Confidential Moments: A M/M Sports romance

by Laura John

  This is so much information and there’s no time to process it. If Mason was by my side, it would be a no brainer, but he isn’t here.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket and the call I’ve been waiting on for two weeks finally comes, but I’m not ready for this conversation, so I don’t answer.

  “Thank you for staying with him for the past ten days until I was able to get home,” I tell Sabrina. “You didn’t have to do this, and I appreciate you calling me. And I hope you don’t mind but I want us to draw up a contract. I just want what’s best for that baby.”

  It’s not that I don’t trust her, but with the fucking gong show that my life is turning into, I would rather be safe than sorry. I mean, I don’t even know her. We spent one night together, and I need to do what’s best for me and my son. I never thought I’d be saying those words at this time in my life. And all by myself to boot.

  She nods. “Of course, and thank you for taking care of my medical bills. I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for it,” she whispers before turning her attention to our son. “I know I don’t have a right to ask, but have you chosen a name for him?”

  “Joseph Noah Briggs.” My dad would have been honored to have him named after him.

  “That’s a perfect name,” she says, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’ll give you some time alone. You have my number. Once you have the paperwork drawn up, let me know and I’ll sign. Again, I’m sorry to drop all of this on you like this.”

  “We all make mistakes, Sabrina; I don’t blame you for keeping it a secret. I’m just glad that I get to have my son in my life.”

  This tiny little man has a big fight ahead of him, and it’s already breaking my heart that I won’t be able to be here every day.

  I pull out my phone and call my mom, letting her know everything that is going on. I should have told her sooner, but I wanted to see him in person before I told anyone. The only other person who knows is Johnny, and so far, he’s kept his mouth shut.

  “Oh, my boy. Life sure has dealt you a handful, hasn’t it?”

  “Yeah, Mom, I don’t know what to do. But I want this little man so much.”

  “I will come and be with him every day that you can’t. And if you need me to stay longer, I’ll support you in any way I can.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Mom.”

  She makes a noise, chastising me. “I will hear none of it. I’m a grandma now! I’ll book my flight once we hang up. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

  “Love you too, Mom. Thank you!”

  We hang up and I let out a sigh of relief. Having Mom’s support will make this so much easier. I just wish I had the support of the one man who has been breaking my heart these past few weeks.

  I wonder why he called me today, after complete silence for two solid weeks. I almost feel like it’s too little, too late at this point. I have a son who’s dependent on me now, and I need a man who is going to support me, not just tuck tail and run when life gets difficult.

  If anyone should have been upset, it should have been me, but I wasn’t mad at him for fighting. I understand it. When you suppress your feelings and emotions for so many years, sometimes, they just bubble out. I’ve seen it with the teens I’ve helped in the past.

  But I don’t have time to deal with this anymore. My son needs positivity and solid support. He has a long journey ahead of him and I won’t have negativity delaying his progress.

  “Hi, Mr. Briggs, I’m Nya. I am one of your son’s nurses. Has the doctor been in to talk to you yet?” an older lady who looks kind asks me.

  “No, he hasn’t yet. I’ve only been here for a little bit. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here the day he was born. Also, this one machine keeps beeping, is that normal?”

  She places her hand on my arm and smiles. “The mother already told me everything. I helped her in delivery. She was a very kind, young woman. Making this decision wasn’t easy for her. Everything is normal; his vitals are completely stable. I understand it can be very overwhelming, but it’s okay to ask questions, and it’s okay to feel out of your depth. This is all new to you. If you have any questions, just ask. We’re here for you.”

  A man in his mid-thirties comes into the room.

  “Hi, I’m Doctor Nelson, your son’s doctor. He is already doing very well. He fought really hard during the delivery and developed a brain bleed, but that isn’t uncommon. We have to continue to monitor him, and surgery might have to happen, but right now he is stable.

  “He’s a very strong little boy and he has a lot to overcome, but we’ll do our very best for him and we’ll take care of him as best we can. He has a long journey ahead of him, but his mother was doing a very good job during her pregnancy, so besides the brain bleed and his lungs being underdeveloped, there doesn’t seem to be any other major complications.

  “He will be monitored closely to make sure nothing else comes up and that the bleed heals itself with time and some medication. I understand you won’t be able to be here all of the time because of your work schedule. Is there anyone else you would like to have on-call just in case?”

  I give my mom’s information and the doctor nods. “He’s a strong little man. We are going to do the best we can for him.”

  He leaves and I sit down in the chair next to my son.

  “Would you like to hold him?” Nya asks and I’m shocked.

  “He’s so little. Am I allowed?”

  She smiles and nods. “It will be challenging, but it’s possible and actually encouraged. Skin to skin is the best. Unbutton your shirt, I’ll grab a warm blanket, and then we’ll get him situated.”

  She comes back and I sit in a comfy chair that is next to the incubator that Joey stays in. Very carefully, she picks Joey up and places him on my chest, working our way around the tubes and cords.

  Once he’s on my chest, the nurse turns to check his vitals.

  “Everything is perfect. He must know you’re his daddy.” She smiles and places her hand on my shoulder. “Let me know when you have to leave. We’ll get you through this, Daddy.”

