Deceased and Desist

by Misty Simon

“And that’s the kind of question that will get you tossed into jail.” Hammond’s jaw clenched and his ears went back.

  Matt stood behind this menace, making cutting motions at his throat like he wanted me to stop. I was fine with not being involved, but I knew what I had seen and it most certainly wasn’t a heart attack.

  At least I didn’t think so. Things were fuzzy, and I still felt like I was missing something.

  I despised how I was being treated, though, as if I really did bring this on myself. So, I ignored Matt’s gesture and went with my gut. “His neck has been broken. That doesn’t happen with a heart attack. And what was he doing in the room? He didn’t just walk in and then decide to have a heart attack at an inn that isn’t even open yet. I think something fishy is going on.”

  He narrowed his eyes, closing the gap between us to throw that shadow over me again. “Nothing is going on here except the unfortunate death of a man. I have seen him and the coroner will agree. And you will heed my warning if you have any sense at all. This was a heart attack, Ms. Graver. You will respect my authority, or you’ll find yourself dressed in orange and running a metal cup over bars while you wish you had some of that fancy coffee you seem to consume by the gallons.”

  How the heck did he know about my coffee habit when I only knew his name? And that was only because we’d just been introduced. The words burned on my tongue to ask Matt who in the world this was. I knew the four police officers in town, and I’d never seen this one. Was he new? Where was Burton?

  That last question I asked.

  “Burton is temporarily out of commission due to an injury. I’m the interim chief and even if you don’t respect him, you will respect me and my word. Now get out of here. Be warned that if I find you snooping in anything I will lay down the law. We are a clean and inviting town and your habits of finding dead people and making it into a fiasco will not happen on my watch. Or any watch again, if I have anything to say about it.”

  Chapter Three

  “Why are you threatening me? You don’t even know me, and I certainly don’t know you.” Not the most intelligent thing to say, but I really couldn’t pinpoint anything else with the sheer amount of questions whirling in my head.

  “This was not a murder. Go home.” Hammond said it slowly as if I were having trouble comprehending basic words.

  “I heard you. But how is that possible? I saw the guy. I saw him lying there with his eyes wide open and his neck broken. I did not imagine that.” I hated repeating myself, but this guy, whoever he was, was not getting the picture.

  The surly officer just shook his head as if I was living in a delusional world. “I am not going to agree with you in this instance. It was straight when I saw him. The man was here doing his job and had a heart attack. He was older and has a history of heart disease. Now move along.”

  What was going on?

  “Who is it?” I knew I shouldn’t have asked even before the words cleared my teeth, but I couldn’t help myself.

  “And that’s precisely the kind of thing you do not need to know. Get in your car, Ms. Graver, and get out of here. I will be handling this. I certainly don’t need some amateur trying to make it more than it is.” His hands went to his hips like he was talking to a toddler. I did not need to be talked down to, but I hesitated, trying to recall any details other than the open eyes.

  * * *

  “I’m done talking about this. I’ve responded to your last question. I have nothing more to say. Unless you were the one who killed him since you’re so sure that it was murder?” He peered closely at me. I so wanted to take another step back.

  I made myself stand still, ignoring the urge.

  “Explain that.” He stared me down, and I had no idea what to say except to repeat myself, again, which I was not going to do.

  But I knew what I had seen!

  “That’s ridiculous. I was cleaning the windows and then fell off the ladder. Rhoda found me on the ground.”

  “And yet, according to Mrs. Monroe, she was under the distinct impression that you had left.”

  “I said goodbye only because I didn’t intend to come back in after I cleaned the upstairs windows out front.”

  “So your time is unaccounted for.” That was a statement, not a question, and I was starting to feel distinctly under attack. Matt stuck his hand over his eyes, shaking his head.

  Time to retreat. “Fine, it was a heart attack. I’m sorry for the family’s loss.”

