by Leah Holt
Fuck it. What's life if you can't live it?
“Yeah, really. You want to go for a hike, and I want to do anything to make you happy.” Holding her tighter, I placed my chin on the top of her head. “Your happiness is all I care about.”
A giddy squeal escaped her lips, high-pitched and ecstatic. “Let's go, let's get out of here for a bit. Do you think your mom has any sneakers I can borrow?”
“I'm sure she does, the woman loves shoes.” Tangling my fingers in hers, I led her up to my parents room. “They'd be in here.” Sliding the closet door open, I rummaged around the floor, and tugged out a pair of sneakers. “Here, try these.”
Emery slipped her foot inside and grinned. “These will work.”
The tall grass at the edge of the treeline tickled against my ankles. Staring into the wooded shadows, I kept my guard up, and my ears open. I wasn't an outdoor kind of guy, but the idea of roaming freely, of walking without borders or fences caging me in, felt good.
I hadn't felt this free in years. I had been living with unwritten rules placed on my shoulders by a man who didn't give a fuck about what happened to me. His word was law, his orders the only task you ever needed to heed.
I was done living for someone else.
Reaching out to grab her hand, I squeezed. This woman had given me so much in such a short time. She showed me what it meant to feel, to breathe, to need nothing more than to have her as mine.
“Which way should we go?” I asked, glancing left and right.
“I don't know, have you ever been in these woods before?”
“Nope.” Smirking, I tightened my grip on her hand and started forward. “Let's hope my sense of direction is as good as I think it is.”
“That's comforting,” Emery said with a chuckle.
Our feet crunched over dead leaves and dry sticks, crackling and popping like fireworks. The silence was unworldly, it was a quiet I didn't think I could ever get used to.
After an entire lifetime of listening to vehicles driving at all hours of the night, the way people's voices were carried through the air like white noise, the silence was loud.
The wind was blowing, rustling the tree limbs overhead. I could hear birds chirping around us, and small critters as they scampered away when we got too close.
“So, tell me something about yourself, Emery Flores.” Stopping at a huge fallen down tree, I wrapped my arms around her stomach, and lifted her up. “Where did you grow up?”
Grunting lightly, she pulled her legs over the top, and dropped down onto the other side. “I actually spent a large part of my childhood in Maryland. But I had to move here when I turned fifteen to live with my grandma.”
“Was that because—”
“Yeah,” she said quickly, cutting me off. “It was fine though, my grandma was really nice.”
Hopping over the log, I let out a tender huff of air as I hit the soft the ground on the other side. “Is she. . .” My words trickled off, and I tried to stop myself before I sounded inconsiderate of her past.
Death was a normal thing for me in my life, and because of that, I often forgot that most people hated even talking about it.
“No, she's not, she's just. . . old.” Her lips folded in the prettiest smile as she dipped her head into her chest. Bending down, Emery picked up a leaf that looked charred. Twisting the tiny stem between her fingers, she peered at the leaf as she spoke. “She lives in a nursing home now, I couldn't keep taking care of her anymore.”
“Oh, wow, that must have been hard.”
“Hard—no, draining—yes. She has dementia, and it got to the point I couldn't leave her alone without worrying that she might hurt herself.” Dropping the leaf, she watched it float back to the ground. “What's hard about it is that she doesn't recognize me anymore.”
I watched her body as she wilted. Her shoulders rolled forward, eyes dulling and hurting at the loss of someone who was still here. Her grandmother was still alive, but in a way, she was already gone.
There were no words for me to say to her that would comfort whatever sadness she was feeling. Her parents were gone, and the woman who had cared for her was mentally unaware of the one person who loved her more than anything.
“Emery, what do you want?”
“What?” she asked, her eyes popping wide, the green shading over like a lake at night.
“From me, what do you want?”
“I. . . I don't know, Porter.” Stepping backwards, she leaned against the tree stump. “I don't know what you want me to say.”
Lumbering forward, I hoovered over her, allowing my presence to rock her nerves. “I want you to tell me the truth, to say the first thing that comes in your head when I ask.” Swooping my hand in, I rested my palm against her cheek, and dug my fingers into her hair. “I'm going to ask you again.” I paused, giving her time to truly hear my words. “What do you want from me, from this, what do you want?”
My eyes were locked on hers, refusing to let her look away. Her lips opened slightly as if she was ready to speak, but she didn't say a word.
I could see it in her eyes that she had an answer, but I didn't understand why she just wouldn't spit it out.
“Don't be afraid to be honest, just tell me.”
“That's the problem, I really don't know. It's all so confusing, and I don't know how to make sense of it.”
Smiling, my lids hooded, and I held her face so she couldn't do anything but look up. “Let me tell you what I want then.” Licking my lips, I inched closer, bringing my chest to hers. A shiver scaled her body, the tremor running through my palm and shaking my muscles. “I want you, that's it. I want us, I want to feel this fire in my gut every damn day, and I don't want to ever let it go.”
Emery's eyes glazed over as her stare deepened. She was looking at me, but not just looking at me, she was seeing into me. Her thick, long lashes fanned her lids as she blinked, and her lips sat partially open.
