by S M Mala
She looked down, and he had fallen asleep, or he was pretending.
Her heart to heart had only been heard by Phyllis, who was all puppy-eyed as she glanced up.
‘And I don’t want anyone l love to be unhappy or die,’ she whispered. ‘And I’ll try to stop it if I can.’
Suddenly Stan stroked her arm, making her hold her breath.
He had heard her deepest fear.
‘I don’t see the logic.’
TJ (real name Tristan Jasper, but thought it wasn’t cool for a black dude to admit to it) was sitting in his office as Maddy stood looking at him. ‘You think this will help Pearl?’
‘You’re never there, and Honey is seven weeks old. Can’t you see how Pearl is with the baby? I don’t mind partially moving in for a couple of days a week, but this is not the solution. Me as a replacement father is not an alternative.’
‘Come on Mads,’ TJ said, shuffling in his swing chair. ‘That’s unfair.’
‘Is it?’ She looked challengingly at him and watched the bright young things walk past his door. ‘The last thing she wants to do is admit she can’t cope, and she can’t. Pearl’s not bonding with Honey, and it will get worse, before it gets better.’
‘She’s fine!’
‘Of course, she’s fine! You don’t want to admit that your lovely, intelligent wife just can’t cope.’ Maddy slumped in the chair. ‘I’m a very busy person and had to take time out of my packed scheduled to come and see you.’
TJ started to smile. He was tall and slim with short hair. Women just adored him because he was smooth and charming, as well as ruthless, so Pearl said. They met when Pearl was commissioned to do the interior design for his home.
It seemed the bedroom was their main area of work.
‘A few years ago, you got married and then decided to produce the perfect child, after much IVF, which you have now done. The thing is, you’re shirking your responsibilities of fatherhood, and she’s all alone, raising a child as a single mother.’
‘I love your sob story,’ he laughed and shook his head. ‘She has Heidi and you. Plus, my mother raised three kids on her own, and she didn’t have the same lifestyle or a live-in nurse.’
‘Nanny,’ Maddy corrected. ‘Take time out with her, even a weekend. Heidi and I can look after Honey, so you can pamper your wife. She told me how hard it was to push that baby out because your family has large heads. That’s the least you can do.’
‘You make me laugh,’ he said, sighing and leaning across his desk. ‘Pearl told me you got rid of that bad ass Roland.’
‘Nice ass, bad drumming.’
TJ’s smile slipped as he sat back in his chair and looked out the window.
‘I know she’s not coping, but when I ask her, Pearl says she’s fine. You know what she’s like, she has to be the best at everything, and that’s what I love about her.’ TJ grimaced. ‘It’s like she’s on autopilot.’
‘And I’m worried she’s going to crash.’ Letting out a massive sigh, Maddy admired the awards on his wall and the array of certificates. ‘This isn’t the Pearl I know and love. I mean, I still love her, but something’s gone wrong on the baby bonding stuff.’ She turned to TJ. ‘I mentioned the doctor and post-natal depression, and she didn’t acknowledge it.’
‘Women get the baby blues.’
‘It’s medical, you know. Not a little sulk about having leaking boobs and stretch marks. Some of the mums at the hospice tell me stories about it, especially if they gave birth to a baby that was poorly or physically affected. They would reject, get depressed or both.’
‘Honey is perfect,’ he replied, sitting back. ‘It will be okay.’
‘TJ, are you listening to me?’
‘I know you care, and I know you want it all to be okay. Pearl is a grown woman and-.’
‘And so am I.’ She got to her feet. ‘I gave it my first shot.’
‘You mean your best shot.’
‘I meant I would make you see that you have to spend time with her.’ She looked around and glanced towards the hustle of the main office. ‘Is this all worth it if your wife isn’t well? What then? You’ll have to give up work or hire a full-time nanny.’
‘Emotional blackmail?’
‘I’m here if you need me.’ Maddy smiled and walked around the desk, kissing him on the cheek. ‘Got any gorgeous new men you want to fix me up with?’
