Hanamonogatari

by Nisioisin

  Though from what I heard, it was meant to be more sarcastic than polite.

  Happens all the time.

  Still, that kind of idle “joking” can invite dire consequences, as I know all too well.

  It was some kind of charm and a fad among Naoetsu High students─because of the thing with Sengoku, I’m sensitive when it comes to so-called charms, but according to what Ogi had told me, maybe I was overreacting.

  Just an innocent rumor.

  That if you turn to Lord Devil for help with your problems or worries, he’ll solve them for you without fail─though the inclusion of that phrase made it seem less convincing, not more.

  Yet no matter how phony, no matter if it were one of Deishu Kaiki’s cons, I’d have had to do something about a “devil” who “solves your problems” even if there hadn’t been the thing with Sengoku.

  Because.

  In that case Lord Devil could be me.

  “Of course, there’s apparently one condition to the whole ‘without fail’ thing─they say Lord Devil won’t accept any over-the-top requests,” Ogi had explained.

  His tone was as carefree as ever, which is to say, he made it seem like it was all just inconsequential gossip─no, it really was nothing more than carefree gossip.

  For him.

  Even if Ogi knew about my left arm, knew what I’d done.

  All talk was idle talk to him.

  Everything was inconsequential for him.

  “Evidently the standard for over-the-top is ‘cases where you should go to the police.’”

  What the heck.

  That was weirdly particular, or raw.

  At least, it didn’t seem like a condition a devil would give for “granting wishes”─even if it was my just deserts, a piece of my body, and a piece of my soul, had been taken from me.

  “Naturally. Because this Lord Devil seems to be a particular, and raw, human being.”

  “Human…”

  “They say she’s a girl around high school age.”

  “In other words, some high school girl is misrepresenting herself as a ‘devil’ and dispensing advice to students at Naoetsu High?”

  A high school girl.

  Sounded more and more─like me.

  “Well, yes, but─I’m not so sure about the misrepresenting part.”

  We might be dealing with the real thing, Ogi insinuated.

  “But isn’t she a particular and raw human being?”

  “A particular and raw human being isn’t necessarily not a devil. I mean─if she can solve your problems ‘without fail,’ she’s no ordinary kind soul.”

  “…”

  If possible, I wanted to get more information out of Ogi, but I didn’t want to give him the impression that I was “hungry for it,” and I’d feigned a disinterested “huh.”

  I have to admit that as a display of seniority it was quite petty, but he had this air and you hesitated to bombard him with questions.

  It seemed uncool.

  Araragi-senpai would probably have forged ahead anyway, heedless of that vibe, and when I realized that I would never be like him, it brought me down.

  That said, whether or not Higasa knew anything about it, I intended to act, and since she did, it at least seemed like Ogi hadn’t been messing with me (I might get a bad rap for being paranoid, but he does have a prior record of talking bullshit).

  From what Higasa said, though, it wasn’t as positive a rumor as he made it out to be─on the contrary, I got kind of a negative impression.

  She suggested that it wasn’t a rumor an optimist would have heard of─which made it a rumor familiar only to pessimists.

  Yup.

  A pessimist─like I used to be.

  …Then again, there’s no such thing as a pure optimist, or a pure pessimist. No matter who you are, sometimes things are looking up, sometimes things are looking down, sometimes you’ve got to look sideways.

  Right. Being yourself, and individuality, are illusions.

  Failing to understand that will just bring you serious pain─like when I forced an arbitrary illusion, an arbitrary ideal, onto Senjogahara-senpai and ended up angry, and imploded.

  And crucially─a “devil” was involved in that as well. Of course, that was a crybaby devil, a low-level devil, not at all the kind of splendid aberration that you’d address as “Lord.”

  Higasa clearly didn’t want to talk about it─I had a pretty relaxed relationship with her, unlike with Ogi, and she was someone I could get real with, but there was a time and a place for it. Grilling her about this devil in front of her new friends from her new class would have been cruel, so I fudged things appropriately.

  “It’s nothing, I just got a text from my senior Araragi about it, that’s all.”

  “Araragi-senpai?!” “Kanbaru, did you just say ‘Araragi’?!” “Like, that Araragi?!” “The legendary one?!” “The legendary Mister Araragi?!” “A legendary text from the legendary Mister Araragi?!” “What-what-what-what, Kanbaru is texting buddies with that Araragi?!” “No way?!” “What is he up to now?!”

  The hullaballoo attracted another group of girls who’d been standing far away. Forget appropriately, I’d fudged things monumentally…

  Hmmm.

  My senior Araragi was a hot ticket everywhere.

