“Good morning,” he puffed, gliding to a halt.
Wow! His face was just as beautiful as his butt. “Morning,” I replied, automatically edging towards the ladder. The last thing I needed to be doing right now was ogling some guy. I had enough man troubles waiting for me at home. And while I might be able to forget them for a minute or two while I appreciated the immaculate room I was staying in or the calmness of the spa with the fountain in the corner, the reality was never really far from my mind. Wrapping my towel around me, I quickly stuffed my feet into the fluffy slippers I’d found in the wardrobe, collected my clothes and darted back to my room. Last night I’d been too tired to enjoy the oversized bath tub with the spa jets, but there was no way I was going to miss my chance. Hurrying past the other guests, I spied the buffet in the main dining area and my mouth watered. Since Drew had dropped his bombshell, I’d barely been able to put one foot in front of the other without someone holding my hand, let alone even think about real food. I don’t care what anyone says, though edible, the plane food was far from gourmet dining. Even from where I was standing, I could hear the deliciousness calling me.
I wasn’t dressed for public consumption though. And I certainly wasn’t ready to deal with people. Solitude was my friend and safety blanket. One I had no intentions of kicking off anytime soon. As soon as I burst through the door of my room, I scanned the breakfast menu and placed my order. Struggling to decide, I ordered enough to feed a small army, but I didn’t care.
Indulging wasn’t something I’d done much of over the past few years. I’d played second fiddle for so long now, I could barely remember what it was like to come first. It wasn’t all Drew’s fault, though. As much as I’d like to blame him, it had been my choice. One I’d made over and over again, until I barely even realised I was making it. Something broke and needed fixing, I forwent the new dress I’d been eying up. Drew needed new shoes and had to have the best money could buy, I gave up the haircut I needed. Now here I was, my first taste of freedom. The first days of my new life. A life I hadn’t signed up for and one I wasn’t sure I wanted to be a part of, and I was ordering fresh fruit and pastries and bacon and eggs and pancakes. Last time I’d taken myself out for breakfast I’d had the plain bagel and a coffee. This time all bets were off. I wasn’t missing out on a thing.
While I waited for my food to arrive, I filled the bath with gardenia scented bubbles, and the whole bathroom filled with the most amazing scented steam. Just standing there, staring at the girl in the mirror enveloped by the cloud of steam, I felt incredible. I never wanted to leave. Grabbing the comb from the counter, I brushed out my long, lifeless hair. Those three missed haircuts were showing all my flaws. From the split ends to the silver highlights – as I preferred to refer to the grey strands as – which were becoming more and more pronounced every day, I hated how it hung lifelessly down my back. Remembering the hairdresser in the hotel brochure, I dialled reception and made myself an appointment without stopping to talk myself out of it. Within a couple of hours, the world-weary, dishevelled and broken shell of a woman who checked in last night was not going to be the same one checking out this afternoon. Things were about to change. I was changing.
A knock at the door earnt a squeal as I tightened the sash on my robe and answered. The food was somehow even tastier than it looked. After overindulging in buttery croissants, crispy bacon and possibly the fluffiest scrambled eggs I’d even eaten, I wobbled my way into the bathroom and sank beneath the bubbles.
Leaving this place was going to suck arse.
I know I could’ve saved myself a butt tonne of money and just hidden out in a hotel in Sydney, saving not only the price of the airfares, but also the fourteen-hour exhausting, cramped flight, but that wouldn’t have given me what I needed the most. I might not have known I did, but there was something to be said about time and distance. Right now, I planned to enjoy the hell out of both starting with doing something about the mop on my head.
Emerging from the hairdressers I looked like a different woman. I may not have felt like one yet, but I was banking on the ‘fake it til you make it’ theory. The split ends were gone, the grey hairs were dyed a coppery red and everything smelt like coconuts. With every step I took, my over the top bouncy hair surrounded me with the delicious scent.
