by Emilia Loft
I just wanted you to have something you wanted for once. But for whatever reason he’s marrying
Anna and you need to find a way to live with that because I can’t see you go on like this anymore.”
“You know what I need Sam?” He sighed, “I need you gone. I’ll get back to being all the things you folks need me to be in a day or two but right now I need everyone to leave me the hell alone.”
Sam knew better than to push. He shut the door with a solid click and didn’t pause at the sound of a glass smashing against the wall.
* * *
They had finished with the larger preparations at his home and had moved onto the church in town so for the first time in days it was quiet. Casper wandered about the now empty rooms, cleaned and filled with flowers, outside there were tables and chairs everywhere and a fire pit had been dug in preparation for that night’s festivities. A few remaining members of Anna’s family were out there, young girls with the task of affixing cotton bows to everything, a handful of men prepping the hog that would be turning on the spit within the hour. Casper watched them before moving around to the front of the house. He couldn’t go inside again, it was too evident that these were the last moments this place would be solely his, by tomorrow Anna would be his wife, waking in his bed, cooking the next breakfast he would eat. Not Evan.
He was a brittle, dried husk blown about his own grounds, wandering with no direction until he looked around at the cool interior of the barn. The hush and filtered light reminded him of his sanctuary when empty, the smell of the hay and animals soothing. He stood motionless, unable to think what he should do next, unable even to pray. He was supposed to leave for the church in an hour.
Just then there was a shuffle in the dirt behind him and his horse made a startled little snort. “Think I’m supposed to congratulate you, big day an’ all.”
Casper turned to see Evan standing there, swaying, half empty bottle in his hand. His face was mostly covered in shadow under the brim of his hat but Casper could still see the cold glitter of his eyes, intoxicated and angry and…..desperate.
“What do you want?”
“Well,” he staggered a few steps closer, stopped. “Should be I’d say a few words after it’s all done, raise a glass and tell all these good folks what a fine upstanding man you are, how pretty little Anna’s gonna make you so happy and may you be blessed an’ all that shit. Obligations of your closest friend. But seein’ as I’m headed out on a job soon, I won’t be able to do none of that.”
“You’re leaving?” Evan took another few steps closer and this time Casper backed up. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“Yup, hate to disappoint you. I know how much you wanted me to watch you make an honest man outta yerself.” He took a long pull from the bottle then threw it to the dirt, startling the horse. They stood there, endlessly, staring at one another and waiting for one of them to shoot first. It was Evan.
Two steps and he had the preacher by the belt, hauling him against the unyielding line of his body, mouth colliding into the quivering pink lips of Casper and taking. Their hands were everywhere, clawing at each other and unsatisfied until there was skin beneath them to bruise and scratch. Casper was shaking apart, miserable and so maddeningly aroused it felt like it was killing him.
“I can’t – we can’t do this-“ Evan had Casper’s shirt half open and bit down hard on his chest, sucking it purple then moving down to the tight little bud of his nipple.
“You’re not married yet, you’re only off limits once you got a ring, remember? You said that.” He lifted his head to glare at Casper, pushing him backwards with force. Casper flailed as he fell before hitting the stacked bales of hay behind him, half leaning half reclining against the straw. Evan wasted no time getting Casper’s trousers pushed down his thighs before he was dropping to his knees, swallowing the man down like he was starving for it. Casper shoved his hand in his mouth and bit down to keep quiet. There were still people about, Anna’s family and any one of them could come in at any moment. Evan pulled back to look Cas in the face, see the results of his work. He didn’t look away as he shoved two of his own fingers into his mouth, slicking them up.
“She gonna do this for you?” He growled as he shoved one wet finger into Casper’s hole without any preamble. He dove back down on Cas’ cock, working him over with his mouth and finger until he was able to get another inside and Cas was a thrashing, desperate mess above him. “She gonna make you feel like this? Like I do? She gonna know how to do this?” He pressed his blunt fingers into Casper’s prostate and the man gasped ragged, throwing his head back against the prickly hay. Evan continued to suck him down while thrusting his fingers roughly into that spot.
“No, only-!” Casper panted. “Only you, you’re the only one that can do this to me!” When he started to strain, so close and feeling as if he were about to split like a ripe fruit, Evan stood and spun him roughly around. He heard Evan unbuckle himself, the shush of fabric as his cock was yanked free, the rude noise of him spitting into his hand to slick himself up. And then he was pushing in, demanding and painful but right. And they both knew Casper’s body hadn’t been prepared enough but something about this sad, frantic moment seemed to call for that kind of sensation.
“I want you to feel this.” Evan hissed in his ear as he began to snap his hips forward. “I wanna know that when you stand up there and take your vows in front of everyone that you ache because of me.”
“Yes!” Was all Casper could manage because, yes, let him have something, anything, any throbbing reminder that he had once had Evan.
“Want you to haffta have all the lights off when you go to her tonight, wanna make sure you look owned, that you look in the glass and remember you were once mine.” And as if to make his point Evan worked on sucking angry marks anywhere his mouth can reach, places Casper could hide under his clothes but not from memory.
