Confidential Moments: A M/M Sports romance

by Laura John

  As if my life is a fucking rom-com, Mason walks in looking so fucking sexy. His dark jeans sit perfectly on his hips and his gray V-neck clings to his body, showing off his thick build. I want to lift his shirt up and lick his abs.

  I’m so fucked.

  Giving my head a shake, I try to continue my conversation with Mikey and Tia. We’re talking about road life, something that we kind of have in common. Traveling is a large part of professional baseball, just like touring is for musicians.

  “About time you showed up,” Leah says to Mason, when he walks over to our group.

  “Sorry, I had some stuff I had to deal with this morning,” he says, putting his hands in his pockets.

  “Did you hook up with that chick you kissed on the cam last night?” Mikey asks, and the girls giggle.

  “Yeah,” he says, and I think he’s trying to smirk, but it almost looks painful.

  “Was she a shit lay? You look almost sick at the thought,” Johnny says, and Mason grabs the back of his neck looking nervous.

  “Yeah, something like that. Anyway, the food showed up. I’ll go get that set up,” he says, walking away.

  “I’ll go help him,” Leah says, following behind.

  Did he really sleep with a woman last night? I got the vibe that he was gay, but maybe I’m wrong. If that’s the case, how come he hasn’t just settled down with a woman yet? And why did talking about having sex with a woman almost make him ill?

  “Let’s go eat so that we have time to chill before we have to get to the stadium,” Johnny says, patting me on the back and pulling me from my thoughts.

  “I was hoping just family was going to be here today,” I hear Mason trying to whisper to Leah.

  “This is our family; you know how brunches go. Why is it a big deal that other people are here?” she asks, crossing her arms and giving Mason a look.

  He looks up and sees me. Our gazes lock and I have an instant flashback to the night at the wedding. I want to take him out of here this second and remind him how good I can make him feel. He quickly looks away and I know he’s not thinking the same thing.

  “We’ll talk about it later,” he tells her, walking to go sit in the living room without dishing up.

  “Someone’s grumpy today,” Leah says with a smile.

  I grab a plate, dishing up a balanced meal, and I go to sit in the living room.

  “Mind if I sit here?” I ask Mason, tilting my chin to the empty space next to him on the couch.

  “Sure, I’m heading out anyway,” he murmurs, standing.

  “But you just got here,” Leah whines. “We never see you anymore. Please stay.”

  A little boy comes running and jumps onto Mason, causing him to fall down onto the couch.

  “MayMay,” he screams, giving him a tight hug.

  Mason squeezes him back and closes his eyes.

  “Hey, little man. Did you miss me?” he asks and the little boy nods. “I missed you too. Sorry I’ve been working so much. Are you being good for your mommy and daddy?”

  He nods and snuggles into his uncle’s lap.

  “He’s good, just very busy,” Leah says, as two couples and three more kids enter the kitchen.

  “Sorry we’re late,” a very pregnant lady says, and a rush of kids come running down the stairs.

  How did I not notice all these children until now?

  “This is Crystal and Dustin,” Leah says, introducing the pregnant lady and her husband, who I recognize as Dustin Maxx, another insanely talented musician. “And Shae and Tyler.” The other man is Tyler Shepherd, a wicked awesome drummer for the band Outspoken Chaos.

  What can I say? I love rock music, and I feel like I’m in some secret club to be around all these crazy talented people.

  The kids run off back up the stairs to play. The little boy on Mason’s lap stays, though. Almost clinging to him.

  “Don’t you want to play with your friends, Eddie?” Mason asks.

  “Uh-uh,” he says, shaking his head.

  “You really should come around more often,” Leah says, sitting down with a plate of food.

  Mason sighs. “I know, I’m planning on changing that. I’m planning on changing a lot of stuff, I just need a little time, okay?”

  Leah nods. Mason looks at her for a minute before turning his attention back to everyone else.

  I want to know what is going to change in his life. I want to be a part of this conversation, but clearly, he isn’t ready to have this conversation with anyone.

