Ration

by Christina J Thompson

  Richard raised a brow, obviously stunned by the offer.

  “Well, I appreciate that, but I don’t think it’s a good idea. I can’t pay for help.”

  “I wouldn’t want anything in return,” John said. “I just want to make sure―”

  “I’m standing right here,” Amber quickly interrupted, hoping he hadn’t already said too much. “I don’t need you or anyone else taking up my slack.”

  “I didn’t mean anything by it,” John told her. “I just don’t want―”

  “Go home, John. Thanks for the offer but I’m fine.”

  He fell silent, glancing back and forth between her face and Richard’s, then he gave a slight wave as he turned to leave.

  “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” he called over his shoulder. Richard sighed, shaking his head as he placed his hand on Amber’s cheek.

  “You’re sure you feel okay?”

  She nodded, giving him a quick hug before turning away.

  “I’m just going to read for a little while.”

  “Thank you for your help today, sweetheart,” Mica called after her.

  Amber didn’t answer, going into her room to get her book then beckoning to the ration as she went outside.

  The ration stared at her as she sat down. He wanted to hug her, but he knew he couldn’t risk it right now, not with her family in the house. He had already almost been caught holding her when her mother came in to check on her that morning.

  Amber smiled at him.

  “I missed you today,” she whispered. “It took forever for you to get back.”

  The ration dropped his feigned blank expression long enough to return her smile. The past few hours may have been difficult for her, but he was sure she couldn’t imagine how much worse the past day and a half had been for him.

  “I can’t read out loud,” Amber told him, frowning as she opened the book. “I don’t know if they’re going to come check on me. But don’t worry, I’m not going to go any further until you can listen, too. I’m just going to pretend to read while I sit here with you.”

  His heart swelled as he watched her bend her head over the book and start playing with the corners of the pages with her fingers. He had missed her presence more than he ever would have imagined, and his thoughts began to race. Leaving her was going to be difficult, and for a moment, he wondered if it would even be possible.

  The sun began to set, and Amber sighed as she closed the book. Her mother appeared in the doorway, casting a worried glance at her.

  “I don’t want you staying out very long,” Mica said. “It’s too cold for that.”

  “I know, mom,” Amber replied, setting the book on the ground next to the door and leaning against the wall. “I just want to look at the stars for a few minutes.”

  Mica smiled at her, then turned to go back inside.

  “I’m glad you’re okay, sweetheart.”

  Amber held her breath, waiting for her mother’s footsteps to fade, then she got up and moved around the corner like always.

  “My parents don’t usually come outside, but tonight might be different,” she breathed as the ration sat down beside her. “They’ll be in bed soon, I shouldn’t talk until then.”

  The ration nodded, leaning back to stare at the sky, and it wasn’t long before he heard the house fall silent. Amber smiled up at him when he returned with the blanket, and his heart began to race with anticipation as he returned to his place at her side. He was nervous, and part of him was still scared.

  He shivered, wrapping his arms around her. He could feel her body relax in his grasp, and she rested her head against his chest as she drew a slow breath.

  “I’m sorry if I scared you,” she sighed, her voice tinged with regret. “I really thought I would be okay, but I guess they mean it when they say that the food and water allotments are calculated exactly.”

  The ration froze, his mind going blank as he tried to make sense of what she was saying. He glanced down at her in confusion, and Amber lifted her head to meet his gaze for a moment before sheepishly looking away.

  “I was afraid to tell you,” she quietly admitted. “I’ve been saving part of my allotments so you can make it to the ocean. I have almost four days’ worth already, but it’s nowhere near enough.”

  His eyes grew wide, his throat instantly closing up. Everything made sense now, and as he tried to process what she had said, he was suddenly painfully aware of how thin she felt in his arms. He should have known, and his chest began to ache with guilt. This was his fault.

  “I’m not giving up, so don’t worry,” Amber quickly reassured him. “I think my idea could still work, it’ll just take a lot longer than I planned. We’ll have to make another vest since I won’t have enough food and water saved up to miss the next weight check, but you’ll still be able to leave before harvest. I just need to cut back on how much I was saving.”

  The ration swallowed hard, trying to force his tears back, but the awe that filled his heart was overwhelming. He couldn’t believe what she had done, that she had been willing to go to such extremes to save him. The thought that anyone would ever care for him like that was more than he had ever dreamed of.

  Amber felt the ration’s body tremble, and she glanced up in concern. Even in the dim moonlight, she could see tears trickling down his cheeks, and she pulled out of his grasp, lifting herself to her knees and moving in front of him.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He wouldn’t look at her, and she reached out, gently touching his face.

  “It’s okay. We’ll figure something out, I won’t let you die.”

  The ration drew a ragged breath. Even after what she had just been through, she was still thinking about him. He lifted his gaze, his strength breaking at the sight of her worried face, and he finally managed to gather his courage.

  “Why?”

