by Cee, DW
“What brings you here at this hour?”
“Hello, big brother. I need help.”
Jake took me into his office and closed the door. “Everyone’s asleep. Keep your voice down.”
Sure! In this freakin’ desperate situation, all he could think about was making sure his family slept. Well, this part of the family hasn’t slept well in days. This family member cries to sleep every freakin’ night because of the mess she’s in.
“Stop yelling at me in your mind. I can see your eyeballs twitching which means you’re cursing me to hell and back. Emily gets up every three hours with JR, and since two nights ago, the twins have been taking turns getting up every few hours, looking for attention.”
“Why don’t you get up and give them the extra attention they need?”
“First, because they don’t want me. Second, because my wife won’t wake me up. You know I’m a deep sleeper.”
“So Emily is up all day, all night?”
“Practically.”
“What about getting some help?”
“For now, I’ve got everyone scheduled to come in each day of the week, starting with Mom and Dad. This will allow Emily to nap when the baby naps during the day.”
These two lovebirds were depressing to be around. Their life was too perfect. Their love was unattainable. Who could compete?
“Jake, I know you’re really busy with the new baby and all, but were you able to find out about Mexico for me?”
“I’m trying to get you clearance to go into this area. But it isn’t that easy. This isn’t Cabo San Lucas or Cancun-type of Mexico.”
“I understand Jake and I really appreciate all that you’re doing for me. I really messed up this time and I want to try and make this right even if it’s for the last time.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Why would you ask me that? I thought you always said Max was the guy for me. Are you doubting your own words now?”
“I’m not doubting what Emily and I believe, but if this isn’t what you really want, then cut it off now before you both get any deeper. You wavered from day one and I think it’s time you really sit down and ask yourself if this is what you truly want. Emily and I are not going to live your life for you. We want you to be happy whether it’s with Max or with Donovan or with another man. That is what is most important to us.”
“I don’t want Donovan and he doesn’t want me either. I think he has finally realized that the woman he wants is Laney not me.”
“I don’t know when this clearance is going to happen. I’m going to be honest with you, you may never be allowed to go down there. Just sit tight and I will do what I can.”
I was thoroughly depressed when I got home after talking to Garrett and Josh, and then to Jake. It seemed as though I may have to wait out the entire month before I could talk to Max and try and reconcile.
“Hey there sis. How you doing?” Nick always had a bright smile on his face for me. It was nice to see somebody smiling.
“I’m miserable and at the last depths of despair.” And I wasn’t exaggerating when I said that.
“I got an email from Max today. You want to read it?” Well why didn’t he tell me sooner? I grabbed his phone from him and opened up Max’s email immediately.
The email asked Nick to bring much needed supplies from the hospital. Apparently, they’d underestimated how many children would show up for care. “You going to go?”
“I thought I might go and have my big sister tagalong with me for a few days. You up for a trip to Mexico?”
“You’d be able to get me cleared to go?”
“I would let everyone know that was a prerequisite before I agreed to go.”
“You’re the best brother, Nick. Thank you so much. Let me know when you’re leaving and I’ll be ready to go.”
The four men I came across this evening are truly wonderful men. The first two are not my brothers by blood, but they love me no less than the two brothers who are blood related to me. Finally I feel a little hopeful that maybe Max and I might have our day of reckoning.
July 11, 2013 Misery Loves Company
“When do you leave Jane?”
“In a couple of days. When do you leave?”
“I don’t think I’m going back to London anytime soon.” Donovan sounded thoroughly discouraged.
“Why not? You didn’t get to see her when you went this last time?”
“She dodged my every attempt to see her. The housekeeper swore up and down that she wasn’t home, but I still waited around and you know, she never came home that night. I think I lost her for good.” Donovan was down in the dumps.
We were having drinks after work commiserating about our pathetic situation. All of this was entirely both our faults and we really had nobody else to talk to, but each other.
“How about we go see Jake and Emily right now and see if we can get some answers out of them. I had no idea what was going on in Laney’s mind and heart, but I was sure Emily was privy to all of that information.”
“That’s the best idea you’ve had in a long while Jane.” Finally, a smile on that handsome face.
We picked up some dessert and coffee and let Jake know ahead of time that we were coming over. Surprisingly Jake was not hostile about us coming over at nighttime, disturbing his wife’s rest.
“Hey, what’s up?” Donovan said in a gloomy way.
Jake only laughed at us, and he laughed heartily.
“Emily is nursing right now, but make yourselves at home.” Jake led us into the family room.
“Hey guys,” Emily said cheerfully. She came in sooner than we all expected.
