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by Pavlov, Laura

  “Well, I’m happy to keep an eye on her,” Brayden said, and I wanted to punch him in the face. The way he looked at her and spoke to her. I fucking hated him.

  “Thanks, but I can take care of myself.” Jade’s tone was light, but she was serious. And she meant it.

  “I know you can, but I’ll be your backup,” Brayden said.

  Jesus. Grow some balls, dude. Now he offered to be her back up? He was the one she needed protecting from. A growl escaped me, and Jade’s head spun in my direction.

  “I’ll talk to Ari and text you later.” She waved goodbye, and we continued walking again once the annoying intruder left.

  “I don’t like him,” I said when we paused at her building.

  She laughed. “You don’t say? I think the growl was a dead giveaway.”

  “It was a warning. You don’t like him either.”

  “I actually went out with him twice. We’re friends,” she said.

  “You were fake dating him. You don’t even like that dude,” I said.

  She studied me, and I cupped my hands over my mouth and blew into them because it was fucking freezing. “I don’t hang out with people I don’t like. But I wasn’t attracted to him, so it didn’t work out.”

  “Of course you weren’t. He tried to dry hump you on the dance floor. I should have kicked his ass.” I shook my head in disgust.

  “What is your problem? You had a naked girl in your room. She slept in your bed for God’s sake, and you’re mad that Brayden danced too close to me. Listen to yourself.”

  “I told you, nothing happened with her,” I said, crossing my arms in front of my chest, and invading her space with my body.

  “Then why was she there?”

  “You want the truth?” I asked. I was done with this bullshit. Done depriving myself of something I wanted so fucking bad.

  “No. Please lie to me.” She smirked.

  “I brought her home with me because I thought that if I banged her, I’d stop thinking about you,” I said. There. The truth was out.

  She didn’t speak. She studied my face like she was searching for something. But who the fuck would admit what I just did if they weren’t being truthful?

  “So, you brought her home, fully intending to sleep with her, I mean bang her, and all for the sole purpose of not thinking about me? But then you didn’t do it?”

  “Correct.”

  “You really are the king of bad choices,” she said, tucking her hair behind one ear.

  “No argument there.”

  “Let me digest this, okay?” She glanced down at the time on her phone.

  “Okay. I better go. You want to grab dinner and study tonight?”

  “Study what? We’re done for a little bit.”

  “I thought you’d want to get started for the next one.” I chuckled.

  “Even I believe in an occasional day off.”

  “Okay. I guess I’ll study on my own,” I said. She knew there was no way in hell I was going to study on my own. I rumpled her hair and walked away.

  “Cruz.”

  I turned around as people moved in both directions around me. I pulled my collar up around my neck as the wind whipped around. “Yeah?”

  “We both still have to eat.”

  She was coming around.

  “I’ll pick you up at six.”

  Chapter Nine

  Jade

  “Is it a date? Are you seeing him?” Ari bounced on my bed while I got dressed.

  “No. I don’t think he dates. He’s never tried to kiss me or anything, so I honestly don’t know. But I told you all the stuff he said about why he brought that Sabrina girl home. So, I don’t know what to think,” I said, because I was completely puzzled by all things Cruz Winslow.

  “Friends with benefits?” She wriggled her eyebrows.

  “No way. We’re the opposite. It’s like we’re dating with no benefits.”

  We both laughed.

  “But you like him?”

  “I wish I didn’t. My gut tells me it’s not going to end well for me. But I don’t know. I can’t not like him, if that makes sense.”

  “It does. And sometimes you just have to live on the edge and go for it. You know what they say, if you don’t take a risk there’s no reward,” Ari said.

  “I’ll bet they also say if you don’t take risk you won’t get hurt.”

  “You’re young. He’s a hot bad-boy, rock star. It doesn’t get any sexier than that. Poor Brayden though. I think he really likes you.”

  “We went to dinner twice, and there just wasn’t any spark. We’re friends. He’s a super nice guy,” I said, pulling yet another sweater off and tossing it on my bed. “Ugh. I hate everything I try on.”

  “Let me help. I think those all scream, virgin tomboy, you seem to have a lot of clothing that falls into that category.” She laughed. “Come on, you’re young, you have a fab body, don’t be afraid to show it off a little.”

  “You’re insane. First of all, these are cute sweaters. Secondly, maybe they scream virgin tomboy because I am a virgin and a tomboy. Lastly, I don’t want to look like I’m trying too hard. It’s not a date. Cruz isn’t like that. It’ll scare him off if I seem desperate to date him. Look at his track record.”

  “I hear you. How about this?” Ari placed my dark skinny jeans on the bed and paired them with a black fitted turtleneck sweater. “You can wear my black heel booties to dress it up a little.”

  “Wow. You should be a stylist. I like this.” I slipped the turtleneck over my head. “Are you sure it isn’t too tight?”

  “I’m positive. You’re wearing a turtleneck, for God’s sake. But at least it shows off your cute shape. Man, I’d love to have your boobs,” she said, staring at my chest and smiling.

  I laughed. “Are you crazy? You’ve got the big knockers. Everyone wants those. I’ve got nothing going on upstairs.”

