I nodded but took his hand and followed him out. I felt Phillip’s eyes pierce my back as Major took my arm, placed it through his, and led me out of the conference room.
Thirty minutes later we were sitting inside McCormick and Schmick’s Steakhouse. Major had ordered for both of us.
“I can’t believe this is our first real one-on-one time. I don’t know if I told you, but we are so happy to have you home,” he said.
“Tell me what it was like when I was growing up, looking for me. I can only imagine how I would be if Destiny was out somewhere I didn’t know.”
A forlorn expression crossed his face. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. It’s different to lose a child and have a funeral and put them to rest. It’s the not knowing . . . that’s a whole different heartache.”
We made more small talk and I discovered that my father was a very funny man. I could see why the women fell for him.
“So,” he said, his tone taking a serious turn after he’d just cracked a joke. “I want to talk to you about Stephanie.”
I stared at him.
“I know you must think I’m an awful man.”
“I don’t think anything.”
“Well, I’m not. Am I an unfaithful man? I am. I don’t want to be, and I wish to God your mother could give me the things I need and want. But she long ago lost that desire.”
I couldn’t believe he was sitting here blaming Elaine for his infidelity.
“I don’t know if you’ll ever understand. But it’s like, say you wake up one day and Malcolm isn’t there. He exists, but that’s it. I went four years without sex.”
That made me cringe. I wasn’t interested in hearing that.
“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m just trying to paint a picture for you. Your mother just shut me out. She shut the world out.”
I wanted to remind him that he’d cheated on my mother, so to me it was a pattern.
He must’ve been reading my mind because he said, “What I did in college was dumb and stupid but it wasn’t a reflection of the man that I was. In fact, it taught me to be wary of playing with women’s hearts. So what I tried to do was just make sure that I gave my wife everything that she needed. Unfortunately, after a while, I got tired of trying. I had my first affair on your tenth birthday. Ten years of living with a zombie was about all I could take. Doesn’t make it right, but it is what it is.”
“Why didn’t you all go to counseling?”
“I pleaded with your mother to do counseling, but she didn’t want to. So we just learned to exist. I love her. I really do. I just wish that I could have her back.”
He reached across the table and patted my hand. “And maybe now that you’re here, I can.”
I truly enjoyed the rest of our lunch, mentally preparing myself for part two of my afternoon with my father.
“So you’re really not going to tell me where we are going?”
I kept my gaze on the road ahead as my father sat in the passenger seat next to me.
“Dad, just ride and see, please?”
It was kind of strange. It hadn’t been hard to acknowledge him as my father. Maybe because I’d never had one of those. I didn’t know when, if ever, I’d be able to fully acknowledge Elaine as my mother.
My father had been elated at the request to accompany me on a drive. I don’t know if he thought because of his racist in-laws and our moving out that I would cut him off, too. But I’d assured him that wasn’t the case.
When he’d first asked where we were going, I’d told him it was a surprise. I think he was just happy I wanted to spend time with him, so he let it drop. But I guess after thirty minutes in the car, he was ready to have some answers.
“This is crazy, Jill. I want to know where we’re going and why you couldn’t have Lance drive?” he said, referring to his driver.
I looked over and flashed a warm smile at him. “Because I wanted it to be just the two of us.”
That seemed to settle him and he said, “Okay. But you could be driving me off a cliff or something.”
“Trust me, I’m not. I’ll tell you where we’re going when we get there,” I said.
I could tell he wasn’t used to relinquishing control, but he leaned back and waited as I navigated along the freeway. We were in my Ford Festiva, but if it bothered him, he didn’t let on.
I had debated this move for days, especially because I didn’t know how he’d react. But then, I decided to just go for it. It was way past time.
After a few minutes of silence in the car, I said, “So, Dad, can I ask you a question?”
“Yes, you can ask me anything.”
“What’s the deal with Phillip?”
“What do you mean?”
“I think I’ve reached an understanding with him, but I’m wondering if he’s worried I’ll take all your money and there will be nothing left for him?” I looked over at him. “I want you to know that I don’t want your money.”
My father chuckled. “Everybody wants money. But I know that’s not what you’re after. And deep down, Phillip knows it too.” He patted my hand. “Don’t worry about Phillip. I promised my sister that he would be well taken care of and he is.” My father leaned back in his seat. “Phillip is very high strung. Instead of letting things flow naturally, he tries to force it. And he severely lacks social skills. But I do imagine we are to blame for that. When my sister passed, he came to us and neither your mother nor I was really in a position to be a nurturer. So Phillip kind of found his own way.”
I nodded my understanding. His words matched what Phillip said about his childhood. “Well, you might want to let him know you won’t leave him broke. That might make everything smoother between all of us.”
Once I reached my exit, I made a quick right turn and headed in the direction of the home.
My father leaned in, studied the name on the sign out front. “Um, why are we here?” he said, looking from the sign to the building that I had just parked in front of.