I wanted to kiss her, but I wanted to hear her answer first. I had to know what she was thinking, what was running through that pretty little head of hers.
“What do you want, Emery?” Thumbing her jaw, her skin was clammy and warm under my touch. “Just say it.”
“I love you.”
Her words crashed against my chest, tearing my heart open, and then sealing it shut. I didn't expect that, I never thought she would hit me with such a violent force.
Stunned, I stood quiet, just letting those three words sink in.
She loves me. . .
Could she really mean that?
“I. . . I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.” Taking a firm step to the side, she pulled away from me, pushing my hands off her face. “It's crazy, I know. We know nothing about each other, we met under circumstances that are definitely not ideal, and not the foundation for a strong relationship. You probably think I'm insane, or one of those girls that are super clingy, but the truth is I'm not. I avoid relationships like the plague, I hate the idea of being in a relationship at all. I don't know what the hell I was thinking—”
“Stop,” I said firmly, holding up my hand. “Just stop.”
Emery dug her toe into the soft ground beneath her feet, twining her fingers together in front of her waist. She wouldn't look up at me, simply staring at nothing with wide open eyes.
“Do you mean it?” Taking a long step, I grabbed her elbow, and drew circles over her skin. “When you said it, did you feel it?”
Nodding, she still wouldn't look up at me. “I can't explain it, Porter, it's just there.”
“I feel it too.” Smiling, I pinched her chin between my fingers, and lifted her face up. “You're not crazy, not if I feel the same thing as you.”
“You do?” Her eyes held this softness, this allure that I could fall into, that I could live in if she would let me.
“I love you, Emery.” The words came out easier than I expected. I had felt it since day one, from the first time I laid eyes on her. But, I never actually thought I'd spe
ak them out loud. “That's all we need, the rest will come in time.”
Placing her hand over mine, she climbed up on her toes and kissed me. There was nothing around us, and that quiet that made me uncomfortable before, now encased us like a cocoon, sealing us off from the rest of the world.
Her breath was my breath, her heart was my heart. I knew what I had to do now.
Between kisses and inhales, I spoke quietly into her mouth. “I'm not doing it, I won't risk myself another second. Will you come with me?”
Pushing away, Emery's eyes drifted around my face. “Come where?”
“Wherever we end up. Come with me, we can leave tonight.”
“Are you serious? I thought you wanted—”
Silencing her with another kiss, I threw my arm around her waist. “What I wanted doesn't matter. You were right, it won't bring Zander back, but what I have, that's worth living for—you're worth living for.”
Twisting her on her heels, I walked her back against the giant fallen tree. Her hands swept up and trapped my face, lips greedily stealing kisses. Her breathing was ragged and heavy as a delicate moan spilled out from the back of her throat.
There were no more words left for us to say. Right then all we had were the emotions draining us to the core.
Slipping her hand down my chest, Emery grabbed my swelling cock. Her fingers stroked the firm muscle, tender and hard, savage and with such patience, it broke me. She was a musician, plucking the strings that worked my heart.
Growling, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to burn our love into the woods around us. Raking my fingers through her hair, I wrapped a thick lock around my palm, and tugged her head back.
“Mm,” she moaned, sucking in a sharp gasp of air. Biting her bottom lip, she palmed my cock still hidden under my jeans. “You like when I touch you, don't you?”
“Fuck yeah I do. Can't you tell?” Thrusting my hips into her hand, my cock jerked hard. “You do this to me, you make me so fucking hard it hurts.”
I felt like a wild beast, lost in the forest, stumbling upon the last woman on earth. I was going to take her here, just like this, with nature surrounding us like a warm blanket.
Feverishly, I flipped Emery onto her stomach, bending her body over the tree. The curve of the wood made her ass perch up, giving me the perfect position to fuck her.
With a hand in her hair, I worked her pants down her legs. I half expected her to stop me, to tell me that she didn't want to do it out here like this. She never uttered a word in protest. Her hips swayed, her eyes snapped shut, and her fingers clutched the thick cracks in the bark.
Spreading her legs with my knee, I popped the button on my jeans and freed my cock. Emery groaned with anticipation as she pushed her ass up higher, ready to take my dick deep and hard.
The sun was shining down on us, my skin hot and sweaty as I got lost in my woman. She had told me she loved me. She had said the words I never expected to hear after all I had put her through.
She had been tested, exposed to the worse kind of people in this world. And here she was, baring it all, opening her heart to a soldier from hell.
Slamming my cock inside her with one quick thrust, Emery let out a moan that sent a quiver down my spine. Her pussy was wet, swallowing my length as if she couldn't live without it.
We made love for the first time. Not sex, not a one night stand, where years later you'd forget their name. It was love, real love.
Laying over her back, I whispered into her ear. “I'll always love you, you saved me, Emery, in more ways than you'll ever realize.”
Her hand reached back, and dug through my hair, scraping my scalp as she looked at me over her shoulder. She didn't need to say anything for me to know I had done the same for her.
I saved her, and I would continue saving her for the rest of my life.
It didn't matter where we went, or what place we ended up. It didn't matter who might come looking for us, I would always be there to protect her.