Time to leave came too soon. I was enjoying being pampered. Unfortunately, I knew it couldn’t last. Even Cinderella’s night had an expiration date just like mine. Only mine arrived faster than I was ready for. Bummed, I carried my bags down to reception and handed back the plastic swipe card that was my access to heaven. Not only that dreamy, perfectly plush bed but also the pool and the health spa I’d spied through the heavy wooden doors. The one I’d read offered massages and facials and pedicures…oh my. Pushing aside the thoughts of cancelling everything Kristie had booked and just moving in here for a week, I sat down on one of the oversized leather armchairs and looked around. Kristie had said someone would be here to collect me at twelve-thirty and I was running ten minutes early, as per normal, so I’d sit here, quietly in the corner and people-watch.
“Ms. Sanford?” an almost musical voice asked from over my shoulder.
Spinning around, I came face to face with perhaps the most breathtaking woman I’d ever encountered. She had the most beautiful, silky-looking chocolate skin with deep brown eyes that I swear could see into my soul. There was something so gentle about them that they had me wanting to confess my deepest, darkest fears. Her hair was done in tight braids and pulled back in a high ponytail. Her impeccably-pressed khaki pants and matching shirt had me cringing at my crumpled jeans. I looked a fright compared to her.
“That’s me.”
“Great. I’m Marian and I’m here to drive you out to Tambuti Lodge.”
“Tambuti Lodge?”
“Ah, yes. Is that not where you’re headed?”
Honestly, I had no idea. I know I’d seen the name in my email but since it really didn’t mean anything to me, I’d skimmed over it and kept going. Now though, I was more than curious. It better not be some form of glamourized camping. I didn’t do camping, no matter how glamourous it claimed to be.
“I…I guess.”
“You’re not sure?”
“Ah, no.” Feeling the need to explain, I filled in the missing details as to why I was standing there like a complete moron with my mouth hanging open.
“Ah. Well that makes sense. Did you want me to wait until you confirm?”
Feeling like a fool, I shook my head. “No. It’s fine. I remember the lodge and a few other details. Let’s just head out.”
“I’ll grab your bags then we can be on our way.”
Finding my feet, I realised how tiny this woman was. I towered over her and I was only wearing my runners. There was no way I could let her carry my bags. It was just rude. Grabbing the handle of my suitcase at the same time she did, we looked awkwardly at each other.
“I’ve got it. If you want to head outside, it’s the white van parked at the kerb.”
As much as I didn’t want to take advantage and let her carry my things, I had to. It was her job and one she took seriously. I had to respect her wishes even if it went against everything I knew. I wasn’t in Australia anymore. I needed to adapt and adapt quickly.
From the moment she’d slipped behind the wheel I realised why I shouldn’t fuck with Marian. She was a speed demon on wheels. But she wasn’t the only one. It seemed like all Johannesburg drivers had a death wish. It was pouring with rain. Like pelting down. Heavy drops pinging on the roof. Glancing over Marian’s shoulder, I couldn’t help but wince when I saw the speedo read one-twenty with no signs of slowing. She wasn’t even out on the open road yet. She was still weaving through the city traffic. It was truly insane. Maybe I wouldn’t have to worry about sleeping on the ground or all the things that could eat me out there. Driving like this, there was a very real possibility I wouldn’t survive the journey.
“It’s about a three-hour drive ou
t to the lodge, so if you want to sit back and relax, I’ll get you there as soon as I can.”
Instead of letting the words, ‘take your time’ slip from my mouth, I just offered a thank you, settled back against my seat and closed my eyes. Maybe that was the key to surviving. Complete and utter blissful ignorance.
Maybe it was the jet lag or perhaps it was the rocking back and forth of the car as we barrelled along with the sound of rain pounding the roof. Whatever it was, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep before we’d even made it out of the city limits.