  Amber’s heart stopped at the sound of his voice. She froze, her eyes growing wide as her mouth dropped open in shock.

  He choked back another sob.

  “Why are you doing this for me?”

  She stared at him in stunned silence, her mind reeling as she tried to gather her senses long enough to respond. She cleared her throat, forcing her mouth to move.

  “Because…because you’re my friend.”

  The words seemed to awaken a fresh wave of tears in his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands. She put her arms around his neck, hugging him as a mixture of confusion and excitement coursed through her veins.

  Only a moment later, the excitement faded.

  Amber let go of him, her face growing hot as anger washed over her.

  “Wait, you’ve been able to talk this whole time?” she demanded, trying to keep her voice down. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I should have,” the ration whispered, wiping his face and looking up at her. “I didn’t think I could trust you.”

  Amber scoffed, snatching the blanket from him and wrapping it around herself as she narrowed her eyes.

  “Really? I sat here and planned out how to help you get away and you still didn’t think you could trust me?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about the food?”

  “Because I thought you would try to stop me!”

  “You’re right, I would have,” he said, clutching his head in his hands. “It’s all my fault, none of this would have happened if I had just told you. I’m sorry, Amber.”

  The sound of her name on his tongue sent a shiver up her spine, distracting her from her fury, and she did her best to hold her glare as he stared at her with anguished eyes.

  “You should be sorry!” she hissed, but despite her efforts, she could feel herself relaxing as the excitement flooded back and began to smother out her anger. He shivered, and she muttered under her breath as she moved back to his side and gave him half the blanket.

  “You could have died,” he whispered, putting his arm around her shoulders
and resting his face atop her head. “You shouldn’t have done that for me.”

  Amber shrugged.

  “I had to do something. You’re the only friend I’ve ever had.”

  The ration closed his eyes, hoping she wouldn’t get mad again as he prepared to tell her the rest.

  “I’ve been saving my own food and water,” he admitted, swallowing hard. “You never would have gotten sick if I had just told you.”

  Amber’s heart stung at his words, and she felt a sense of painful disappointment fill her chest. This whole time, he had already been planning to leave her. She let out a slow breath.

  “How much?”

  “Almost enough. A little over two weeks’ worth by now, that’s why my weight was off.”

  Sorrow welled up in her throat, and now it was her turn to fight back tears.

  This was the plan, Amber. Be happy, this means he’ll live.

  She glanced up at him, forcing a smile.

  “Good,” she said, her voice cracking. “That means you can leave soon, right? And you can take what I’ve saved, too, so you’ll be able to go long before the next weight check. We just have to decide how to fake you falling into the pits…”

  Her voice trailed off as a sob escaped her lips, and her throat burned as she tried to swallow back the lump that had formed there. It felt real now, it wasn’t just a plan anymore.

  The ration could see Amber’s smile waver as her chin quivered. A tear trickled down her cheek, and he reached out, gently tracing its path as his heart began aching with a sudden longing. He moved his face closer to hers almost without realizing it, bending down to lightly touch his lips to the corner of her eye.

  He sighed deeply, lingering there for a moment as he savored the warmth of her skin, when he felt her hand move to encircle his neck. She leaned into him, and a thousand butterflies took flight in his stomach as she pulled away just long enough to lift her face a little higher.

  His skin began to burn as he kissed her cheek. He could feel a fire awakening inside of him, and he let out a quiet gasp as a wave of heat radiated into his chest, pouring through his veins until it reached the very core of his being. She moved to lift her face again.

  Then, in the span of a single heartbeat, her mouth was pressed to his.

  Everything in the world faded into silence as Amber felt the ration lift her into his arms. Even the sound of the wind grew still—it was almost as if the entire universe was holding its breath, allowing her to experience that one perfect moment for as long as possible. She trembled as her lips parted to kiss him again, and she was suddenly excruciatingly aware that a piece of her heart was abandoning her chest to join his.

  She let go of him, gazing into his eyes in awestruck wonder, and a million words burned on her tongue as she tried to process what had just happened. It felt like a dream, an impossible, beautiful dream, but as he cradled her face in his hands, she knew it had to be real.

  He opened his mouth, and the words he spoke next sent a thrill racing through her very soul.

  “I want you to come with me, Amber.”

  A slight noise sounded from inside the house, and they both jumped, the tranquility of the moment they had shared harshly interrupted by reality. Any further conversation would have to wait.

  A warm haze of stunned disbelief hung over them as they quietly went inside, and Amber’s mind reeled as an overwhelming giddiness washed over her. She had never felt anything like this before; her body ached with what could only be joy, and the sensation made her skin prickle with excitement.

  She climbed into bed, her heart leaping into her throat as the ration gathered her into his arms. It was all so sudden, so unexpected, but now it seemed like this was how it had always been. She felt like she had known him since the day she was born, like he was part of her and she was part of him.

