Defying the Relic Hunter (Coletti Warlord Series Book 11)

by Gail Koger

  A badly stained puke green couch was pushed up against a battered desk. The walls were covered with photos of people in explicit sexual poses. I twisted my head and examined one picture closer. “Whoa! Is that even possible?”

  “Only if she’s double-jointed.”

  A cold prickling ran up my spine. Shadows danced around the room and I felt an alien presence nearby. It was ancient, tainted with evil. Ghostly voices whispered in my head, Take us. I turned.

  A neon sign cast a red glow over ancient, dust covered stucco warriors. All but one was cursed. Touch them and death would soon follow. It was the perfect trap for those foolish enough to hunt for Montezuma’s gold.

  “Do you feel that? Something is urging me to take the stucco warriors. It’s promising me eternal life and great wealth,” Xenia’s eyes glowed faintly.

  “It’s an alien asshole trying to trick you into touching the figurines. They’re coated in a hallucinogenic poison that’ll kill you within hours.” I walked over to the glass case and studied the warriors.

  “Drekk. I can sense him now. His mental aura almost matches Adan’s.”

  “If he’s Katanic, we’re screwed.” Opening the case, I carefully plucked a stubby little warrior holding a shield from the case and tucked it in my pocket.

  “He’s coming,” Xenia warned.

  A flutter of movement, a whisper of sound spun me around.

  An elderly man with yellowing parchment skin and wearing a molting black wig watched me closely. The Best Whore House in Vegas was embroidered on his ratty, blue silk robe.

  Was he the alien asshole?

  The old coot held open his robe, exposing a skeletal body covered in open sores. “Like what you see?”

  Xenia leveled her pistol at him. “Drekk, no.”

  “I’ve never seen anything quite like it,” I commented weakly.

  The old guy touched himself with pride. “I’ve got the biggest cock in Nevada.”

  I shuddered. The old guy’s penis reminded me of a shriveled up, diseased carrot. “Really? You must be so proud.”

  He laughed, exposing rotting teeth. “I’ll give the two of you a ride, you’ll never forget.”

  “Oh… My…Um… I think I’ll have to pass,” I gulped.

  “Playing hard to get, huh?”

  Xenia bared her teeth in a snarl. “Do you want to die painfully old man?”

  An image of a young, virile man popped into my head. I shared it with Xenia, and I took a hasty step back. “The alien’s controlling him. This fool touched one of the warriors and believes its illusion. He’ll be dead before dawn. I’ve got what we need. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Xenia nodded and backed away slowly.

  I edged around the couch. “We’ll just be going.”

  “Not without a kiss.”

  I flinched. Lover Boy’s breath smelled like he had been licking someone’s nasty butt. “No!”

  “C’mon baby, just one little kiss.” He licked his cracked and bleeding lips. “I can tongue fuck with the best of them.”

  My stomach roiled in disgust. “I’m afraid I have to turn down your generous offer.”

  A red glow bled into his eyes. “I won’t take no for an answer.”

  “He’s possessed.” Xenia stunned him, but he didn’t go down.

  Out of sheer desperation, I yanked out my mace and sprayed Lover Boy in the kisser.

  His shrieks shattered all the glass in the office as he convulsed violently and crashed to the floor.

  “Run,” Xenia yelled.

  “I have no idea what’s possessing him,” I gasped as we sprinted down the hallway.

  “Nor do I.”

  I burst out the back door and crashed into a mountain of a man.

  “Gotcha, little girl,” the mountain rumbled as his massive hand closed around my left arm.

  “Beg to differ.” I doused him with mace.

  “You bitch!” He rubbed his eyes frantically.

  Another goon charged out of the shadows.

  With a spinning side kick, Xenia knocked him off his feet and drove her boot into his bearded jaw. A satisfied smile curved her mouth as his teeth made a cracking noise and he toppled over.

  “You’re one dead bitch,” the mountain spat, lunging toward me. He tripped over a pile of garbage and crashed headfirst into a dumpster.

  Xenia yelled. “Duck!”

  I instinctively obeyed and a fist missed my head by a scant inch. Great. There were three of them.

