Barking Maddy's Puppy Love

by S M Mala

  ‘Love, Maddy,’ he whispered, placing his forehead against hers. ‘Love is the most important thing in the world.’ All she did was shake her head furiously from side to side feeling his head press her skin. ‘And we’ve got it, but you just don’t see it.’

  ‘Don’t talk nonsense,’ she sighed, closing her eyes tightly. ‘I’ve given up on love.’

  ‘Don’t.’

  ‘You love someone, and they eventually break your heart. I’d prefer to be on the outside looking in. It’s safer.’

  ‘It’s no better when you’re the one looking out, hoping that person will come to you and they won’t. It’s upsetting.’ Stan kissed her gently. ‘Heart breaking.

  She didn’t know what to say and kissed him deeply before replying,

  ‘My heart has been stamped on. There’s no mending it.’

  ‘I love you, Maddy. Will that be a start to make it better?’

  ‘Are you cold?’

  Stan had her wrapped in his arms as she slept peacefully for a few hours. ‘You’re shaking.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she replied, smelling his skin while rubbing it with her nose. ‘And your puppy is probably missing you.’

  ‘And you.’

  She closed her eyes and wasn’t sure what was going on.

  When they came together, it was mind-blowing as it was confusing, seeing Stan at his most vulnerable and beautiful. There was a deep pang of love that Maddy had hidden away, and now she knew she had to walk away from Stan.

  It was a serious exposure she didn’t want to happen again.

  Her heart, head, and feelings had to be protected as they had been through a severe battering.

  Except he had declared he loved her and she knew it was because he was upset and not thinking straight.

  ‘What time is it?’ she asked, knowing she should leave to give them both time to think.

  ‘Nearly midnight.’

  ‘I better go.’ Maddy went to move and felt his grip tighten a little. ‘I should head off.’

  ‘We’re going to get Phyl together, okay? I want to see you when I wake.’

  ‘Please Stan? I need to get home and change my clothes.’

  He pushed her hair out of her face and stared as if he was trying to tell her something without opening his mouth, but still, Maddy couldn’t let it go.

  ‘What you wrote about me truly hurt. I felt stupid thinking people were looking at us because they were interested, but they were laughing at me.’

  ‘That’s not true.’

  ‘It is, Stan. You exposed and ridiculed everything. I asked you if I was the person you wrote about and you said I wasn’t. To find out that you were only friends with me because of your need to fill column inches. It knocked me sideways.’

  ‘You won’t let me explain.’

  ‘What’s there to explain? Tell me.’ She moved away. ‘Where’s the bathroom?’ Maddy wanted to go home and think hard about what had happened with Stan. ‘I don’t know where it is because I’ve never been allowed past your front door until now and look what we ended up doing. It’s all pretty bloody stupid!’

  ‘At least you’re talking,’ he said, starting to smile. ‘That’s a sign.’

  Maddy sat up. It was still quite dark, and she couldn’t see his room properly. The next thing the light came on as Stan touched her back. Then a kiss was placed at the base of her neck as she closed her eyes.

  ‘I need to go for a pee,’ she said, wrapping the sheet around her body. ‘Tell me where to go.’

  Stan stood up.

  ‘Why did we just do that?’ Maddy put her hand over her mouth, shaking her head. ‘We’re not thinking straight.’

  ‘I am.’ He sunk to his knees and looked up at her. ‘For the first time in ages, I’m thinking clearly. Let me show you to the bathroom and give you a tour.’

  He stood, helping her, then put on some underpants. Maddy held onto the sheet as he grabbed her hand, leading them out the bedroom.

  ‘This is my home.’

  The flat had high ceilings, and it wasn’t too small or big. All the walls were white, and there were framed photographs. Rows and rows of books were displayed on shelves in an alcove. The small area outside was full of greenery and in the corner of the living room was where Phyllis hung out from the cushions and toys. It made her want to cry, but she held on.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ she said, seeing it was very much his home. ‘I feel sorry for you being squashed in my room for weeks on end. I bet Phyllis can’t wait to come home. I hope she’s sleeping okay.’

  ‘She loves your home more. I do too.’

  ‘Sure,’ she shrugged, not believing him.

