by S M Mala
Mainly because she had to open up Dora’s letter, as instructed on the other side of the envelope. She had only noticed it when looking inside her rucksack.
‘And it might heal in another three to six weeks. It’s a small fracture,’ Maddy continued and noticed the friends were looking at her, not the dog. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘You look different,’ she heard Eugene say as he walked closer. ‘It’s not the same with you wearing normal clothes.’
‘Is that a problem?’ Maddy frowned and stroked Phyllis’s collar as the little attention seeker was taking a break from being fed sausages. It seemed people thought that would alleviate her distress. Maddy knew it was only distending the greedy pooch’s tummy. ‘Pearl had to send me some clothes as I donated them to charity.’ She narrowed her eyes. ‘I’m doing another fun run in a fortnight, and it’s for my late friend. Will you donate?’
‘Yes!’ they all said, nodding furiously as she knew Ted would have said something.
And talk of the devil, he was chatting to Stasia and grimacing.
Then she caught Stan looking at her from the bar.
‘I was sorry to hear about Dora,’ said Eugene, sitting in front of her. ‘It was very sad.’
‘Yes, it is.’ Maddy bit her lip and let out a small sigh. ‘She was such a lovely girl.’
‘And you? How have you been?’
‘A bit off but I’m-.’
That was when she spotted Giselle walking in and straight up to Stan. Her heart was pounding fast in her chest knowing she hadn’t set eyes on her since the time before Phyllis died. Eugene noticed who she was looking at and shrugged.
‘Seems Giselle can’t get over Stan. She comes in here most Sundays hoping to run into him.’ He then frowned. ‘I thought he was spending time with you due to Phyllis.’
Maddy didn’t want to say anything as she watched how Giselle touched his shoulder and he half smiled when he looked up.
It seemed that everything that had happened in the last three weeks might have been for play after all.
Not wanting to show Eugene that she was upset at the reunion (wondering if Stan had seen Giselle while they were apart) Maddy sipped her water and concentrated on pretending to be okay.
Her confidence was suddenly shredded and being made a fool out of again was the last thing she wanted to happen.
But it was inevitable.
She had let the man into her heart and bed even though she was unsure if he meant anything he said. From what she could witness, he was smiling and chatting with Giselle. It seemed Stan was a forgiving man.
Then she received a glance from Giselle which was less forgiving and more threatening.
Maddy placed her head on the sofa and closed her eyes.
She aimed to get through Christmas and New Year in one piece, even if inside it felt there were one thousand little fragments scattered all around.
And to open the letter without falling to pieces to find out what Dora wanted to tell her, other than doing the fun run. She knew she would have to read it soon. Dora had been specific about the instruction.
She felt a pair of lips on her cheek as she opened her eyes.
Stan was sitting next to her, stroking Phyllis.
So many words she could have uttered. Accusing and angry with him and Giselle.
Maddy decided it wasn’t worth it. To make a scene in front of everyone would be humiliating for Stan and more for her. He looked up at her and placed a hand on her cheek before leaning closer and kissing her on the lips.
It was soft and warm.
Then he pulled away, examining her face and searching for something in her eyes.
‘Since we’ve been together, it has only been you, no-one else. Loyalty is important to me as it is to you. Don’t look at me as if you think I'm not true. I am.’ He pushed her hair away from her face.
‘You’ve just kissed me in the middle of the pub.’ Maddy let out a little sigh. ‘Are you trying to give Giselle a message?’
‘I’m trying to give you one, and I want people to know.’
‘They’re going to think you’re playing a game and I’m the silly one who hasn’t figured it out.’ She didn’t want to look over at where his ex was. ‘Don’t do this to prove a point to me. It’s only going to hurt her. You seem to get on, and you never know.’
‘Never know what?’ His eyes widened with uncertainty.
‘She’s more fun than I’ve been in recent months.’
‘You’ve had good reason to be how you’ve been. Maddy, will you just open your heart once again and let me in.’
