by Yoru Sumino
Somewhere in the middle, Hitomi-sensei came over to us. She always made the rounds during discussion. As she approached, we gave the morning greetings that we had not previously been able to.
“Good morning, Hitomi-sensei,” I said.
“Morning. And good morning to you too, Kiriyuu-kun.”
“Good morning,” Kiriyuu replied in a teeny tiny voice, his head still bowed.
But he was by no means afraid—he had wanted to see Hitomi-sensei, after all. There was a different word for this sort of feeling: unease.
Even I had times when I was uneasy. When I had that fight with my mother before class observation day was just one such time. So I knew that when you’re in an uneasy circumstance, you have to do something about it yourself, sooner or later.
I gripped Kiriyuu’s hand, just out of sight of Hitomi-sensei, hoping to share my courage with him. However, there was no need. He returned the squeeze once, then pulled away. Before Hitomi-sensei could ask anything, he lifted his head.
“S-sensei, I found a d-different answer about…what happiness is. Different from what I s-said on observation day.”
Although his words were faltering and his voice soft, he was presenting. I cheered him on silently. My thoughts were only on him. That was the happiness Skank-san had found.
So, what was Kiriyuu-kun’s happiness? Both he and I knew the answer the entire time. I was proud of him, thrilled at the prospect of hearing it out of his own mouth for the first time. I was surely still his only fan in the class, so it made sense, didn’t it?
“Oh? What would that be?”
Perhaps Hitomi-sensei was surprised at this sudden presentation, but her face did not betray it. She entreated him politely, her expression warm. It was the sort of face that suggested she would listen to whatever it was he had to say.
Kiriyuu-kun looked her straight in the eye, his lips hanging limply. Suddenly I realized that everyone else in class was looking our way. I thought this surprising, given how little they had minded him before this, but it also felt right. The chance for everyone to hear how Kiriyuu-kun truly felt.
Now he just had to say it.
“M-my happiness is…draw—”
He stopped mid-sentence. Hitomi-sensei waited for him patiently, her face kind, but I stared at him wide-eyed. How can he have gotten this far, only to get afraid again? I thought, and maybe I gave him a critical look. Maybe I had misjudged him. It was true that I was his ally, but honestly I started to think that he was still a bit of a weakling. For that I must apologize. I remembered Granny’s words: That boy might be less cowardly than you think.
Kiriyuu-kun breathed in and out several times and bit his lip, then puffed out his chest and said “My happiness is…”
“Yes?”
“When my friend says that they like my drawings, and when they are sitting beside me.”
Honestly, life really is like a game of Othello. Because even when there are dark, unpleasant things, there’s a bright and lovely side, too? No, that isn’t it.
It’s because a single shining piece can turn one’s dark feelings right around.
It should come as no surprise that I wanted to tell my special friend about this wonderful day. So, after school ended, I said a rushed farewell to Kiriyuu-kun, ran home and collected Miss Bobtail, and headed right back out toward that cream-colored building.
“Happiness won’t cooome! Wandering my way, sooo!”
“Meow?” My black-furred friend made a strange face at my abnormally enthusiastic delivery.
“What?”
“Meow.”
“Look, it’s fine to sing like this sometimes. I mean, honestly you could even do it all the time, but sometimes you have an extra good day. I bet even you have days like this sometimes?”
“Meow,” she replied, uninterested. Perhaps this was not such a good day for her. I attempted to share my good mood.
“Thaaat’s why I set ooout to find it todaaay!”
“Meow meow meow.”
Although she looked exasperated, eventually she began to sing along. What was with the act? I thought. She was trying to be so grown up. But perhaps the boys were taken with those insincere parts of her. If there is anything I can learn from her, it is the way to a boy’s heart, I thought as we walked along the embankment.
The sky was blue, the grass was green, and the dirt was brown. The soft earth of the path was auburn, cut for easy strolling. The wind was clear, and every person was their own color. Everything was painted with varying hues, and I loved every one of them. But it was when I spied the cream-colored building that my heart leapt the highest.
I laid out all the things that I wished to talk to Skank-san about.
First, I absolutely had to thank her. It was only because of her advice that I was able to find such joy inside my heart. Then I would tell her about every single thing that happened today. I’d talk simply about the unimportant parts, and at more length about the more important stuff. Of course, I would have to stress the unimportant parts that were connected to the important parts, so as to embellish the message. She would probably be surprised to hear me say that Kiriyuu-kun was not the sort of boy who ever did the things he did today.
Still, I thought that I should be emphatic about the fact that Kiriyuu-kun really might have some courage, and that Granny was the only one able to see it.
I was bubbling with excitement. More excitement than I felt upon watching cocoa powder dissolve into warm milk and the smell of chocolate wafting through the air.
The cream-colored, cake-like building was suited perfectly to cocoa. My excitement reached a fever pitch as I reached the staircase, but as I set foot on the first muddy step, I noticed something unusual: Miss Bobtail did not climb the stairs with me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, but she did not reply. “You don’t want any milk?”
