“Are you sure? Because you’re sitting in my living room instead of having a conversation with your two submissives.”
How can I explain it to her in a way that makes sense when I can barely make sense of it myself? “In all the years I’ve been working my way toward power, toward this position of holding an entire territory, the one line I haven’t crossed is harming an innocent. The single line, Malone. If I keep her, I’ll harm her by virtue of the life I live.”
Malone studies me for a long time. “She auctioned off her virginity and lost her entire life back in Olympus in the process. Even I know that Triton is horribly backwards about that sort of thing. Explain to me how that isn’t harm?”
“She chose it.” It sounds weak when I say it, but it’s the only defense I have.
“And if she chooses to stay?”
I open my mouth, but it’s too neat a trap. “It’s different.”
“It’s really not.” Malone doesn’t touch me—that’s not her way—but she gives me a sympathetic look. “So tell me again that you’re not scared.”
“You’re twisting my words, darling. It’s not that simple and you know it. We can’t do what we want for the sake of doing what we want, especially when it comes to having a partner.” It’s a double standard for the ages. The men who run territories can take partners and no one blinks, no one thinks that they’re no longer in charge. But a woman does it? Things become infinitely more complicated. A Black woman? I already have to be ten times better than anyone else just to be taken seriously. It’s exhausting, and I’m so incredibly tired.
I’ve convinced myself it’s worth it. I have the power I always dreamed of. I’m at the top of the hierarchy. Above the corrupt politicians who pretend they have any say in the things that truly matter. Above the laws that have been wielded against the people who can defend themselves the least. The only law that matters is mine.
“Then why aren’t you worried about it with Alaric?”
I am. I push to my feet. “That’s different.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.” That, I believe, no matter how fledgling this relationship is in some ways. We’ve been fucking for years, but the intimacy is still developing in other areas. All that said, I do know him. Alaric wants to be kept. He’s been fighting and clawing his way through the world since he was born. He wants to let someone else take the lead, and he’s more than happy to kneel at my feet. “He has no interest in the rest of it. He just wants me.” All of me. I’ll give him everything. I will. I’m just…afraid.
“What’s to say this girl doesn’t just want you, too? Really, Ursa, you’re making this more complicated than it needs to be. Even if you decide to marry one of them, you’re the one running the territory and everyone knows it.”
She makes it all sound so reasonable, which makes me feel dramatic and ridiculous. “You know, I came here for a friendly chat where you confirm that I’m making the right choice, not for you to systematically pick apart my argument.”
“Sometimes friends should play support, sometimes they should shine a light on hard truths.” She re-crosses her legs. “I support whatever you choose to do, of course. I simply think it’s silly for you not to take what you obviously want because of some outdated sense of right and wrong.” Malone smiles, cold as a winter day. “Might makes right, Ursa. And you have all the might in both your territory and these relationships. If you want the little princess, then keep her until you’re tired of her.”
I look at my friend for a long time. I’ve mostly held my tongue about her strange dancing around Aurora, but if we’re dishing out hard truths, then there’s no reason for me not to participate. And I’m petty enough to want her to feel a sliver of the discomfort that I currently do. “You should live by your own advice, darling. If you want Aurora, take her. A little time with her on her knees for you might put you in a better mood.”
Malone narrows her eyes. “If I decide I want Aurora again, then that’s exactly what I’ll do. Now, get back to your submissives so I can get back to my reports.”
“Your pep talk skills need work.”
“Do they? Because you look steadier on your feet than when you walked through my door.”
Damn her, but she’s right. I shake my head, a true smile pulling at my lips. Our brand of comfort might not work for everyone, but it works for us. “Come to the Underworld tonight and have a drink with me.”
Her smile warms a few degrees. “I’ll see you there.”
Monica manages to hold her peace until we’re in the car again. “Are we going home or do you have more procrastinating to do?”
“Gods save me from supportive friends.” I press my fingers to my temples. I could come up with half a dozen errands that need running, but the truth is that both Monica and Malone are right. I won’t figure this out by avoiding it. “No, take us home.”
“Yes, boss.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
“You love it.” She grins at me in the rearview mirror. “That’s why you pay me the big bucks.”
“That and the fact you’re the best head of security in Carver City.”
“And the best shot.”
I smile. “And the best friend. I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t go getting sentimental on me, Ms. Sea Witch. You’ll make me ruin my makeup.”
We fall into an easy conversation the rest of the way back to my building. Monica has instituted a few personnel changes. She likes to rotate people through various positions to keep them from getting complacent or worse—bored. So far the process is working out wonderfully.
All the while I’m thinking about what my friends have said. And the fact that every one of my arguments has holes large enough to drive a semi through. It all boils down to one question—what’s truly stopping me from keeping Zurielle and letting Alaric in?
I walk into my penthouse and pause, listening. A sliver of unease courses through me when all I hear is silence. Surely Alaric didn’t take me at my word and run with Zurielle? The thought has me moving quickly to the spare bedroom, and I stop short in the doorway.
They’re on the bed together.
Sleeping.