  Gina pulled up in her snazzy little sedan just as I decided not to fight it anymore. I was getting nowhere except closer to a jail cell fast. However, I had been wracking my brain for who the guy was, and I was pretty sure I had a name. If nothing else I’d at least check to see if it truly was Eli St. James who was no longer among the living, breathing his stinky breath and making people’s life hell as a code enforcement professional. He’d liked to take bribes and fail your inspection if you weren’t willing to pay. I needed to know if he had any business being at the inn, and if not, what had he been doing here?

  * * *

  After asking again if I was really okay, Gina asked about the body when I got in the car. Of course she did. After telling her I didn’t know what to think, she let it go. Or tried to at least. Every few seconds, she kept glancing at me. Just to see if I was going to pass out? I had no idea, but I had a lot of thinking to do and no time to do it before we went into urgent care.

  Situated in a renovated house on the corner of Fox and Clover Streets, the office served many of the people in town for bumps and bruises. If you needed to be seen without the fuss of trying to make an appointment three months out or didn’t have a life-threatening emergency, this was the place to be.

  Fortunately, the place wasn’t full so I was seen right away. Must have been a slow day for bumps and bruises.

  Teresa Malloy was quick and efficient, and she didn’t mince words when I asked if a person could have a twisted neck after a heart attack.

  “It could have happened, I suppose, if he fell when he had the heart attack.” She touched the back of my head and I winced. “That’s going to hurt. Just put some ice on it and you should be fine.” She shone a light in my eyes. “New body at the family biz?”

  “Uh, no. I saw a body at the inn before I fell off the ladder.” Seated on the crinkly paper covering the exam table, I swung my legs back and forth in little arcs. Examining rooms made me uncomfortable.

  “Tallie. You need to stop getting involved with these things. You need a hobby or something.”

  I wasn’t going to argue with her, but I certainly wasn’t going to get a hobby. I had enough to do without trying to learn to crochet, and I had no garden to put flowers in. Hopping off the table, I thanked her for the splint and for not giving me a sling. She did call in a prescription for some pain meds that I probably wouldn’t take. Last time I took anything more powerful than over-the-counter pain meds I’d felt like I was in a waking coma. I could hear everything, smell everything, but I couldn’t open my eyes or talk. Not worth it.

  “Make sure you fill this and take it as necessary, Tallie. I’m going to call Bart at the pharmacy and make sure you do.”

  There went that plan. But it didn’t mean I had to take it.

  “And I can call your mom and make sure you take it.”

  Good God, that would be fatal for everyone involved.

  “I promise to take it. Please don’t call my mom.” And why did I suddenly feel ten?

  “Good. Now don’t do a lot with that left hand. You need to rest it.”

  “What about my house cleanings?” That was my livelihood.

  “Ask Letty to take some over and move others. She did an amazing job on my house the other day. I would recommend her to anyone. She was a great addition to your company.”

  She absolutely was and had allowed me to go to Washington, DC, to shack up with Max a handful of weekends over the last several months.

  “I’ll call her when I leave.”

  “Make
sure you do. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow when she calls to schedule her next cleaning for me. I’m going to make a note to myself to ask.”

  Lordy. “I will. Now can I go? I have pizza and movies in my future. I’d like to get started.”

  “If it doesn’t get better call me or come back to see me.”

  “Fine, fine. I will. I’m sure you’ll call my mom to check and see how I’m doing.”

  “Of course I won’t. That would be a violation of HIPAA.”

  I didn’t even argue about that point since calling about the meds would be the same thing. I just wanted to get out of here and start researching the man on the bed.

  Once I got back in the car with Gina, I told her I needed another half hour at home. I wanted a shower immediately. More, I wanted my computer. I had a feeling she would have a fit if I decided to investigate this death. So, it was better done on my own time.

  After hustling through my shower, I went to the computer and looked up Eli St. James. Only a few things came up with his name and a bunch of stuff that of course had nothing to do with him. That’s the way of the internet.

