by A. Zavarelli
“What is it?” I pluck the key ring from the table to examine it.
“It’s a house in upstate New York,” he explains. “And when I say house, I mean it’s a fucking fortress. There’s a lot of acreage, and it’s very secure. A good place for Josh to grow up. Your name won’t ever be on any of the papers. Neither will Kat’s. As far as anyone is concerned, it belongs to a shell corporation that isn’t associated with any of us. It’s the safest place you’re ever going to get, and I just want you to tell me you’ll take it.”
I look into the old man’s eyes, and despite the brash quality of his voice, I can see how much this means to him. And I know he’s right. There probably isn’t anywhere else in the world that would ever be as safe as something he chose. He’s a man who worked his way to the top of the Russian syndicate and managed to stay alive all these years because he’s smart and careful.
“There’s one other thing,” he adds. “Something else to consider. This won’t hurt my feelings either way if you say yes or no. But there’s a guy up that way who has some contacts with local businesses. If you’re looking to go legit, he can likely get you on one of the crews. But I have my doubts that a man such as yourself is going to want to take orders from some pimply-faced manager who has a god complex.”
“Yeah.” A smile curves my lips. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, but I have a plan and some seed money. I’m going to see what I can do with it.”
Gleb folds his hands and dips his head. “Alright. So, what do you think about the house then?”
I fiddle with the keys in my hand and shrug. “I’m open to it. But I have to talk to Kat first. Maybe take them up there to see it.”
“I suspected as much,” he says. “We can all go up tomorrow. Tonight, I’m going to have a few drinks and relax. That kid of yours is hard to keep up with.”
“Holy crap,” Kat whispers to herself as we get out of the car and stare up at the house that Gleb described as cozy on our drive up to Cooperstown.
Gleb is watching his daughter carefully, and he’s trying not to let her see his nerves. But he wants her to like it. He wants both of us to like it.
“Lev mentioned you like log cabins,” Gleb says.
Kat blinks at me. “Yeah, but this place could eat my log cabin for breakfast.”
“It looks big, but it’s only forty-three-hundred square feet. An ample size for a family with plenty of room for additions.”
Kat’s expression dims, and I squeeze her hand in mine. It’s something that we haven’t talked about extensively, but the tragedy still lingers in the back of all our minds. I know Gleb wants Kat to be happy, to put it behind her and consider having more grandbabies. This is his way of showing that, even if he doesn’t put it as delicately as most would.
“I like the porch.” I redirect the conversation.
The cabin nestled onto the hillside has incredible views of Otsego Lake, and it isn’t hard for me to imagine my family sitting on the wraparound deck every summer, soaking it in.
“It is a beautiful porch,” Kat agrees. “The view is incredible.”
“Come on.” Gleb gestures for us to follow and leads us toward the house. “It’s even better inside.”
The air smells different up here. Cleaner. Crisper. Much like Colorado. And it’s only a few hours away from Gleb’s house, so it would be easy enough for him to visit as often as he likes.
Using the keys on the ring Gleb gave me, I unlock the door, and we step inside, taking in the details of the space. The main room is a lofty, open floorplan with massive windows and the views that Gleb promised.”
I tuck Kat against my side, wrapping my arm around her waist as Josh squeaks his shoes across the wood floor.
“This place is huge!” he belts out. “Can we go swimming?”
Kat laughs and shakes her head. “Not today. We didn’t bring anything to swim in. But maybe another time.”
Hope shines in Gleb’s eyes as he points out all the features of the house. Somewhere between the stone fireplace and the master suite, I can see acceptance in Kat’s eyes. But she’s still hesitant. Inside, she’s that same little girl who came from nothing. She doesn’t know if she deserves all of this, and even though Gleb was the one to give it to her, I want her to know more than anything that she does.
“Let’s go check out the outbuildings,” I tell her. “Leave Grandpa Gleb here with Josh.”
Gleb nods, and I take Kat’s hand, leading her to the large shop on the property. Already, I can see a use for it. It isn’t difficult to imagine myself in here, getting back to my roots and recreating the pastime that I loved. Spending hours in the shop with my father, I would take pieces of metal and turn them into something else. But right now, I have a different idea in mind as I shut the door behind us and flip on the lights.
“What are we doing?” Kat whispers.
“This.” I hoist her up onto the workbench and wedge my body between her legs, dragging her face to mine.
Kat moans against my lips, and I take my time, tasting her. Touching her. Appreciating every second of the privacy that we rarely get these days. I’ve missed this more than anything, but I haven’t wanted to push her either. My cock is a pulsing beast in my jeans, and when I finally pull away, Kat and I are both breathless, hungry, and needy.
“Why did you stop?” she murmurs, trying to drag me back to her.
“We can’t.” I rest my forehead against hers.
“Lev.” She sighs out in frustration. “You’ve been treating me with kid gloves ever since I came home.”
“Because I don’t want to rush anything.” I brush her hair back out of her eyes and kiss the new scar on her forehead. The constant reminder that I almost lost her.