  “Yours are perky and perfect. Mine are big and annoying.” Ari chuckled, and I shook my head.

  “What’s happening with Jace?” I asked as I pulled my hair into a messy knot at the nape of my neck and pulled a few loose strands out to frame my face. I applied a bit of bronzer, mascara, and a little shimmery lip gloss.

  “He’s great. I think he’s officially my boyfriend as of lunch today. We don’t want to see other people, and I really like him.”

  I turned around to face her. “Why’d you wait till now to tell me? I’m so happy for you. You two are adorable together.”

  “Well, I know things are a little weird for you with Cruz. I didn’t want to come in singing about having a boyfriend when I know you like him.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy for you.”

  “I know. I’m excited about it. He wants us to all go to The Dive on Halloween. Exiled will be playing and apparently the place goes off that night. Are you down to go?”

  My stomach twisted at the mention of Halloween. It was my least favorite day of the year. But I was all about expanding my horizons this year, so I shook it off.

  “Yeah, Brayden mentioned it today. I’ve never been a big Halloween person, but I think it sounds fun. I don’t have a costume, but I’ll find one,” I said, looking down at my phone when it buzzed.

  Cruz ~ I’m outside.

  “We’ll go together this weekend. We can get matching costumes.”

  “Deal. Okay, he’s here. I’ve got to go.”

  I followed Ari down the hall to her room and slipped on her black booties.

  “You look amazing. Have fun. Ah, my little girl is all grown up.”

  She held her hands to her chest and closed her eyes like a proud mama. I gave her a hug and headed to the elevators, pushing away the butterflies and reminding myself this probably wasn’t even a date.

  “Hey,�
�� I said when I found him standing in front of his car.

  Cruz drove an Audi, which wasn’t a typical college kids’ car, but nothing about him was typical. He took me in, a slow perusal starting at my face and moving slowly down my body. I lost my ability to breathe. He looked different. He wore distressed jeans, a black fitted sweater, and black leather tennis shoes. His hair was still disheveled, but it looked like it was intentional. It was sexy and messy and I wanted to run my fingers through it. Never in my life had I wanted to run my fingers through a guy’s messy hair. But here I was.

  Hello. My name is Jade Moore, and I’m addicted to Cruz Winslow.

  “You look nice.”

  “Thanks,” I said when I got in the car. “Where are we going?”

  “How does Italian sound?” he asked.

  “Amazing. My dad makes the best spaghetti and I’ve been missing it.”

  His hands were on the wheel and he glanced over at me before turning his attention back to the road. “You and your dad are really close, huh?”

  “Very.”

  “He never remarried after you lost your mom?”

  I glanced out the window before I spoke. Not because I was uncomfortable talking about my family with him. I wasn’t. But opening up to him made me feel vulnerable. We were crossing a line, and I wanted to be cautious because I had no doubt that Cruz could shatter me pretty easily. I’d witnessed how casual he was about intimate relationships, and it made me cautious about entering into anything with him.

  “No. My mom was the love of his life. They were really sweet together. I’ve heard so many stories about them over the years from friends and family. He believes everyone has one true match and she was his.”

  “What do you think?” he asked, pulling into a parking space in front of La Trattoria.

  “About having one true match?”

  “Yeah.” His tone was serious, and he turned to face me.

  “I don’t know. I like the idea that there’s one person for everyone, I guess. You know, like having a soulmate. But what if it doesn’t work out with that person, like my parents. My mom died, and now my dad’s alone. So, I guess I believe in it, but I also think it’s okay to find someone else if things don’t work out the way you hoped. You know? My dad could meet someone wonderful, and yeah, she won’t be my mom, but she could still be great. He deserves to be happy.”

  “I like how you see the world,” he said.

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you don’t talk out of your ass. You’re one of the rare few. You don’t say what people want to hear. You say what you think. I like it.” He unbuckled his seat belt and stepped out of the car.

  When he opened my door, I started to think this might actually be a date. He’d never done that. We’d never gone to a restaurant like this before. Sure, we’d shared tacos and pizza, but it was different. The owner of the restaurant introduced himself to me and hugged Cruz. Obviously, he came here often. He seated us in the back at a table overlooking a gorgeous courtyard with twinkle lights.

  “Do you come here a lot?”

  “Nope. I’ve been here three times.”

  “Oh. The guy seems like he knows you,” I said, placing my napkin in my lap.

  “It’s my name. Or my father’s name, at least. They like to say he comes here when he’s in town. And he has. But he won’t remember the guy. He’s not like that. I don’t want to be like him, so I make it a point to remember people.”

  I tore off a piece of bread and Cruz ordered a bottle of wine. I assumed they wouldn’t serve me because I wasn’t twenty-one.

  “You and your dad aren’t close? What about your mom?”

  The waiter opened a bottle of red and Cruz sampled it. He didn’t ask me for my ID, he just poured two glasses, one for each of us. We placed our orders and we were alone again. I was anxious to hear his answer.

  “My family is not a traditional All-American family. I don’t know how to explain it.”

  “What makes them different?” I asked. I wanted to know more about him and how he grew up.