  ‘Here’s the bathroom and I’ll see you in the kitchen, so I can make you a cup of tea.’ He gently stroked her shoulder. ‘It’s okay. You look confused, and that’s not how I want you to feel.’

  ‘I don’t know how I feel, that’s the problem.’

  Walking in, she shut the door behind her and examined the exceptionally clean area with his things she immediately recognised.

  Maddy sat on the toilet, had a pee then washed her hands. In the mirror, she glanced at the lavatory and felt sick with the thought that she might throw up. All she felt was confused and not sure about her actions, let alone Stan’s.

  After she washed her face and rinsed her mouth, Maddy walked out and followed the smell of toast. Stan was sat at a small table in the kitchen waiting for her.

  ‘Are you hungry? I made something to eat.’ He pushed the plate towards her. ‘And there’s a cup of tea. I’ve got some soup if you’d prefer.’ Maddy looked at him knowing she wasn’t hungry but seeing his concern. ‘Please eat something for me.’

  ‘Stan.’

  ‘I need you well to help me look after our dog. I can’t do it without you.’

  ‘I’ll have a bowl of Cheerios,’ Maddy whispered as he swallowed hard.

  Right then she had a purpose to make sure that Phyllis got better. It was important she was well enough to do it.

  Stan got up and went to his cupboard taking out a small breakfast packet. He emptied the contents into a bowl and got some milk, pouring it over. He sat back down next to her.

  All she did was stare at the small circles floating in the bowl before looking at him.

  She didn’t want to say it hurt to chew and swallow but lifted up the spoon and scooped some towards her lips. The milk touched her skin, and Maddy closed her eyes, putting the food into her mouth and chewed. Luckily some of it had turned soggy so it wouldn’t be too painful.

  But as her teeth ground the food, he turned her head, so she would look into his eyes and that made her chew harder.

  The thing was, she couldn’t swallow and felt like she was choking.

  Then she panicked.

  Stan quickly picked her up, dragging her to the kitchen sink.

  ‘Spit it out,’ he said, leaning her over the basin. ‘If it makes you feel sick, don’t eat it.’

  Maddy spat it out then grabbed a glass, rinsing her mouth, all the time trying not to get upset.

  ‘I can’t eat,’ she quietly replied, shaking her head. ‘When I do it hurts. I’m trying, I’m trying, but I can’t help it. I told my doctor, and he said I have to try and eat. I won’t let the bulimia come back. I promised, you see. I promised her before she died I wouldn’t get ill again.’

  ‘It’s going to be okay,’ Stan whispered.

  ‘It won’t because I feel guilty,’ Maddy whispered, knowing the honesty of her words were hurting more than he could have realised. ‘Guilty for being thirty years old and alive when a thirteen-year-old has died. How can I eat?’

  ‘Don’t think that.’

  ‘I can’t help it. That’s why I can’t eat. It hurts me.’

  ‘Dora would be really upset to see you like this. It is the last thing she’d ever want. I hate seeing you like this.’

  ‘I can’t stop it.’

  ‘You mean you won’t stop it.’ Stan looked at her, and she saw his worried
face. ‘You are too important to me; do you know that?’

  He held her tightly in his arms, and she sensed he was upset because of how rapid his breathing became.

  ‘I’m tired,’ she sighed, stepping away with the sheet firmly wrapped around her body. ‘After seeing Linda today, I don’t know what to think.’

  ‘What did she say?’

  ‘Nothing but everything.’

  ‘Come back to bed.’ He held her hand and looked at it in his palm.

  Maddy stared at him and noticed the gentle expression but her head couldn’t figure things out. She let go of his hand went back into the bathroom, seeing the mouthwash and rinsing properly to get the taste of the food out of her mouth. Stan was standing at the door looking, but he didn’t say a word.

  ‘She must have said something. I suppose you know she’s moving with Liam.’

  ‘Yes,’ replied Maddy, bending over to take a mouthful of water before spitting it out.

  ‘Did she give you anything?’

  Turning to look at him, she realised he knew what happened.

  ‘A letter from Dora which she wants me to read at Christmas. And there’s another fun run before Christmas to raise money for the hospice and probably a few changes. I could write them a cheque.’