“I think it’s time,” she whispers against my lips. “Time to put the past behind us and move forward. But I’m scared.”
“I know you are, sweetheart.” I stroke her hair and cradle her against my chest, a silent promise that I’ll always protect her. That I’ll never let anyone else take her from me again.
“Do you like this place?” I ask.
“I do.” Her fingers tangle together in her lap. “But do you think it’s too much?”
“No.” My lips graze along the length of her throat, and she curls her fingers into my hair. “I think if you like it, then this is where we will raise our family. But if you don’t, that’s okay too. I just don’t want you to make a decision based on what you think you should have. Because you deserve the whole fucking world, baby. And Gleb and I both want you to have that.”
Her body trembles in my grasp, and I don’t have to look at her eyes to know she’s fighting back her emotions. There have been a lot of emotional moments since I brought her home from the hospital. Every day is a battle to remember what we’ve already conquered, instead of the things we’ve lost.
“Daddy!” The door bursts open, and Josh comes bolting in with a breathless Gleb behind him. He offers us an apologetic shrug as we part, and I help Kat down from the workbench.
“What is it, little fella?” I lean down and muss up his hair.
“I like this house,” he says decidedly. “Grandpa Gleb said I could have a race car bed if I want to.”
“Oh, he did now?” Kat eyes her father with humorous disbelief.
“Yep.” Josh nods. “And we can go swimming in the lake in the summer. And we can get a dog too.”
“Sounds like you’ve got everything planned out.” I suck in a breath and look at Kat. So does Gleb, and then finally, Josh.
It isn’t long before she caves with the three of us looking at her. Her shoulders shake, and it’s the first tiny laugh she’s allowed herself to have since the news of our loss. It might not be a big deal to anyone else, but for a woman who’s felt like she needed to punish herself for something she couldn’t control, it’s a huge fucking deal to me. For the first time in months, I feel like I can breathe again as I see that tiny spark of life returning to her eyes. And I’m starting to wonde
r if it really is the air up here that changes everything.
“I think it’s settled.” Kat looks at her father, her eyes shining with appreciation. “We’re moving to Cooperstown.”
27
Lev
“I don’t understand.” Kat glares at me, her fingers digging into my jacket. “Where could you possibly have to go without us?”
“One day, sweetheart.” My lips graze her forehead, and she shudders beneath my touch. “That’s all I’m asking.”
“One day for what?” she croaks. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. I need answers, Lev. You promised me. You said you were done with this life. Don’t leave.”
“Kat,” Gleb interrupts, saving me from having this conversation right now. “Lev has to go. He won’t be gone long. In the meantime, you can help me pick out some furniture for the house.”
Kat looks set to argue, but I give her a quick kiss just as Josh comes flying into our path, tugging at Kat’s leg. “Can we go swimming now?”
“Take the boy swimming.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “And don’t be too pissed off at me. I’ll be back just as soon as I can.”
Kat calls after me, but Gleb steps in and gives me a moment to make a quick exit. It’s not that I want to leave her behind, but there’s just one more thing I need to do. One final piece of the past to chip away so Kat can truly live in peace. An unfinished promise, and one last act of violence that I will gladly allow to stain my soul.
Philly is dark and dreary, and gray clouds blanket the sky with a silent threat to open up and unleash at any moment. Kat has already called and texted me too many times to count, and a part of me feels like an asshole for ignoring her right now. But I’m hoping that when she sees me again in the early hours of the morning, she’ll come to understand.
The first stop I make is at my old house, which, by all appearances, has been left untouched. Not surprising, considering I paid everything for a year at a time. But I know when I open the door, it won’t be the same inside, and it isn’t. Judging by the shattered lamps and slashed furniture, it looks like Vasily and his men turned this place upside down. I can only imagine how frustrating it must have been for him not to find anything. He would have liked for me to be so stupid. But there are only two things that hold any sentimental value for me in this house. The rest means nothing.
I make my way into my bedroom and pull the area rug back. I guess Vasily never thought to look here, but even if he had, I doubt he would care about the old black garbage bags stashed in my hole beneath the floorboards. There isn’t anything condemning about them, except for the fact that I’d kept them all these years, often sorting through them, hoping to get one last hint of her scent as it started to disappear. I don’t know that Kat will actually want any of the things in these bags, but it’s always been my goal to return them to her, just in case. It’s one of the only promises I’ve ever been able to keep, and I want her to have her belongings from the old apartment, even if it just means she decides to dispose of them herself.
Next, I make my way into the garage. The few boxes I had stored here have all been torn open and scattered about, but the contents of the old metal storage cabinet are still in there, on display with the doors wide open. To Vasily, they would have meant nothing. But to me, these are the link to my past. One of the only good memories I have. Things that my father and I made together, and hopefully, something I’ll be able to teach Josh someday too.