  “For starters, money. We have a shit ton of it, and my dad wields it around like a powerful sword. Lennon and I didn’t grow up spending time with our parents. Not the way you did, at least. I’m not close with my dad. He pretends we are. You know, in the press and in front of others. But he knows very little about me or Lennon. I’m closer to my mom, but she lives her life under my dad’s thumb. He’s an intimidating guy,” he said before popping a piece of bread in his mouth, like he just told me it was cold outside and not that his parents suck.

  “When you say you didn’t spend time with them when you were young, what do you mean?”

  “My parents spent more time on the west coast than at home with us when we were young. We stayed in Chicago with Clara and Sabine. Lennon and I each had our own nanny. When we vacationed, the nannies went along with us, you know, so Mom and Dad could go out at night. But, once a year, my mom would take Lennon and I each on a one on one trip anywhere we wanted to go. I loved it. One week alone with my mom. It’s my favorite childhood memory, aside from worrying about my brother when I was gone.”

  I tried to hide my shock when I responded, “Why would you worry about him? You were afraid your dad wouldn’t look after him?”

  He chuckled. “No. My father didn’t stay with the kid who didn’t go on the trip with Mom. We stayed with our nanny. But Lennon, he was a shy kid. He always cried when Mom was gone for more than a few weeks, and I became his safety blanket. So, when I’d have my week with her, I felt guilty knowing he was home alone and sad.”

  My stomach twisted thinking of Cruz as a little boy, especially one who tried to be there for his brother.

  “You have a much bigger heart than you show people,” I said.

  “Only to the people I care about, which isn’t many.”

  I don’t believe him, so I smiled and shook my head. “So, your mom would take you anywhere in the world you wanted to go? Where did you go?”

  “Well, keep in mind we vacationed in places my father would pick as a family, so I’d been to more than a dozen countries before I was seven. So, I would choose something new like Alaska or Canada, places we hadn’t gone as a family.”

  “That’s amazing. I’ve never been out of the state of Illinois,” I said with a laugh.

  He stared at me for a few seconds before speaking. “Really? You’ve never been on an airplane?”

  “Nope. I mean, Dad and I would do things, like camping or go out on my uncle’s boat. But we didn’t go far.”

  “Is there somewhere you always wanted to go?” he asked.

  “I mean, I’d like to see the world at some point in my life. But if I had to pick somewhere—” I pause because my answer was somewhat mortifying.

  “Tell me.”

  “I’ve always wanted to go to Disneyland or Disney World.”

  He smiled. It was genuine. He didn’t laugh at what I’d said, which to someone who had been everywhere, it probably sounded stupid. But if he thought it, he didn’t show it.

  “I’ve actually never been there either. I mean, I’ve been to California and Florida, but not to the theme park. My dad thinks they’re stupid, so we never went.”

  “Would you spend the holidays with your family growing up?”

  “When we were young, we’d travel with our nannies to meet my parents, and occasionally my grandparents. They never came home for Thanksgiving or Christmas because my dad doesn’t like the cold. As Lennon and I got older, we’d fly on our own, or sometimes we’d spend the holidays with friends here.”

  “Oh. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I guess they all are, really. But Dad and I start cooking the day before and we have a few families from the firehouse over. Everyone comes and watches football and then we eat and play board games. It’s one of my favorite days
of the year.”

  “That’s cool. Our holidays aren’t like that. My parents like to entertain, so they hire caterers and turn it into a big party. That’s why I don’t like to go much anymore because it isn’t good for Lennon. He struggles with being around that shit.”

  “What shit?” I asked.

  Cruz’s laughter boomed around me. “I love when you say shit.”

  I rolled my eyes and waved him on to continue.

  “My dad runs in a fast crowd. My parents’ get-togethers are not football and board games. There’s a lot of drinking, drugs, things like that. My brother was exposed to that lifestyle far too young, and he’s struggled with it.”

  “Struggled how?”

  “He got caught up with drugs early on. Uses alcohol and drugs to numb himself when he can’t deal with life, which is often. But when we started Exiled, things turned around for him. Music is his passion and it’s given him something to work for. My father doesn’t acknowledge drugs as a problem for Lennon because he’s been numbing himself for years, so admitting Lennon has a problem would be admitting he has one too. So yeah, that’s my family situation.”

  “You’re a good brother. I’m sure it’s hard to watch him struggle, especially when your dad doesn’t support you. Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes.”

  “Do you do drugs?” I needed to know, because it was a deal breaker for me. I wasn’t going down a path that ended in a dead end.

  He coughed and set his wine glass aside before tilting his head to meet my gaze. His smile made my stomach flutter.

  “No. I drink too much and I smoke cigarettes, which I know is stupid. But I don’t mess around with drugs. How about you?” he chuckled.

  “No. I’ve never done any drugs.”

  “I was kidding. I know that. I like it. I envy it. My dad has tried to introduce me to almost every drug out there. I didn’t try them because I knew he wanted me to.”

  “Does your mom do drugs too?”

  “Yes, sometimes. She’s not as strong-willed as I am. Even if she doesn’t want to do something, she won’t say no to him. She wants to please him. Her poison is prescription drugs, so she sleeps a lot. It’s a shame.”