She said nothing. I moved to pick her up, thinking that she might be injured somehow, but she slipped out of my arms.
“You’re a weirdo. Fine. Wait there, then.”
“Meow,” she replied finally, her voice very soft.
Well, even cats probably had days that were not so fun, so surely there were days when they had no interest in climbing stairs, either.
Although my thoughts were on my friend’s behavior, my heart was still focused on the things I would talk about with Skank-san. I proceeded to her door, and after plotting out most of the conversation, rang the bell.
Ding-dong, I heard from inside. Hm? I wondered, looking up. The rather ugly writing on the nameplate beside her door seemed to have vanished. Had she finally rewritten it? I had told her before, my writing was very good. I could have rewritten it for her, if she liked.
I waited, but she did not come out, so I rang the bell one more time. Then I heard a noise from inside. Maybe she was just waking up. What a sleepyhead! I waited for a while, giggling to myself, but still she did not appear.
She must be in, I thought, knocking this time. As I did, I greeted the door with an enthusiastic “Gooood afternoooon!”
A short time after, I heard the door unlock, and the doorknob turned. I always overflowed with anticipation when it was time to see my friend. And yet, when the door opened, that anticipation vanished into smoke.
Something occurred that I had never imagined.
It was not Skank-san who opened the door. It was a man, around the same age as her. I’m sure that the man and I shared the same expression as we looked at each other: surprise. The kind-looking gentleman opened his eyes wide, goggling at me. I’m certain that I was the first to realize who the other must be.
“Are you Skank-san’s boyfriend?” I asked.
She was an incredibly lovely woman, so it was not at all surprising that she might have someone special in her life. If that was the case, then I simply had to introduce myself.
“Pleased to meet you. I’m Koyanagi Nanoka. I’m a friend of Skank-san’s,” I said politely.
But the young man furrowed his b
rows, making a face of utter confusion.
“Is she out right now?” I asked.
Despite my very simple question, the man tilted his head. “Um…Nanoka-chan, was it?” he asked.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“I think you’ve got the wrong address. This is my place. There’s no one here named…Skank?”
Any further and his head might swivel all the way around, I thought.
“That’s not true. I’ve never met you before, but I’ve been here plenty of times. Is Skank-san trying to play a prank on me?”
Maybe she is planning some kind of surprise, I thought, but that didn’t seem right. The man gave a troubled laugh.
“You really shouldn’t be using words like that. ‘Skank,’ that is.”
“But it’s Skank-san’s name.”
“Mm…well, either way, there’s no one here by that name, so I’m sure you’re mistaken. Maybe you’ve got the wrong building? You should double-check.”
“I know it’s here! I was just here yesterday!”
The sudden loudness of my voice came as surely as the memory of being here. This young man, who knew nothing of the dark unease that swelled in my heart, looked even more troubled.
“I was here yesterday too, and you didn’t come by.”
“You’re lying! You weren’t here! I was with Skank-san!”
“Mm, what to do here…” he said, frustrated.
I knew that when an adult expressed their frustration to a child directly, it meant they were thinking about how to shut the child up.
“I’ve got it,” he said. “Maybe you were dreaming, and in that dream, you came to a building that looked like this one? When I was a kid, I spent lots of time searching for the places that I saw in my dreams, but I never found them.”
“Dreaming…?”
No, that couldn’t be. I knew that Skank-san had been here, that we had played Othello together. Eating pudding, holding her hand—none of that had been a dream. I was certain, from the bottom of my heart, but there was one single memory that drifted through my mind then. That memory’s name was Minami-san.
Even by my own cleverness, I could not explain all these mysteries—the mysteries of Skank-san and Minami-san. If I could explain it by my own reckoning, there were only three possible explanations: lies, magic, or dreams.
I figured it must be a lie on this young man’s part, but his distress appeared genuine. I didn’t get a lying smell from him, at least.
As I stood there in silence, the young man said, “Hold on,” and stepped back inside. When he returned, he had a brown Papico in his hand.
“Here, take this. It’s hot today. I don’t want you to get heat stroke.”
The Papico was cool and pleasant, but I knew when I saw it: this place truly did not belong to Skank-san anymore. Her freezer never had any Papico in it.
“How could she have moved out overnight…?”
“I mean, no one could. But anyway, I’ve lived here for four years.”
Four years. For a child as young as me, that was an interminable length of time. I knew. I did not understand it, but I knew another mystery had occurred.
I thanked him for the treat and left. He saw me off with a warm, “See you.”
I walked along the cream-colored wall and descended the stairs to find my friend waiting for me. That was when I realized something. “You knew she wasn’t here, didn’t you?”
My friend did not reply. Instead, she just began walking ahead of me. It was the same way we had walked many times before. I followed behind her, sharing her feelings. Minami-san, and now Skank-san. Mystery after mystery was befalling my friends. Where had they gone? When I didn’t understand something, it was best to ask someone who had lived far longer than I. After all, they had probably had the same experiences before.
As we walked along, I tore open the Papico bottle with my teeth to taste what was inside. I took one mouthful, then another, considering it.