  He was the star, not me. A superstar.

  I would have to wait and bring in Higasa for questioning another day. I decided to spend my afterschool hours investigating Lord Devil.

  My career preparing for exams seemed over before it even started, but the mentee apple doesn’t fall far from the mentor tree.

  Even if I’ll never measure up.

  008

  “Lord Devil? Yeah, I’ve heard the rumors. Yay! I thought maybe Tsukihi would be mobilizing soon, so I’ve secretly been idling my motor for a while. Burning justice isn’t environmentally friendly, you know!”

  This conversation was happening via cell phone.

  Karen sounded cheerful, but I’ve never known her not to be.

  Interesting.

  So the rumor wasn’t just circulating among Naoetsu High students.

  “And, what about this Lord Devil?”

  “Nothing really─listen, Karen. Do you know how I can meet Lord Devil?”

  “Let’s see…”

  I was worried that asking so bluntly might put her on guard and make her clam up, but she blabbed everything she knew like an innocent child who’s completely free of doubt.

  We’re not even talking loose lips.

  It’s kind of unfair, when I sought the info that I needed and she provided me with way more, but I thought to myself, You can’t tell this girl your secrets, which would be my little secret.

  “Is something up? Ah, Miss Suruga, are you looking for Lord Devil’s advice about something?”

  “No, not a chance,” I responded, though that may have been somewhat disingenuous, given that a “devil” had in fact granted a wish for me in the past.

  No, not somewhat.

  Completely disingenuous.

  I felt guilt building up like sediment in my soul as I exploited the respect a younger girl had for me.

  “Hmm, okay then,” she said.

  …So trusting.

  Her apparent abdication of all doubt actually mitigated my feelings of guilt. That open nature must have been one of the reasons why she’d been so popular in middle school that her name was known all over town.

  The Araragi family has superb DNA.

  “Cool, thanks. So, when do you think the Fire Sisters might be springing into action?”

  “What? No, no, no, Miss Suruga. The Fire Sisters won’t be.” I’d asked thinking that it would be bad, or at least awkward, if they butted in on-site, but Karen’s reply took care of that concern. “C’mon, the Fire Sisters disbanded the other day.”

  “Oh yeah, you did.”

  They did.

  The formal name of the Fire Sisters, comprised of Karen and Tsukihi Araragi, had been The
Tsuganoki Second Middle School Fire Sisters, but at the end of this past school year, Karen, the elder, had ridden the escalator up from Tsuganoki MS2 to Tsuganoki High, so the whole premise for the name had fallen apart.

  I had maybe heard that they’d held a magnificent party last month to celebrate its disbanding─remembered their brother racing around afterwards to clean up.

  He complained that they were making his life difficult right up to the bitter end, but really I think he was just forlorn that it was the bitter end─maybe I’m being sentimental, though.

  “Yup. Now that Tsukihi’s all alone at Tsuganoki Second Middle, she’s operating under the name Moon Fire.”

  “Moon Fire…”

  That was certainly what the characters in her name meant, but it sounded corny.

  Like some crappy superhero team.

  Got to be careful though, there might be a team called just that, so let me keep that to myself.

  “Not that anything’s changed, we’re still working together same as before─still, when I realize that we’re not the Fire Sisters anymore, even though I’m idling on standby, it gives me pause. And I’m surprised by where I am,” Karen said, her tone as offhanded as ever, but what she said gave me plenty to think about. “I guess this is growing up, huh?”

  “I think it’s just life.”

  Recalling my conversation with Higasa, I at least managed to sound like a senpai.

  Life, where class and seat assignments are everything.

  And where─graduating is everything.

  “Yup. You’re right,” Karen agreed. “You can’t go on the same way forever. Like, when I measured myself yesterday, I’d gotten taller.”

  “…”

  Still growing, Karen?

  You’re already over five feet nine…

  Very enviable, from a basketball perspective.

  “Well, when Tsukihi enters high school, you guys can be the Tsuganoki High Fire Sisters, right?”

  I knew even as I said it that it was nothing but a comforting lie.

  Hitagi Senjogahara and I had been called the Valhalla Duo at Kiyokaze Middle School, but even after I got to Naoetsu High and we were back on speaking terms, Araragi-senpai was the only one who called us that again.

  Well, whatever.

  When it comes to relationships, names are only suitable for this or that phase─and even if it seems like they’ll hold together forever, it’s a pretty sure bet that they won’t.

  Just like what seems to be a single flow is in fact the aggregate of tiny individual droplets, ultimately independent of one another─maybe our relationships with other people can’t be contained by force with the same set of words.

