Speak with Impact

by Allison Shapira

  Here are a few tips to build your nonverbal presence:

  •Pay attention to how you enter a room. Center yourself before you walk into a room to make sure you are purposeful and intentional. When you’re standing, stand tall on two feet and avoid nervous fidgeting. When you’re seated, let yourself take up space as opposed to crossing your arms and shrinking.

  •Make eye contact. Eye contact demonstrates your confidence to speak and builds trust with your audience. Especially when you are speaking up about something important, make eye contact with the people you want to take action.

  •Use hand gestures that are purposeful, instead of nervous. Nervous fidgeting or pacing will make you look unprepared and detract from your executive presence. Using the techniques we discussed in Chapter 6, practice gestures that match the language you use.

  •Be strategic about what you wear. Your attire communicates with your audience in different ways. It can show professionalism or laziness. It can show national pride or a lack of caring. I can’t tell you what to wear, but I can tell you to understand what your attire communicates, and to dress in the way that you’d like to be perceived. A wrinkled shirt, chipped polish on your fingernails, and unbrushed hair can reduce your executive presence because it makes you look like you don’t care.1 It’s not about wearing a suit in every situation, although there is fascinating research that shows the perceived authority that comes with wearing a suit can make you more influential.2 What you wear sends a message, whether it’s choosing or refusing to wear a suit.

  4. VOICE & TONE

  Does the power of your voice match the power of your words? When you speak, do you sound like you believe in what you are saying? Your tone of voice can stop someone in their tracks or entice them to lean in and listen. That’s important any time you speak in public, and it’s particularly important when you build your executive presence.

  Imagine that you’re on an airplane that’s experiencing turbulence. It starts out as just a couple of bumps but soon progresses to such an extent that even the frequent flyers are looking at each other with raised eyebrows. Everyone double-checks their safety belts and then grips their armrests firmly. This is when I practice purposeful breathing. Suddenly, you hear the pilot’s voice over the intercom.

  What are you listening for in the pilot’s voice? You’re listening for calm and reassurance. You’re listening for professionalism and competence. For me, all of that comes across in the first three words the pilot says: “Ladies and Gentlemen.” I can hear it in the even pacing of the words and the calm tone of voice that says everything is going to be okay.

  We spent a significant amount of time in Chapters 6 and 7 looking at how your voice can convey confidence or doubt. The moment you speak, your tone communicates before the words even sink in. And if there’s a disconnect between the words and the tone, people will believe the tone. When they speak in public, most people focus on the words and assume the tone will happen naturally; it doesn’t necessarily.

  Everything you have learned about breathing and voice will enhance your executive presence, and the confidence you built in learning these skills will calm your nerves and let your voice convey the full strength of your conviction.

  Here are a few tips to keep in mind:

  •Practice purposeful breathing. Take time to pause and breathe before you speak. It grounds you, gives you time to reflect on your words, and makes you appear (and sound) more thoughtful.

  •Speak with a clear, unrushed voice. When you connect with your confidence and conviction in what you do, it comes across in the strength of your voice. It’s not about yelling, it’s about speaking clearly and confidently, without mumbling or rushing.

  •Practice the pause. Remember that story I told in the beginning of the chapter about demonstrating executive presence by only stating my name? It wasn’t only my name that commanded attention; it was the pause and eye contact that I used before stating my name, combined with the strength of my voice when I spoke. Taking the time to pause in front of an audience shows that you are comfortable with silence and causes people to lean in and listen.

  •Watch out for uptalk and vocal fry. The vocal ticks we discussed in Chapter 6 are particularly harmful to your executive presence, as they can make you sound unsure or lazy. Let your cadence rise and fall naturally.

  5. INTERACTIONS WITH OTHERS

  Throughout this book, I stress that public speaking is a way to build a relationship of trust with your audience. It’s also an integral part of your executive presence. It comprises your relationships with others, your reputation, and your integrity.

  Your presence isn’t something you put on and take off like a jacket; it’s something you build with every single interaction. When you walk into a meeting, do others view you as a trustworthy partner? When you walk into a room or pick up a phone, your reputation precedes you. Sometimes you are in the meeting because of your reputation. Sometimes, you are in the meeting despite your reputation.

  I’m sure you can think of someone who has a powerful voice, or confident body language, or flawless command of their subject—but you can’t trust them. Or perhaps you don’t trust the organization they represent. If you are all talk but no action, then it reduces your executive presence. Presence is not just about how you speak or act; it’s about how you make others feel.

  Here are a few tips for improving those relationships:

  •Be physically present with others. When you interact with others, are you focused, or distracted? Put aside your digital device or turn off notifications and be fully present with someone. Make direct eye contact, practice active listening, and focus solely on that person.

  •Be accessible. If no one can get on your calendar and you don’t respond to emails, then you build a wall around yourself that prevents you from connecting with others. Make time to walk around and speak with people, and be available when others need to talk.

