Healed

by Tess Thompson

  “Freedom? Freedom from what?” She sputtered and sat forward in her chair with her finger pointed at the attorney as if it were his fault her father was a lunatic. “This isn’t like a nice allowance so that I don’t have to wait tables while I look for acting work, which, by the way, would have come in damn handy back when I was waiting tables and looking for acting work. Why would he do this now?”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t answer that,” Arthur said.

  She looked over at Stone, who was staring into his lap. His skin had drained of all color. “Stone?”

  He raised his head toward her. His eyes were glassy and unfocused-looking, like a kid’s in the principal’s office. “Yes?”

  She simply stared at him, shaking. “What am I supposed to do now?”

  Stone seemed to snap out of his stupor. He sat up straighter and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Give it a moment to sink in. You can figure out what it all means later.”

  She shook her head. “No. This is wrong. I’m not supposed to have his money. Not now. Not ever. We had no relationship. I don’t want it.”

  Arthur cleared his throat again. “I have to say, I’ve never had a relative react this way to learning they were now very, very wealthy.”

  The tears wanted to come, but she would not let them. Not here in front of Arthur. Later, she would let the angry tears flow, and Stone would hold her. Yes, anger. That’s what he’d left her. How dare he leave her all this money when all she wanted was a relationship with him? Maybe an introduction to a few directors in town. Not this. Not money.

  She rose to her feet and smoothed her dress over her hips. “I’ll be in touch later. But I need a little time.”

  “Of course.” Arthur stood and handed her a card. “This is the number to your private banker. They will explain to you how to access your account and advise you on how to structure your money.” He shifted from side to side and grimaced in obvious discomfort. “Also, the board of your father’s production company, or rather, your company, have asked that you meet with them tomorrow in your offices to discuss the transition plan. They indicated there were decisions to be made sooner rather than later.”

  She stared at Arthur, completely helpless as to what to do next.

  Stone stood and took her hand. “Thank you, Arthur. Do you have the address? What time should she arrive?”

  Arthur handed Stone a card. “Address is there. They asked that you come at two tomorrow.”

  “Thank you, Arthur. We have to go now,” she said. Get out of here. That’s all she wanted.

  Stone placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her toward the door. They didn’t speak as they crossed through the lobby and out to the elevators. She’d begun to shake in earnest by the time they exited onto the ground floor. “I need a drink,” she whispered. “There’s an Irish pub around the corner from here. I used to work there.”

  “Whatever you want.” He tucked her arm into his, and they walked out to the sidewalk. A light, feathery mist wakened her senses. The sidewalks were crowded with people, shoulder to shoulder. Several times, someone bumped her, and Stone steadied her. Finally, they reached the pub. The Hound and Thistle. With any luck, Morris would be behind the bar. She needed to be somewhere familiar.

  It was nearing four now, and the after-work crowd had not yet arrived. Dimly lit, with the dark walls and tall booths, the bar had an intimate, old-school atmosphere. A few people sat at the classic pub bar, another few at tables. The scent of beer and the detergent they used to wash the floor took her back to the time she’d spent here as a waitress. A modern Irish band played from the speakers.

  Morris was indeed at the bar with a towel slung over his beefy shoulder and a blue T-shirt with the bar’s emblem across the chest. He’d told her once he owned one for every day of the week. His wife kept them washed and ready for him.

  “Let’s sit at the bar,” she said to Stone. “You can meet Morris.”

  They took seats on one end, a bowl of mixed nuts between them. Morris was busy pouring a beer for another customer and didn’t see them right away. When he turned from his customer to greet them, his face lit up as he let out an excited yelp. “Pepper Griffin. About time you brought your skinny ass in here to see me. Where you been?”

  “I’ve been out in California with Lisa and Maggie.”

  Morris set a couple of cocktail napkins in front of them. “Them two are everywhere lately. I saw Lisa’s face on a bus the other day. I said to my Joanie—I know that girl. She used to work at the bar. Real proud of you girls.” He placed his arms on top of his ample stomach and grinned at her. “What brings you to town? You got a role in something?”

  “No. Some family business.” She placed her hand on Stone’s arm. “This is Stone Hickman. My boyfriend.”

  The men shook hands. “Nice to meet you.” He turned back to Pepper. “I take it they grow them big out west?”

  “Not all of them, but this one, yes.” She smiled, suddenly feeling better. This was familiar. Cheap beer. Stale nuts. Morris. One hundred million dollars was not.

  “What’re you two drinking? On the house.”

  “I’ll have a scotch, neat,” she said.

  Stone ordered an IPA. Morris hustled behind the bar, and soon they had their drinks. A group of young people dressed in suits swarmed the entrance and shuffled in together like one entity. Boisterous and loud, they plopped into seats at the end of the bar.

  “Duty calls,” Morris said as he took off to care for his other customers.

  For the first time since they’d left the lawyer’s office, she wondered how Stone was taking the news. She stole a glance at him. He was hunched over his drink. “Hey there, Stone Soup.” She touched the side of his face with her fingertips. “You okay?”