  I smile at her and a happy tear falls down my face. An overwhelming sense of love washes over me that I didn’t even know was possible. This tiny human has completely changed my life, but I don’t think I’d change anything now that he is here. I’d go to the moon and back just to keep him safe. Who knew that kind of love just happened?

  I hold him and sing to him like my mom used to do to me until I had to leave to go to work. Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I know it will be even harder when I have to leave to travel.

  Walking into the stadium, I have a million thoughts going through my head. I have no idea how I’m going to be a father on my own, but I know I have to do it. I’ll probably move back home at the end of the season, so I have a support system.

  “So is the kid yours?” Johnny asks when I get into the locker room.

  I nod. “He is. He’s so tiny, man. And it’s insane he’s in this little chamber that is actually huge on him. I was only able to hold him for a short time and I swear my heart broke when I had to leave him with strangers, even though I know he’s in good hands. But I named him and spoke with this doctor about what his journey looks like.”

  “So, you’re keeping him?”

  “Yeah, it sucks that I’ll be doing this on my own, but the moment I laid eyes on him I knew I couldn’t give him up. Can you ask Leah about a family lawyer? I need someone to draw up a contract so that I have sole custody of Joseph. I don’t think Sabrina would try to do anything shady, but it’s best for everyone to have it in writing.”

  “I’ll ask her tonight and forward you the information.”

  “I don’t know how I’m going to do this all on my own,” I admit, feeling weak.

  “You’re not alone,” he tells me, staring into my eyes. “I’m sorry Mason fucked up your relationship. He should be here right now. Do you think you’ll ever forgive him?”

  “Not sure. He did cal
l today, but I didn’t answer it. I just have so much going on right now, and I need someone I can actually trust. I just don’t know if that’s Mason anymore.”

  Johnny nods. “I’m sorry. If you need anything, let me know.”

  I thank him and move to start my workout.

  I wanted a family, but not on my own. Why the fuck is life so unfair?

  “You are a fucking dumb piece of shit!” Leah screams, storming into my office.

  “Shut the door,” I hiss, not raising my voice, as people stick their heads out of their offices, trying to get a look at the commotion.

  “Can I help you?” I ask, staring at my clearly pissed off sister once she shuts the door.

  “Yes. You can start by pulling your head out of your fucking ass. Your boyfriend needs you, but you’re too busy feeling sorry for yourself,” she fumes, not sitting down.

  “Well, I called him today and he didn’t answer me. Why does he need me, anyway?”

  She shakes her head. “Nope, I’m not telling you. But you need to get him to talk to you. You need to apologize and be there for him.”

  She turns on her heels, throws the door open, and storms out, slamming it behind her, and I’m so confused as to what just happened.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Xavier asks, clearly pissed off that I’m sitting on the steps of his condo.

  “We need to talk,” I tell him, but he shakes his head.

  “Nope. You had your chance. My life is really fucking complicated right now and I don’t have time for this.”

  He tries to push past me, but I stand tall, not moving. I have to apologize and make things right. Even if it means forcing him to listen.

  “What has your life so complicated?” I ask and he glares at me.

  “Just drop it, Mason,” he says through gritted teeth.

  I puff my chest and don’t budge.

  “Not happening,” I tell him, needing to have this conversation.

  “Well, first of all, my boyfriend made a fool out of himself and got arrested. Then he blocked me out of his life,” he takes a step closer and I can feel his breath on my neck. “And then I get a call from a girl I slept with over six months ago telling me she just had my baby. How’s that for fucking complicated? Also, want to know the cherry on top?” his voice gets louder and his face is red. “My son is in the NICU fighting for his fucking life. So yeah, life is pretty fucking complicated.”

  I blink a few times, trying to digest his words.

  “You have a baby?” I ask like an idiot.

  “Yeah, and I really could have used you as a support person, but you were too busy wallowing in self-pity or whatever the fuck you were up to. I need a partner who stays when the going gets tough, and I don’t think that’s you, Mason. So, if you would kindly get the fuck off of my property and never talk to me again, that would be great.”

  He pushes me aside, unlocks his door, walks inside, and slams it in my face.

  My heart breaks and tears stream down my face. I can’t even argue with him. I did this all to myself. There’s no taking back what I did. I made my bed, so I guess I’ll have to lay in it. But my heart feels like it’s being torn from my chest. I don’t know if I’m going to survive this agonizing pain.

  Walking to my car, I pull up the contact information for a family lawyer. I don’t know if Xavier needs it or not, but I forward it to him, anyway.

  Me: Not sure what the situation is like, and after this message I’ll respect your wishes and stay out of your life, but here is an amazing family lawyer.

  I don’t get a response, but I send off another text to Foster, telling him that if Xavier does contact him to bill me—whatever the cost is. I know Xavier has the money, but this is the least I can do.

  I should have been there for him when he found out about all of this. He shouldn’t have had to be alone. I dreamed of having a child with Xavier one day. This could have been our chance, but I fucking blew it.

  Me: I know you hate me right now. And I’m sorry for everything. Can I come over, though? I don’t want to be alone right now.