  •Live your values. You set a strong example for others when you live the values you espouse. That’s why the Core Value Statement is such a powerful tool, as it helps you identify those values and think about how you live them with consistency. Recognize that you can serve as a role model every single day.

  •Ask for feedback. Soliciting feedback from others—colleagues, managers, or friends—is a powerful way to build relationships and also a valuable way to develop self-awareness. In her book The Power of Presence, Kristi Hedges encourages people to complete a presence audit as a way of soliciting feedback from trusted colleagues3 and friends.

  Each of the five components of executive presence calls on skills we have built so far in this book. Each time you speak, you have an opportunity to impact people’s behaviors and influence their actions. By focusing on your executive presence, you ensure that every aspect of your communication delivers the same powerful message.

  Read through the five components of executive presence and evaluate yourself on each one on a scale of 1 to 5. Use the Executive Presence Self-Assessment available at www.speakwithimpactbook.com. Look at the lowest-rated categories and read through the tips above to address them.

  CHAPTER 13

  Find Your Courage to Speak

  How to Use This Book to Speak Up

  USING THIS BOOK

  Where do you go from here? I hope this book has inspired you to look inward to determine why you are called to speak. I hope it has given you the courage to seek out more speaking opportunities at work or in your community, and to use your voice to have an impact on the world around you. And I hope that you take action based on your words.

  Review all the speaking opportunities described in Chapter 1 and make a commitment to find one speaking event in the coming month. Then, seek out another one. The more you apply these skills, the faster you will build your skills and see improvement.

  If you haven’t found a practice partner to go through the book with, find one now and use this person as a trusted advisor to help you apply what you learned.

&nb
sp; This book is filled with tips and techniques, but where do you start once you have a speech on your calendar?

  When You Have Two Hours or Less to Prepare a Speech

  We’ve all been in the situation where we have to prepare a speech with thirty minutes’ to two hours’ notice. In that case, look at the sidebar “How to write a speech in thirty minutes” and spend as much time as you can practicing and using the practice methods we discussed in Chapter 5.

  When You Have One Week to Prepare a Speech

  You can also use the sidebar “How to write a speech in thirty minutes,” but now add in the polishing component from Chapter 5.

  When You Have One Month to Prepare a Speech

  Read this book with your upcoming speech in mind.

  Use Chapter 2 to ask the Three Questions and determine the main message of your speech.

  Use Chapter 3 to walk you through the writing process.

  Read Chapter 4 for ideas to connect with your audience through persuasion, stories, or humor.

  Use Chapter 5 to polish and practice your speech.

  Use Chapter 6 to add engaging delivery tools.

  Chapter 7 will calm you down and help you center yourself.

  Chapter 8 will prepare you for being in front of an audience.

  For more specific situations, look at Chapters 9, 10, and 11 to help you prepare. At the end of nearly every chapter, there are exercises to help you apply the learning. You can go from one exercise to the next to continue building your skills.

  HIGHLIGHTING COMMON THEMES

  I started out as an opera singer, performing the works of others before I had the courage to write my own songs as a folk singer. I now believe that both opera and folk music have much to teach us about public speaking. While opera teaches us the techniques and discipline to build our skills, folk music teaches us the power of authenticity over perfection.

  In this book, I’ve given you a process for many of the common public speaking opportunities, from day-to-day presentations to career-changing speeches. There will undoubtedly be updates as technology changes and as our understanding of human behavior changes. I myself am constantly learning new techniques and strategies from colleagues and clients around the world. Visit www.speakwithimpactbook.com for new tools and to read the experiences of others who have used this book successfully. Send us your feedback so we can share it with others.

  I’d like you to keep in mind some important themes that I’ve weaved in throughout this book:

  •Public speaking is a skill, not a talent. My teaching philosophy rests on the belief that each one of us can be a powerful public speaker with practice and feedback. The more you use this skill and the more you focus on making progress, the better you become.

  •Public speaking is something we do every single day. From phone calls to webinars, presentations to meetings to town halls, we have daily opportunities to speak in public. It can happen anywhere in the world, at every stage in our career, no matter our background.

  •We all get nervous. If you feel nervous before a presentation, remember that you are not alone. The fear of public speaking is universal, and most people will sympathize with you. Remember that everyone in the audience wants you to do well.

  •It’s about being authentic, not perfect. Nobody wants to hear a perfect speech or presentation; they want to feel that the speaker is authentic and genuinely cares about his or her subject. Forget the need to be perfect and you’ll reduce a lot of your stress.

  •It’s about connecting with your audience and building trust. Giving a speech or presentation is an opportunity to build a relationship of trust with your audience, whether it’s one person or a thousand people. The tools in this book will help you focus on your audience and your message in a way that connects on a personal level.

  •It’s about exercising leadership with your voice. Professor Marshall Ganz says, “Mobilizing others to achieve purpose under conditions of uncertainty—what leaders do—challenges the hands, the head, and the heart.”1 Once you determine what you want to say, it’s about finding a way to mobilize others to act.