  “Anyhow, we’re getting sidetracked,” Karen said. “This is different from what happened last year over summer break─Tsukihi seems reluctant since the rumors don’t involve any actual victims.”

  “Hmm…”

  “Anyway, calling yourself a devil and offering advice to people? From that alone, it’s clear that this chick is no great shakes.”

  “…There’s no chance that this Lord Devil is an actual devil?”

  “Huh? Wha? Ahaha,” Karen let slip a stunned sound first, as though my words had taken her unawares, before her voice rose into a guffaw. “What the hell are you talking about? Devils don’t exist in the real world. I’m a high school student now, I don’t believe in monsters.”

  “…”

  Well, maybe.

  Karen, at least, might go on with her life without having to deal with any aberrations─but at the same time, I know all too well that there’s no guarantee of that.

  Higasa said it too.

  That it was weird for me to involve myself with Lord Devil─likely anyone would say the same. Even Araragi-senpai, who knows about my arm and everything.

  He and Senjogahara-senpai know that I turned to a devil for help last year when I “wasn’t in my right mind”─and I’m glad they think of it that way.

  But the fact is.

  When I called upon that devil─I knew exactly what I was doing.

  I put myself in his hands, played up to him, submitted to him─served him.

  “There are no monsters in this world. Except maybe for my brother. Check this out, Miss Suruga, my brother is really something. Recently he burst into my room half-naked, saying, ‘I’ve got some free time, so let’s play!’ and before I knew what was happening, he took these nail clippers to my skin─”

  “Should I really be hearing this?”

  Shouldn’t that remain a secret between siblings?

  Even if she did ask me to listen.

  Half-naked?

  Nail clippers?

  Even I felt kind of turned off by those words being used in tandem.

  Nail clippers…

  I’d congratulated myself for the idea of using regular scissors to cut my nails, but I was just a noob.

  “That’s the weird thing. My brother, who never shied away from proclaiming how totally annoying his little sisters were, or how he wouldn’t show up at our funerals, suddenly wants to hang out with me the second I’ve graduated from middle school. Maybe that’s part of growing up, too?”

  “…”

  I earnestly hoped that it wasn’t because Karen had made a career change from middle school girl to high school girl. I needed to ask Tsukihi about his attitude towards her─though I haven’t had much contact with her, a third-year middle schooler, as of yet.

  Good grief.

  He’d been ever vigilant against the possibility that I might get my paws on his little sisters, but I had the opposite impression as Karen: that regardless of getting older, graduating, regardless of whatever else might change─Koyomi Araragi would always be Koyomi Araragi.

  “Okay, Karen. Why don’t you come over to my house one of these days so we can hang out again. Then we can really talk things over.”

  “Oooh, that makes me so happy! Thanks for the invitation.”

  “All right. I hope you make lots of new friends in your new environment,” I told her, unnecessarily, before hanging up.

  Learning how to text and use a cell phone like everybody else, and now getting to the point where I could chat so amiably with Karen, whereas I used to be so anxious about interacting with her─since she was Araragi-senpai’s little sister─yup.

  I would keep going like this from now on, transforming each new stimulus into something I didn’t have to think twice about.

  There is no “unchanging everyday life.”

  The everyday is something we fashion thus.

  Anyway.

  As Araragi-senpai would say, And now back to our regular programming.

  According to the information I obtained from Karen, there were three methods of getting ahold of Lord Devil, and these three routes were not parallel but graded.

  In order of difficulty, you might say.

  Provisionally classifying them for the gamer mind, let’s call them Easy, Normal, and Hard─the lowest level of difficulty being a letter.

  Write your problem out by hand on a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope, and leave it at a designated location─which apparently varies depending on the occasion, from a bench in the park to a locker at the train station.

  That’s it.

  And if that letter suddenly disappears, Lord Devil is supposed to have taken your case─while if the letter remains there forever, it’s regrettably been declined.

  Seems like a pretty slipshod way of getting help with your problems, but that’s Easy Mode, so what can you do?

  Low risk yields low return─a basic economic principle.

  On the other hand, it’s probably a bit more comfortable for the applicant, who can avoid having any direct contact with Lord Devil.

  So, what about Normal Mode? This consists of a call. A mode of communication one step more advanced, and more intimate, than a letter.

  This is direct conversation, albeit over the phone, with Lord Devil, so the emotional difficulty level goes up
─however, it also renders literary talent unnecessary in expressing your thoughts.

  You can express the urgency of your worries with only the clumsiest words at your disposal. In fact, such clumsiness might be even more effective.