MoreJade_LPavlov-eBooks

by Pavlov, Laura

  “Yeah. But what happens to the band if I want out? I can’t shit on you and Lennon,” I said, and I ran my hand down my face.

  “We need to find a lead singer. There’s a lot of talented dudes out there that want to tour and do this shit. I think you’ve sacrificed a lot to make this happen for your brother, and hell, even for me. But I know you don’t love it, Cruz.”

  “And what happens to Lennon?”

  “Lennon is a grown-ass man. You can’t babysit him his whole life. You know I’ll always look out for him, but at some point, he’s going to need to look out for himself,” he said.

  “Yeah. I’m just glad he’s in school. I want him to have a back-up plan, you know?”

  “You can’t control him, Cruz. He’s not you. He doesn’t like school and he’s set on playing music the rest of his life.”

  “And being controlled by my father? He’ll never be free,” I said, pushing to my feet.

  “Maybe he doesn’t want to be.”

  The thought made my chest tighten. I offered him a hand and pulled him to his feet. Because the truth was, I was never going to turn my back on my brother, at least not until he grew the fuck up. And I didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jade

  I hated Halloween. It was technically the day designated to remember the dead. How fitting, right? My mom died on the evening of October thirty-first, thirteen years ago tomorrow. I had a vague memory of sitting at the hospital in a bumblebee costume while I colored with my grandparents in the waiting room. The tulle skirt was itchy and irritating, but somehow, I knew what was happening was bigger than the discomfort of my costume. Sadness simmered in the air, and my worst fear came true. I said goodbye to the best mom on the planet and a piece of my heart floated away with her. Yet, every year when this day came around, I’d watch kids go door to door collecting candy, dressed up in silly costumes. I hadn’t dressed up since I was five years old. Dad never pushed me to trick or treat or wear a costume again. Sure, he’d always offer, but I’d end up in bed with a tummy ache. I was making a conscious effort to shed some of the sadness that still attached itself to me this time of year. I was dressing up and going to a party. I hadn’t told Cruz or Ari that Halloween was the day my mom passed away, because for the first time in my life, I wasn’t surrounded by people who knew what happened on October thirty-first, and I liked it. Maybe it would pass by just like any other day. Maybe I’d even learn to enjoy it like the rest of the world.

  “I like these. We could be hot fire-women.” Ari wriggled her eyebrows. We’d been at the costume store for thirty minutes and had yet to find anything we agreed on.

  “They’re cute. But it’s a little sacrilege with my dad being a fireman,” I said.

  “Ah, fair enough. But I don’t care what you say, Jade. I’m not wearing those goofy dinosaur costumes you picked out. We want to look hot, not like we’re making an appearance at the Jurassic Park movie premiere.”

  I laughed, and my gaze landed on a bumblebee costume on the other side of the aisle. Mom had made my costume and I remembered thinking I would never take it off. It was the best costume on the block. I never laid eyes on it again after that night.

  “Earth to Jade. Come on, you have to like something else.”

  “Fine. What about these? You can be the Mother of Dragons and I can be Arya Stark. She’s such a badass.”

  “No way. I told you I didn’t get into that show,” Ari said.

  I covered my ears because her words weren’t in my realm of understanding. My obsession with GOT was not normal. “Maybe you just didn’t give it enough time. You’re far too cool to hate on Game of Thrones.”

  She gasped. “What about these? I can be a devil and you can be an angel. It’s pretty fitting, don’t you think?”

  “Not really. You’re an angel outside of your lack of interest in GOT.”

  “Well, red is my color and you look great in white. Look how sexy these are? We’re going to turn some heads,” Ari said.

  My phone vibrated and Cruz’s name flashed across the screen.

  Cruz ~ How long does it take to find a costume? I miss you.

  Me ~ Almost done. You want me to come over? I can have Ari drop me off.

  Cruz ~ Yes. Hurry. I need More Jade.

  I smiled and shook my head at the phone. I’d been over to his house a few times, but Dex hadn’t been there. Cruz said he wouldn’t mess with me again, because now we were together. I still didn’t like being around him.