  Whenever Mason looks at me, I get this feeling in my chest like I want to know him more, but he isn’t giving me any signals that he wants to get to know me in return.

  “I’m glad you’re doing a life change, Mason. I know you think Dad only wanted you to make partner, but you know he wanted us to be happy more than anything. Family is huge, so don’t push us away anymore, okay?”

  Mason nods. “I know. Can we just talk about this later? I’ve had a crazy morning and I’m not ready to talk about this stuff yet.”

  Leah smiles, and the conversation flows into kids, and work, and life, but I’m barely following any of it.

  Before I know it, the morning is almost over and I need to head home quickly to grab my stuff before it’s time for me to go to work.

  “I have to go, but I promise I’ll be back soon,” Mason says as he stands, again not looking at me.

  Even though we are sitting next to each other, he hasn’t looked at me once. Even when I talk, he doesn’t chime in on the conversation.

  He’s avoiding me, but I don’t know if it’s because he regrets what happened or is fighting his feelings for me. At least, I think he has feelings for me. I know I feel something for him.

  Leah stands to give him a hug and Mason heads to the door. I stand up once he reaches the door and say my goodbyes.

  “Thank you so much for this awesome time. It was great meeting you all, but I have to go get ready.” I turn to Johnny and give him a nod. “See you in a bit, man!”

  “See you later,” he says with a wave, and I follow Mason outside.

  “Wait up!” I holler, seeing that he’s already at his car.

  I expect him to ignore me, but he actually stops and turns to me. His hands are in his pockets, and he’s biting his bottom lip. Man, I want to take that lip between my teeth and show him what a real bite feels like.

  Fuck, I need to get my head straight.

  “I know what you’re going through,” I tell him, once I’m standing in front of him. “I get that it’s not easy, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m a pretty good listener.”

  He stares at his shoes, kicking at the ground. “I’m still figuring everything out.” His voice isn’t very loud, and again, he won’t look me in the eyes.

  “Give me your phone and I’ll program my number,” I tell him, reaching my hand out. He stares at it, not moving, and I don’t know if he’s going to or not. “You don’t have to call, but if you need an ear, it’s yours.”

  After about a minute, he finally reaches into his pocket and grabs his phone. Once he unlocks it, he hands it to me. I quickly program my number and send myself a text, so I have his number.

  “There. Now you have my number and I have yours. I promise I won’t text you, but I’ll answer as soon as you reach out.”

  I don’t give him time to reply, instead I turn and head to my car. He isn’t ready for the conversation yet, but I’m hoping I affect him like he affects me, and he will reach out one day.

  I’m getting ready for bed when my phone rings. I smile at a picture of Heather and Esther that she sent me a few days ago.

  “Hey, beautiful. How are you?” I ask.

  “So good. My world has literally been turned upside down this week. As predicted, I lost my job, my apartment, and all contact with my family. But Esther got me a job at her sister’s bakery, she asked me to move in with her, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. Isn’t that crazy, Mason? Everything is different, but it’s for the
better.”

  “I’m so happy for you,” I tell her, but I can’t help feeling this guilt creeping inside of me.

  “But I didn’t call just to tell you I’m happy. I wanted to check in on you. Have you told your sister yet?”

  “Not yet,” I tell her, sitting down on my bed. “I was going to after I left your apartment, but there were a lot of people at her place, and it didn’t feel like the right time.”

  “When is the right time? I kept thinking the same thing. Now look at me. Am I going to miss my family? Of course. But surrounding myself with people who actually support me is more important. What do you have to lose?”

  “Nothing of real importance,” I admit.

  “Exactly. I’m not saying you need to tell your work you’re gay—they can find out when you bring a boyfriend to a work event—but you should tell those closest to you.”

  “I know. I’m just a chickenshit. Who knew that a tiny, pretty girl would be braver than me?”

  Heather giggles. “I’m here if you need me. Just think about it more, Mason. I want you to be happy. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but you will always hold a special place in my heart. We met for a reason.”