CHAPTER FOUR
MAGGIE
PRESENT DAY
We were worse than rabbits. Anywhere and everywhere we could get down and dirty, Drew and I refused to miss an opportunity. We’d settled on our new home – our first as a married couple, the one we planned to raise our children in – barely a month ago, and we’d already thoroughly enjoyed christening every single room in the house. Twice. Sex had become an addiction. Although we’d been going at it day and night, I thought with time the desire would fade. All the marital advice that had been tossed my way assured me that while it was all fun and games, the moment we were married with a mortgage the sparkle would dull and the blissful honeymoon period would officially be over.
I think Drew took it as a challenge.
I’d been bent over the back of the couch, spread out on the dining room table, and pinned to the tiles in the shower. Drew was insatiable and I, well I wasn’t complaining. Not one little bit. It didn’t seem to matter day, time or location. Drew always rose to the occasion.
After an overly enthusiastic session, one that started in the entryway and somehow migrated down the hallway until we reached the bedroom, I was lying in our bed, my head resting on Drew’s chest, his heart pounding beneath my ear as my fingers toyed with the smattering of dark hair on his chest.
“That was…”
“Yeah.” I had no words. I was still breathless and tingling.
“I’ve been thinking...”
“That’s dangerous.” Drew poked me in the ribs, right in the spot he knew I was the most ticklish. As I wriggled and squirmed, the arm that Drew had wrapped around my shoulder clamped down holding me tight against him.
“Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted.” This time I poked my tongue out at him, and he pinched my exposed nipple making me squeeze my thighs tight to ease the pressure. “What are your thoughts on kids?”
“Kids?”
“Yeah, kids. You know. Short people who run around making a shit tonne of noise and mess?”
“Oh. Kids. You mean those messy, sticky-fingered, snot-filled beings,” I confirmed.
Wrinkles appeared on Drew’s brow as he weighed my words. I think I shocked him a little. This wasn’t the first conversation we’d had about kids. Obviously, we’d talked about it before committing to our future together and discussed what we wanted. Or at least what we thought we wanted. While we agreed that two was our magic number, where I wanted a boy and a girl, Drew had his head and his heart set on two boys. In reality, I don’t think either of us cared. As long as they were happy and healthy then there was nothing more we could ask for.
When Drew unwound himself from around me, I shivered. Not from the cool breeze ruffling the curtains but from the frostiness radiating from Drew. When he climbed out of the bed and pulled on his pants, I felt like I’d been slapped in the face with a wet fish.
“What?”
“Forget it.”
Drew already had one foot out the door and I was reeling. How did we go from one of the most amazing and perfect moments to this? It was my fault. It had to be. I just couldn’t figure out why Drew was so upset.
“No, Drew, I can’t just forget it. Something’s pissed you off and I wanna know what it is.” Wow! I surprised myself with my demand.
I must have shocked Drew too, because he spun around and looked at me like I’d grown two heads. Since the moment we’d met, I’d always remained quiet on the sidelines. We’d argued about it a thousand times before; my need to keep everything inside rather than spitting out what I was thinking, so when I did, I think we were both momentarily stunned.
“Maggie, please,” Drew deflated. “Just let it go.”
“I can’t. What is it, Drew? Do you not want kids anymore? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?” Inside I was freaking out. Although I wasn’t convinced I was ready to be a mother, I could still see kids in our future. A future I couldn’t imagine without Drew. He had to be standing beside me. He was the only one I wanted beside me. He was my everything. He was my best friend, my husband and my lover.
“Geez, Maggie. Is that what you think?”
“What am I supposed to think?”
“Not that!”
“Well what is it then?”
“I was going to ask you if you wanted to start maybe… trying.”
“Seriously?” Well fuck me sideways. That was the last thing I was expecting. We’d been having so much fun just being us. We were carefree and enjoying life. And possibly even more importantly, enjoying each other.
I don’t know what I did, or what face I made, but it dissolved Drew’s frustrations. He didn’t even give me a chance to find the words to reply before he was sitting in front of me taking my hands in his. “Say something, Mags. Tell me what you’re thinking?”
“Honestly?”