I felt terrible that I hadn’t seen her or the kids since she gave birth. “How are you doing and how’s JR?”
“I feel good and JR is beautiful,” she said without pause. “You have to see him. He looks so much like James and Ellie when they were first born, and yet he has his own distinct look about him, too. And he’s such a good baby. He never fusses, rarely cries, and I can confidently say I love this child as much as my first two.”
I looked at her confused. “Why wouldn’t you love this child as much?”
“You’ll understand when you have kids. The first one, or ones in my case, occupy all the real estate in your heart and you think there’s no more land. Surprisingly, your heart gets bigger and there’s just as much love for the next one. Even at 3:00 in the morning, JR is the apple of my eye.” It was crazy how much love she had for her family.
“How are the twins handling the birth of the baby?” I continued to ask since I hadn’t been around for a while.
“Every day has been different. One day they love their new brother. The next day I need to make sure Ellie is not trying to stuff something up JR’s nose. They find fascinating the concept of another human who is smaller than they are, but they don’t like how much attention I give the new baby. The twins both want to nurse again and they keep climbing on top of me.” she said with a chuckle.
“I can stay here with Jane and Donovan if you want to go up and sleep, my love. And I don’t have class till late tomorrow so I want you to sleep-in, okay. I’ll give JR a bottle in the morning.”
“I’ll take care of JR in the morning, if you’ll take the twins out to breakfast. I think they’ll love the extra attention.”
“How about if I take care of JR and you go out with the twins. That might work better for them, seeing as how they want more attention from you.”
“That’s a great idea Jake, I’ll do that.”
My brother and Emily had such an easy rapport; it really was beautiful watching them as a couple. They always try to put each other’s needs first and work to love each other more. Donovan was thinking what I was thinking because he had a sweet smile on his face, watching his buddy and Emily.
Emily was the first to speak to us. “I want to apologize to the both of you for being so upset that day at
the hospital. Laney and Max are both very special to me, not that you two aren’t. It’s just that Max, Laney, and I are similar in temperament and thought, so I know their pain...I can almost feel their pain.”
“You were right in being upset with us, Emily. We trifled with everyone’s feelings just to satisfy our own curiosity.” Donovan confessed. “I’ve ruined several relationships with my action. I’m deeply sorry and embarrassed.”
“What will both of you do now?” Emily asked.
“Emily has no idea. I didn’t think she needed to know every goings-on. She has enough to deal with.” Jake explained.
“I’m leaving tomorrow with Nick to Mexico and I’m going to try and reconcile with Max, assuming that’s what he wants.”
Emily looked so happy; she came over and hugged me. “Of course that’s what he wants. Did Max give you your birthday present?”
“Well...yeah...but I kinda threw it back at him.”
“Wha??? Why would you do that?” Jake and Donovan both laughed. I explained the entire story of what happened when Max came back out to the airport and Emily half-laughed and half-frowned. Overall, she didn’t look very happy with me. “Do you know what was in that box?”
I shook my head, no.
“You didn’t even open it?”
“No. I literally threw it back at him.” I did regret having done that since now curiosity was killing the cat. “Do you know? Can you tell me?”
“It’s probably best I don’t tell you what it was. I’m sure there will be another chance where Max can give you the present again.”
“Please, Emily! Can you please tell me what was in there?”
Emily shook her head no. “It’s not my gift to give, Jane. I’m not trying to punish you for what happened between you and Max. This is truly something Max should give you.” Emily looked really sad—probably more for Max than for me. Damn! What have I done?
“Emily, if you can’t help Jane out, can you help me?”
“What did you need help with Donovan? I’ll help you if I can.”
“I’ve come to the realization, a little late, that maybe my feelings for Laney are not what I thought they were.”
“What did you think they were?”
“I just thought they were…” He had a hard time coming up with an answer. “I thought they were just feelings of an older brother caring for a younger sister, or a younger cousin, or...I don’t know what the hell I thought, Emily!”
“And now?”
“Honestly Emily I don’t know what it is that I feel for your cousin. I have feelings for her, but do I like her? Do I still think about her in a younger sister kind of way? Am I in love with her? I don’t know, but I’d like to know and I can’t figure anything out till I see Delaney. But she won’t see me. Can you please tell me what is going through her mind? Why won’t she see me? How does she feel about me?”
“After all those weekly softball games, and the fiasco at Ashley’s wedding, you still don’t understand your feelings for her?” What softball games? What fiasco at Ashley’s wedding? I was at the wedding. How could I not have known that something had happened there? “Donovan, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you anything you really want to hear. Once again that’s not my story to tell, either. This is something that the two of you need to work out on your own.”
