by S M Mala
Without you, Maddy, there is no hope, and that’s what you give everyone, my mum, Stan and me. Hope in life and hope in love.
I love you with all my heart, and I am sad we can no longer be together, but I am here in spirit, laughter and in your heart. Never forget me as I will never, ever forget you.
All my love and kisses and hugs. Your best friend in the whole wide world, Dora. Xxx
She read it again and again, each time it made her smile and cried even more. It got to the point she couldn’t see anything as there was a veil of tears in her eyes. Shaking her head, Maddy put the letter to the side and started to cry.
Dora wanted her to be good to everyone else, and she hadn’t done it.
All that had happened is she locked herself away to deal with the grief of losing her and forgot about the ones who still needed her help.
‘Shit,’ she heard Stan say as he sat next to her and grabbed her in his arms. ‘I knew you were going to do this.’
To make sure she didn’t sob out loudly, she put her hand to her mouth and buried her head in his chest, all the time touching the letter to make sure Dora was still there.
They stayed in that position for a while until she heard the sound of a limping Phyllis come down the stairs.
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, wiping her wet face with his hand. ‘What did she say?’
‘Stuff.’
‘Stuff?’
‘I need to buy you guitar lessons,’ Maddy gulped back and held onto her sob.
‘What?’
‘Guitar lessons.’
‘Why?’ he asked, starting to smile.
‘You need them.’ She looked into his confused eyes. ‘That’s what she told me to do, and I have to do it.’
‘Right?’
‘Here. Read.’ Maddy handed him the letter and looked at Phyllis checking out her empty food bowl then walk towards them.
Stan read the letter and narrowed his eyes at one section as he darted her a glance. She figured out it was the bit about his guitar playing, then he read the letter again, folding it in half.
‘She is right,’ he whispered turning to look at her.
‘About your guitar playing?’
‘No.’ Stan pursed his lips which made Maddy smile. ‘About giving hope and love to people as well as being there. Don’t give up on the hospice and the people who need you. That’s what she wants.’
Maddy rested her head on his shoulder and looked at Phyllis.
‘I’ll do the fun run and make sure I help out when I can. I don’t want to do the marketing again, just yet. Dr. Bob might let me help out a bit more and then I am doing something good, but I’m going to do it slowly. It still hurts here.’ She pointed to her chest. ‘And that’s not going to go away quickly.’
‘I’ll do the run with you, to make sure you don’t cheat.’
‘I didn’t cheat. I got lost.’
‘You tried to cheat then exposed yourself to me in the middle of the park. You could have got arrested for flashing.’
‘If I remember correctly, you told me to take off the suit.’ Maddy sat up and noticed his smirk. ‘So, I did.’
‘And she’s right about your wagging tail. That’s always swishing from side to side. I thought it was part of the suit then realised you only do it at me.’
‘Is that so?’ she asked, looking innocently at him as he wiped a stray tear from her face. ‘What are you doing looking at my tail?
‘When it’s constantly in front of my face, what else can I do?’
‘That means you were looking at my backside.’
‘I always look at your backside.’ Stan let out a little sigh. ‘When we first met we were with other people. I thought you liked the rebel without a clue sort of guy.’
‘You mean Roland?’ Maddy giggled. ‘Maybe that’s why he liked me because he was clueless.’
‘He was a lucky man but not good enough for you.’
‘And Giselle has flat abs,’ she replied, trying to suck in her tummy as Stan laughed. ‘Plus, long, long legs.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘She wasn’t nice to me, if you remember, and at a bad time overall.’
‘I didn’t think I was good enough for you, Maddy. Your kind heart and a head full of hope and nonsense. Plus, you dress up in a puppy suit had me slightly anxious.’ He turned away. ‘And the dots, never forgetting the dots.’
‘I know my life is dull and without me working at the hospice, well, I wouldn’t have a real focus. I realise people don’t take an immediate shine to me as they think I’m slightly mad but that’s me. Trying to lighten up the mood. Dora knew that’s what it was about. Making something good out of something bad.’