Again, he kissed her, and this time it was long as he pulled her in closer, both of them aware that Phyllis was in between them. Their hands touched on the dog’s coat as she opened her eyes and smiled. Stan grinned and kissed her face all over before landing on her lips again.
‘What are you two doing?’ asked Ted. He perched behind her on the arm of the sofa. ‘Can’t you wait until you get home?’ Maddy pulled away and turned to look at her friend who was trying not to smile. ‘I thought you’d gone off your food?’
‘Leave her alone,’ Stan said stroking her face. ‘She has been really good over the last few weeks.’
‘Phyllis, we know is a trooper. Are you talking about your other pup?’ Ted slipped down onto the sofa and pushed Maddy closer to Stan. ‘She can be wilful from time to time.’
‘I’m going to the ladies,’ she replied and stood up not before gently putting Phyllis onto Ted’s lap. ‘Don’t upset her.’
As she walked towards the toilet, Giselle was speaking to someone and glanced over, shaking her head from side to side.
Maddy knew that wasn’t a good sign and could read that the woman was probably disappointed she was making a fool out of herself with Stan. Her cheeks burned with shame as she went to the toilet and sat in the cubicle for a little longer than usual, confused on what she should do.
Washing her hands and taking a deep breath, she left the toilets and noticed Eugene was by the corner of the bar.
‘Can I have a word?’ he asked, looking very somber.
‘Sure.’ Maddy could tell it was going to be a word of warning about Stan as her shoulders slumped down. ‘What do you want to say?’
‘You and Stan, well, I-.’
‘Please?’ She looked at her feet. ‘I want to have a nice Christmas and New Year. If you tell me something negative, I don’t want to hear. With Dora passing away it has been tough, and he has been there for me. If he’s playing me for a fool, then I’m the fool for falling for it, not anyone else.’
‘That’s not what I was going to say.’ Eugene went bright red and seemed lost for words. ‘You see, I figured it out when you didn’t come in for months, what was going on.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘The column he writes, the one we thought he might have been mocking you.’
‘The one you guys thought was funny as the laugh was on me.’ Maddy glanced over at Stan and Ted on the sofa. ‘Not even my dear friends warned me about that.’ She forced a smile. ‘I read a lot of them and realised what he was doing. I forgive him, especially if he thinks I’m barking mad with rabies. I should be flattered but when Giselle told me that he was using my friendship for fodder that hurt. When I read them, it hurt a little bit more.’
Eugene gently grabbed her arm and took her away from earshot.
‘He liked you from day one, and Giselle knew it. You were with that Swedish bloke, but I could see how you both got on. Stan was always waiting for you to come in and then you’d appear, dressed in your puppy suit heading towards Phyllis.’
‘We were friends, and he put up with me because of Stasia and Ted.’
‘That’s not true.’ He let out a sad little laugh. ‘You know I’ve liked you for such a long time, and I realised you weren’t interested. I tease you because you’re easy to wind up, but I know when someone likes someone. You have to read what he wrote in the past few months. That’s when you’ll see what
was going on in his head. You know, since you’ve not been around, he has been waiting in the pub every Sunday to see if you’d come in. And when he’d leave, he looked like a fallen man. Stan likes you, but you’re both a little similar.’
Maddy wasn’t quite sure if Eugene was winding her up and frowned in response.
‘You’ve fallen in love, and it took you different times to figure it out. Maddy, read what he said. It’s very romantic, and he’s taking a risk putting pen to paper.’
Again, she glanced over at Stan who now had Phyllis lying in his arms.
The dog, on the other hand, was gazing lovingly up at Ted as Stan laughed.
‘Stan’s not like that. He told me he thought I was funny hence he spent time writing about me.’
‘Doesn’t that say it all?’ he asked, glancing over at him. ‘He took time writing about something he cared about. The man looked broken, you know. One day he was talking to Ted and then I heard you were forced to look after Phyllis.’