  “I promise I’m going to tell my sister. Just might need some liquid courage.”

  She laughs again. “Oh, I was drunk as fuck when I told my family. That didn’t make them happy either, but I figured if they were gonna be pissed off anyway, might as well go big or go home.”

  “Take care. I’ll call you next week. We should go out for drinks. I’ll bring my best friend, Meadow. You and Esther will love her.”

  “That sounds amazing! Talk soon.”

  We hang up and I glance around my empty house. It would be nice to have someone to spend my evenings with. Instead, I’m alone because I’m a fucking chickenshit. Heather had way more to lose, and she still followed her heart. Me? Yeah, it still hasn’t happened.

  “So, when are you going to talk to Leah?” Meadow asks before taking a bite of her salad.

  Everyone keeps bringing that up, and I know no one is dropping that anytime soon.

  Meadow brought me lunch at the office today, and as usual, we have gotten some looks. No one believes we are just friends. I guess it’s hard to believe when we are together all the time. Also, they don’t know that the female body doesn’t do it for me.

  “Soon,” I tell her and moan after taking a bite of my burger. “Damn, this is good. Why are you still teaching? You need to open a restaurant.”

  She giggles. “It’s the dream. But it never feels like the right time. Do you know how much money it costs? And I’ve been doing my research. Most businesses never make it. Especially restaurants. I don’t want to be another failure case.”

  “I’ll fund it,” I tell her, causing her to roll her eyes.

  “I don’t want your money.”

  “We could make it a partnership. You know I like to invest my money, and you’re a good investment.”

  We’ve had this conversation a couple of times, and she always shoots me down.

  “Meadow, cooking is your calling. I know you love those kids, but your food is amazing. People would pay big money to have this,” I raise my burger and she blushes.

  “Is it really that good?”

  I nod. “This is the best burger I’ve ever had. Your seasoning is perfect, and your homemade sauces are otherworldly. Have I ever lied to you? Do I ever blow smoke up your ass? I’m serious. You need to open a restaurant and I think we should go look at properties as soon as school is out. You’ll never do it if I don’t push you. You said so yourself, I’m too busy with work, and I need to spend more time with friends and family. What better way than spending my money on my best friend and helping her start her dream?”

  Meadow puts her fork down and stares at me for a minute.

  “Fuck it, let’s do it!” She finally says, jumping up and rushing to my chair to give me a hug. She falls in my lap and we both laugh.

  “I’ve missed feeling light and carefree. I’m sorry that I’ve buried myself in my work. I really do want to change. After talking with Heather, I’ve been wondering what kind of life this really is. I know you’ve told me time and time again that working myself to death isn’t going to make me happy. I guess I just had to come to terms with that on my own.”

  Meadow smiles and hugs me again, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

  “I knew you would eventually come around. All I want is your happiness, Mason.”

  Meadow leaves and I know it’s time to talk with Leah, but I can’t make myself call her. I’ve lied to her our entire lives. How is she going to be okay with that?

  Lying on my couch, I take another sip of my bourbon, the liquor coursing through my veins. I’m not quite drunk yet, but I’m buzzed and well on my way to drunk Mason making an appearance. I change the channel and my phone buzzes on the coffee table.

  Leah: Great game! Too bad you couldn’t come over and watch it with me.

  Me: Sorry. I really am trying to stop working so much. Next time.

  Leah: For sure. I love you.

  Me: Love you too.

  I place it back on the coffee table and chug the remaining liquor. Okay, maybe I’m already drunk, and sad, and lonely. I still haven’t talked to Leah about who I really am, and it’s eating me alive. I’m just a fucking coward.

  I glance at my phone and pick it up, going to Xavier’s number. I shouldn’t text him, but I don’t know who to talk to about this, and I know I can’t keep this in forever.

  I want a love like Leah and Johnny have, like Mikey and Tia, and Dustin and Crystal, and Tyler and Shae. Everyone I know is happily in love, besides Meadow, and I’m the only one keeping myself from that.