They strip each other raw, strangle animal noises in their throat and each silently curse their orgasm when it comes, seconds apart and each too soon. Evan doesn’t pull out, just heaves breath against Casper’s back until he’s softened enough that he simply slips free, and Casper can feel the spend dripping from him, running down the inside of his thigh as he turns. They redress, face to face and staring at each other. There’s no remorse from Evan or recrimination from Casper, just hollow ache, just an understanding the end has come and they’re standing in its steel belly, expected to wander empty handed into the here on out. Casper doesn’t know what to say.
Evan sighs, a small sound, a child’s sound and stretches out the fingers of his right hand to brush Cas’ own. And when he doesn’t pull away, Evan’s creep around to grasp the empty ring finger, rub the naked skin with a longing that breaks Casper’s heart.
When he finally lets go, he walks out of the barn without a word. And for the first time in his life, Casper wonders if there is a God.
9
Chapter 9
“That smells wonderful.”
“Well thank you but hands off, you have to wait for the party.”
Anna smiles at him while still fussing about the stove, tending to several pots as they simmer away. Casper sits at the table and waits, they have a routine now and even with the excitement of the day it won’t change. Anna brings him coffee and biscuits and slices of apple with a bit of the last summer honey.
“You’re not eating?” he asks but she doesn’t look up.
“Oh no, I’ve got to finish this then bring it over to Ma’s house, she’ll be taking everything in the wagon at once. I’ll eat something there, you know she’ll make me. And then I believe I’m heading back here with Esther and Sue after the service to change for the party. You don’t mind if my sisters stop by, do you?”
“Hmm? Oh, no. I will likely just head over to Sam’s house after the service anyway, so I’ll see you there.”
He gets up to bring his dishes to the sink and is about to head upstairs to get ready when Anna suddenly sto
ps him, her face drawn.
“I-I want to thank you, for being so understanding about last night. I know I told you I wanted to, and I do….but….”
He kisses her on the forehead and gives her a gentle smile. “It’s fine Anna, take all the time you need.”
“I just…you’ve been so patient with me. Most men wouldn’t be so patient, and I want to be a good wife, I do-“
“Anna,” he hushes her. “You are a good wife, a perfect wife. There’s no rush, when you’re ready you let me know and we can figure it out together.”
“Thank you,” she kisses his cheek, then, as if just thinking of it, kisses him quick on the lips. “I’ll see you at the church.”
It’s a full house that Sunday, standing room only and in a way it’s terribly amusing. One day Sam Parker will tell his daughter how, on the day of her christening, a miracle occurred. Every no good card cheat and rummy and prostitute Parkerd found their way into that church to watch the tiny baby get baptized. And when the Reverend Turner said the final words of blessing and held the squalling infant up to the congregation, a great cheer erupted, each man trying to be louder than the last, believing that now they’d made an investment in the First National Bank of Sam Parker’s good will, their ass in the pew a solid chit they could call in next time they found themselves in a bind.
After the service was oParkerone cleared out, and Casper spent another hour sweeping the sanctuary and putting things away. After a time he heard boot heels headed toward his office, and the little flare of hope that welled in his heart was quicker to die out than last time. He must be making progress.
“Casper?” The Reverend peered out the door.
“Sam? I thought you’d have left by now.”
“I’m headed over now, had to take care of a few things here first. Wanted to see if you might want to ride over with me.”
“Yes , thank you, that would be nice.”
The two men headed out, not much conversation between them. Only once had Casper ever asked Sam when his brother might return, and the sympathetic look he’d gotten, thick as syrup, discouraged him from ever asking again.
They were just outside town when they saw the rider approaching and realized at the same time something was wrong.
“Jesus, Ben!” Sam took off, catching up to the child, who was barely old enough to be riding a pony let along a horse unaccompanied. Casper followed, pulling up just as Sam had taken control of his nephew’s horse. The boy was crying, sobbing and dirt covered and shaking, it took a long minute to get him to settle enough to find his voice.
“He said – he said to get you an’…an’…Evan to see-“ “Ben what happened, who said?”
“The tall man, he just walked up and was talking to Aunt Jess and then she screamed and he was shooting and then the bad men were there and they were shooting and I saw dead people, like Pa!” The boy collapsed again in tears and Sam looked out at the road stricken.
“Cas, I need you to get Ben here to Ellen’s, the girls will keep him safe, then tell Ash to find Evan.”
He was off tearing down the road without waiting for confirmation. Casper pulled the child onto his saddle and tied Ben’s mount to his own, then he was off as fast as he could back to town.
With the boy in his arms, Casper burst through the front doors of the saloon. “Where’s Ellen?” He yelled without looking. Jo came around from behind the bar.
“She’s at the party, I was just on my way, shit what’s wrong?” Castile all but tossed the child at her.
“Something’s going down, I think they’re shooting at each other out there! I need you to keep Ben safe, stay here.”
“Yeah, yeah no problem.” Then looking him over, “You got a gun preacher?”
Shit he hadn’t even thought of that, but Jo was already pulling two large pistols from somewhere beneath her skirt.
“Take ‘em, got more upstairs. Come on Ben, you know how to play poker?”
