The Imperfections: A Forbidden Romance

by Sam Mariano

  “I didn’t say you could go anywhere.”

  I don’t try to pull away again, but I do tell him, “You’re not being nice.”

  “Never said I was nice,” he tells me. “You weren’t very nice when you let Theo fuck you. Nice to him, but to anyone worth a damn? Nah.”

  I don’t argue with him. “I know that. I told you I was sorry. If I had it to do over again, I’d never have let him touch me.”

  “He came to my bar tonight,” he remarks rather casually.

  My heart stalls and I look back at him. “What? Why?”

  “To piss me off,” he mutters. Then, more clearly, he says, “Wanted to make sure you were dead.”

  Hearing that still makes my heart heavy, even though I wish I’d never met the slimy bastard. I don’t know how to respond to it, though, so I don’t say anything.

  “I know you can’t change the past, but it really pisses me off that you gave yourself to someone as shitty as him, Alyssa. It really does.”

  I don’t know if he’d be scolding me if not for all the alcohol he must have consumed tonight, but I do know whether he would’ve said it or not, he means it, and that makes me feel lower than low. “I’m sorry,” I say quietly.

  “Don’t do it again,” he tells me.

  “I already told you, I’d never let him touch me again.”

  “Not just him. No one. No more shitty guys, Alyssa. You’re better than that.”

  “You’re the only man I want now, Brant.” I look back at him so he can see I mean it, in case he can’t tell by the sincerity in my tone. “Date me yourself and you won’t have to worry about me being with anyone shitty.”

  “You know I can’t do that,” he mutters, releasing one of my hips and popping open the lid on the lube.

  “I don’t know that. I know it wouldn’t be the easiest thing because of all the complications, but they’re external complications. I like you and you like me. We could be good together and you know it.”

  “You’re right, Alyssa,” he says evenly. “I do like you, but I love my sister, and you slept with her husband. That means it doesn’t matter how much I like you—I can’t be with you.” He must be able to see the hurt on my face following that calm pronouncement, because he holds up the lube and says, “In light of that clarification, if you’ve changed your mind about letting me do this, I’ll understand. Just let me know that now.”

  Even though I knew that was the reason, hearing him say it crushes me. I can’t change the past, and he knows that. I’m not proud of what I did, and he knows that, too. By making something I regret but can’t change the reason he refuses to give us a shot, he’s pounding nails in the coffin of what we could be, and there’s not a damn thing I can do to drag them back out.

  I understand where he’s coming from with his sister, but I hate it. I want to mean more to him than some line that shouldn’t be crossed. Even if in theory he thinks being with someone who did what I did isn’t something he’d ever do, now that he’s gotten to know me and spent time with me and fucked me on top of it all… now I want to mean enough to him that he’s willing to do the uncomfortable thing, to make an exception for me because he likes me too much to miss out because of a mistake I made before we ever even met.

  The worst part is, I think we could make each other really, really happy, and I think he’s cheating us both out of something great by rejecting me because of my past.

  I swallow and turn around so I’m facing his headboard again, but I don’t move my ass. Shaking my head, I ease down on my forearms and grab onto a pillow to hug since I know this won’t be comfortable to start.

  “Go ahead,” I say quietly.

  “You sure?” he asks one more time.

  “Yes.”

  He moves his hand away from my ass for a minute and presumably squeezes out some lube into his hand. I gasp at the strange sensation as he spreads my butt cheeks and rubs it on me.

  I grab the pillow tighter, tempted toward second thoughts. I do want to feel him inside me this way, and I don’t want Theo to have been my only experience when it comes to this kind of sex, but I’m remembering how much I didn’t like it, especially at first, and the rational part of my mind wants to know if I’m crazy to be letting another man I can’t be with have access to me this way.

  Maybe Brant’s right—maybe I need to start saying no more often.

  I stiffen when he finishes rubbing the lube on and pushes a finger inside that tight hole. It fights the invasion, and this is just his finger. He has to work it in slowly, and it feels so intrusive.