‘No!’ he said, letting out a large sigh. ‘Keep away from the opposite sex. You make bad decisions.’
‘And so will you, if you don’t take her away.’
Sauntering off down the corridor, but not before helping herself to a donut from the boardroom, Maddy left for her next appointment of the day.
‘Stick your tongue back in your mouth.’
Ted was walking down the corridor towards her. ‘We’ll have to mop up the drool.’
She was in the reception area of where Ted worked, and couldn’t help but grin at the shots of women in underwear. It was indeed a teenager’s wet dream all rolled into one.
Then her eyes feasted on the men in boxers and tight pants.
That was her wet dream.
Ted was dressed in a light brown suit looking very dapper. It suited his dark blonde hair and colouring. It made her smile.
‘I could sit here all day, you know that. Are they all gay? Or when they open their mouths, do they have unattractive high-pitched shrieks likes a little girl?’ she replied, seeing the receptionist grin at her comment. ‘And why isn’t the television screen on? I love it when you show the commercials on loop.’
‘It overheated, much like you do, due to wear and tear. A new monitor is coming this afternoon.’ He stopped in his tracks and grinned. ‘So today it is white stripes on duck egg blue. That’s different. No dots?’
‘You don’t like?’ she asked, looking at her new skater style dress. ‘I’m trying to look sophisticated when I have appointments. I have a matching headband, see.’ Maddy pointed to her head. ‘I am wearing sensible black wedges since you commented on the bows on my shoes.’
‘I only said that you’re nearly thirty and you might have to rethink your footwear.’
‘I like pumps with bows. They’re pretty and practical. I can fold them away and carry them around in my bag.’
‘Then what would you wear on your feet?’
‘My other fold up pumps, silly!’ Maddy laughed seeing his frustrated smile.
‘Only children wear that type of footwear.’
‘I can get them in my size.’
‘Because you have small feet.’ Ted laughed. ‘You look very pretty regardless of your strange choice of clothing. I can only spare ninety minutes of my very valuable time.’
‘And you look handsome too, but I only need an hour.’ Maddy shrugged. ‘Because I’m going to moan about TJ and why is that men have no idea about women.’
‘Don’t go expecting any answers from me,’ he replied, grabbing her arm and walking out the building. ‘Women are a mystery to me, believe it or not.’
‘Oh, I believe it!’ She laughed seeing him sharply look at her. ‘What?’
‘And you know about men, I take it?’
‘Not got the foggiest based on my record.’ Maddy smiled as Ted acknowledge women walking into the building. ‘Do you employ any men?’
‘I try not to. Now, where shall we go?’
Ending up at a teppanyaki restaurant, they were sat side by side at a large table, watching the chef throw food into the air.
‘He’s not listening?’ Ted asked, sipping his green tea. ‘You know what Pearl is like. She can do anything and everything. All tasks are a piece of cake.’
‘She’s not right, and I worry about her. Everyone keeps saying she will bond with the child and her mood will lift. It’s not, and all because she’s making out, she can cope.’ Maddy played with her chopsticks as Ted put out his hand to stop her noise. ‘I don’t understand the need to be perfect at everything.’
‘TJ and Pearl are the perfe
ct couple, aren’t they? Glamorous lifestyle and friends, always entertaining or going out. The addition of a baby is a culture shock. A perfect accessory.’
‘Don’t be like that.’ Maddy gently nudged Ted. ‘I think her expectation of what motherhood is could be far off the mark, based on the reality. It’s really sad if I’m honest. I see the kids slipping away at the hospice, and I know their parents would do anything to have them happy and well. Life’s unfair.’ She looked up at Ted, who was staring at his drink. ‘I want to do something right.’
‘What you do is amazing, but I worry you can’t cope,’ he whispered, before looking at her. ‘Maddy, you’re not as tough as people think you are.’
‘I’ve got better,’ she sheepishly replied, knowing what he meant. ‘I can control it now and have done so for years.’
‘But I still worry that it will happen again.’