  A red energy beam flashed in the darkness. His limbs twitching wildly, the thug fell to the ground.

  “Nice shot.”

  Xenia bowed. “Thank you.”

  BOOM! The back door disintegrated.

  I hit the deck.

  The old guy stepped out of the shattered doorway and chambered another round into his shotgun. “I want my kiss,” he shrieked and fired again. The kick knocked him on his ass and the birdshot hit the mountain in the butt.

  Cursing a blue streak, the mountain drew his pistol and opened fire.

  I dove behind a smelly dumpster as they exchanged gunfire. Bullets pinged off the metal. Holy hell! I was a shit magnet.

  Xenia appeared behind me. “Another death squad?”

  “Dunno, but I’m sensing multiple hostiles in the area.”

  “Me too.”

  Ethan suddenly linked with me, “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing. Why?” I cringed as another volley of bullets slammed into the dumpster.

  “Who’s shooting at you?”

  “What makes you think someone is shooting at us?”

  “Kizzy,” he growled in warning.

  “Shouldn’t you be concentrating on your mission?”

  Ethan countered, “Why aren’t you wearing your armor?”

  Crap! I engaged it and noticed Xenia was wearing hers. I was a piss poor warrior. “Everything’s good. We’ve got it handled.”

  “Do you?” Skepticism laced Ethan’s voice.

  A stern voice commanded, “Police! Drop your guns.”

  “Yeah, the police are here.”

  “The police!”

  “The Best Whore House in Vegas is on skid row. Lots of bad guys. Lots of cops.”

  Ethan inquired testily, “Why hasn’t Granny Annabel turned them into popsicles?”

  “She’s kinda busy right now.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Enough of the third degree. “We’re fine. End of story.” I broke our link.

  “Drop the shotgun! Now!” a cop yelled.

  “I want my kiss,” the old guy screamed, and his shotgun boomed again.

  A wild barrage of gunfire erupted in the alley.

  That alien asshole seemed really determined to kill his host.

  A tomb-like silence fell.

  Xenia checked her scanner. “Three hostiles remain.”

  In the distance sirens began to wail.

  I risked a peek around the dumpster.

  The old guy lay unmoving in a pool of blood. The hunters had taken refuge behind the burnt out remains of a Plymouth. Surrender wasn’t in their vocabulary. Our simple little mission had turned into a major cluster fuck.

  “Toss your weapons out and put your hands over your head,” a cop barked.

  Testosterone raised its ugly head and the hunters responded with a hail of lead.

  I flinched as bullets zinged crazily around me. The dumpster was rapidly turning into a sieve.

  Boom! Boom!

  I winced. “Those idiots are throwing flash bangs! Don’t they realize urine burns?”

  “We have to get out of here.” Xenia wrapped her arms around me. There was a fleeting instant of blackness and we were standing by the Hummer.

  BOOM! An explosion lit up the night.

  We watched as flames engulfed the Best Whore House in Vegas.

  “On the bright side. The fire will destroy the artifacts,” I quipped.

  “And the alien asshole.”

  I smiled. �
��Kinda fitting. I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink.”

  “A bottle of whiskey and a box of chocolate sounds even better.”

  We got in the Hummer.

  Chapter Fifteen

  I rubbed my aching head. “Is Quinn keeping track of you too?”

  “Once the shooting started, he never shut up. I’m just happy he didn’t get a look at Lover Boy.”

  I laughed. “That was the most pathetic dick I’ve ever seen.”

  “Without a doubt.” Xenia shuddered.

  “Was the alien asshole guarding the treasure or searching for it himself?”

  “An excellent question, but other than sending Lover Boy after us, he didn’t try to stop us.”

  “Hmmm.” I tapped the steering wheel. “Maybe the Thunder God imprisoned it in one of those artifacts.”

  “Or it was his partner in crime.”

  “Either way, Granny will ferret out the truth. I also want to know how the Tomb Raiders and their hired help are able to track us down so easily.” I glanced at the side mirror for any signs of pursuit.

  “Me too.”

  My stomach growled. “How about a burger with that drink?”