He all but fell into the telegraph station, and he would have to hope that the slow nod Ash gave him meant he understood from the torrent of words and waving hands that he needed to use that magic network of his to find Evan and see him returned quick. Casper ran back out, guns heavy and awkward in his belt as he didn’t wear a proper holster. He mounted up and tore off down the road, heart in his throat.
When he was finally a half mile out he heard it, gunshots and a hell of a lot of ‘em. He didn’t think the sound of a horse approaching would put anyone off with such a commotion, but he slowed as much as he dared all the same. There was a small slope to the west of the property, and it was here that Casper tied off his horse, just out of sight of the house. He crept through the sparse treeline till he could get a proper look.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Everyone in town that had been friends with Sam or Jessica had come to celebrate the baby’s christening, which meant nearly everyone in town. And now, God, how many of those people were laid out bleeding in the grass? There were dust black men tearing ass around the place, or ducking for cover. Off to the left was the stable, where Cas could see people pinned down and shooting out at the intruders from the knotholes. Rufus and a few others were straight ahead of him, farther back, behind the house where a branch of the river flowed past the homestead. They were ducked down behind some low rocks at the bank, he couldn’t tell how many but could see a few bright snatches of women’s clothes as a someone handed Rufus off reloads. One or two of the outlaws were trading off firing at these folks, while the bulk of the gang concentrated on the house. Casper watched in horror as round after round was fired into the home and it was such a terrible sight it took him a while to really see what he was seeing.
Sam must have fought his way in there, because he was in the upper window now, peeking out when clear and taking out the men below one at a time. In the other window he could see Jess, doing the same with a shotgun and if he listened careful…praise the Lord in Heaven, the wailing of the baby. There were other people up there, crying or shooting out the other windows, he couldn’t tell how many.
The stable was closest, and Casper found a sturdy tree wide enough to provide cover before pulling out the guns and making his presence known. His aim wasn’t nearly as good as the Parkers, but he had the element of surprise, was able to take down two before they realized he was there. There was a shout, and another one wasParkerom the far side of the property, making to flank him to the right.
“Casper!” He looked around and saw Meg peek out from the stable and wave him over franticly. It was his only chance. Three more blind shots at the outlaw coming at him slowed the man enough that Casper could make a run for it, propelling himself so fast towards the open frame of the stable door he didn’t see what it was he tripped on until it was underneath him.
His insides constricted to the size of a pin and he couldn’t breathe.
Anna, in the blue taffeta dress with the pink roses she had worn on the day he had proposed, copper hair fanned out like the wing of a bird from her head, beautiful exotic color mocking the ruin of her face. Or what had been her face before someone had shot it to pieces. Casper cried out, grabbed her shoulders and shook. Meg was screaming at him to move but he didn’t think he could. When the hot arrow of a bullet singed past his ear, barely missing his head, he came to, tried to collect his wife’s tiny body and drag her to the stable.
“You can’t help her Cas, you gotta run!” It was Bobby yelling at him. He didn’t know how to make his body do anything but listen. Inside he ran straight into Meg and vomited into the hay while she gripped his shoulders.
“Grieve when yer safe, now’s the time for usin’ this.” Bobby handed him a gun. Casper pulled up and nodded, he was right.
They kept the men that advanced back, took a few down, but their angle meant they didn’t have a clear view of the house, couldn’t see much. It felt like they would spend eternity like this and Casper wondered at one point if he had died and this was actually Hell.
There was a cla
wing sound at the back of the stable, then a pounding and a voice.
“Let me in! Please somebody help me!” Bobby and Meg looked at the back then each other, Casper didn’t wait for them, crouched along the wall until he was there.
“Ma’am?”
“Oh preacher, it’s Ruby! You gotta let me in, they tried to get me but I ran! Oh god they’re comin’ preacher please!”
Casper unbolted the rear door and opened it just enough.
“Thank you, preacher!”
And Casper only got a second to take in the strange smile on Ruby’s face before she was bringing her arm down fast and the world went black.
* * *
“I’m tellin’ you this is almost as good. You go after the brother now you’ll only end up getting’ shit out the other end of a coyote after he pumps you full o’ lead.”
Casper’s head felt like it was being crushed. He tried to open his eyes but it was only black. It was hard to breathe, they’d tied a sack around his head, his arms bound behind his back, his belly pressed cruelly between the saddle horn and a pair of hard thighs. He did his best to remain still, keep them from realizing he was awake.
“But Al said -“ He didn’t recognize the man’s voice but he certainly knew Ruby’s.
“Don’t you worry about Al, I’ll take care of him. I’m more pissed you couldn’t get that bitch Ellen. Al was going to let me have her and I had plans.”
“You want her you go after her yourself, crazy bitch took out Mitch and Sven before we even knew she was packin’!”
The motion of the horses pitched forward as they moved down a hill. Or no…an embankment, they were splashing through water now. Casper thanked God and prayed they stayed near the river.
“I told you to watch out for her, I told you. She’s a fighter and your stupid ass is lucky she only got two.”
“Well hell, we thought you meant like a woman, you know…” Casper can feel him making some sort of hand gesture. Then there is a solid crack.