  ‘That’s not the point.’

  Maddy stood and looked at him, still holding the sheet around her chest.

  ‘What is the point?’ she asked, staring into his eyes. ‘I don’t know anymore.’

  ‘You do, but you can’t see it. I’ll do the fun run if you don’t want to. We can raise lots of money for the hospice. Write your cheque to get more things, but if it’s what Dora wants, then you should take part.’ Stan stroked her head. ‘Bed.’

  Walking out of the bathroom, he followed her into the bedroom as she flung off the sheet, spreading it over the mattress and got in. He removed his shorts and lay next to her.

  Maddy put her face close to his and stared at the perfect profile. Stan was looking up at the ceiling and then turned to look at her.

  ‘I meant it,’ he said, pushing her hair away from her face. ‘What I said.’

  ‘About doing the fun run?’

  ‘About love is the most important thing in the world. Never forget it.’

  Placing her finger on his nose, she traced down to his lips then stopped.

  ‘Love breaks my heart,’ she whispered. ‘It makes it hurt.’

  ‘And you did that to me, Maddy.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Do I need to explain?’

  ‘I think it’s for the best.’

  Stan had Phyllis in his arms. The pooch was upset as she was huddled other than her broken front paw which had a blue plaster cast. Maddy pushed the buggy beside them and noticed Phyllis glance at her. ‘If that’s okay with you?’

  ‘It’s okay with me.’ She stroked the dog’s head and saw the big, sad brown eyes. ‘I’ll help, and if she’s at mine, you can come and go as you please. I have to help her get better.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he said, letting out a big sigh.

  Stan gulped hard and looked on the verge of tears.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll focus on getting her fit and well.’ Maddy touched his arm and noticed he frowned. ‘She’s going to be fine.’

  ‘It’s my fault. I took my eye off the ball and-.’

  ‘Stop it.’ She pulled his arm, so he would halt. ‘It’s no-one’s fault. We forget she has lots of energy and can run fast. Stupid car if you ask me.’ Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed his lips then Phyllis’s head. ‘I will look after you both.’

  Again, he frowned.

  ‘I have no choice but to turn a corner if I’m going to be okay to read Dora’s letter. I have to be strong. I’m not doing the fun run.’

  They continued to walk and then she saw the terrible Tara coming towards them with her ugly dog.

  ‘Let’s just get home in one piece,’ he whispered as Maddy upped her pace.

  ‘Hello,’ Tara said, stopping to talk. ‘What happened to your dog?’

  ‘Someone knocked her over,’ replied Maddy, getting agitated at Tara eyeing up Stan with a poorly pup in his arms. From what Tara was wearing, her low-cut top was flashing her own pups. ‘And we have to get her home.’

  ‘I heard about that girl dying. Well, I’m surprised she lasted that long,’ said Tara flicking a glance at Maddy.

  Rooted to the spot she saw Stan tilt his head to one side as if to warn her not to bite the bait.

  ‘What did you say?’ mumbled Maddy

  ‘And you don’t work at the hospice anymore,’ Tara continued, enjoying the sound of her voice. ‘Sometimes these things are too much for people to cope with. Bob is very strong when his patients pass away. It comes with the territory of working in a place like that. He is helping them to have a better quality of life. What did you do again? Fundraising? What a waste of time.’

  ‘Raising money for a good cause is not a waste of time.’ Maddy folded her arms and noticed Tara then look at the buggy. ‘It’s just in case Phyllis wants to sit in it.’

  ‘How very odd!’ laughed Tara, again smiling at Stan who was examining the woman closely. ‘You are pushing an empty buggy and in your dog suit, you two could pass for bitches, couldn’t you?’

  ‘Considering you were like one on heat at school, that’s rich.’

  ‘You know why you got the hump when you found out about Ted and me? Because you were all over him like a nasty rash.’

  ‘You should know about nasty rashes! I bet you’ve had a few!’ snapped Maddy.

  ‘I think you’ve always been in love with Ted and he never took any interest. He was only friends with you out of pity.’

  ‘Like the pity fuck he gave you!’ Maddy replied, getting angrier by the second.