I turned the car off, then shifted my body so that I was facing him. My tone was serious because I wanted him to understand how serious this was. “You acknowledge that you had a relationship with my mother.”
“Yes, but . . .”
“But in the end, the reality is that you left her,” I said.
Regret filled my father’s face. “I was young and dumb, Jill,” he said. Then he looked around. “What is this place?”
“It is the facility where my mother now lives.”
He was silent. “They told me it was nice.” He leaned in and peered out the window. “I’m glad.” But then he turned back to face me. “Why are we here?” he asked.
“Because you need to face her,” I replied. “Because I can’t be whole until the halves of me that are broken are fixed. You both have anger and bitterness that will never go away until you face one another.”
“I don’t know about this, Jill,” he said. “I haven’t seen your mother in almost thirty years. I just don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Well, I do,” I said, turning the car off then stepping out the driver’s side door. For a minute I didn’t think he was going to get out. But after a brief hesitation, he opened the door and followed me inside. I said hello to the receptionist. And she waved back.
“You’re here for Ms. Connie, right?” she said.
“Yes,” I replied, surprised that she remembered since I’d only been here twice—the day I dropped her off and the day I came to visit.
“Your mom is in a mood today,” she said, her eyes suddenly lighting up when she saw my father. “Hello,” she said.
My father was nervous and not receptive to her flirtatious greeting. “Hi,” he said before turning to me. “Maybe you should go on and do this yourself.”
“We’re here now. Come on.” I took his hand and led him down the hallway toward her room. Once again, the door was cracked, so I tapped then walked in.
“Mama?” I said.
&
nbsp; She was in the rocking chair and once again kept her back to me. “I would think that someone was in my room talking to me. But, I’m no one’s mother,” she said, as she rocked back and forth.
“Mama, I brought someone with me,” I said.
She turned around and I could tell by the look on her face that today was a clear-mind day. Oh, the anger was evident, but at the sight of my father standing next to me, all traces of anger disappeared.
“Major?” she whispered in shock.
He shifted uncomfortably. And then said, “Virginia.”
“Oh my God, Major. What are you doing here?” My mother’s eyes darted to me and I saw a wave of fear rush over her face. “Did you come to take me to jail?” She gripped the handles of her rocking chair like she was preparing to make a run for it. Where, I had no idea.
“I’d like to know what I’m doing here myself,” he said, looking at me.
“I need you two to see each other. Mama,” I said, turning to her, “I need you to see what you did to him. And,” I paused, “Dad, I need you to see what your abandonment and betrayal did to her.”
An awkward silence hung in the air. But at least my mother stopped rocking. Finally, she said, “You’re a liar and a cheat.”
“And you’re a kidnapper,” he retorted without hesitation.
It was as if I was no longer in the room as their venomous glares pierced each other.
“My child was stolen. Taken from me,” my mother said. “Probably because you prayed and prayed for that to happen.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said. “I didn’t want children, but I didn’t pray for our child to die.”
“You wanted me to get an abortion,” she replied. “That was the first thing that came to your mind. You never even thought about raising our child.”
“And as I told Jillian, I have regretted that ever since,” my father said. “I carried that guilt deep down inside since. I didn’t want the child, God took him from me.”
She stared at him as her eyes pooled. “It was a her.”
My father looked pained that he didn’t know that.
“I buried her alone. While you danced over her death, I buried her alone. The only child I would ever conceive,” my mother said.
“Why in the world would you say I danced over her death?” he replied. “I had mixed emotions. My child had died and I felt guilt that I’d never even felt it, felt her, kick.”
“You grieved for our child?” my mother asked in surprise.
“Of course. I know you want to believe I was some type of monster, but I wasn’t. I was a kid who made a mistake. I liked you a whole lot, but I was in love with Elaine.”
That looked like it hurt her as much as it did almost thirty years ago.
“I’m so sorry,” my father said. “I never meant to cause you that type of pain.”
I thought his apology would send my mother into tears, but instead, she simply nodded and swallowed back the tears that were threatening to escape.
“I’m sorry I took her,” my mother finally said. She resumed rocking. “And if you and your wife want me to pay by having me live what little life I have left behind bars, then so be it. My daughter has turned her back on me, so I don’t have a life worth living anymore anyway.”
Those words pained me, but I couldn’t allow my mother’s guilt to suck me into submission.
“I wanted you here,” I told my father, “so that both of you could make peace. This woman here,” I touched my mother’s shoulder, “is my mother. It doesn’t matter how she got the title, it’s the title she bears.” I lifted my mother’s chin. “Yes, I put you in this facility, but I’m not going anywhere.” I hugged her and felt her relief. I then stood up and faced Major. “Now, I understand the conditions of the agreements and I want you to understand, I do not want to do this. But I’ve thought long and hard about this. Logan Industries can’t use any negative publicity. If you demand that I cut myself off from my mother, I may have to give Oprah our story.”
“What? You know Oprah?” my mom asked.