“This really is kinda bitter.”
I was not a fan of the taste of coffee. I waited until the contents of the bottle had melted entirely and offered it to some passing ants.
Chapter 10
WHEN I ARRIVED at Granny’s house, dripping with sweat, there was a note tacked to the wooden door yet again. It had the same message as before. I stepped in through the door, wiped my little friend’s feet, took off my shoes, and quietly entered the house. My footsteps sounded different than before because I was wearing sandals today. So instead of the slippery sound of my socks, there was the padding of bare feet upon the floorboards. I had really hoped that Skank-san might compliment those sandals.
I hoped I could show Granny my sandals too, and that she would know where Skank-san had gone, so we could go there at once. Then we would eat ice cream and talk about Kiriyuu-kun.
The house was so quiet that I thought I could hear the faint voice of the trees the house was built from. I walked down the hall, wondering if Granny might be up on the second floor again, but I found her in her bedroom.
Perhaps the sound of my opening the glass door awoke her. She was lying on her side on her bed in that mild, air-conditioned room, smiling gently at me.
“Come in,” she said.
“Oh, sorry. Were you napping?”
“It’s fine, I was just waking up.”
“That’s good. Were you having a nice dream?” I asked.
She grinned at me. “Yes, I had that same dream again,” she said, sitting up in bed with a more languid motion than usual and opening the curtains. Unlike in the living room, the sun shone dimly in here. The painting hung on the wall seemed to shine with its own light.
“There’s some orange juice in the fridge,” she said, as I attempted to close the sliding door.
I went to the kitchen and returned with two little juice boxes. She took one from me with a “thank you,” and set it down on the bed. The sweet and sour tang of the orange juice washed away the bitter taste that still lingered in my mouth.
“Did it go well?” she asked simply. I nodded.
Normally, this was the part where I would start talking, my words spilling out like a drumroll, but I did nothing of the sort.
“Did something happen?” she asked again. It was obvious to her.
“Yeah. It went well with that boy from my class,” I said in a voice that sounded like it was drowning. “But…Skank-san is gone.”
I told her everything that had happened that day. Actually, I started with the day before. I told her about my depression regarding Kiriyuu-kun, Skank-san’s advice, the fact that she had suddenly started crying, and the wonderful coincidence of us sharing a catchphrase.
Then I told her about today. About how Skank-san had vanished, the strange man now living in her home, the ice cream he gave me that I didn’t like, and how this was all far more mysterious than when Minami-san had disappeared.
She listened to my tale and told me that she did not know where Skank-san had gone. To my regret, one more mystery floated through my mind. I decided to ask her about it.
“Skank-san disappeared just like Minami-san. The fact that they’re gone makes me feel really lonely, but it doesn’t feel like it did when Kiriyuu-kun told me he hated me.”
“I see,” she said with a nod. That was Granny for you. She knew everything. “It sounds like you aren’t despairing, then.”
I could not write the kanji for zetsubou, “despair.”
“Maybe it’s because you already know in your heart that you’ll meet Skank-san and Minami-san again someday,” she said, putting the small, curious relief that I felt into words.
“Exactly,” I replied. “I don’t have any proof though, like a detective in a mystery story would.”
“That’s true.” She narrowed her eyes and nodded. “Still, I’m sure that you’re right. Don’t worry. You will definitely see them again someday.”
“Yeah, I’m sure of that, too,” I said with a firm nod.
“You have the power to see the
future, after all,” she said.
“I still wanted to talk and play Othello with her some more, though.”
“But now you have a friend in your class. Why don’t you practice with him?”
“That’s true. I don’t know if he also has the power to see the future, though.”
She tittered at this, as though she was somehow remembering his face. No, that was impossible. She had never met Kiriyuu-kun. She was probably just thinking about her own friend who liked to draw.
“Skank-san asked me if you were happy.”
“Did she?”
“I told her that you said that you were happy, but is that because you get to think about your artist friend?”
She tittered again. “Yes, perhaps. Plus, I think about you, and about my family.”
“So, would you say that happiness is thinking seriously about someone?”
“Oh my, is your presentation day approaching soon?”
Now that’s what they call hitting the nail on the head. However, there was another reason why I asked this question.
“Actually, I just really want to know the answer. Although this assignment is complicated.”
That was truly how I felt. The assignment was always on my mind.
“There are different kinds of happiness,” I said. “A lot of stuff has happened lately. I’ve asked different people about what happiness is, and the answers they’ve found. For Minami-san, it was being recognized. For Skank-san, it was thinking about someone else, and for Kiriyuu-kun, it was being with friends. I think each answer is true for them, but I still haven’t found a way to describe the happiness inside of me. It’s really hard to pick just one thing. Life is like a bento box.”
“And how is that?”
“I can’t fit in everything I like. And I still don’t know how big that bento box is, or what it’s called. Granny, if Hitomi-sensei gave you an assignment to say what happiness was, what would your answer be?”
It was a super hard question, but it seemed like she held the answer. She looked up at the sky through the window, as though remembering something from long ago.