  His office was located on Braden Street in a strip mall and still showed as open, so I took a chance and called. A woman answered.

  “St. James gets it done right,” she said.

  “Hi, I was looking for Mr. St. James.”

  “Oh, he left for the day a little while ago, called to say he wasn’t coming back to the office after his last job.”

  “And where was his last job?”

  “Let me see here.”

  I heard keys clacking away as she hummed to herself in that way certain people have. It didn’t bother me until I realized she was humming a Barry Manilow song. My aunt did that and clicked her false teeth to the beat.

  “You still there?” she asked. As if I would have hung up while I was waiting for an answer to my question.

  “Yep, I’m still here. Where did you say his last appointment was?”

  “Well, that’s the problem. It doesn’t say he had any appointments today. His schedule is clear. Hmm.”

  Hmm, indeed. No appointments and now he was dead at the inn where he had no business being? And why had Hammond said he was there doing his job? Why hadn’t Rhoda mentioned that the inspector was on the grounds or in one of the rooms where I would be cleaning the windows?

  “What time did he call to say he wasn’t coming back?” I asked.

  There was a pause, one I didn’t have a good feeling about. And my gut was right once again.

  “Who did you say you were? Eli’s a good man. He shouldn’t be in any trouble. You people need to leave him alone. He’s only doing his job.”

  “I wasn’t—” But she cut me off.

  “Don’t call here again. I have your number now. I’ll report you to the police if you don’t leave that poor man alone.” And she hung up on me.

  I did not need the police calling me, as I had a feeling they’d be doing it anyway. I was going to get some kind of follow-up about my report of a body from Burton, after Hammond reported to him, or a lecture on keeping my investigational tendencies to myself.

  Matt could at least call and see if I was okay after my fall. I hadn’t heard from him yet, either, and wanted to talk about the interim chief’s ridiculous claim of a natural occurrence.

  Nothing else popped up on the internet. I still didn’t believe it had been a heart attack, but maybe once the coroner’s report came back it would provide proof that I wasn’t wrong.

  Time to call through the network and see if one of my relatives knew the guy and why someone would want him dead. And if there were no clear answers then I’d leave it alone. If they ruled it a heart attack, I didn’t want to waste my time hunting around when there was nothing to find.

  As I went through the tree of aunts and uncles, cousins and distant cousins, I was surprised no one knew him, other than to tell me to stay away from him. Since I didn’t want my questions to get back to my parents, I’d hang up instead of trying to explain my interest during each call. My dad would have a fit and my mother would probably faint.

  I was running out of time and had nothing new to show for it. Gina had texted me twice already, and the second time threatened to come over to get me if I didn’t hurry up. Plus, she told me she’d already ordered the pizza, which would arrive in fifteen minutes.

  I took a chance and called Suzy at the station.

  “I hear you had a mishap today,” she said in that whisper again. Normally she was robust and quick to say what she meant and how she meant it. So why did I feel as if we were telling secrets?

  Nice. A mishap. “Which part? Falling off the ladder or seeing a dead guy?”

  “Both. You might want to lie low for a little while. The guys were not happy about you being at yet another crime scene and meddling yet again. Detective Hammond was not amused when he came back to the station.”

  “I swear I didn’t make it up.” I crossed my heart with my pinky even though she couldn’t see it.

  “I’m sure there was a dead body but not a murder, Tallie. Did you get your head checked? Maybe something got jarred loose.”

  And that’s what I got for trying to talk with Suzy. Although she had taken my calls before, she wasn’t always the most helpful of people.

  “I did have my head checked out, and I know what I saw. I guess I’ll just have to look into this myself.”

  “Now, Tallie, don’t go starting any trouble.”

  “Bye, Suzy.”

  “Seriously, Tallie, Burton is out of commission for a few weeks after that takedown near the paint factory. He’s not in the best of moods lately due to that and the budget cuts. If he finds out you’re snooping around about something that doesn’t even exist, he is going to flip his lid. Not to mention Hammond will have you on the rack before you can blink. It’s his MO.”

