rafters supporting the roof. “Dear God, Ashley, I wish I understood you.”

  His plea sounded earnest. A lump formed in her throat when she considered what she might have shared with Trevor. Had she waited, as he had asked, would all of the happiness of their youth have blossomed into a deep, selfless love? Could they have shared their lives? Would she have eventually borne his children, comforted him when he needed her, shared his deepest agony?

  As if he had read her mind, he asked the one question he had been avoiding for three days. “Why did you come here, to the cabin?”

  She withdrew her hand and tears filled her eyes. “There were a lot of reasons—I needed a rest, there was work I could do here, I wanted to get out of the office, but there was something else,” she admitted with a wry frown. “I came here because of you.” Sea-green eyes met his. “It seemed that every time I turned around, I was reminded of you. Just a few weeks after Senator Higgins’s death, your name became a household word. Then there were the bribery charges—the newspapers . . . television . . . you were everywhere.