‘I wasn’t forced,’ she replied, feeling her face flush.
‘You were neglecting something you said you cared about.’
She stood there speechless, seeing her actions of grief had a knock-on effect on others.
‘I see,’ was all she could say. ‘You don’t think Stan is playing with my heart?’
‘I think you might have dented his, don’t you?’
‘Oh no!’
She gulped back the emotional tears as Phyllis’s rested a weary head on her lap.
Maddy had told Stan to stay in the pub and get some Christmas cheer. From what she had read, her sentiments were correct because it seemed that from the week of her birthday Stan wrote about being lost and upset.
At first sight, it looked like he was talking about Phyllis but when he started to mention being lonely and confused, she realised it was about her.
His funny words and summary of how his life was turning out made her smile, but she equally could read heartache.
And his heart was aching.
The more she read Maddy realised he was talking about Lippy, the irritant who wasn’t irritating him so much and who he seemed to miss having in his life. The silly stories of mishaps were replaced with a forlorn loss on how he could win her back.
Then she noticed a section where Lippy was upset about finding out she had been used for fodder in his column.
What he said made her see things a little differently.
‘My irritant has turned a corner. No longer is she living her mad, barking life. All silliness and frivolity have gone. What is left can only be described as a broken heart. As I watch her suffer my own heart is breaking too. She can’t see the utmost pain I’m feeling and how I want to make her laugh again. And I’m really worried she might never realise what I feel. I’m petrified I’m going to lose her. I never want that to happen because you see, I’m in love.’
‘Stanley Franks,’ she whispered, holding the tablet to her chest. ‘Why can’t you just tell me these things? But then again, would I have listened?’
And she re-read the old columns now smiling at his description of her antics and mainly Stan’s frustration that she couldn’t recognise any of the songs he played on guitar.
He had described her as tone deaf though acknowledged he needed five years of guitar practice to hone his skills.
Fog was lifting from Maddy’s mind, and she sat there thinking hard about how Stan was banished from her life, though she thought about him every second of the day.
‘Selfish,’ she whispered and watched Phyllis jump off her and yawn, stretching her good paw out. ‘I suppose you want to watch telly now?’
Switching it on and turning to the kid’s channel, Maddy went upstairs and took a shower.
All she could think about was Stan and how good he had been to her especially since Dora. Her heart sank thinking about the young girl, knowing she was having a problem trying to shrug off how unhappy she had felt since losing her.
When she got changed and dried her hair, she walked past her spare room and noticed something under the bed.
It was Stan’s battered leather notebook.
She was in two minds whether to pick it up and hovered about the door.
‘Shit.’ Maddy walked in and picked it up putting it on the side when it fell open, and she did a double take.
He had written ‘Maddy’ over and over again and some strange squiggles.
There was the sound of keys jangling in the front door, so she put the book to the side then quickly ran down the stairs and stopped when she saw a smiling Stan. He’d had a few drinks from the expression on his face, and his hat was tilted up. Maddy knew the sign.
‘Hello,’ she said and watched him stumble as he kicked off his boots.
It made her laugh.
‘You look lovely,’ he sighed. ‘I’ve not seen that smile for such a long time.’
‘It’s for you and you alone.’
‘That was a big public display of affection we did on the sofa,’ he said, glancing at Phyllis. ‘Are you okay? Did you feel okay after eating a quarter of a burger?’
‘I feel fine, and the pooch enjoyed it as well as the half a pound of sausages she was fed.’ Maddy examined his face and held out a hand. ‘I think you need bed rest, don’t you?’
‘I’m not tired.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
She dragged him up the stairs and pulled him into the bedroom, keeping the door ajar so she could keep an ear out for Phyllis. Her whimpering was now a fine art when the doggy needed attention.