‘Are you going to go back to St Martha’s?’ Stan started to kiss her cheek as she thought long and hard about the answer. ‘I think you should.’
‘There are many things I need to do. But first thing first. Do you think Ted could change my euros into pounds, so I can invest in your talent?’ She grinned as she said it, seeing him pretend to frown. ‘Shows I love you, doesn’t it, buying you guitar lessons?’
‘If she comes near me.’
Maddy was waiting at the start line of the fun run in the park at five in the afternoon. Lots of people had turned up, but then she saw Tara glare at her while standing next to Dr. Bob. ‘I’m going to thump her.’
‘Season of goodwill and all that,’ Ted said, blowing on his hands as he stood in his expensive warm coat and hat. ‘Her husband took her back.’
‘After she was on her back to all and sundry.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘You better not have!’ she said threateningly to Ted. ‘Men and Christmas, well, it’s like dogs on heat season.’
‘Madeleine!’
‘If you have, I will-.’
‘Maddy!’ shouted out Linda and rushed forward to hug her. ‘I’m happy you’re here.’ They embraced for a while before stepping away. ‘I knew you’d come. Dora would have been so pleased as your last attempt made her laugh out loud. And you’re coming to the pub afterward where we’re having some food and drinks?’
‘Yes,’ replied Maddy seeing the tears in the woman’s eyes, knowing it was hard for her seeing her child’s face on the banners. ‘Dotty Dora’s idea to do this but we’ll raise lots of money.’
‘Yes.’ Linda suddenly looked like she was going to cry, but Maddy handed her some tissues. ‘I just wish…’
‘Me too.’ She touched her arm to give is a gentle squeeze. ‘She would have been so happy to see this and all for the hospice.’
‘I know. You have a wonderful daughter.’ Maddy knew which tense she said it in and noticed Linda gave her a half smile. ‘I don’t think she has gone. She’s still here, you see. In here.’ She pointed to her heart. ‘That’s not going anywhere.’
This time she hugged Linda tightly and felt a tear drop to her cheek.
‘Okay, I have to find my running partner.’ Maddy stepped back and gave a bright smile. ‘He thinks I’m going to get lost in the park again. I told him that I was resting.’ Rolling her eyes, she noticed Ted had overheard and was shaking his head slowly from side to side. ‘A detour is as good as a rest.’
‘Good luck,’ Linda said, walking away towards Liam who was with a bunch of friends.
‘Oh, she’s going to need it,’ laughed out Ted, clapping his hands and blowing on the gloves covering them. ‘This time we’re all going to be watching her.’
Turning to look at the grinning man, she frowned in response as he reached out and hugged her.
‘Maddy!’ shouted Pearl, walking towards her with Honey in a baby sling. The child was dressed as a Christmas pudding which was very cute. ‘Are you ready to run?’
‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be indoors with the weather being cold? Honey shouldn’t be outside.’ Honey was looking all wide-eyed at her with a little grin. ‘Though I could eat her all up as she looks delicious!’ Maddy started to tickle the baby who laughed in response.
‘You are yummy!’
‘She’ll vomit on you if you make her laugh. She’s teething,’ Pearl said, proudly looking down at her child. ‘TJ was quite upset when Honey projectile vomited on his new jacket. My poor baby had just eaten some spinach.’
‘Good on Honey!’ said Ted, kissing the baby who started fluttering her eyelashes at him with a big grin. ‘You are gorgeous.’
‘What is it with females and you?’ asked Maddy trying to see where Stan was. ‘I better go to the start line.’ Just as she walked off, she stopped and went back to Ted. ‘Did you change the money?’
‘Yes, I got a lot of sterling for it. My, my, you had saved up a lot of coins for that special someone. What are you going to do with the money if you’re not going to Rome?’ Pearl and Ted glanced at each other. ‘Have you given up?’
‘There are cheaper ways to make wishes, like at Christmas. You don’t have to pay for anything.’ Maddy could see the pair were smiling at each other then at her. ‘I’m thirty years old now, so I don’t need to have childish thoughts.’