  “Breakfast was a long time ago,” Xenia replied.

  “I know just the place.”

  We valeted the Hummer at the Crown casino and headed for their highly acclaimed roof top bar. Its burgers were to die for.

  The waitress led us to a table with an awesome view of the strip and handed us menus.

  “Does Quinn get recalled to active duty a lot?”

  “This is the first time.”

  I sighed. “I hate to admit it, but I miss Ethan.”

  “Quinn can be a bit bossy, but he does make up for it in the bedroom.”

  I burst out laughing. “Are we lucky or what?”

  “They are talented.”

  The waitress came back. “Are you ready to order?”

  “I want your house beer and the chili burger,” I said, handing her my menu.

  Xenia smile at the waitress. “I’ll take the same.”

  “What, no whiskey?”

  “Not until the Bjarke problem has been dealt with.”

  “I’ll be right back with your drinks.” The waitress walked away.

  I glanced around. “I’m kinda surprised General Jones hasn’t made an appearance.”

  “He can cloak his abilities. It makes it easier for him to sneak up on people.”

  An itchy sensation crawled up my spine. “Incoming hostile.”

  “With murder on her mind.”

  The waitress propelled an elderly woman in a wheelchair up to our table. I eyed her black scarf, long black dress and white orthopedic shoes nervously. Had Luigi hired a Castello hitwoman for his vendetta?

  “Your grandmother was having trouble finding you,” the waitress said.

  Xenia snorted. “She’s not my grandmother.”

  “Forgive her, she’s still angry I married her grandfather.” The old woman patted the waitress’s hand. “Could you be a dear and fetch me a menu?”

  “Of course.” With a smile the waitress left.

  Xenia slid her laser pistol out and placed it on her lap. “We weren’t expecting you for dinner, grandmother.”

  “Call me Velda.”

  I tried not to stare at the enormous black mole on her upper lip. It had two black hairs protruding outwards like antennas. Ewww! It kinda reminded me of a big black roach. “What can we do for you, Velda?”

  “Do you have children?”

  I exchanged puzzled glances with Xenia. “No, we haven’t been blessed with children.”

  Velda cackled madly. “Blessed? Ain’t you a funny one? My brats always got their hand out. Ma, I need twenty bucks. Ma, I need bail money. They’re nothin’ but a bunch of worthless, lazy bastards.”

  “It must be difficult.” I quickly surveyed the room. Maybe this was one of those reality shows where they pranked people.

  “Difficult she says,” Velda cackled again. “My Hector robbed a bank, and do you think he’d give me some of the money? Hell no, so I turned him in and got the reward. I mean, I’m entitled to that reward money, ain’t I? Those kids ain’t helping me out. I have bills and my measly social security check ain’t getting’ me to Vegas for a bit of fun.” She winked again. “If ya know what I mean?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t a clue.”

  “She’s insane,” Xenia murmured in my head.

  “Or a very cunning assassin.”

  Velda stuck her hand in her mouth and popped out a partial plate with two yellowed teeth. “This stupid piece of crap has never fit properly.” She dunked it Xenia’s water glass. “Luigi paid me ten thousand credits to kill you. For twenty, I’ll let you live.”

  “She’s all yours, Xenia.”

  There was a flash of red. Velda’s eyes bugged and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Her limbs flailing violently, Velda tumbled out of her chair.

  I jumped to my feet and shouted, “Oh, my God! Someone call 9-1-1 my grandmother is having a seizure.”

  Xenia scooped up Velda’s Ruger with its high-tech silencer and tucked it away. “My father is never going to believe this.”

  “I’m having a hard time believing it myself.”

  “So are we,” Ethan said in my head.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Decked out like old west cowboys, Ethan, Quinn and General Jones strolled toward us. Instead of Colt revolvers, their holsters held laser pistols.

  “I’m a doctor,” General Jones declared loudly. Bending down, he jabbed a pressure injector against Velda’s neck and triggered it. Her convulsing stopped. “She’ll be fine, folks.”

  The diners and waitresses clapped.