“You would publicly embarrass us like that?” my father asked, horrified at my declaration.
“I would do whatever it takes to keep my relationship with my mother intact,” I replied.
“But—”
“No, I need you to understand that,” I said, cutting him off. “I will respect your wife, my biological mother, but I can’t cut out the mother who raised me. So we’re all going to have to find a way to get along.”
I glanced at both of my parents and was glad to see them nodding their heads in agreement.
Chapter 40
I was living a double life. I guess that was poetic because that’s what my whole life had been. The life I lived and the life I should have lived.
It had been a month since I took my father to see my mother and I’d spent that time trying to come to terms with the lie that had been my life. I’d forgiven Elaine for not watching me, and my mother for taking me. I knew that there was no way I could focus on my future if I was still caught up in the past.
I no longer found myself wondering what if I had grown up as a Logan. The fact was, I had grown up a Harrison. It might’ve been a commandeered name, but it was my name. It was who I was.
I recognize that my mother needed to pay for her crime. But when I said that she has, I meant it. She sacrificed her life—never getting married, feeling like since she’d taken me, her life should be spent dedicated to mine. And the dementia, which over the last two weeks had returned with hurricane strength, had destroyed her future, so I needed to treasure the time that I had with her. I also recognized that from that one wrongdoing, I was given the best life. I might not have had everything I ever wanted, but I never went without the things that I needed. For that, I would forever be grateful.
“It looks really good in here.”
I turned toward the sound of Elaine’s voice. She’d come over to the new house to watch Destiny as I unpacked. Of course, she’d been heartbroken when we moved into our own place, but I needed my own. And with the acquisition payment my husband had received for his app, we were able to get it. I didn’t want to wait on a home to be built, so we’d found this amazing four-thousand-square-foot home that I hoped to one day fill with children.
“Thanks,” I said. “You were right. It was fun shopping for new furniture.”
“Ahh, you have some Wingate traits after all.” Elaine winked. Then her gaze drifted toward the picture on the mantel, of both my mothers.
I didn’t expect Elaine to ever forgive my mother, but her lifetime of anger had already cost her so much. My hope was that she could release it and I wanted her to no longer dwell on the past but work toward the future.
I braced myself for her to comment. But she simply pursed her lips and didn’t say a word. That, in and of itself, was progress.
She looked away from the picture.
“I’m going to take Destiny to the park.” She caught herself. “May I take Destiny to the park?” she corrected.
“I think she would love that,” I said with a smile.
Her expression turned serious as she said, “I promise to pay attention so that nothing happens to her.”
“I know you will.” If I didn’t know anything else, I knew that she wouldn’t let Destiny out of her sight.
Elaine tucked my daughter in the stroller, then leaned in and kissed her plump cheeks. She stood and looked at me. “Thank you. For not shutting me out. I should’ve never made the demand that you cut off . . . that you have nothing to do . . . with her.”
I smiled as I wondered if Elaine would ever be able to say my mother’s name.
“It’s okay. I understand why you did it. I really do. I don’t know how I would react if someone did the same thing to Destiny, so I get it. But what I want you to do is forgive her—and yourself.”
She took a deep breath. “I lost so much because I couldn’t let the anger go.”
“I know.” I hesitated, tryi
ng to decide if I was going to address her issues with my father. He needed her to want to be his wife—something she had long ago stopped doing.
“You do know that you deserve happiness, right?”
She sighed. “I know Major wants to give it to me. I just have shut him out for so long, I don’t know any other way.”
“I once saw a motivational speaker at one of our Starbucks trainings. She said that when it comes to making decisions in our lives, we should look at it as a fork in the road. I know this sounds cheesy, but look as life as a journey. On this journey, there are many possible paths to take and many forks in the road. You’re standing at one of those forks right now. Either do what you’ve always been doing and keep getting what you’ve always been getting, or do something different and get different results. You cannot continue to beat yourself up for what happened. Release it,” I said.
She hugged me tightly. “I’m going to try. I’m so grateful God brought you back to me.” She stepped back and walked back over to Destiny. “So, how long will you be gone?”
“Just a few hours,” I replied. I didn’t go into details, but Elaine knew that my Saturday mornings were spent with my other mother. I had to let my own guilt about having her in that facility go. My mother was in a place that was giving her care that I could not. I had come to terms with that.
We could afford to get her a live-in caregiver, but right now, this was what was best for her. The six-figure check was in the bank, cashed with no stipulations, earning interest and waiting on us to put it to good use. For now, I was content. I didn’t need riches. My mother—Connie, had shown me that.
I had learned to be appreciative of the little things, like the fact that I now knew where I got my physical appearance from. It’s good to know, or at least see, the physical reflection of your genetics in another person. It is something that I grew up never having, but now that I have experienced it, I would never trade it for the world.
I kissed my daughter goodbye, then leaned in, and did something I had never done before. I kissed my mother on the cheek. Her tears were immediate.
“Thank you,” she said.
The Stolen Daughter Page 20