She was worth the risk of running, because I knew no matter what, home would always be wherever she was.
Chapter Fifteen
Porter
Opening the door, I fanned out my arm for Emery to go in first. Stopping for a second, I looked back at the woods where we had just been and smiled.
There was this moment of peace, a feeling like nothing bad could ever happen to us. That would never be true, and I knew that. But, right then, all of that; my past, the uncertainty of our future, it didn't matter.
Because I was happy.
“Porter!”
Her scream sent my heart into my throat, making me react without thinking. Running into the house, I saw a man holding Emery around the neck with a gun to her temple.
At first, I couldn't see his face or any distinguishing features. I saw the gun, I saw the fear in Emery's eyes, I saw my blood as it boiled, and turned everything around me red.
“Long time no see.”
I knew this man, and the realization killed me inside. I had drinks with him, I had dinner in his home, we had shared a few dirty laughs, and once considered each other family. Dean Finch, a guy who was just like me. Or should I say, who I used to be like?
He was an assassin, a lethal set of hands with only one job; to kill.
That was all we had to do. We were given orders, we were never told why anyone had to die, and we never asked questions.
Now, he was right in front of me, holding a gun to my woman's head, his eyes black as tar with death in his stare. I felt the rage twist my insides, making my heart slam inside my chest like a trapped raven, ready to escape and claw his eyes out of his fucking head.
How dare you put a hand on my girl!
My eyes met Emery's, and the fear on her face killed me. I'm supposed to be protecting her. And right now, I failed.
With my hands up, palms facing out, I started to side step to my right. Like a fucking idiot, I had left my gun upstairs. I was completely defenseless.
I'm not thinking straight, I'm not using my fucking head. . .
I fucked up again.
This woman had my head in knots. She had me tied up so tight, I had forgotten what we were truly living in.
Dean smiled at me, shoving the gun harder into Emery's temple. “Don't try a fucking thing or I'll splatter her brains all over these walls.”
“Why?” I asked, trying to get him talking. “She has nothing to do with this, just let her go.” My heart ached to see her like that. Her eyes frozen on my face, begging and pleading for me save her.
Except, I couldn't do a damn thing. He had the upper hand, and it tore my insides to shreds. I was suppose to protect her, I was suppose to keep her safe. One touch made her mine, but it was a single bullet that bound us together.
I have to do something. . .
Come on! Think, think!
Laughing, he tilted his head into her hair and inhaled a long breath. “Tell me you don't actually believe what you're saying. You have your head in the fucking clouds man? You haven't been gone that long to forget how this works. Leave no witnesses, not a single fucking one. . .” Pausing, he smirked, his eye's glistening like he was enjoying everything about this. “Oh wait, that's right, you can't do that because you have no fucking balls. Should I check her purse? Is that where you left them?”
“Fuck you, Dean.” Growling, my fists balled at my sides, ready to take the risk and charge him. I wanted to tear his fucking head off, make him regret ever stepping foot in this house. “I'm going to fucking kill you.”
The last hit-man that Marcos sent out for me didn't make it back alive, neither did Frankie at the club. But, I was prepared for them, I wasn't prepared for this, and I should have been.
This wasn't suppose to happen!
I'm suppose to protect her!
I'm suppose to keep her safe!
Baring my teeth, my fingers dug into the center of my palms, feet trembling, ready to take off in his direction. “You're a fucking dead man.”
; I didn't even have the chance to step forward. A hard crack ricocheted through my skull and the room around me went black.
Time had stopped. There were no dreams, no thoughts, no pain.
There was only silence.
I had lost.
Chapter Sixteen
Emery
With my hands tied in front of my waist, I leaned against the wall and dropped to my haunches. The room was small, but it didn't look much different from any other room I had ever been in. It looked normal.
There weren't any torture devices hanging from the ceiling, or weird chairs that looked like they would split you apart if someone kept turning the wheel.
I didn't know why I expected to find such things in a place like this, maybe I had just seen too many movies.
There was a mahogany colored leather couch against the far wall, and a coffee table littered with magazines and crossword puzzles. A large oval rug was on the floor under the table, its spiral cords a mixture of sapphire blue and opal white.
The walls were bare, but the tan paint had a texture to it. Long swooping swirls cascaded down behind the couch, fanning out on the lower half of the walls. If I wasn't here by force, I'd probably want to know who helped design the room.
Hanging my head between my legs, I clutched the back of my skull. So far, no one had actually hurt me. The man with the gun had been a little rough when he dragged me from the house, but nothing I couldn't handle.
He made it clear that he'd shoot Porter without a second thought if I didn't cooperate. So, I listened, I followed orders so this asshole wouldn't hurt the only person I've ever loved.
There had been a second man hidden in the pantry, Porter didn't stand a chance. After he knocked him out cold, Dean dragged me to a car they had parked in a clearing in the woods, and stuffed me in the trunk.
Porter's alive, that's all that matter.
“I see you prefer the floor to the couch. I'm not sure what that says about you.” A man's voice sliced through the air, forcing my head up. Smiling through thin lips, he asked, “Do you know who I am?”
My heart began to race as anxiety filled my veins. This man was too confident to just be some jerk taking orders.