  Several paramedics with a gurney rushed in, scooped Velda up and rolled her out.

  I looked up at Ethan. “Your men?”

  “They are.”

  I motioned to the waitress. “Can we get our food to go?”

  “Certainly.” She hurried off.

  “What happened to your recon mission?”

  “Someone had tampered with our long-range scanners. There were no Marauders.”

  “Another Bjarke attempt to lure you away,” I observed.

  “Exactly.” Ethan wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Where did you get the Hummer?”

  “Military surplus store.”

  “And the explosives?”

  “Same place. You never know when you’ll need to blow something up.”

  “You’re gonna fit right in.” Ethan took the food from the waitress.

  The General’s cold gaze settled on me. “Where’s Granny Annabel?”

  “She’s doing research on the alien asshole,” I replied.

  Quinn cocked a disbelieving brow. “Alien asshole?”

  “The creature’s mental aura isn’t human. Therefore, it’s alien. The asshole has been possessing and killing people for Goddess knows how long,” Xenia stated.

  “Where is it?” Something terrifying flickered in the General’s eyes.

  I shivered. “The Best Whore House in Vegas, but don’t worry, it burned to the ground about twenty minutes ago. Flash bangs and urine don’t mix.”

  “Not at all,” Xenia agreed.

  Chapter Sixteen

  The stucco warrior led us to Kanab, Utah. Yep, the place where in 1921 Freddy Crystal, an Indiana Jones type, had convinced the town folk that his four centuries old map would lead them to Montezuma’s lost treasure. Those poor farmers had been digging in the wrong place. The treasure wasn’t in Johnson Canyon, it was at a nearby lake. I just had to figure out which one.

  Kanab is a pleasant, mid-size town geared to tourists and treasure hunters. Every business had treasure maps for sale and a directory of guides willing to take you to Johnson Canyon.

  Xenia and I wanted to explore some of the intriguing antique stores listed on the city’s website, but our cranky mates were in a hurry and would only stop for lunch and gas. The warlor
ds had decided for security reasons to use Xenia’s gas guzzling Hummer. Cause no one knew about it.

  Xenia was utterly fascinated by the gas pumps and asked Quinn to show her how to fuel her vehicle. I quickly volunteered to get lunch. It’d give me time to browse the gift store attached to the gas station.

  The minute Ethan and Quinn stepped out of the Hummer it was instant chaos. You’d think the women of this town had never seen a hot guy before. I mean, my God, they weren’t vid stars, they were Coletti. Several ladies jockeying for the pump next to the Hummer kissed bumpers and all hell broke loose.

  Ethan seemed more annoyed than interested in the scantily clad females and once he gave them his scary face, the girls all flocked over to Quinn.

  Xenia waved the gas nozzle at them. “He’s mine. Get lost.”

  The women took one look at her glowing eyes and backed off.

  I shook my head in disbelief as more cars full of excited women squealed into the parking lot. Entering the store, I headed to the racks of colorful tee-shirts.

  “Get our food Kizzy. You can shop all you want after we find the treasure,” Ethan rumbled in my head.

  “What’s the hurry. The treasure has been lost for hundreds of years. An hour or two isn’t going to make that much of a difference.”

  “Have you forgotten about the Bjarke hunters searching for us.”

  “Good point.” Grabbing a basket, I filled it with pre-packaged sandwiches, chips, chocolate bars and cold drinks.

  The bell on the shop door dinged and Ethan strolled in. “Got everything?”

  “I do.” I gave the stink-eye to the women peering through the window, but they just on kept waving and making kissy faces. Ugh.

  Totally ignoring them, Ethan commandeered the basket, added some beer and pushed it over to the cash register.

  Even though the cashier was pushing seventy, she ogled Ethan like he was a rock star.

  “I snapped my fingers in her face. “Could you ring us up?”

  “Yes, oh yes.” The cashier’s eyes never left Ethan.

  “Today would be nice.” I piled everything on the counter.

  A silly grin on her face, the cashier slowly rang up the items. “A big guy like you must eat a lot.”

  I smothered a groan.

  Ethan smiled politely. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You can call me Mabel.”