  He turned on the stool toward her. For the first time, she noticed that his hands shook. “I’m stunned, I guess.”

  She nodded before taking a generous sip of her drink. It didn’t take the smartest person in the world to know that money like this changed the dynamics of every relationship. “I never thought it would be this.”

  “Yeah,” he said, sounding miserable.

  She clasped her hands around the tumbler. A dark dread hovered over her, like the clouds that had suddenly unleashed a snowstorm in Emerson Pass. “His money is a slap in the face. And the company? What the hell? Why would he do that when he thought I was so untalented?”

  Stone’s great shoulders moved up and down in a sigh. “I can understand why you feel that way. When my mom suddenly showed up, my first thought was—it’s too late. Too much time has passed. Too much pain to work through or get past.” He rested his cheek in one hand, looking into her eyes. “But this is a whole different thing. He left you a fortune. In an instant, everything changed for you.”

  “It means I have money now, yes. But what does it get me? None of the things I want.” She halted as tears pricked her eyes. “All I ever wanted was for him to love me. I don’t care how much money it is. It’s not a replacement for all the years he missed everything.” She thought about Zane’s dad and what he’d done for Sophie. How he’d secretly attended all her events even though he couldn’t raise her. “Sophie’s dad kept a journal for her. He wrote entries to her the entire time she was growing up. That’s what he left her. I can guarantee you it means more to her than money.” Hot tears escaped and ran down her face. She used her cocktail napkin to wipe them away. “Do you know he never once told me he loved me? And now to do this—it’s wrong.”

  Stone’s face twisted in obvious sympathy. He stroked her arm. “I know it hurts, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  “I’ve been fine, you know. My career isn’t where I wanted it to be, but at least I could say I’d done it on my own, with integrity. No favors. Without his money. It’s like him to mess up my life just when it got good.”

  He lifted his head. “Maybe it’s the path to everything you’ve wanted.”

  She leaned her face into his shoulder and let the tears flow
. The money didn’t matter. It was never what she wanted or needed from her father. “I don’t understand why he never loved me.”

  “Sweetheart, it wasn’t about you. It was him. Just like my mom. She left because she didn’t know how else to be—how else to save herself.” Stone stroked her arm. “That money’s going to give you a lifestyle most people only dream about.”

  “I don’t want it.” She shook her head with such violence that her earrings smacked against her neck.

  Stone tilted his head and scratched the back of his head. “You don’t have to decide anything right now. Let it sink in. We’ll sleep on it.”

  “I’ll make it on my own. I promised myself the day I left his office that I would never ask for anything from him ever again.”

  “You didn’t ask for this.”

  “I most certainly did not,” she said.

  “He never gave you anything in life. No encouragement. No money. And now he’s finally done the right thing. This money is freedom. You can do anything you want. See the world. Buy a house. The possibilities are endless.”

  “Will you still love me if I’m rich?”

  “I’ll love you until the end of time,” he said quietly. “Nothing will ever change that.”

  “Money changes people.”

  “Not if we don’t let it. If I don’t let it. My male ego will have to take a back seat.” He smiled and brushed her cheek with his thumb. “Sweetheart, it’s not the money that changes everything. It’s the other thing—the company. Is running it what you want?”

  “I don’t know. This is all so strange.” She hiccupped and swiped under her eyes. Damn her father. How could he do this? Just when she’d found Stone, suddenly this opportunity falls into her lap. An opportunity that would require her to stay in New York. “I’d have to live here.”

  A muscle flexed near his mouth. “I know.”

  “I want to be with you.”

  He turned to face her, placing his legs on either side of her stool, and picked up her hands. “What if I weren’t in the picture? Would you want this?”

  The idea of it, the possibilities, rose up like a crocus in the early spring. Her own company. She could run it the way she wanted. It could produce plays about women, for women. She could employ talented actresses who were still waiting for their break.

  Who was she kidding? She couldn’t even pack her suitcase without screwing up.

  “I’m not sure I can do it,” she said.

  He brushed her hair back from her face. “You can. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met. You’ll kill it.”

  “You make me feel like I could do anything.”

  “You can.”

  “I want to be with you,” she said again. “More than anything.”

  “Listen to me carefully. This position could change your life, make your dreams come true. I would never stand in your way. You deserve everything, Pepper. I want everything for you.”

  She sucked in a breath, trying to stifle the sobs that ripped open her chest. “But my life is out west now. You. My best friends.”

  “We’ll still be there.” He covered her knees with his hands and bowed his head. She put her mouth in the thick pillow of his hair and breathed in his scent.

  “What about you?” she asked. “What about what you want? A family? A home?”

  He lifted his head and warmed her with his gentle smile. Her heart ached with love for him. “As much as I want those things with you, I want you to seize this opportunity. We have time. We’re young.” His voice cracked. “That said, the thought of being without you makes me feel like I’m dying.”

  “Same.” The unasked question loomed above them. If she asked, then she would know the answer for sure. She had to. She had to know. “You could stay with me.”