  Me: How do you tell someone you’re gay?

  It takes him a while to reply, probably still at the stadium. I know Johnny doesn’t normally get home until around eleven o’clock at night, but it’s almost eleven.

  After I’m ready to give up and go to bed, Xavier replies.

  Xavier: Exactly like that. Just rip the band-aid off.

  Easier said than done. Standing, I move to the kitchen to pour myself another drink. Thank fuck it’s Friday and I don’t work tomorrow. I’m definitely going to be feeling like I got hit by a truck when I wake up.

  Me: But I’ve lied to everyone for years.

  Xavier: They’ll still love you.

  Me: What if I lose my job?

  I expect another text, but my phone starts to ring. I stare at it for a moment like if I answer it, I’ll catch on fire, but finally I sigh and answer.

  “Took you long enough,” Xavier laughs on the other end and the sound makes me feel warm.

  “Sorry. Just kind of caught me off guard, is all.”

  Taking my drink back to the living room, I set it down on the coffee table and let myself fall on the couch.

  “You know a job can’t fire you for being gay. You are a lawyer, you could sue them.”

  “I know that, and I don’t even think they’d fire me. But I’ve been working my ass off to become partner at my law firm. I’ve pushed everyone away. I barely see my friends or my family. If I come out as gay, I’m pretty sure they won’t promote me.”

  I admit the truth that’s eating at me. “I know I did this to myself. If I would have been honest from the beginning, none of this would have happened. But I’m so scared. My dad was an amazing father and a fantastic lawyer, and I just wanted to follow in his footsteps. I pushed who I really am way down, and for the past few years I’ve pushed everyone away. I want to change, but I’ve been like this for so long… it’s hard.”

  Xavier is quiet for a moment, digesting what I said.

  “I came out when I was thirteen. My father and my mother grabbed me in their arms and told me they loved me. It was confusing to them at first that I like both men and women, but they never judged me. I get being scared, though. When I had my first boyfriend, we both got beat up at school. It terrified him, and he sa
id everything between us was a mistake. I never apologized for who I was, though.”

  “Won’t everyone hate me for lying for so long?” I ask. My heart is starting to hurt. I really am a piece of shit.

  “You’ve lied to yourself too. And you’re hurting. It’s easy to tell. Even only knowing your family and friends for basically five minutes, I don’t think they’d hate you.”

  I hiccup and can’t help but laugh.

  “Sorry. You are right, though. I just fucking hate that I’ve let fear rule my life for so long.”

  Xavier chuckles on the other end of the phone.

  “I’ve seen it a lot. You aren’t the only one, Mason. But I think you’ll see that it’s better once you are open and honest.”

  I nod like he can see me.

  “Why are you so smart, and so sexy?”

  Xavier laughs at that remark. Sober Mason would be traumatized, drunk Mason is rolling with it.

  “I’m just pretty active in the LGBTQ community. I’ve helped teens come out to their families. Even when the families are mad and kick them out, they are always happy they did it. When you live with a lie, it eats at your soul.”

  “That’s deep,” I murmur. “You’re right, though. I’m gonna tell Leah.”

  “Start with her and gradually tell others. Hell, you don’t even have to tell others if you don’t want to, they can just find out when you get a boyfriend.”

  My thoughts drift back to when Xavier’s lips were around my dick. The feel of his warm mouth, the way he made me come harder than I’ve ever come before. Would he want to be my boyfriend?

  No, that ship has probably sailed. I’m actually surprised he’s even talking to me right now. Who talks someone through something crazy like this? Especially after that person ran out on you after sharing an intimate moment like we did. He’s just a good guy, I guess.

  “Thanks for the help,” I tell him, not really wanting to hang up but having no other real excuse to keep him on the line.

  “That’s what friends are for. We should hang out when I’m home next. I don’t have a lot of down-time, but I don’t really know anyone besides Johnny in Sienna. So if you’re up for it, let me know.”