  The intrusion reminds me of the parts I liked about taking it in the ass, though, so I do my best to relax and let him stretch me so we can get to the good part.

  “Have you done this before?” I ask him, even though it’s probably a silly question. He’s a lot more experienced than I am, so surely he has.

  He doesn’t answer right away. Then he finally says, “No.”

  I can’t keep the surprise out of my voice. “No?”

  Scowling, he pushes his finger a little deeper and makes me jump. “You don’t have to sound so damn surprised.”

  “I’m sorry, I wasn’t—it’s just, I am. You’re much older than I am, as you’re so fond of pointing out. I can’t believe you’ve never tried it.”

  “There’s a reason Theo was so goddamned excited about all the shit you let him do to you, Alyssa. That’s not the norm.”

  I frown, wrinkling my nose up in displeasure even though he can’t see my face. “I didn’t even let him do that much,” I mutter.

  “You’re more sexually adventurous than the average woman, let’s put it that way,” he informs me. “Plenty of people make it to my age without ever fucking someone’s ass. Hell, plenty of people go their whole lives without doing it.”

  I haven’t taken a poll or anything, but I’m not sure he’s right about that. “So, how come you haven’t tried it? You just never slept with anyone who was willing?”

  “Never really wanted to,” he states. “Can’t say I lose sleep wondering what it would be like to fuck someone in the ass. It’s not really my thing.”

  My frown deepens and I look back at him since this is something he has brought up a few times in the short time we’ve known each other. “Then why are you so intent on doing it to me?”

  His gaze locks with mine, firm and unapologetic as he uses his thumb to flick the lube bottle closed. “You let him do it.”

  My heart drops and I swallow, holding his gaze. After a moment, I nod my head. “All right,” I say softly, accepting his reason.

  He’s awfully jealous for someone who doesn’t want to be with me, but I don’t say that. If he wants to mark territory that doesn’t belong to him, I’ll let him. I want him to possess this territory, and maybe if I let him do what he wants to me, I can wear down his defenses.

  Logic tells me since he has a pretty solid reason for turning me down, that won’t work, but logic can get the fuck out of here. There’s no reason not to try.

  Brant must feel he has adequately stretched me, because he finally pulls his finger out of that tight space. My insides feel strange, like I’ve been invaded by too foreign an object and my body has some complaints about it. I ignore them and brace myself, leaning down and holding on as I feel him bring the head of his cock against me.

  I wait for him to stick it in my ass, but he doesn’t. First, he rubs his swollen head against my pussy, teasing me until my stomach is twisted up with desire. I gasp in surprise when, instead of putting it in my ass, he shoves his cock into my pussy again.

  It welcomes him back, caressing his length as he slides in and out of me. He’s not as brutal as he was earlier, like he’s just testing the waters, but then he pushes me into the high, ass-up position that drives me wild and makes me squeal when he pushes into me again.

  Now that he’s found my sweet spot, he puts more force behind his thrusts, pounding me until I come, my legs shaking as I sink down against the bed.

&n
bsp; I didn’t expect that at all, but boy am I relaxed. I’m still on my haunches with my butt up, but I’ve drooped in the aftermath of my climax.

  Brant rubs his hand over my ass, then smacks it to get my attention back. “Up.”

  I push my ass up and keep my legs spread. Brant didn’t come inside me that time, just fucked me until I came, so he’s hard and slick with my juices when he brings the head of his cock to the small, tight hole between my butt cheeks. Since he made me come first, I’m relaxed instead of tense, eager to please instead of anxious about the possibility of pain.

  “This might hurt,” he tells me. “Try not to tense up.”

  Yep, this part sucks. I know that, so I brace for it, breathing to keep myself relaxed as he slowly forces the head of his cock into the too-small hole. I tense, unable to help it, but I don’t want it to hurt more so I try to quickly relax my muscles.

  He’s going in slowly, carefully, trying not to hurt me, but the act itself is an invasion and my body reacts accordingly, resisting him and sending jolts of discomfort through me as he pushes forward another half-inch.

