by Tori Fox
I walk downstairs without another word. Too afraid that if I stay any longer I won’t leave at all.
I head to my music room and grab my guitar and sheet music. I look around it one more time, wondering if it will be the last time I step in it.
When I make my way to the door, Noah is standing there my suitcase in his hand. “Let me carry this to the car for you.”
I nod, walking past him as he holds the door open for me.
I put my guitar in the back seat as Noah puts my suitcase in the trunk.
I open the door to my car and Noah stops me, wrapping me in a tight hug. “I’m going to make this right, Anna. I promise you that.”
I let him kiss my forehead before sitting in the driver’s seat. He waves at me as I pull out of the drive and head down the street toward the highway. Toward my dream. Although I am not even sure what my dream is anymore.
I make it around the corner and pull over bursting into tears.
I only hope I can fix my heart in Nashville.
20
Noah
I roll over in bed and turn off my alarm. It’s just past six in the morning. I should get up and go for a run before heading into the precinct but I haven’t been able to find the energy. Hell, I have barely slept since Anna’s been gone. I think I finally fell asleep due to pure exhaustion just after four in the morning.
I have a gaping hole in my chest. Anna took my heart when she left. And right now, I am just battling to stay above water. It feels like I’m drowning every second of every day. I’m gasping for breath, trying to stay afloat but her loss is too much to bear.
She’s only been gone five days but it feels like years. I’ve texted and called her numerous times despite Seraphina’s advice and she won’t respond. She only texted me to let me know she got to Nashville safely.
Seraphina was the first person I went to when Anna left for Nashville. I needed advice. I needed to know how to fix what I broke with her. How to make her come back home to me after her workshop.
Seraphina only told me to give her space and time. Not to text her constantly or leave her a million voicemails. She was in Nashville to further her career and she didn’t need distractions.
I tried to hold back but it’s been hard. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I never understood what it was like to have your heart broken until Anna left.
The past few nights I’ve sat in her music room trying to feel her presence. I can still smell her patchouli and lemon scent and it brings me a sense of calm. I just hope it doesn’t fade before she returns.
Brutus jumps on the bed and licks my face before curling up into my side. He has been just as sad as I’ve been. He loved Anna just as much as I do. And he has been moping around ever since she left.
I finally make my way out of bed and go through my morning routine. I let Brutus out, eat some breakfast and head upstairs to take a shower. After my shower, I brush my teeth and try not to stare at the dead eyes reflected back in the mirror. I put on my suit and grab my badge and gun out of the safe and head into work.
I’m glad it’s Friday. Only one more day of faking my smile and attitude in front of my partner. I look in my rearview mirror, my reflection looks like it’s aged years this week. The bags under my eyes prominent, the wrinkles more defined. Luckily I have been able to play it off from working on the case we’ve been on for the last few weeks. I’ve made some progress on it, narrowed down a list of suspects only because of my lack of sleep. It’s the only thing that distracts me from thoughts of Anna.
The day goes by at a grueling pace. It’s like time has slowed. By the time six o’clock finally hits, I am ready for a drink. A lot of drinks.
I forego going to Jimmy’s with the rest of the guys. I don’t want to have to answer questions. Even though my partner and I have only spent a few weeks together, he knows something is up.
My plan is to head home and change and then head to Mason’s studio to get shitfaced with him. Mason has been worried about me ever since Carson told him what happened. Carson wanted him to look out for me while Carson dug into Claire’s past. So far he has come up empty-handed.
I pull in my driveway and groan when I see the Range Rover Claire was driving sitting in the street. I should have kept driving. Just gone straight to Mason’s studio but I couldn’t leave Brutus alone for so long.
I slam the door as I get out of my SUV and hustle to the front door. I hear Claire on my heels but she is the last person I want to deal with.
I make it inside and slam the door before she can sneak in behind me. I hear her yelling at me through the door but I just lean against it and slide to the ground. What has my life become?
I shoot a text off to Carson hoping he can give me legal advice.
Me: Any news yet? Claire is banging on my door and I wish I could tell her to fuck off.
Brutus licks my face and sits in my lap, half growling half whining at Claire’s yelling on the other side of the door.
Carson: Nothing yet. Don’t talk to her. I don’t want her to use anything against you.
Me: No shit, man. I practically had to run into my house. She was waiting in her car outside when I pulled in.
Carson: You could call the police.
Me: I’m not bringing that attention to me. Besides, it’s not like I can file a restraining order.
Carson: If only.
Me: I just need to find a way out of this house.
Carson: I’ll get Mason on it.
I sigh as I throw my head against the door. My eyes starting to close even though Claire is causing a scene outside. Maybe if I just let her continue, the neighbors will call the cops.
I must doze off because I am startled by my phone ringing. I can still hear Claire outside, she isn’t yelling anymore but it sounds like she is pacing, the click of her heels back and forth on the hardwood.
I look at my phone half expecting it to be Claire but it’s Mason.
“Hello?”
“You ready for a jailbreak?”
“Fuck man. Get me out of here.”
Mason chuckles into the phone as I stand and walk upstairs. “You willing to jump your neighbor’s fence?”