Zurielle is on her side, her legs drawn up into fetal position as if she can make her already small body smaller. Alaric is at her back, a careful six inches between them, but there’s no missing the way he curls his body around hers protectively.
I watch them for a long moment, measuring the rise and fall of their chests, the way my chest feels just from observing the tableau they create. I have never once had a problem taking what I want up this point. Why am I so hesitant to take Zurielle in a permanent way?
I want Zurielle. That much is true. I take a deep breath and turn to walk down the hall and into my bedroom. I have been so incredibly careful to keep everyone at a distance, and these two are like a whirlpool pulling me in, a force I can no longer fight. I demand vulnerability and trust from my submissives—from Alaric and Zurielle—but maybe it’s time I gave a little trust in return. The thought has my chest tightening in response, but I carefully breathe through it. I can do this. It might feel like the hardest thing I’ve ever tried, but rationally I know it’s not true. If this blows up in my face, it’s only my heart that will bear the pain. No matter what else is true, neither Alaric nor Zurielle want me dead.
No one has ever died of a broken heart.
Surely I won’t be the first.
Chapter 23
Zurielle
I didn’t mean to fall asleep, but the last few days keep catching up with me and knocking me on my ass. When I closed my eyes on the massive bed in the spare bedroom, I was alone. I’m not alone any longer. A male body is pressed against my back, his heavy arms wrapped around me like I’m his favorite teddy bear. Alaric. The steady rise and fall of his chest tells me that he’s sleeping still. Of course he’s here again, and of course we found each other in our sleep. Again. No matter how conflicted my heart is when it comes to this man,
my body doesn’t have the same reservations.
I open my eyes to find Ursa lounging on the bed just out of reach, a laptop on her thighs and a pair of bright turquoise square glasses perched on her nose. She glances at me and keeps typing. “Good, you’re awake. You have a little time before we need to get ready.”
I shift, and Alaric’s arms tighten as if even in sleep he wants to keep me with him. “You left.”
“I needed to clear my head.” She clicks a few things on the laptop and shuts it carefully. “You left first, little Zurielle.” Her dark eyes take me in as if she can see right down to the very heart of me. “You don’t like the idea of what happens after this week is over.”
She says it like she already knows the answer, but what little pride I have left demands I not roll over for her. At least not in this. “I’ve only known you a few days. It would be very ill-advised if I wanted more than this week with you.”
“With both of us.” Again, Ursa states it as fact instead of a question. She reaches out and sifts her fingers through my hair. “If I kept you, it would change you, Zurielle. There’s no avoiding it.”
I stare up at her, fighting not to arch into her touch like a cat begging for pets. “Ursa.” I clear my throat and force myself to continue, to take courage from this quiet moment. “I’m already changed from the last two days.” When she glances away, I continue. “But I was going to change regardless. No one stays the same their entire lives. It’s just not how things work.”
“There are changes, and there are changes.” She sighs. “At the end of the day, my operations aren’t that much different than your father’s. Carver City appears to have the function of a normal city, but the territory leaders are the ones who rule in truth. And they don’t do it with kindness and charm. Power demands sacrifices, and I will continue to make those offerings while I hold this seat. I am not a good woman, not by any definition. But the people in my territory are safe from a number of threats because of the power I wield. I won’t give that up, not for anyone.”
I’m not sure if she’s arguing with me or just being really insistent that I go into this with eyes wide open. “My father lied to me. I won’t pretend that I’m thrilled to be part of a criminal empire, whether in Olympus or here, but that’s the crux of it—I was already participating and benefiting from a number of illegal activities, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time.”
“I would point out that you not being aware of it makes it a very different situation.” She examines her nails, but the tension in her body gives lie to the absentminded motion. “And you have options beyond choosing between your father and myself.”
“My father isn’t an option at all.” Not because he wouldn’t take me back at this point. He wouldn’t. But it ultimately doesn’t matter what he thinks because I refuse to return to living that half life in his household. No matter what the future holds, Olympus isn’t an option for me any longer.
“Alaric cares for you.”
I blink at the apparent change of subject. “That’s up for debate.” He’s still relaxed at my back, which amuses me despite myself. Apparently Alaric is a heavy sleeper.
“No. It’s not.” Ursa finally looks up from her nails. “He would leave with you if you asked.”
I frown. I thought she was changing her mind about letting me stay, but this seems like it’s just a continuation of our earlier conversation. Like she’s feeling me out for what would be my best option forward in walking away.
Disappointment sinks its claws into me, and my voice wobbles a little when I finally manage to speak. “You already said that you’re not keeping me. You don’t have to be cruel.” When she raises her eyebrows, I keep talking. “Alaric loves you. He’s never leaving you. Not for me. Not for anyone else. You don’t have to stick that knife in and twist it. You couldn’t be clearer that you don’t want me. You don’t have to forcibly remind me that he doesn’t want me, either.”
Her expression softens. “Little Zurielle.” She cups my face with one hand and draws her thumb across my cheek and down my face. “Whether it’s wise or not, I intend to keep you.”