  The look in his eyes was all it took to tell her that he felt the same way, and Amber smiled at him, lifting her hand and brushing her fingers against his lips. He moved closer, his breath warm against her cheek as he kissed her one more time, and she sighed contentedly as she allowed the butterflies that danced in her belly to sing her heart to sleep.

  †‡†

  CHAPTER

  TWENTY-THREE

  Amber opened her eyes, the magic of the night before still lingering in her heart. The ration was beside her instead of sitting on the floor like he usually did, and he smiled when he saw her stir.

  “Good morning,” he whispered. His voice was barely audible, but fear raced through her nonetheless.

  “Only at night,” she whispered back. “Your voice is too deep, my mother will hear you.”

  He sighed, lifting his hand from underneath the blanket and touching her face. Goosebumps scattered across her skin, and she shivered as a fresh wave of happiness flooded through her.

  “Sweetheart? Are you okay?” her mother called out, and Amber instantly bolted upright, giving the ration a worried look. She threw the blanket back, and he sat up, quickly scooting to the side so she could get out of bed.

  “Yes, mom, I’m getting ready now.”

  She stood to her feet, holding her breath for a moment as she tried to fight back the urge to shout with excitement. She felt alive for the first time in her life, as if every previous day had just been a shadow drifting outside the edge of the existence she was now finally experiencing. Everything seemed brighter, even the dirt, and she moved quickly as she readied for the day.

  Amber began portioning out the supplements, humming to herself for the first time since she was a child, and when she glanced up, the ration was fighting back a smile. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, but he gestured slightly, motioning for her to continue. She made a face, laughing to herself as she grabbed her flask and beckoned for him to join her.

  The ration clenched his teeth as he followed her to the taps, his jaw aching as he tried to keep his face from betraying the overwhelming happiness he felt. It was proving more difficult than he thought it would be, and part of him almost wished he had stayed behind. He took a deep breath, steeling his nerves as the corners of his lips threatened to break.

  The day couldn’t pass quickly enough. Amber caught herself grinning like a fool as she worked, and she did her best to keep her father from noticing. The ration seemed like he was doing much better at holding back than she was, and aside from the sparkle that shone bright in his eyes, his face was as blank as always.

  Her thoughts turned to his invitation, and she realized that everything in her wanted to take him up on it. The thought of leaving with him scared her, but nothing was worse than imagining staying behind. She wasn’t sure how it would work, though; she only four days’ worth of food, and he wouldn’t have enough saved up to share with her.

  The part that gave her pause was thinking about how her parents would react. At first, they would probably think she had gotten lost, but she knew that wouldn’t last long. While it was believed that no one was stupid enough to steal a ration, they would eventually come to that conclusion no matter how crazy it would seem.

  She would be reported to the resource center as a thief, and from that moment on, there would be a bounty on her head. Anyone who caught her would receive double rations and half-quotas for three full cycles, along with two water allotments per day for everyone in their family. She, on the other hand, would be tortured until she begged for death.

  To her knowledge, only a handful of people had ever risked such theft since the birth of the ration program over a century ago, and all of them had been caught within days. It was a terrifying thing to consider, yet somehow, it seemed to pale in comparison to saying goodbye to him. The idea of staying behind without him felt like a far greater price to pay than risking her life.

  The benefit of being branded a thief would be that the resource center would replace her family’s ration free of charge, so at least they would survive. It was the best option to go with, regardless of the severity of the
consequence failure would bring.

  “Amber!”

  She glanced up to see her father staring at her, a concerned look on his face.

  “Yes?”

  “I’ve called out to you twice, are you okay?”

  She looked away; she had been too lost in thought.

  “I didn’t hear you, I’m sorry.”

  Richard stepped closer to her, taking her face in his hands.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine,” she answered, smiling brightly. “I think the treatment gave me some extra energy.”

  “Hmmm. Even so, you need to go back a little early today like Helen said, I don’t want to risk you getting sick again.”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Amber could see the ration descending the steps as he arrived back from the dumping ground, and his presence instantly distracted her. His arms were streaked with sweat, his skin glistening in the sun despite the dust that covered him, and it took everything in her power to keep from staring at him.

  “Amber?” her father prompted, jolting her focus back to him. It took her a moment to remember the last thing he had said before she had stopped listening.

  “I’m okay, dad,” she told him again. “I can stay until the day is over.”

  “No,” he answered firmly, shaking his head. “Helen was very insistent. We have an hour or so left, go on and head back now.”

  “Are you sure? I thought she only said thirty minutes.”

  “I appreciate your dedication, my dear, but it will do us no good if you overdo it. Go on.”

  She nodded, setting her shovel down and walking past the ration. Her shoulder brushed against him; he didn’t look up, but she could see the side of his neck pulsing as his heartbeat quickened, and her face flushed with heat. She couldn’t wait for nightfall when she would hear him speak again.

  The ration watched her leave, his heart filling with longing. He wished he could go with her, and he sighed to himself as he heaved another load of dirt onto his back. Only an hour left.