  “Okay, let’s do it. These will work,” I said.

  She squealed and led me to the register.

  When we pulled in front of Cruz’s house, he was sitting on the front porch having a smoke. I hated the habit, and I let him know it every time we were together. He didn’t do it in front of me very often.

  “Damn, your boyfriend is so sexy in that rock star Justin Bieber kind of way,” Ari said.

  “Don’t say boyfriend, it’s not that serious. This is new for both of us, so we’re taking it slow.”

  “What do you call it then?” she asked, shaking her head with a big smile.

  “I’d say we’re seeing each other. I don’t know, but I don’t want to freak him out,” I said, stepping out of the car.

  She put her window down and shouted past me, “Hey Cruz.”

  “Hey, did you guys find costumes?” He walked toward the car and wrapped his arms around my middle, resting his head on my shoulder.

  “Yes, I’m going to be a devil. I know, shocker. And this one’s going to be an angel.” Ari thrust her thumb in my direction.

  “Very fitting,” Cruz said, and I knew he was smiling without looking over my shoulder to see.

  “Okay, see you guys later.” Ari pulled down the street and I turned to face him.

  “How was your day?”

  “Fine. My dad’s all over my ass about this guy coming tomorrow to watch us perform. He’s from some label, and of course my father is salivating over the possibilities,” he said, leading me into the house.

  No one else was home, and we walked back to his room and dropped down on the bed.

  “How do you feel about that?”

  We faced one another and he brushed the hair back from my face. He was so gentle. Never pushy. I was enjoying this phase as we got to know one another. I liked him more than I’d ever liked anyone. More than I ever thought I could.

  “I don’t know. I want to finish school. But we’ve worked our asses off and it would be cool to get some validation, you know. And Lennon, Christ, he’d lose his shit. This is what he’s always wanted.”

  I traced the bridge of his nose with my finger.

  “What about what you want?” I asked.

  He rolled me on my back and settled above me. “I want more Jade.”

  I laughed and rolled my eyes. This had become our shtick. “Why do you want more of me?”

  “Because you’re perfect.”

  I ran my hand down his back and he pressed himself into me. And wow. He’d never been shy about how much he wanted me, but he’d never pushed for more. Our make-out sessions got pretty heated, but he always cut things off before we got carried away.

  I wanted more. I wanted more of him. His mouth moved over mine and we spent the next few hours talking, and laughing, and kissing. It was becoming more challenging to stop. I’d never spent the night at his house because I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep beside him and not want more. And I didn’t know if we were ready for that right now.

  I knew as soon as I woke up that it was going to be a crappy day. There was a heaviness in the air. I already regretted getting out of bed. I didn’t know if it was just the fact that I was changing what I always did on this day, or if it was my instinct warning me to be cautious.

  When my phone rang, I knew who it was before I looked at
the screen.

  “Hey, Dad. How are you?”

  “I’m good. Working today. You sure you don’t want to come home this weekend?”

  “Nope. I’m actually going to a party tonight. Wearing a costume and all,” I said, leaving out the part about going to a bar. My dad was not naive, but he’d probably rather not be filled in on the fake ID and the alcohol.

  “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie. You know I’m here if you need me.”

  “Same here. I love you.”

  “Love you, Jady bug.”

  I disconnected the call and swiped the single tear rolling down my cheek. I met Ari out in the hall to start our day.

  “Happy Halloween,” she said, bouncing up and down as we made our way to the dining commons.

  I’m in a foul mood. “Yeah, good morning.”

  “Someone’s grumpy. This is a first.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well.”

  “I think you’re sexually frustrated because your boyfriend is a hot, sexy rock star, and you’re so hell bent on taking things slow.”

  I laughed. “I think that devil costume may be more suited for you than I originally thought.”

  “I hope you’re right,” Ari said, wriggling her brows.