‘But you’re wishing for a man at Christmas?’
‘I wish for love,’ she replied, walking away as she mumbled. ‘And I wonder where he is?’
There were about over one hundred people lined up as she took her position. Mostly were in fancy dress, mainly Christmas outfits, and there were a lot of polka dots that made her laugh. She checked her phone, and there wasn’t a message from Stan, so she figured he was delayed or pulled out. And Phyllis was still being pushed around in the buggy, so he could have had a problem getting someone to look after her for a few hours.
Maddy would have to do it alone. She put her hand in her pocket and felt the coin, knowing she only had one errand to run other than her limp jogging technique.
‘Hello there!’ she heard someone say and noticed it was Eugene and some of the guys from the pub all dressed up. ‘We’ve come to help.’
‘You’re running?’ Maddy looked at Eugene’s Elf costume. ‘That outfit suits you.’ Then she frowned. ‘Why are you doing this?’
‘Because we know how much St Martha’s means to you and you lost a friend.’ He smiled, his red cheeks glowing. ‘And we want to help you raise money for the place that helps others. Plus, Stan told us if we didn’t he’d expose some private and confidential information about us in his column.’ Eugene let out an uncomfortable laugh. ‘So, we had no choice.’
‘Thank you,’ she whispered, leaning forward. ‘I read the columns again and realised he wasn’t being mean just trying to be funny.’
‘Did you read today?’ he asked, looking wide-eyed. ‘I think it says it all.’
‘I was focussing on my training,’ she replied sheepishly, knowing she had been focused on molesting Stan in bed that morning.
‘Look, I think they’re going to start the race.’
Maddy decided to push to the front, making sure that people knew she was there. Jerome and Lance were on the sidelines waving frantically at her as were some of the kids from the hospice. She waved back and stood waiting for the horn to go, but there was still no sign of Stan.
The noise jumped her out of her dog skin making her stall as the others rushed past. Maddy quickly regained her concentration and started to jog along. Then she noticed Tara was jogging beside her dressed as Tinkerbell, and coming a little too close to Maddy’s liking.
Realising that it was muddier than usual, and the bitch would probably want to seek revenge in a very public place, Maddy slowed down to make sure she was hidden in the crowd of runners. She knew more than anyone how much of a revengeful cow Tara could be and wasn’t going to take any chances.
The day was in memory of Dora not about a long fought out battle between her and Tara. That would have to wait for another day, but her only concern was that Stan was nowhere to be seen.
The run would take an hour for her though most people would finish it in forty minutes if they were jogging slowly. It was the first time Maddy realised what she had put her body through in the past months. Her legs felt heavy, and she hadn’t even started to break into a sweat. Lots of people were walking, but she didn’t want to come last or cheat. She was determined to do Dora proud.
She took out her spotted bow from the rucksack and tied it around her neck before proceeding with her slow jog. There were Christmas lights glistening in the background, and the afternoon was crisp and dry, the sun breaking through the grey clouds.
Her mind wandered, and she thought about Dora. All the fun they had in years gone by. It was a testament to the young girl that all these people had turned up to join in and raise money. Maddy had sent an anonymous £15,000 donation to the hospice knowing she hadn’t had enough time to get sponsors.
Jogging a little faster, she watched the hot breath from her mouth turn into white smoke as she marched along. There was a lot of laughter and noise from all around her, but she felt alone and realised how much she missed Dora.
Maddy noticed the pond and jogged a little away from the others to get closer.
The sky was darkening, and she could see a star in the sky, hoping it was Dora looking down on her, willing Maddy to success.
She moved closer towards the open water and let out a long sigh while looking at the dark pool. Her hand went into her pocket as she pulled out the shiny coin and stared at it.
‘I wish…’
There were so many things she wanted to say and knew one coin wouldn’t stretch that far.