I look over the pieces, bits of rusty car parts welded into clocks, mirrors, animals, robots, or whatever my father was into at the time. Even after all these years, I think they still look pretty cool, and I’m banking on the fact that the public will too. My father had a dream of quitting his job at the steel factory and doing this full-time. That was before the days of online everything, but now it’s more feasible, and I think I’m going to take a solid crack at it. Right now, I just can’t imagine myself doing anything else.
After I’ve loaded up my car, I take one last look at the little house I used to call home. But it was never really home, and I realize that when I think about what’s waiting for me back in New York. But before I get back to my real home, I just have one last stop to make. I plug the address into my GPS, and twenty minutes later, I’m driving through one of the most decrepit neighborhoods in Philly.
As I consider that, I think maybe I’m not even the worst thing that will ever darken the doorstep of the woman I’m looking for. Maybe the fact that she lost everything and had to move here in the first place was a fitting twist of fate. But I don’t believe in karma. I never have. A man like me doesn’t leave anything up to fate. I make my own revenge, and I don’t regret it.
My GPS chimes, alerting me that the house is just up the block on the right. This doesn’t look like the type of area where anybody would call the cops to help their neighbor, but just in case, I park my car next to an abandoned grocery store. Studying the shadows on the street, I listen for any signs of life. It’s after midnight, and the only thing I can hear is the sound of a distant siren and a couple of alley cats establishing their territory as they skitter past me.
I move quietly, counting the houses and checking the mailboxes before I find the small, one-bedroom hole with a shoddy chain-link fence around it. There’s no security. Not even a dog. It makes my job easier, and when I slip around back, there isn’t even a goddamn deadbolt on the door. This woman is either very stupid or very naïve.
It takes me all of a minute to jimmy the lock. And once I’m inside, the smell of decay burns my nostrils. The house is full of trash with dishes rotting in the sink and cigarette trays overflowing with ashes. It’s enough to make me want to puke, and I can’t even imagine Kat ever living in conditions like this. I can only hope that this happened after she lost her husband and her entire life imploded, which would be the only logical conclusion, given Kat’s previous descriptions of her. It’s only fitting that her entire life has gone to shit, and I hope she regrets every second of every day that she pretends to be a woman of faith. But either way, she’s about to atone for her every sin.
When I step into the hallway, the floorboard creaks, and at the same time, the bathroom door swings open. The shadowed figure in her nightgown opens her mouth to scream as she registers me standing there, the devil at her door. I slap my hand over her mouth, slamming her against the wall, and shining my flashlight into her eyes as I study her face for confirmation.
She looks fucking terrified, but almost resigned, like she somehow knew this day would come. A reckoning, the likes of which she’s never seen. A snarl curls my lips, and I move the light away, allowing her to glimpse the monster before her as I drag the picture of Kat from my pocket.
“Hello, Mrs. George.” I hold the photo up in front of her face. “You don’t know me, but I know you. And this woman? She’s very important to me, so I think it’s about time we have a little chat about her.”
28
Kat
I’m sick with worry for the next day and a half. Gleb knows where Lev is. At least he knows something. I’m learning Gleb’s tells. The way his eyes shift just a little to the left of you when he’s omitting something, even if he’s not outright lying.
The times I’ve asked him directly, he’s told me it’s not a woman’s place to know “these dealings” in this man’s world, which is bullshit.
I vacillate between anger and paralyzing fear. Anger at Gleb and Lev for their secrecy, fear that he’s gone to do another job. But what if there’s one more after this one and another after that? I can’t live this life. I can’t let Josh live it.
Frustration and worry have me in the kitchen at four in the morning, pouring myself a glass of vodka. I stand at the glass doors and look out into the vast back garden, the trees of the forest behind which is a twelve-foot solid wall topped with barbed wire.
This place is a fortress.
Our house will be a fortress.
But if taking it means we’re a part of this life, if taking it is someh
ow me giving my blessing for Lev to continue the work he’s been doing, then I can’t. I’ll walk away. I’ll have to no matter the cost.
I wonder if either man would let me, though.
A sound from inside the house has me turn toward the living room through which I can see the foyer. I hear the front door open. Two men speak in hushed tones in Russian, and I find myself exhaling. Thanking God.
The door closes. Quiet footsteps head to the stairs.
I set my glass down on the counter and hearing it, he turns, and when I see his face even in the dimly lit rooms, I think how much I missed him. How much I still miss him.
He hasn’t touched me since everything happened. I know he’s scared to hurt me, but I need him. Doesn’t he know that?
After watching me for a small eternity, Lev walks through the living room and into the kitchen. He looks at me but doesn’t speak. He eyes my drink, picks it up, and swallows the rest of it.
“What did you do?” I ask.
He takes the bottle and pours a second glass. He looks like he hasn’t slept. Like he should be drinking a cup of coffee and not the vodka he’s polishing off.
I put my hand over his when he pours one more glass.
“What did you do, Lev?”
“I buried the past,” he says and swallows that glass too. When he sets it back down, he’s finished with the vodka and moves around the counter toward me.
I turn with him, my back to the counter when he puts his hands on either side of me, his body against mine.
He needs me, too. I can feel the urgency of that need.