  ‘I bet that’s what you’re hoping for. For him to fall in love with you. That’s never going to happen. He’s not that desperate.’

  ‘He must have been to stick his dick in your disease infested snatch. I don’t want him to fall in love with me. He loves me, and you never got a look in.’

  ‘You’re a stupid bitch, and you always were!’

  Tara laughed and then it was replaced with a scream.

  She wasn’t quite sure what happened but the next thing Maddy knew, Tara was on the ground and had landed in a muddy puddle.

  ‘What did you do that for!’ shrieked the woman as her dog stood there, oblivious to her owner’s distress.

  ‘Go fuck yourself, Tara! You have no right to come and speak to me. You were a nasty bully then, and now you’re just an evil old slut! If you want to trade insults that’s fine, but you don’t bad mouth people I love, do you hear me?’ Maddy moved closer and stamped her foot hard on the grass. ‘Or else you’re going to get it, and I’ve waited years for my revenge! What I feel about Ted is between him and me, and it’s not sordid. It’s friendship, something you wouldn’t understand.’

  Stan grabbed her arm and marched Maddy away as Phyllis barked some backchat to Tara and her placid dog.

  ‘You seriously have turned a corner,’ Stan said, pulling her along. ‘I’m not sure whether I want to laugh or cry.’

  ‘How dare she say that about Dora? And calling me a bitch! That’s rich coming from-.’

  Stan smothered her mouth with a kiss for a split second before she heard Tara shouting insults.

  ‘Okay, Stanley and Phyllis. I better run!’

  And Maddy ran as fast as she could, laughing all the way to her home.

  ‘Welcome to your nursing home!’

  Maddy announced as Stan and Phyllis stood on her doorstep twenty minutes later. She couldn’t help but smile at the pair. Phyllis looking sad and Stan’s confused expression. ‘I have set things up for your stay.’

  Still trying to catch her breath and knowing she probably wiped out all her energy, she took Phyllis out of Stan’s arms and placed her in the large cushioned area by the front of the plasma. The dog sat down, putting out her sore paw and lo
oked at Maddy, blinking hard.

  ‘Those baby browns get me all the time,’ she smiled, feeling a weight was lifting from her chest. ‘And they will be sparkling soon. I have all your treats, as you know, and I will make you lasagne for lunch and dinner.’

  ‘Are you okay?’ Stan asked, coming up to her and checking her forehead. ‘You look a little weak.’

  ‘I can’t run that much,’ she replied, smiling. ‘But I can walk. Did that woman try to run after you?’

  ‘Madeleine?’ He started to smile. ‘I know she was mean but-.’

  ‘She landed on her large one so don’t tell me what I did was wrong. Tara opening her mouth is wrong, and she can call the police for all I care. I’ll happily get arrested and go to jail after Phyllis gets better.’ Maddy grinned. ‘Her face was a picture.’

  ‘What she said about Ted might be closer to the truth, don’t you think?’

  ‘Were you at my school?’

  ‘Your friendship is close, and even I thought you were together when we first met.’

  ‘Then you’re just as stupid as you look considering he was with your sister.’

  Stan was staring at her before he grinned.

  ‘I’m going to get showered and changed. I didn’t know how to use your high-tech unit, so I’ll go and use my basic one. Then I’ll have to get some food to make lasagne.’

  Maddy turned quickly and faltered in her step, feeling dizzy and nearly falling but was steady in his arms.

  ‘You’re rushing about when you’ve done nothing for months. Just take it easy. Both of you need looking after.’ Stan helped her towards the stairs. ‘Come down but if you want to sleep, then go to bed. I’ve got it all under control.’

  Maddy took two steps up and turned to look at him.

  ‘Stanley Franks, we will talk later about everything soon. Right now, I want to help you help Phyllis. If anything happened to her, I’d…’ She couldn’t speak. ‘I need to feel I’m doing something good.’

  Then she went up the stairs and into the bathroom, showering quickly and stepping into her bedroom holding her dog suit. Maddy sniffed it and realised she had to take it to the dry cleaners then she flung open her wardrobe, and there was hardly anything there. She took a blue summer dress out and laid it on the bed.