‘I wish that Dora is in a good place and that I do honour to her name. I wish that the people I care about are happy and healthy. I’d hate for my parents and friends to be ill, even my arsehole brother. I want Pearl to love Honey as much as we all do and realise she’s a wonderful mother. I’d like Ted to find a woman who truly loves him for him, not his sparkling good looks.’ Then she closed her eyes. ‘I want Stan to love me as much as I love him. I want to make him happy, and that includes Phyllis. I love them both, you see, and that’s my true wish.’
Pulling her arm back, she was determined to throw it as far as she could, but when she released the coin, it fell short and plopped down in a few feet away, quickly sinking to the bottom.
‘Oh well!’
‘That’s some wish.’
Maddy jumped when she saw a man standing in a dog suit behind her.
It took a matter of moments before she realised who it was.
‘Stanley Franks!’
Maddy laughed out loudly. ‘What are you dressed up in?’
‘A dog suit. Do you like it? It’s very comfy. I see why you live in these things for most of the year. And quite airy.’
‘You look cute!’
The outfit was mainly a ginger brown colour with a very fluffy tail and large white ears.
She had never seen him look so adorable, other when they were making love, and laughed out again. Maddy turned around and start wagging her tail at him as he grinned in response.
‘We’re going to be last at this rate,’ he said, grabbing her hand and giving a big hug. ‘Is that what you wish? For Phyllis and me.’
‘You shouldn’t have eavesdropped,’ she replied, feeling her face get flushed. ‘That was personal.’
‘But you still threw a coin into the pond and made a wish, didn’t you?’ One ear of Stan’s suit slowly bent. ‘Didn’t you?’
‘How did you do that?’ Maddy stepped back in awe. ‘That’s cool.’
‘Barking Maddy, are you telling me that a trick with a piece of string is more important than discussing your true wish?’
‘Well, yes. Where did you get the suit? I want one.’
‘Let’s get this over and done with,’ he groaned, pulling her arm so they could start slowly jogging. ‘We need to get to the pub.’
She kept laughing.
Maddy didn’t know why but couldn’t help it. Her head felt light as did her heart.
They ran together, laughing and gently banging on each other.
‘Bitch!’ she suddenly heard someone say and
before she knew it, Maddy went flying into the sky, landing on the grass.
Luckily the cushion of her suit, and various layers of clothes underneath stopped it from hurting.
And there was Tara, looking enraged as she came at her again. Quickly, Stan managed to put out his foot to trip the woman up who then went flying over Maddy.
‘Tara! What has got into you?’ shouted a very angry Dr. Bob as he ran towards them.
In that time Maddy had jumped to her feet, and her fists were ready to punch Tara in the face. It was like a life time’s ambition was about to happen.
She hadn’t even wished for that.
‘Come on Tara, I’m ready,’ Maddy said, gritting her teeth. ‘Give me all you’ve got.’
‘Jesus!’ Stan yelled seeing that Tara was getting up and charging again. ‘Will you stop?’
‘That little stuck up bitch is going to get it!’ screamed Tara. ‘She ruined my life!’
Next thing Maddy knew, the long limbs of Tara were all over her, and she wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but she wasn’t getting punched, more like wrestled to the ground. Knowing Dr. Bob was trying to pull Tara off as Stan was trying to help, Maddy summoned up all her might and pushed the woman off before jumping on her back, pinning her arms down with her legs, and lightly wrapping the tail of her suit across her neck.
‘You ruined my life!’ screamed back Maddy. ‘You bullied me, and made me feel so insignificant. Your nasty rumours were destructive, but luckily, I had my friends around me. The thing with you Tara, you never had any real friends, and that was your problem. You don’t know how to make them let alone keep them.’
‘Help me!’ screamed Tara. ‘She’s trying to kill me!’
‘Oh please!’ yelled out Maddy. ‘I’m not getting slung into the slammer for trying to tickle you with my tail. You came at me!’
‘I hate you!’ shouted Tara. ‘You spoilt it for me! You stopped me from being with Ted.’
‘I did nothing of the sort. If he had wanted you, then that would have been it, but he didn’t want to know after he got into your knickers. Even so, there was no reason for you to be nasty to me. What did I do to you?’