  “Who is Hammond? I’ve never seen him before.”

  “Well, you will now over the next six weeks. He’s here from Chambersburg filling in for Burton, and it promises to be an interesting month and a half, if nothing else. He takes no prisoners, from what I heard through the cop grapevine. Don’t get on his list.”

  “So don’t tell him.” I pushed the off button on my phone though it was never as satisfying as slamming the receiver back on the cradle of an old-style phone.

  Where else could I get info? Someone had to know Eli St. James. I knew him vaguely but that was about it. How could he live in this town and not be known by any of my relatives?

  When I glanced at my phone I realized the pizza would be delivered in two minutes.

  Grabbing my purse and my keys, I made sure Mr. Fleefers had food and water, then high-tailed it out of my third-floor apartment above the funeral parlor my father owned. I worked there part-time but continued to fend off his offers to make me a full-time employee. I admired what my father, and my brother, did for a living, but I had no intention of devoting my life to the dead. I preferred cleaning up after the living. Dirty socks and all.

  After jogging down the stairs and avoiding my mother, who was for some reason singing in the kitchen of the funeral home even though we’d closed an hour ago and hadn’t had any services today, I made it out onto the street. And there was Gina just about to jaywalk to me. A cop car zoomed by, keeping her from actually crossing the street, and she grimaced at me as I walked halfway down the block to use the crosswalk then back up her side of the street to meet her.

  “Took you long enough and your hair isn’t even dry. What were you doing up there? Having a chat with the boyfriend?”

  I hadn’t even called Max to tell him about today. He had meetings and was in a different time zone. At this point, tomorrow was soon enough. I had nothing to report and only my own guesses to go on.

  “My mom was in the kitchen.”

  That was enough to have her groaning. I hadn’t actually lied, so I left it at that. The pizza delivery guy showed up and we stood out on the street to take it from him inste
ad of making him follow us up the stairs only to send him back down.

  The pies smelled heavenly, and yes, there were two of them, even though there were only two of us. Gina preferred pineapple and ham, and I couldn’t abide that. Usually we split a pizza but that was when she’d get something normal, like sausage, or even just the ham, or ground beef. But pineapple was not something I could handle. Making it half had gone seriously wrong the last time when the pineapple juice had slid onto my side.

  I followed her up the stairs, closing my eyes for a second as I remembered how she had found one seriously delusional admirer dead at the bottom just a few months ago. We’d put it behind us, but seeing the dead guy today brought it all back. I’d seen many a heart attack, and I did not ever remember seeing a tilted neck like that. I could ask my dad, but that would only bring about issues and questions I wasn’t ready to deal with.

  Better to eat my pizza, mind my own business for the night, and go in with my super-silent, almost nonexistent skills, tomorrow. It would be soon enough. Hopefully.

  Chapter Four

  Westley just wasn’t doing it for me this evening. I adored the way he thwarted Prince Humperdinck and his best-known line. I especially loved seeing Andre the Giant and Inigo Montoya, but I just couldn’t get the dead guy out of my mind. Was it really Eli? Was I just putting a name to the face that I hadn’t seen that well before the ladder had started tipping?

  Gina was completely engrossed in the movie even though this was one that we’d probably seen one hundred fifty-seven times. But it gave me the opportunity to think on my own for at least the next forty-five minutes. And a comfortable place to do it since Gina had couches, which I would have loved to have, but they wouldn’t fit in my tiny apartment across the street. Chewing on the pizza, I also chewed on my thoughts.

  I didn’t like where they were going. Why was Hammond so dead set on a heart attack? Pun intended. How could he diagnose a heart attack at a glance? Sure there were signs, but he couldn’t know for certain. He just couldn’t!

  I disliked him intensely, to say the least. And it was concerning that everyone seemed to be afraid of him. Why?