I open my safe and set my gun and badge inside. “I’m willing to pretty much do anything at this point.”
“She will leave eventually.”
“I’m sure.”
Mason clears his throat. “Alright well, I just drove past your house and it looks like she is sitting in a chair on the porch.”
“I could have told you that.” I set my phone on speaker and change into jeans and a long sleeve shirt.
“I’ll meet you behind your house. That way you don’t have to break the law. I’m kicking my friend Jason out of the car to walk the street, make sure she doesn’t walk around to the back when you leave.”
I start laughing. The first laugh I’ve had all week. “Is it just me or do you feel like this is high school?”
“Yeah.” He laughs. “It sure does.”
“I’ll meet you out back with Brutus in two minutes.”
“I’ll text you if Jason says she isn’t on the porch.”
I rub my hands over my face as I hang up the phone. I can’t believe I am sneaking out of my own house to escape my ex-wife.
I whistle for Brutus as he follows me down the stairs. I let him outside and head back to the coat closet to grab my jacket and Brutus’ leash. I don’t have a text from Mason so I can only guess the coast is clear.
I see him pull up and I call for Brutus. I attach his leash and head to the driveway. The gate to the back alleyway is on the other side of my detached garage. There is a small chance Claire could see me but I hope she doesn’t.
I make it around the garage without her noticing, pull open the gate, and climb into the back of Mason’s Bronco.
I slam the door as Mason peels out of the alley. “Dude, this isn’t an action movie, you aren’t being chased by the cops.” I hold on to the seat in front of me as I try to gr
ab my seat belt.
“Totally feels like it.”
“If you get pulled over, I am not pulling my badge.”
“Whatever, bro.”
We drive around the block and pick up his friend. I look at my house as we drive by, seeing Claire banging on my door again. I don’t know what the hell is going on with her because she never acted crazy like this. If she did, I would have understood why she left. But this is not the same person I was married to for six years.
I don’t talk about anything as we drive to Mason’s studio. I know he has a ton of questions. Carson and I haven’t told him anything beyond the fact that she is back. I can’t let him know about the potential of my whole divorce being redacted.
When we pull up to the studio, I grab Brutus as we get out of the car. Mason puts the code in for the studio door and I follow him inside.
“I have to check on a recording session but I’ll be out soon.”
I grab the back of my neck. “Sorry Mason, I didn’t mean to pull you from your work.”
He holds up a hand. “Don’t worry about it. Jordan is working. I was just supervising.”
I nod as he disappears into a room. I head to the kitchen area and find a bottle of whiskey. I pour a large serving into a red cup and drink half of it before sitting down on a couch.
Jason cracks open a beer and sits across from me. “I’m not even going to ask, man.”
“Thanks.”
I text Anna again as I sit on the couch sipping on whiskey and Jason strums a guitar. I’m not surprised when she doesn’t answer me back. My eyes drift shut again, the week of no sleep catching up to me.
I wake up to Mason sitting next to me holding the whiskey bottle in his hand. “Hey, Noah. I figured you wanted to wake up before people showed up.”
“Thanks.” I let Mason pour me more whiskey as I adjust on the couch.
“You want to talk about it?”
That’s when I notice we are the only people in the room. Jason disappeared somewhere. I sip on my whiskey as I watch Brutus snore on the floor. “Not really.”
“Too bad I didn’t mean it as a question.”
I sigh and lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees.
“Look, man. I know there is a lot of shit going on. And I probably can’t do anything about it. But maybe I can listen. Maybe that will help.”
“Have you heard from Anna?” I ask, peering over my shoulder at him.
I can tell by the look on his face he has. “Look Noah, she told me not to tell you.”
“I’m your brother,” I grit.
“And she is my friend.”
I turn back to the coffee table in front of me and sip my whiskey. “I don’t think she is coming back.”
“She will.”
I pinch the space between my eyes. “I don’t know, man. She is so mad at me. And she should be. I fucked up. I didn’t defend her. I let Claire be a bitch and walk all over her. But I need her, Mase. I need her so much.”
“I wish I could tell you she feels like you do but she doesn’t.”
The thought sends a shooting pain into my heart.
“But it’s not because of you. She is doing great. She has her distraction in the workshop. She is building her path, Noah.”
“I’m happy for her.”
“But I can tell she misses you.” He pauses. “I talked to her earlier. She asked about you.”
My ears perk at that.
“I told her you looked like shit and were a miserable fuck.”
“Not a lie,” I mutter.
“She’s worried about you. I mean, she didn’t say that but I could hear it in her voice.”
I tap my foot on the ground. I wish more than anything she would just call me.
“She told me what happened with Claire.”
“I apolo—”
Mason cuts me off. “If you were gonna say you apologized, leave it alone. I know you did. And I think she knows you truly are sorry.”
“Then why is she ignoring me?” I ask, looking back over my shoulder at my brother.
Mason takes a sip of whiskey and leans back on the couch. He rubs his face before answering so I know I am not going to like the answer. “She thinks you still have feelings for Claire.”