Pulling off his t-shirt, she watched him fall back onto the bed putting his hat back on as Maddy removed his socks. Then she undid the buckle on his jeans, watching him close his eyes and smile. She then pulled off his underpants and straddled him.
That was when he opened her eyes and smiled.
Stan looked like he was radiating happiness which was only fuelled by alcohol.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said watching his smile slip. ‘For the way, I behaved when Dora died and how I treated you. It was unfair, and I should have let you explain. What I did was to block you out. I thought it was clever because I didn’t want to feel let down and hurt.’
His eyes darted open, and he stared at her, reaching out a hand to stroke her arm.
‘I know you were hurting. Everyone could see it.’
‘But I was hurting you, and that’s not right. I’d never hurt you, Stan. You know that but losing Dora was a shock, and I knew it was going to happen but not then.’ Stan sat up and held onto her back, so she would move closer. ‘I’m scared.’
‘Of what?’
‘Losing the things I love.’ Maddy bit her lip. ‘The idea I could lose you and Phyllis makes me worried, and I couldn’t face that. Not you. Never you.’ She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his neck. ‘Stan, please forgive me.’
His breathing got heavier as he pushed her back and placed his hand on her face.
‘I was really worried about you,’ he said, starting to get upset. ‘I thought at one point there was no turning back. You were going to slip through my fingers, and I couldn’t catch you. I wanted to. Don’t apologise because I do understand.’ Stan kissed her gently on the lips as her tummy did numerous flips. ‘I’m here for you.’
‘Sorry.’
‘Love is never having to say you’re sorry,’ Stan replied with a smirk. ‘That’s a line from ‘Love Story’.’
‘Plagiarism, I knew you did that. Even reading your columns today I could tell most of the funny bits came from me.’
‘Why were you reading them?’ he asked, starting to frown. ‘Don’t think I wrote anything bad because -.’
‘You were hurt. I hurt you. That’s something I never wanted but not so long ago I couldn’t think of anything else other than my loss. I might have lost you.’
‘That was never going to happen.’ Stan grabbed her tightly. ‘I was never going to let you go. I would have fought until you realis
ed how I feel.’
‘How do you feel?’ she asked and noticed the wry smile as he removed his hat and threw it across the bedroom.
‘Let me show you.’
He pulled her onto his lap and removed her clothing. Maddy looked at him in awe and love, knowing she had to show Stan how much she cared.
And she truly did.
His mouth traced her neck until their lips met.
The kiss was long and slow. She felt his tongue against her own and didn’t want to stop kissing. There was a slight taste of alcohol, but he had obviously chewed on some gum before entering her home.
She pushed him back down onto the bed and kissed his neck and chest, caressing his thigh while her mouth travelled down. Opening her lips, she took him in and sucked gently, hearing the groan of her lover.
Maddy knew this wasn’t her true skill but was aware that he liked what she did, and she always tried her best to please.
Today she wanted to do her best mouth action.
‘Hey, that’s great,’ Stan groaned. ‘But I’m going to come very quickly if you keep on doing that.’ Maddy pulled him out of her mouth and noticed he looked down and smiled. ‘And you look very sexy when you do it.’
‘Was it okay?’
‘It’s always more than okay.’ He put out his hand, and she placed her palm in his. ‘Come back.’
Slowly Maddy crawled up his body, placing small kisses up his chest until she smothered his mouth.
Then she stopped and smiled at him. Stan touched her face and grinned as he turned her on to lie on the bed. His hands travelled up and down her body, caressing her arse as his mouth kissed her breasts before landing on her lips.
He pushed inside, and she smiled, running her fingers through his hair.
They moved together slowly, looking at each other and remained in each other’s arms.
The tightening of her hole and the spasms of lust were flickering through her insides. She felt him move quickly while squeezing her breast. His lips were full, and she kissed them again.
‘I’m going to!’ Maddy said, holding onto her breath. ‘I’m…’
She came and as she did Maddy yelled out ‘I love you, Stan. I love you so much!’