My breath stalls in my lungs. “What?”
She continues as if I haven’t spoken. “But the fact remains that I am not in the business of permanent captivity, no matter how fun it is to dabble in. A week is one thing. Long term is entirely another. If you stay, you will have to compromise some of those sterling traits you cling to so tightly.”
“What sterling traits?”
“Your innocence.” She traces my bottom lip. “Your righteous anger at everything your father’s business is. As I said, our businesses are not so different—then or now. Being a hypocrite isn’t a charming look.”
She’s being serious, so I give her words serious thought. What am I willing to compromise on? “Do you deal in human trafficking?”
Ursa makes a face. “No. It’s an untoward business on multiple levels, and I won’t have it in my territory.” She tilts her head to the side. “Actually, now that I think of it, all of the current territory leaders feel the same. How novel.”
That’s a relief. “And everything else?”
She shrugs. “I am not a saint. I’ve never lied and said otherwise.”
I can accept this and we can try, or I can refuse to and be done at the end of this week. If I were the good person I pretend to be, I would leave. I would start a new life and find someone normal and mundane to love. The thought leaves me cold.
Really, there’s no choice at all, and that tells me all I need to know. I am just as selfish and complicated as my father. It’s not enough for me to forgive him for all the lies and for him trying to control every part of my life, but a small part of me understands him. The high pedestal he put me on isn’t one I choose. I don’t know where I stand on so many things, because I haven’t had a chance to figure it out for myself. Not while I lived in my father’s gilded cage.
I might as well start now.
I want Ursa. I want her more than I have right to. From the moment I first saw her sitting in the back of that town car, I felt a connection I still can’t quite put into words. It’s stronger than ever now, thrumming between us so blatantly, it’s a wonder I can’t see it disturb the air. But there’s one thing I need to know before I say the words trying to fling themselves from my mouth. “What happened with you and my father?”
She’s silent for a long moment, and I think maybe she won’t tell me. But finally Ursa sighs. “That’s a fair enough question.” She sets her laptop aside. “ I was freshly out of college and very green when I took the position at the shipyard working for Poseidon. Your father was in an identical position and we became friends. He’d worked for the company longer and showed me the ropes.” Her dark gaze is distant, focused on what happened decades in the past. “We were friends.”
Friends.
I don’t know why that surprises me. Of course their enmity flares crueler because there was genuine caring before things went sideways.
Ursa takes a breath and continues. “Several years later, Poseidon’s eldest son came of age and he wanted the boy in one of the positions held by us. We both knew too much about the operations to be fired so he lay down a challenge of sorts. Only one left standing.”
Easy enough to read between the lines. I tense. “So you tried to kill my father.”
She laughs bitterly. “No. I thought we could find another way. I naively assumed Triton felt the same, so when he said he wanted to meet me at the docks after hours, I thought nothing of it. He pulled a gun on me and offered me a choice—a bullet or exile.”
I frown. “That explains why you hate him. It doesn’t explain why he loathes you.”
“Yes, well.” Her lips curve in a self-satisfied smile. “I might not have thought he’d kill me, but I wasn’t a complete fool. I cleaned out several of his secret accounts, the ones he didn’t believe anyone knew about. It was more than enough money to pave my way to Carver City and stage a coup for this territory.
”
“Ah. That would do it.” I study her expression, thinking it over. “Would you have killed him if you knew he was willing to be that ruthless?” She’d killed others, after all. It’s how she got her nickname.
She opens her mouth, but pauses. “I don’t know. Maybe. I was very young and much softer than I am now. I don’t believe I had the capacity to pull the trigger on a friend in cold blood.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“I have to be stronger and more ruthless than other people who hold territory leader positions because of who I am. That won’t change, not as long as I live. But…” Another of those careful pauses, as if she’s arguing with herself. “But I can try to be open with you and Alaric. If you stay.”
I take a deep breath. “If I say I want to stay, what happens then?”
“So cautious.” Her lips quirk, some of the amusement returning to her dark eyes. “Then you stay. We see if we can find a proper balance with the three of us. If it works, then it works. If it doesn’t, then you’re more than capable of walking at any time with my blessing.” She glances over my shoulder, and that’s when I notice that Alaric has gone perfectly still behind me. “But we’re a package deal, darling. If you can’t forgive Alaric for what he’s done, then you shouldn’t be able to forgive me, either.”
I open my mouth, but she presses a finger to my lips. “Don’t decide now. I’ll ask you again at the end of the week. Until then, we’ll enjoy each other.”
She says it as if it’s so simple. Maybe it is. Haven’t I decided to do exactly that? Enjoy everything they give me this week? I didn’t expect it to be so complicated. That was naive of me. I swallow hard. “Okay.”
“Good. Let’s get ready. We’ll need to leave before too long for the Underworld.” She smiles at me and then climbs off the bed and walks out of the room.
Leaving me alone with Alaric.
I should turn to face him, but my courage fails me. “You heard that.”
The Sea Witch: A Wicked Villains Novel Page 18