“I don—”
Mason holds his hand up. “Calm down. I told her that, but it’s hard to see past that sometimes. She loves you more than the world, Noah. Her greatest fear is losing you.”
No, it’s not. Her greatest fear is I will cheat on her like Kyle did. But I don’t tell Mason that. Instead I tell him some of my truth. “It fucked me up, man. Her coming back here. All those feelings I had for her came racing back to me at the sight of her. Anger, pain, love.” I pause. “But I don’t love her like Anna. God, Anna is my fucking world. I had a hiccup. A moment of shock. And I feel like it ruined everything.”
Mason shakes his head. “I don’t think it did. She needs time to sort it all out.”
I nod because I know that is exactly what she needs. I know it’s not helping that I keep texting her. It’s not giving her the space she needs to think things over. I vow to stop the texts at this moment.
“Everyone will probably be here soon. Stop moping. Have a good time. Forget about all this for just a few hours.”
I throw back the rest of the whiskey in my glass and pour both of us more. “You’re right.”
I haven’t had a night like this in years. As in probably ten years. I’m always collected. Always the responsible one.
But tonight, I have let myself go. Beer after beer, shot after shot. I’m not even sure what time it is or what day it is. I really hope I don’t have to work tomorrow. I forgot why I am even drinking like this.
I stumble over something on the floor but catch myself on a table. I think I was going to get some water. Maybe. Or a beer. Probably water.
But someone changes the music and I stop in my tracks. The raspy voice of my wildflower floods the speakers.
“Have you heard this girl sing yet?” someone shouts.
“Fucking amazing!”
“Have you seen her? She is hot as hell too.”
“Maybe she will show up tonight. My dick has needed some sweet pussy.”
My vision goes red as I hear these two douchebags go back and forth over Anna.
Fuck. Anna.
That’s why I was drinking. I was trying to forget about her.
I blink and try to clear my double vision when I see the two assholes talking about Anna. My fist is clenched and I am ready to knock out this pompous dick who thinks he can talk about her like that.
“Whoa man,” douchebag number one says as my fist attempts to hit douchebag number two in the face. But I miss or maybe someone pulled me back. I’m not quite sure.
“Noah.” Mason’s voice is in my ear. I look down and see his arm wrapped around my bicep.
“What the fuck, man?” douchebag number two says right before he takes a swing and punches me right in the left eye.
“Fuck,” I groan as I hold my face.
“You two, get the fuck out of here,” Mason shouts.
“What the hell, Mason? He just came at us out of nowhere.”
Someone else grabs me as Mason turns to the guys. “Well you were talking about Anna May like she was some kind of snack.”
“She is, man. Didn’t you try to hit that?”
I look over at Mason and see him punch his friend in the nose. “No, man, I didn’t. That’s my brother’s girlfriend, you idiots.”
The two guys look over at me. I am still seeing red even though I can barely see. My left eye throbbing.
“Fuck. We didn’t know.”
“Shit, isn’t he a cop?”
“Get out,” Mason orders as he points at the door.
The two guys leave without a word just as a girl walks up to me with a bag of ice. “Anna would have gotten all hot and bothered with you defending her like that.”
I grab the ice from where the girl is holding
it. I squint up and see Seraphina. “I don’t think she cares.”
Sera snorts. “Think about it, Noah. That girl is in love with you. That’s why she was so mad. And she only runs from those she loves, so think of it as a romantic gesture.”
“That’s fucked up, Sera,” a deep voice says next to me. It’s when I realize he was the one who pulled me back, Dee, Anna’s friend from college and Mason’s business partner.
Mason drags a chair over and pushes me into it.
“It’s fucked up but it’s true,” Sera responds.
“Alright party’s over,” Mason shouts.
I grab his arm. “You don’t have to end it over this,” I say, gesturing to my eye.
“I know. But I am going to anyway. Too many people here as it is.”
Dee lights up a joint next to me and I couldn’t care less about it.
Sera stares at me. “I told you not to text her.”
“I haven’t texted her since this morning. I’m stopping. I swear.”
She takes a sip of water before answering. “I told you not to text her from the get-go.”
“It was hard not to.”
Mason comes back over to us and sits on top of the table next to us. “That was stupid.”
I know he is referring to me trying to punch that guy. “Did you hear what they were saying?”
“Yeah and I ignored it. Anna would never give those two fucktards the time of day.”
“I forgot about her. I finally put her out of my mind for the night.”
“I don’t know who put that song on, Noah. I mean it.” He takes a drink of his beer. “I was enjoying watching you be a shit show for once. I knew if you heard her voice you would fall apart.”
“This all sucks. God, I wish Claire didn’t come back. I wish we could have just kept going on living our lives. I want to marry her. I want everything with her.” I realize my drunk ass is saying more than it should but I can’t fight the feeling inside of me, regardless if it’s drunken thoughts.
“And on that note, we are leaving,” Dee says as he grabs Sera.
“What no! I want to hear this.”
Dee shakes his head as he pulls Sera away.
Mason stands up and pulls me with him. “You guys stay. I didn’t kick everyone out. I just need to talk to my brother alone.”