  BUILDING ALLIES AROUND YOUR IDEAS

  Throughout this book, I’ve referenced the importance of speaking up, even if you are afraid to do so. Speaking in public comes with certain dangers. What you say may be politically or culturally dangerous. Speaking up may bring with it physical danger based on what you have to say or whether cultural expectations allow you to speak. You might be a new political figure speaking out against the current system’s corruption or a young woman speaking out against dangerous cultural practices in your community. I’ve met women who had the courage to speak publicly about their rape in order to change the public taboo in their country and give other women the courage to confront their attackers. When we speak out about things that challenge society’s norms, there is danger in our words.

  The last thing I’d want you to do is read this book and give a speech that puts your life in danger. When you ask the Three Questions (Who is your audience? What is your goal? Why you?) you’ll have a sense of whether or not your speech will be controversial. If you believe your message will be dangerous, take steps to build allies along the way. Find people—in your political party, in your organization’s leadership, in your community—who support you and will be willing to support you publicly. Build up those allies so that when you do speak, you don’t have to speak alone.

  At the same time, don’t just seek out those who think like you. Reach out to those who disagree with you so you can better understand their point of view. You might do this in order to better address their issues, or perhaps adjust your own view. Unfortunately, we have a tendency to accept comments that already support our worldview and discredit those that push back, leading to a dangerous mind-set that can’t accept opposing viewpoints. Have the courage to listen to others, and have the humility to accept that you may be wrong.

  From a more practical perspective, finding allies to help you with your public speaking is a critical part of your success. In all of our workshops, participants speak and receive feedback from their peers. Oftentimes that feedback is richer and more nuanced than I could give, because those peers know the subject matter better than I do. The friendships that emerge from those workshops continue to this day, as people call on each other to practice their most important speeches and presentations. The process of asking for and receiving feedback creates a powerful bond with others, as you are willing to look vulnerable in front of them. Find allies who can give you honest feedback on your speaking strengths and where you can improve.

  LISTENING TO OTHERS

  This entire book has focused on the art of speaking up, which makes it easy to forget the importance of listening.

  Listen to your audience members and their needs before you draft your remarks. Who will you be addressing, and what is important to them?

  Listen to how your audience reacts to your remarks in the moment. What is their body language saying and, when they ask questions, what are they really saying? In a meeting, listen to those around you instead of simply thinking of what to say next.

  Listen to the views of others, even when you don’t agree with them. In the United States, we are fiercely proud of our First Amendment right that protects the freedom of speech, a freedom I wholeheartedly embrace. With that right comes a great responsibility because our words matter. With our words, we can build someone up or tear them down. We can monopolize air time with our beliefs, or we can respect other people’s right to speak.

  Listen to your own inner voice and acknowledge what you truly want to say, not just what you think others want to hear. When you feel an ethical conflict between what your organization tells you to say and what you feel is right, listening to this inner voice may cause you to rethink what to do with your life.

  Know When Not to Speak

  I learned a humbling lesson during one of my leadership courses in graduate school. We walked into the classroom one day to find th
at a group of students had written six student names on the board along with the words “Today, could these people please refrain from speaking and leave some air for the rest of us?” My name was one of the six written on the board. I was shocked and embarrassed. I liked speaking up in class because the subject interested me and I believed I had an important perspective to offer my peers. But after consulting with a few friends from the class, I learned that my behavior was predictable. Whenever there was a challenge or question thrown out to the group, I would jump in with the answer before others had had time to grapple with it. I became a crutch for others.

  You no doubt have something to contribute in nearly every situation. As a result of reading this book, you may feel particularly emboldened to do so, but remember to do so strategically. If you constantly speak up and monopolize the meeting, you are taking away other people’s time to speak and grapple with challenges. As the Dalai Lama says, “Sometimes one creates a dynamic impression by saying something, and sometimes one creates as significant an impression by remaining silent.”2

  ENDING WITH A CALL TO ACTION

  I believe that each of you has something powerful to say—on behalf of yourself, your organization, or your community. Public speaking is about finding your own voice, building your communication skills, and finding your courage to speak. It’s about recognizing what’s important to you and what needs to be done in the world, then mobilizing others to address it—from a new corporate strategy to a vision of social change. That is how you exercise leadership with your voice.

  On March 24, 2018, during the March for Our Lives in Washington, DC, volunteers were handing out posters along 7th Street NW. One poster showed a group of people, one shouting into a megaphone, and the word ACT! in big red letters across the top. I was struck by the correlation between speaking and acting. You could look at that sign and say, “Well, they’re just speaking; they’re not actually taking action.” But in fact, speaking up is the first step to taking action. Because when you speak up about an issue, you start to take ownership of the solution. Gordon Whitman, author of Stand Up! How to get involved, speak out, and win in a world on fire, says that you go from being a passive member of society to an agent of change.3