  Meadow: Of course. Come on over.

  I feel a wave of sadness rush over me, and I’m seriously afraid of being by myself right now. Why should I even live anymore? All I do is hurt the people I love.

  I drive to Meadow’s house, and she covers her mouth when she sees me.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this upset before,” she says, pulling me into her arms.

  “I fucked up so bad, Meadow. I don’t even want to live anymore. My heart hurts so bad. I just want the pain to stop.” I start crying again. “Make it stop, Meadow.”

  She rubs my back and pulls me into her house.

  “Oh honey, I’m so sorry,” she says, still holding me.

  “I’m a failure, Meadow. I’ve ruined everything. I hurt the man I love more than myself, I’ve hurt my sister, and pretty much everyone around me. And I know I let my dad down. Not because I won’t get the promotion now, but because I was not the man he raised me to be. There was so much anger in me, and now all I feel is emptiness.”

  She steps back and grabs my hand.

  “Come on, let’s go watch some movies and cuddle. We’ll fix this,” she tries to reassure me, but I don’t think there is any way to fix this.

  “How are you today?” Dr. Sean says, sitting across from me.

  “The depression still feels like a heavy weight on my chest. I hurt so many people. I don’t know why I deserve to live.”

  He nods and writes some stuff down. “Is the medication helping at all?”

  I shake my head. “Aren’t I supposed to see some sort of a change in two weeks? I still feel like I’m drowning. I think the anger is gone, but maybe my sadness is just masking it. I can’t focus, and I’m terrified I’m going to mess up a contract for a client and get fired. My work is all I have left now.”

  “Is that really true?”

  “I’m pretty sure the only reason my sister calls is to make sure I haven’t killed myself. Meadow told her about my episode the night Xavier broke up with me. I do think about it a lot still. Like yeah, they’d hurt for a little bit, but all I’ve done the past month is cause pain.”

  “Let’s try another medication and keep to the twice a week sessions. How is the restaurant going?”

  “Good. The construction is almost done, and Meadow has the perfect menu lined up. She doesn’t brag like she should be, though, and I think it’s because she’s been filtering herself around me. Like if she’s too happy, it will make me actually kill myself or something. But I love seeing her happiness.”

  “Have you reached out to Xavier at all?”

  “I wrote the letter like you suggested, but other than that, no. I can’t push him to let me be in his life. I hurt him deeply, and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life.”

  “But you were hurting also, weren’t you?”

  “I still shouldn’t have pushed him away.”

  “People make mistakes, don’t they?”

  I shrug. “I guess so. I just don’t think I deserve forgiveness.”

  “In the next two days, I want you to meet with your sister and talk about everything. I want you to tell her how you’ve been feeling. And then when we come back, I want you to tell me all about it. Also, I want you to talk to Meadow and tell her about how you want to see her happy. You need to start opening up to people, Mason. That is the one thing that has always held you back. You like to close off. I think if you start opening up and not closing down when it gets tough, that is when you are going to start seeing progress.”

  He writes me a prescription for a new antidepressant and schedules me to see him in three days.

  I guess I see what he’s saying. My defense mechanism is always to close off and push everyone away. It clearly hasn’t ever done me any good, so it’s worth a try.

  “What are you doing here?” Meadow asks from the kitchen of M².

  “I came to see the progress
you have going on here,” I tell her and walk over to give her a hug. “I’m so proud of you. The colors look amazing in the main area.”

  She smiles brightly but then quickly dials it back. It makes me frown.

  “Stop that. You’ve been hiding your smile and joy, and I don’t entirely know why. I had my appointment with Dr. Sean today, and he told me I need to start opening up more. I want to see your happiness, Meadow; it actually sparks a little something inside me to see it. So don’t hide from me, please.”

  She throws her arms around me and squeezes tightly.

  “I’m sorry, you’re right. I have kind of been tip-toeing around you.” She pulls back and smiles at me. “I’ll stop. Here, have a bite of this.” She grabs a fork, picks up whatever she was working on, and shoves it in my mouth.

  “Holy fuck, Meadow, that’s amazing.”

  “I know, right? It’s a dessert I’ve been working on. It will come with a shot that Liam designed, and it’s going to be heaven.”

  “I’m so damn proud of you. How are the interviews coming? Do you need me to draw up contracts yet?”

  “Not yet, but close. I have a few hopefuls that I have in mind.” She pauses and stares at me for a second. “I totally forgot to tell you; I gave my resignation letter to the school board. I’m not going back in August.”

  Finally, good news. Even if my life is a dumpster fire, I’m still happy that my best friend is living the life she wants.

  “I’m so proud of you, Meadow. Your vision is coming to life, and you are going to kill it.”

  She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “No, we are going to kill. No me without you, remember?”

  There is still a lot of darkness in my chest, but a small flicker of light comes in. I can get over this depression. I can get my family to forgive me, and maybe just maybe I can win Xavier back.

  “Meadow, I need your help.”

  She smiles and starts to vibrate with excitement. “Please tell me you are going to fight for Xavier?” she asks, and I nod.