Drew bit his lip nervously and his eye twitched. It was his tell. Whenever he was anxious his left eye twitched. He hated it. Even more though, he hated that I knew it. “Always, Maggie, you know that.”
“I mean, are we even ready?”
“You don’t think we are?”
“I…I… don’t know.”
“What else?”
“What do you mean ‘what else’? Isn’t that enough?”
“It is. But I know you. I can read you like a book, sweetheart. Tell me what’s scaring you right now.”
Drew was being…well, Drew. Giving me the opening to say whatever it was I needed to say. The only problem was, I wasn’t entirely sure what that was. Not really. I had so many conflicting thoughts rattling around my head all competing for the front spot, and all I could do was freak out. The desire to wiggle down and hide under the blankets until it was over was consuming me. Unfortunately, Drew was right. I might hate it. It might drive me crazy, but he was right. He did know me better than I knew myself.
“What if I’m a terrible mum?” I heard the question come out and surprised myself. I hadn’t given much credit to that particular fear but somehow it was the one I’d spat out.
When Drew let go my heart plummeted. He agreed. He thought I’d be a shitty mother too. It was one thing for me to think that. One thing for me to worry about how I’d cope. Worry about the idea of being solely responsible for another human being. It was a huge responsibility and one, frankly, I wasn’t sure I was ready for. In my head, it was a long way off before it became my reality anyway. And between now and then, I’d hoped for a puppy first. Like a trial run. Watching Drew walk around the other side of the bed, my heart was shattering. Silent tears slid down my cheeks. Right now, barely anything was registering.
I couldn’t even begin to describe the overwhelming sense of relief I felt when two arms, the arms I’d come to depend on, snaked around me from behind. Those arms were the ones that promised to keep me safe, from not only the big scary world but at the same time protect me from the scariest of all the demons; the ones that lived within me.
“Sweetheart.” Drew hugged me even tighter, pushed my hair off my shoulder and placed a wet, open-mouthed kiss on my bare skin. “You could never be anything other than a fantastic mum.”
“You can’t know that.” I sniffed as I snuggled back against him.
“Because you could never be bad at anything you set your heart to. And I for one know, the moment our child takes their first breath and probably even before, you’d do everything you could to make his or her life as perfect as possible.”
&
nbsp; “You really believe that?”
“I do. Do you want to know the best part?”
“What’s that?”
“You’re not going to have to do it alone. None of it. Not even for a second. Cause I’m going to be the lucky bastard who gets to hold your hand every step of the way and watch you become the best mother to our very lucky children.”
“Children? I thought we were only talking about having one.”
He bit my neck making me squeal and try to wriggle out of reach, but Drew’s arms were like a steel band wrapped around my waist, pinning me to him. “Let’s just start with one. See how we go from there.”
“I like that plan.”
Leaning over, Drew clicked the lamp off plunging the room into darkness before he pounced. With his weight pressing down on me, I felt his hardness against my hip. It was something that even now, continually surprised me. Drew was up for it no matter the situation. Barely five minutes ago we’d been in the midst of a pretty heavy discussion, I’d been on the verge of a mammoth-sized meltdown, and now here he was, raring to go.
“Me too.” Kissing me with all he was, Drew reminded me why I loved him. He was always there to talk me off the ledge and make me see reason. I couldn’t love him any more if I tried.
Grinding his already-weeping cock against me, I murmured appreciatively. “Let me guess.”
“Guess what?” he mumbled between kisses over my collarbone before sealing his lips around my nipple.
“You want to start now?”
“Start?”
He was adorable. He had his mouth wrapped around one breast while his hand groped the other. Drew knew exactly which buttons to push to turn me into a quivering pile of goo that he could bend to his will. And bend I would. “Start trying to…ah!” I’d been trying to form a sentence when Drew’s very talented and sneaky fingers found their way down over my stomach and circled my throbbing clit, stealing any coherent thoughts I might have.
Broken Dreams Boxset Page 4