  “You okay?”

  “Mm-hmm,” I murmur, closing my eyes and trying not to strangle the pillow. If I strangle the pillow, I’m tense.

  “Fuck, I thought your pussy was tight, but this is… fuck.”

  “Yean, no kidding,” I remark dryly. “I’m the one on the receiving end—I can feel how tight it is.”

  “Probably better for me than you,” he acknowledges good-naturedly.

  “Pretty sure that’s the nature of this kind of sex, yes.”

  He pushes another inch or so of his thick cock into my resistant passage and I lose my good humor, squeezing the pillow and resisting the urge to make him stop. “Can you stop for a second?”

  Brant nods, attentive to my wants. “You want me to pull out?”

  “No,” I say, shaking my head. “Then you’ll have to start over again.” I don’t know if this will make him feel better or worse, but I look back and tell him, “You’re a lot bigger than Theo, so this part is hurting more than it did with him.”

  His eyes widen a little, like he’s surprised I’d say something like that. I am also surprised, but then I see the sparkle of pleasure in his eyes, and I’m glad I took the chance. “Worthless little bastard in more ways than one then, huh?” he murmurs, barely attempting to contain his satisfaction.

  Now that I’ve stroked his ego, maybe he’ll be a little less grumpy about everything. I resist the urge to smile, not wanting him to think I’m just buttering him up.

  In reality, while Brant is bigger, they’re comparable in size. Theo didn’t seem small to me, but if it pleases Brant to think it, we can pretend he has a micro-dick. Bastard tried to have me killed—he can fuck right off.

  Brant gives me a minute to adjust, then decides I’ve had enough time, grabbing my hips and pushing forward again. It hurts, but I know it won’t hurt forever, so I just try to remind myself I’ll like it eventually and keep hugging my pillow.

  It’s a little like torture, but he finally gets about three-quarters of the way in. Then, without warning, he shoves the rest in all at once.

  I cry out at the shock of intense pain, but once he’s in, he tries not to move until he makes sure I’m okay.

  “Are you all right?” he asks, his voice strained.

  I nod my head even as chills travel down my spine. “Yeah.”

  “Can I move?”

  “Yeah, go ahead. Just… slow at first, please.”

  It feels so strange as he pulls back then slowly eases forward again. There’s an unrelenting pressure that I know will ease up a bit but won’t go away the entire time he fucks me like this.

  Anal feels nothing like vaginal intercourse to me. My vagina adjusts more readily to being penetrated, but this always feels like a brutal invasion, violent and forceful, an intense act of utter possession by men who never actually possess me.

  That last thought brings me down a little, but I shove it away and stay in the moment, focusing on the sensation of Brant’s movements inside me. With each thrust, he picks up a little more speed, but every few thrusts, he tries to slow himself down again.

  “Fuck, Alyssa,” he says, and I can feel him wrestling with his self-control.

  I’m tempted to unleash him, wanting to please him, but I don’t want him to hurt me more than necessary, either, so I let him take it slow for now. It takes a few more minutes of steady, patient thrusting before I’m confident I can handle it if he speeds up. I’m still not comfortable, but I don’t expect I ever will be. If my first experience was any indication, anal sex is never anything like comfortable, but if you’re careful enough, it can be bearable, even somewhat enjoyable.

  Brant starts testing out my limits without having to be told he can pick up the pace if he needs to. His deep thrusts start coming faster and faster. It feels strange, but I like the feeling of being possessed by him enough that it starts to feel good.

  His sounds of pleasure help. I enjoy making him feel good, so by the time his thrusts grow sure and confident, I start getting into it.

  “Sit up on your knees,” Brant says all of a sudden.

  “Huh? Are you sure?” I ask; doggy style is the only position I’ve tried.

  “This is too impersonal for something so fucking personal,” he tells me.

  I couldn’t agree more, but I don’t feel as confident in what I’m doing if we switch positions. Nevertheless, he plants a hand on my hip to guide me and I ease up onto only my knees. Brant locks one arm around my waist and pulls me back against his chest, then he tilts his head and kisses the curve of my shoulder.