“I would like to work it out with her but she won’t see me. I’ve been over at Gram’s flat copious times, and either she’s in and not opening the door, or she’s out all the time.”
“All I can tell you is that she is seeing somebody now. He’s a really nice guy, who is very much in love with our Laney, and she is trying for a relationship with him.”
“What do you mean she’s trying? When did this all happen?”
“This guy wants to marry her and ironically, you pushed her into his arms. Laney does like him, and he is a really good guy from what I can tell, but I don’t think she’s in love with him.”
“Why won’t she talk to me?”
“You really don’t get it do you?” Donovan gave a little-boy confused look. “You don’t understand why she left?” Once again he shook his head no. Emily only sighed. “I don’t want to betray Laney’s confidence so I can’t tell you much, but all I can say is, initially she left because she wanted to live a life separate from the comforts of this Reid life. She thought it would be her last chance to have this kind of freedom before she went back to school and eventually joined the workforce. But in the end, she was desperate to get away. A part of me was really sad for her that she left the way she did, and I was angry for her when she came back to find you and Jane in an embrace. She was absolutely ripped to shreds when she left the hospital.” My sister started tearing a little bit as she brought up our past sins. “I don’t know where this whole relationship with Michael is going to end up, but I do know that he genuinely loves her. And if this is the guy she wants, I support them.”
“Why was she so desperate to get away?” Donovan slowly asked, still trying to figure things out.
“You’re such a moron,” my brother added to this conversation.
“She always made it sound like she wanted something new, something different, like she wanted to experience a new life. Even as a young girl, Delaney always had an independent streak to her.”
“She did want something new,” Jake said in an exasperated tone. “And she also wanted to be free of the old—namely YOU. Now, I think you’re too late buddy. This Michael guy seems to be determined to win her hand.”
I think Donovan left Jake and Emily’s place even more confused and dejected than when he arrived. I was really shocked to hear about Laney’s feelings for Donovan. This was really the first time I’d even considered it. I guess that’s how much I was wrapped up in my own world and never thought about anybody else around me. I admit I was a very selfish person.
Nick and I are leaving tomorrow for Mexico and possibly by tomorrow night, Max and I could either be completely broken up, or we would be back together. I was scared to see Max again, but relieved to be able to say I’m sorry. As for hope for our future...the jury is still deliberating on that one.
July 15, 2013 Day of Rec(k)on(cil)ing
“We’re here.” Nick woke me up from the long drive from the airport to middle-of-nowhere Mexico. I’d been so wound up the last few days about seeing Max that I couldn’t sleep. Even with a couple glasses of wine to relax the nerves, the plane ride was ugly. So when we got into our car that Jake had arranged for us, something kicked in and I fell into a deep sleep. Even now, knowing Max was just up the road, I couldn’t fully wake myself up.
“Will the driver wait here?” I asked. Nick gave me a confused look. “You know...just in case I’m not welcomed here?” I answered insecurely.
Nick only laughed at me. “You’ll be welcomed with open arms. But we can ask the driver to wait a little while if that’ll make you feel better.”
“Let’s do that. I have no idea what to expect. For all I know, Max may have gotten himself married to a Latina here in Mexico and they could be expecting their first child, already. Sounds ridiculous but then again, who thought a teeny tiny slip of paper, that would take me anywhere in the world, would get me into this much trouble?”
“Don’t fret.” Nick said grabbing our suitcases, the medical equipment they asked for, and my hand—not necessarily all at once, or in that order.
Ahead of me was flat desert land with lanterns everywhere outlining the pop-up tents. These were sturdy tents—the kind I’d imagine the army would use during a war. Though it wasn’t that late, it was dark enough where no one was out and about. Nick and I put all our stuff down and we went in search of a human being who could lead us to Max’s tent.
“Jane,” Nick called over and pointed towards a guy who could help me.
I spoke slowly and gave Max’s name and described his build, hoping this guy could point me in the right direction. And that’s what he did. He literally poin
ted to the tent to the right of me. Finally! After too many weeks of no communication, I’d get a chance to put everything back in place.
How would I react when Max and I finally got together? Would we immediately kiss and make-up? Would it be awkward? Would he look at me in disdain? Would I have to grovel, or would he greet me with open arms?
I stood right outside the tent for longer than necessary, and time for composure was done. I needed to face the music.
“Max?” I called out weakly. “Max?”
My first glimpse into the tent showed a super tidy one. There was very little in it. There was paperwork on a pop-up desk, a plastic chair, a thick rope that crossed from one end of the tent to another—similar to a zip line—that held newly washed clothes, a cheap mirror hanging off that same clothesline, and finally, there was a cot in the corner.