‘I don’t do it anymore. I was going through a bad phase.’
‘Two years ago was the last time,’ he said, touching her hand. ‘And I still need to make sure you’re okay.’
‘Ted, please don’t.’ Maddy grabbed his palm. ‘When I’m upset now, I don’t binge and throw up. I know it’s bad for me and it was a dark moment in my life. Everything I suffered came to a head, with the bullying at school, my grandmother passing away. I couldn’t cope. That was the only way I had some control over things.’
‘You must tell me when you feel like that again. You promise.’ He touched her face. ‘It’s really important for us to meet up regularly even for Sunday lunch though I know you don’t like some of my friends.’
‘That’s a good reason!’ she said, forcing a laugh, knowing Ted, Pearl, her parents, and Dora were the only ones that knew about what happened.
They kept it a secret, and she did it on and off as a teenager.
That’s when Maddy realised turning into an adult and with how she felt about herself, and how others felt about her, made it hard for her to take control.
She never forgot being bullied at school by a bunch of girls who seemed to hate her.
Maddy never understood why and she thought it was her, never them. It was when Ted intervened, seeing something was wrong and noticed her weight loss, did he figure out something wasn’t right. Her parents figured something was wrong and tried to help, but it didn’t work.
As they forced her to take another mouthful each time they ate together, she would then force it out of her body in secret. Her fingers were her tools until she became so good a throwing up, it was natural.
She couldn’t have the food weighing down in her body.
It was bad enough dealing with all her feelings of self-doubt.
This way she felt lighter and less burdened even if only for ten minutes after she recovered from the vomiting.
Turning to look at Ted, she knew he was ticking something over as she kissed him on the cheek.
‘And nothing’s going to happen. I’m in control of my life and eating habits. I can face anything head on, and I’m not going to physically hurt myself, or become afraid of eating. I’ve not got bulimia anymore, so don’t worry. I’m going to be fine. I’m stronger than before, I am.’
‘What do you expect?’
Maddy was looking at a miserable Stan as they sat watching Phyllis run around in the park. ‘Of course, Giselle was going to be upset.’
‘You told me to tell her.’
‘I didn’t think you’d do it. When do you ever listen to me?’
She was secretly pleased that Giselle told Stan to stick it when he proposed a more casual approach to their relationship. Maddy had to bite her lip hard so she wouldn’t smile when he told her.
‘That’s true,’ he sighed and pushed back his hat. ‘Now I’m single like you.’
‘You won’t stay single for long.’
‘But she was amazing in the sack!’
‘Stanley! Is that all you think about?’ she asked aghast at the comment. ‘What about conversation and all that?’
‘Why? You talk non-stop. I don’t want to listen anyone else speak afterward as my ears are exhausted.’ He started to laugh. Shaking her head, she realised he was winding her up. ‘And we clicked physically, so there was no need to chat and chat and chat.’
‘I don’t talk too much,’ she mumbled. ‘I like talking to you.’
‘But do I have a choice not to listen?’
‘Then don’t talk to me.’ Maddy folded her arms and looked down at her spotted rain mac. ‘I’m not forcing you.’
‘Your best friend is banging my sister.’ Stanley nudged her in the ribs. ‘So, we have to get on.’
‘No, we don’t.’ She shuffled away only for him to move closer. ‘I’m perfectly fine not speaking to you.’ Maddy looked at him smiling at her. ‘I can sit here and happily keep my mouth shut.’
‘I bet you, you can’t.’
Phyllis came bounding up to them and wanted someone to throw the ball. Maddy stood up and threw it as hard as she could. It didn’t go far.
‘Starting from now, I won’t speak,’ she replied, sitting back down. ‘Not a word.’
‘You spoke.’ Stan started to laugh. ‘And I’m not quite sure if I could do without the irritation. It inspires my writing.’ She noticed he pressed up against her. ‘Starting in three, two, one, go.’
Taking a deep breath, she focussed hard. Her attention was on a tree and Maddy didn’t want to lose this task. It was obvious he was making a point that she chatted too much, and he found it irritating.