  “Oh, this is nice,” I tell him.

  “Much better,” he agrees, sliding his other hand around to cup and squeeze my breast as he drags his lips across the insanely sensitive back of my neck. I shudder with more pleasure than I can stand, and he’s only just started kissing me.

  “I’m very, very, very, very sensitive right there,” I warn him. “Don’t kiss me there unless you want to drive me out of my mind in a quite literal way.”

  “Oh, really?” he murmurs with interest.

  “Don’t you do it,” I warn him.

  “You can’t just give me a weapon like that and expect me not to use it,” he says before dropping another kiss at the nape of my neck.

  Another tremor of pleasure moves through me, lighting up all my senses with so much stimulation, it makes me crazy. “Brant,” I whine, reaching back and looping an arm around his neck. “I’m letting you stick your dick in my butt—be nice to me.”

  That startles a laugh out of him. “I can’t argue with your logic,” he admits, bringing his kisses back to the curve of my shoulder where they feel lovely but don’t make me lose all my faculties.

  “Thank you,” I murmur, turning my head and stealing a little kiss.

  “I need to move now,” he tells me.

  “Go ahead.”

  While still invasive and a strange new sensation, when he starts fucking me while holding me like this, the intimacy of the position makes the sex so much better. He’s right in my ear asking me what feels good and what’s okay as he’s learning this new way to access my body.

  When he gets enough answers, he stops asking and starts fucking me with a kind of mastery no one should be able to pull off their first time doing something.

  He’s so damn impressive, I can’t even handle it.

  I thought anal sex was interesting the first time I tried it, but it’s incredible with Brant. Despite his unavailability, it’s so clear in the way he takes me that he cares about taking care of me. Instead of getting sucked entirely into his own pleasure like Theo did, he found this more intimate position so we could be closer. He asked me what I liked so he could fuck me without worrying he’d hurt me.

  I expect him to chase his own release and for me to get some interesting stimulation, but then he does something else Theo never bothered doing—he reaches around and starts playin
g with my clit.

  I was not prepared for that on top of the foreign sensation of his dick moving in and out of my ass, but as my pleasure and my heart rate escalate along with his thrusts, there’s no more pain and the slight discomfort hardly matters, because there is so much pleasure. I’m floating in a pool of it, enjoying new sensations along with ones I’m already familiar with. Every step of the way, Brant is right there behind me so I can lean on him, my beautiful, reliable, solid wall of a man.

  “I love doing new things with you,” I tell him, my voice a little dreamy as he fills me in this novel but enjoyable way.

  He kisses the side of my neck, teases my clit, and caresses my breast. This position is less physically intense, but it’s so much more emotionally intense, which ratchets up my physical pleasure. I was looking forward to anal for the sensation of being violently possessed, but this is so much more passionate and loving—and so much more dangerous, given the status of our non-relationship.

  I didn’t expect to come from anal sex—I figured that was why he fucked me doggy-style first—but I’m swept up in his tenderness and the fullness. One minute I’m drifting lazily toward euphoria, and the next, a sharp bite of pleasure overtakes me, rattling me all the way down to my bones as it completely consumes me.

  “Brant,” I cry out loudly, pushing back against him. “Oh, God, Brant.”

  He holds me close as I shudder and cry out, rubbing my clit until I can’t take it anymore, then letting go and holding me against him as he pumps into me a few more times. When he feels too tightly stuffed inside me and I’m certain I’ll break if he swells any more, that’s when he lets out a low groan of pleasure and shoves deep, releasing himself inside me.

  My legs might as well be made of Jell-O. As soon as he pulls out, I collapse forward against the bed, clutching the soft pillow beneath my naked body.

  Brant comes down beside me, grabs the pillow like he’s jealous of the affection I’m giving it, and shoves it over to my side of the bed. “Get over here,” he murmurs, grabbing me and yanking me against him.