  His features twisted, as if he were in physical agony. “I would. In a minute, I would. But I can’t bail on the guys. Not when we’ve got so much on the line. If I bowed out, we’d lose everything. We all put every last dime we had into the company. Our margins are too tight. If one of us bails, it means financial ruin for the rest of us. Regardless, I’m the linchpin. Without construction, there’s nothing.”

  She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You’re my linchpin.”

  He held her tightly against him. “We’ll figure it out.”

  “I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You’ll never lose me. When and if you’re ready to come home, I’ll be there. Or if things start going well for my company, I’ll live here part time. We’ll figure it out.”

  One last reckless question. “What if I fund your company?”

  He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “Oh, baby, you know I can’t let you do that. It’s not in my DNA to be a kept man.”

  The tears came again. Even if he agreed to it, a man like Stone Hickman couldn’t live in a concrete jungle. He belonged to the outdoors, to the sky and sea and stars. He worked with his hands to build things, not live in the middle of a city where the buildings already touched the sky. And he most certainly didn’t sponge off the woman he loved.

  “I don’t even know if this is what I want,” Pepper said. “What about acting?”

  “You owe it to yourself to find out. Being away from you is going hurt like hell. It already hurts like hell. But holding you back from your calling would hurt more. I can’t be that man. You’re special, Pepper. I’ve known it from the moment I met you. This company could be your destiny.”

  “I can come visit. You can come here.”

  “Yes. We’ll make our time together special.” His eyes had dulled to the color of blue jeans. “I don’t want the feeling between us ruined by one of us trying to change or compromise, only to end up bitter and resentful.”

  “We’ll make it work.”

  “Absolutely we will.” He spoke firmly, decisively.

  No amount of affirmative intonation could disguise his doubt. He wasn’t that good an actor. The dull, defeated look in his eyes betrayed him. She could see it plainly on his face that he believed this city would suck her away from him, dazzle her with its romance and glamour. Stone thought of himself as the little boy from the wrong side of town. He believed her money and possible power would be the inevitable demise of them. Their two worlds would become further and further apart until they were strangers.

  Did she believe it too? Everything in her told her he was wrong, but only time would tell. Damn time. Endless days without him next to her felt like a life sentence.

  The distance threatened to slide between them—that dark, sneaky doubt and insecurity and memories of the past wanted desperately to tear them apart. It was just a sliver, but over time, it could become wider and wider until it wedged them apart forever. Unless they stopped it. But could they?

  Chapter 20

  Stone

  * * *

  Stone held Pepper’s hand as they walked the streets of the Upper West Side, pretending to take in the storefronts. But he was blind to them. All he could see was darkness. Days without Pepper were unimaginable, yet it would happen. He’d fly home tomorrow without her.

  The moment he’d heard the lawyer’s words, a sick feeling had washed over him. Just as he thought he knew his future, it evaporated in an instant. Everything changed.

  As he’d said to her, it wasn’t the money. It was the chance to prove herself, to do work that she loved and gave meaning to her life. They were alike that way. Their contribution to the world mattered to them. They both wanted to make it a more beautiful place. As of now, neither had accomplished what they wanted. He could never take that chance from her. She was a beautiful bird that deserved to fly. He could already picture her at the helm of a production company. Her quick mind and artistic aesthetic would bring a freshness and innovation to whatever she touched. She would shine and grow powerful and move through the world with a force.

  The problem was, it no doubt would be without him. As much as he’d love to be here with her, this was not his destiny. A car ho
nked just feet from them as if to illustrate his point. All these cars and people and buildings that stole the view of the sky would eat away at him until he was miserable. Over time, she would come to realize their worlds were incompatible.

  What about Rafael and Lisa? They were making it work. Could they? Pepper would come visit. He would spend time here between projects. All kinds of couples had long-distance relationships. He would hold on to that splinter of hope. It was all he could do. The alternative was to admit defeat, and he wasn’t yet ready to do so.

  A nagging voice echoed between his ears.

  It’s not what you want. Admit it. You want the whole package, like what Kyle has. Family and a home and a wife who can live with you full time.

  Shut up, brain. I’m in denial here. Leave me alone.

  Pepper’s voice interrupted the ones in his head. “Do you want to go back to the hotel or find a place to eat?”

  “Let’s go back. We can order room service and be alone. I don’t want to share you with anyone on our last night together.”

  She didn’t say anything, just lifted her New Yorker arm and hailed them a cab.

  The next morning Stone woke early after a restless sleep. While Pepper slept, he showered. His eyes were scratchy, as if there were grains of sand under his lids. After they’d come home from the bar, Pepper ordered their dinner from room service. Neither of them ate more than a few bites. Apparently having your heart stomped was a real appetite killer. They’d crawled into bed together and made love as though it was their last-ever night together. Finally, physically exhausted, they’d fallen asleep wrapped together like bendable spoons.

  When he came out of the bathroom from his shower, Pepper was sitting in the middle of the bed with the blanket pulled over her bare torso, looking sad and small. Puffy eyes stared at him woefully. He could barely look at her without breaking down himself.

  “I have to leave soon for my flight.” He tightened the towel tied around his waist.