  Ari and I said our goodbyes and I made my way to biology. Cruz came in just as Professor Lockhart started the lecture. His hand rested on the table beside mine and his pinky finger hooked around mine. My stomach dipped. I didn’t know why. I’d made out with him more times than I could count. But this felt intimate, somehow. And we were in class. I tucked my hair behind my ear and glanced his way. He was studying me.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Nothing. You seem off. Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. I didn’t sleep well.” I didn’t want to tell him about my mom. He had a big day with the record label coming to watch the show. And I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me. Everyone always did, and I hated the pity.

  “It’s sexual frustration,” he whispered. His breath tickled my ear and goosebumps spread across my arms.

  “How can I be frustrated about something I’ve never experienced?”

  “Because you think about it all the time, just like I do.” Cruz smiled and my stomach did little flips. I rolled my eyes, but I knew he was right. I did think about it. Often.

  After we left class, a wave of nausea settled in my stomach. “I’m really not feeling well. I’m going to skip class and go lie down.”

  His eyes bulged out of his head like I’d just told him I was going to rob a bank. He rested the back of his hand against my forehead.

  “You don’t feel hot. Maybe you’re just tired?”

  “Yeah.” We came to a stop in the quad because I was going to go to my dorm and skip class.

  “Come to my house. You won’t have Meagan bothering you. I’ve got a ton of work to do, so you can sleep, and I’ll get my shit done at the house.”

  The idea of sleeping in Cruz’s bed comforted me.

  “Okay.”

  He looked over at me several times in the car, as I leaned against the door. I was physically ill. Whether I was tired or sad, I didn’t know. But I didn’t feel right. We drove in silence and his hand rested on my thigh. I dozed off on the short drive, thankful that I didn’t have to talk or think.

  Cruz led me inside, and I fell right into his bed.

  He sat beside me on the edge of the mattress. “You sure you don’t need anything?”

  I nodded and closed my eyes.

  “Hey,” Cruz said, just above a whisper. He brushed the hair back from my face and his fingers stroked my cheek. My chest was heavy, and my stomach queasy.

  “Hi. What time is it?”

  “It’s five-thirty. You’ve been out all day. I ordered pizza, if you’re hungry?”

  “I’m not hungry. I can’t believe how late it is.”

  “Do you feel any better? Maybe you should stay in tonight. You can stay here if you want? It’ll be quiet.”

  I pushed to sit up. “No. I’m fine. I promised Ari I would go out. And it’s a big night for you. I want to support you,” I said.

  Cruz and I hadn’t really said what we were, so I wasn’t really sure if we would be hanging out in public at The Dive anyway. The only person I’d told about us was Ari, and Sam knew that I liked Cruz, but that it was nothing serious or official yet. My roommate Meagan would probably have a meltdown if she knew anything was going on.

  “I’m going to be on stage all night. Don’t feel pressure to go.”

  His words rubbed me wrong, but in all fairness, anything he said right now was bound to rub me wrong. I was off, and I didn’t know how to snap myself out of this funk.

  “I wasn’t suggesting that you need to hang out with me, if that’s what you’re worried about.” My tone was snippy, and he looked surprised.

  “Jade. Come on. That’s not what I meant.”

  “It’s fine. Whatever. I’m just tired. Do you mind giving me a ride home? I don’t have my bike.”

  “Of course,” he said. We were quiet on the drive over to the dorms.

  “Thanks for letting me nap at your place, and thanks for the ride.” I pushed the door open, but he reached for my hand and stopped me.

  “Go to the front of the line. I’ll let Gus know to let you and your friends in.”

  My teeth sunk into my bottom lip. “Okay. I hate cutting, but if the line is long, I’ll do it.”

  “The line will be long tonight. Wait for me after the show?”

  “Sure. I’ll see you tonight. Good luck,” I said, and he leaned forward and kissed me. It was quick but sweet. I pushed the door open and waved at him as I walked away.

  “You look so hot,” Ari said as she attached the halo to my head, stabbing me repeatedly with bobby pins. I’d never worn loose waves, but apparently my hair could hold a curl according to my fashionista bestie.