Then she felt him breathe on her neck. She turned to look at him, seeing he was grinning. It was the closest she had ever been to him, and even Maddy was stunned on how good he looked. His skin was smooth and healthy, his eyes bright and alert. She noticed little flecks of darker brown in his eyes against some of the green bits.
Still, he moved closer as she backed away, knowing he wasn’t going to let her win.
‘What are you doing?’ she asked, pushing him away and watching Stan laugh.
‘Not even thirty seconds,’ he replied, letting out a loud yawn. ‘That was pathetic.’
‘You were trying to psyche me into speaking!’
‘Chat, chat, chat. That’s what you do all day long.’
‘I’m sociable and interested in people. We’re not all sullen like you. All you do is sit and observe people even when they’re speaking to you like you’re ticking something over. Probably like an unexploded bomb that’s going to combust at any given time.’
‘And you don’t do the same thing? Every time I see you socially, and that’s usually on a Sunday, or when we accidentally meet, there you are with the big baby browns noticing everything.’
‘We don’t accidentally meet! You barge into my home and tell me when you want me to look after Phyllis then raid my cupboards.’
‘You know what I mean,’ he replied, sliding down the seat of the bench as he looked up at her. ‘You’re chatting away, and then you go silent when certain people walk into the room. That’s when you sit and watch. I think you’ve got the unexploded bomb in your head.’
‘Then we have something in common. Perfect couple, I’d say.’
‘You think?’
Maddy sighed knowing her blatant hint wasn’t acknowledged.
More than likely purposely ignored.
Phyllis walked back up to them, dropped the ball, and then sat at Maddy’s feet.
‘Why don’t you give me Phyllis? I can look after her and then you won’t have the problem with this added responsibility.’ Maddy smiled knowing what the current expression on Stan’s face would be. ‘That gives you more time to go with inappropriate women and Phyllis won’t be confused. Plus, Giselle didn’t like her. What was she? More of a hamster person?’
‘She didn’t like dogs or cats.’ Then he thought for a moment. ‘Or any animals come to think of it.’
‘They have to like animals, or it’s a no go. When you meet the right girl, then you can introduce Phyllis while she lives with me.’
‘No.’
‘I have a nicer garden.’
‘How do you know it’s nicer than mine?’
‘Good point. You’ve not invited me to dinner or even a cup of tea.’ Maddy looked at him staring at her. ‘Aren’t I good enough? I am house trained, you know. Anyway, Ted said you didn’t have a garden just a meter foot square backyard or something.’
‘You know what I heard about you?’ he said and then moved closer to her again. ‘I heard that you vet Ted’s girlfriends and if you don’t like them, they are then given the boot by Ted.’
‘That’s not true!’ she replied, picking up Phyllis and putting her in between them. ‘I never vet his girlfriends.’ Then Maddy thought for a moment. ‘If I don’t like them then I make a note of not telling him until six weeks into the relationship. He has usually sussed them out by week three, but a few have slipped through the net.’
‘Is that why he didn’t tell you about my sister?’
‘I knew he was seeing someone. I decided to wait until he came clean and he did.’ Maddy grinned knowing Ted was rubbish at keeping secrets from her. ‘I mean, Stasia being in the pub week after week, on her own, and ‘accidentally’ bumping into Ted. I knew she did the PR for his firm. I played along.’
‘Played along?’ Stan started to laugh. ‘And then that fateful day she asked me to come and join her, and I end up stuck on a sofa sitting next to you. All you did was manhandle my puppy and brainwash her into liking you.’
Maddy started to laugh and looked at Stan’s serious expression.
She didn’t forget the first time she set eyes on him and what she felt. That took her a little bit by surprise, and it wasn’t evident he was Stasia’s twin. Her heart skipped a beat when she looked at Stan, and that made her a little wary.
Especially, as she was with Roland, at that given moment.
He was sitting next to her, trying to fondle her credit card when it happened.