  “Thanks for doing this. My makeup and hair, and everything.”

  “Of course. I can’t believe you slept all day. I was texting you like a crazy person. You sure you’re alright?”

  I stood up and looked in the full-length mirror. I was barely recognizable. I looked like some sort of stripper angel. I had big hair and smoky eyes. I’d never been so made up before. The costume was ridiculously small, but thankfully the angel wings were long enough to cover my butt, because this leotard wasn’t covering much. We grabbed our things and headed out when my phone vibrated.

  Dad ~ What’s up kid?

  Me ~ All good, Dad. I promise. Ariana and I are getting ready to go.

  I sent him a selfie of Ari and I, of just our faces because Dad would not approve of the tiny outfit I was wearing. As predicted, the line was wrapped around the building. Ari and I got dropped off in our Uber near the front so everyone wouldn’t see us walking past them. Thankfully, no one noticed, and Gus winked at me and stepped back.

  “An angel and a devil. Sounds like trouble.”

  “Thank you, Gus,” I said as we slipped inside.

  “Perks of dating the lead singer,” Ari said in a whisper-shout. The Dive was going off tonight. Energy crackled in the air around us.

  “Did you ask Jace to make sure Brayden knows I’m sort of seeing someone?” I took in the crowd, scanning the room.

  “Yes. But I said you were dating him.” She wriggled her brows.

  Jace, Brayden, Cam, Lucas, and Mila had a table. I had no idea how they pulled it off, but I wasn’t complaining. The place was packed and booming with club music. I took in our surroundings. The costumes were outrageous. Ari and I looked tame compared to everyone else. We all hugged and said our hellos. Mila was dressed as a sexy police officer and Lucas was her prisoner. They looked adorable. I started to relax because everyone was having fun. I still had a sick feeling in my stomach, but at this point, it could be
due to the fact that I hadn’t eaten much today.

  “Sorry we don’t have any beer shots for you out here yet, Jade. But we’ve got these tequila shots for whoever’s ready.” Cam paused when he looked at me and passed out the shots. I decided to give tequila a try. There was a first time for everything.

  “Bottoms up,” Jace said.

  I tipped my head back and gagged once it went down.

  “Not bad, right?” Mila said, wrapping an arm around me.

  Cruz made his way onto the stage and the crowd roared. The place was packed making it hard to move. Jace and Brayden maneuvered through the crowd to get more drinks, and they came back with tequila shots and beers. I tipped my head back and felt the chilled tequila roll down my throat with ease. It was the best I’d felt today. I was relaxed. I looked up at the stage, and my gaze locked with Cruz’s. Even in this crowd, his honeyed eyes always found me. His smile was stiff, and his brow furrowed. Maybe he didn’t like me taking tequila shots, or maybe he was nervous about the guy that came to watch them tonight. I scanned the room and tried to find the man from the label, but in this crowd, it was impossible. And my head was fuzzy, which wasn’t helping at all.

  Mila and Lucas came back with another round of tequila, because guess what? This was how college kids did Halloween. The heavy weight on my chest melted away after my third shot. I laughed before polishing off another beer.

  “Pace yourself, girl,” Ari said, studying me. Her gaze filled with concern. “Why don’t we grab some waters.”

  “I’m fine. I promise.”

  “Okay. No more shots for a while.”

  “Deal,” I slurred.

  I’d never heard my words slurred before. I couldn’t even make out the people around me, because the lights were flashing, and the music was blaring. Faces were hazy and blurred together, looking more like a watercolor painting. I swore I felt nothing. I wasn’t sad. Or depressed. Or grieving. It was just a regular day, and I was totally fine.

  The guys didn’t feel like dancing, so Ari, Mila, and I hit the dance floor. I swayed to the music, and it felt good not to think for a little while. I was having fun. I loved the sound of Cruz’s voice, the way it soothed and settled me. Mila hugged me and we spun around, and Ari jumped around us. The music slowed and I put my hands in the air and closed my eyes, swaying to the melody.