The HUSH Series: (HUSH, HUSHED and JANE.)

by Sandra Raine

  "This is going to be my last night with you, Jane," Dominic said cutting the engine, and cutting straight to the chase of his silence.

  For a moment there his words merely breezed past my ears 'cause I was still shocked over the fact he parked right out in front of my house and I was still staring at him with that same "confused and perturbed" expression. Dominic finally turned to me with this mangled expression across his face. And it was in that moment had I finally grasp what he said. My heart suddenly stopped beating, and soon I began to panic in my own skin. I then searched Dominic's eyes frantically for any sign of a possible invention but I found nothing only the sincerity of a confession locked within an expression that began to cause me great and vulnerable concern. I turned away and held on to my fear for what I was about to ask.

  "Am I being. . .sold?"

  Dominic placed a cool hand against my left cheek and stroked it gently. "Jane," he then whispered the way a lover whispered to a lover before breaking their heart. . .I cringed. And the reaction wasn't out of disgust but out of immense pain from the idea of not being his any longer. Then. . .like a freight train it hit me straight on: There were going to be others. . .Others calling the shots. Others demanding me. Others beating me, torturing me, raping me. OH, GOD! my mind suddenly screamed to hell and back.

  "No, Dominic! I can't be sold!" My voice pitched one octane higher. "I have to go to school. I mean, what about my parents? Bree? Doug? What about my life?" I argued, slapping Dominic's hand from my face and cowering up against the passenger's door. "I can't, Dominic!" I continued to protest. "I mean, you just can't sell me like that! It isn't fair. It isn't fair! You don't fucking own me! You never have! It was all supposed to have been over by now. . .Remember?! Remember your words. . .'just for awhile'?"

  "Shh. . .listen, Jane," Dominic said comfortingly, taking control of my emotions like there was hope somewhere within his words. And because Dominic was so eerily calm I couldn't help but to listen in spite of the erratic beating of my heart drumming loudly in my ears. "I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I enjoyed everything I had ever done to you 'cause that would make me liable to what I'm about to tell you - "

  "Oh, Jesus, Dominic - "

  "Everything I ever done to you I was forced to do by them - "

  "You mean your father?. . .Doug?"

  Dominic's jaw clenched the way it always tended to clench whenever I crawled under his skin. And instead of slapping me straight to make himself feel better, or to make me understand, he just shook his head and sighed out in frustration.

  "There's more to Bob Ray and Doug, Jane. . .they're just. . .Look, Jane," Dominic said quickly switching the subject 'cause I sensed he wasn't too fond of gossiping about his father nor of Doug, "If you're going to do. . .something. . .anything. . .you better do it quick."

  "Are you protecting me, or setting me up?"

  "Fuck, Jane!" Dominic spat slamming both his palms up against the steering wheel. I flinched, and grabbed onto the door knob for comfort. "Why does every-goddamn-thing have to be a goddamn question with you?!"

  "Because, Dominic, my whole fucking life is a question with you!" I argued springing back to life as I sat up at attention like a Jack-in-the-box. "I mean, one minute you're controlling me, the next minute you're not, and now you're telling me that you're not going to anymore. Now do you see all the questioning?"

  Dominic stopped staring at me and shifted his attention back over the steering wheel. He was thinking again, only I sensed no plotting but regret.

  "Dominic," I whispered. And I couldn't believe just how much it pained me to say his name, like if this was the last time I was ever going to see him again. All of a sudden this wave of fear began to filter through me, but it wasn't a fear of endangerment but a fear of loneliness 'cause my hands suddenly ached to touch him. My lips then yearned to kiss him. And my soul literally dying to destine myself to him, forever.

  It was in this moment had my entire body was only just beginning to fully understand the underlying nature of the Stockholm - a syndrome of great affection for their captors, and in this case, for mine, which also included Justin and Josh. . .and it wasn't good. . .not for me. So instead of shunning from the idea I instead reached out to it because I was ready to devote the rest of my life to them.

  "Don't." Dominic cautioned, pulling back from me.

  "Jesus, Dominic. . .what do I keep doing wrong?" I pleaded, sounding exactly like a jilted lover.

  "You may love me now, Jane, but come later you're going to hate me."

  "Well then, why don't you let me be the judge?" Dominic gazed at me half-curious, half-confused. "I mean, you're not going to be my pimp anymore so why not?"

  "What you desire is very dangerous." Dominic then stated matter-of-factly as if he were truly speaking from experience. Perhaps there was another like me who felt the same way about him, and he entertained that idea only for in the end to lose her. Maybe that's what it was. Dominic slowly turned away, shaking his head, chuckling tenderly.

  "I'll always be a pimp, Jane. That's all I know. And that's all I'll ever know."

  "So who stands to take your place then, huh?" I sassed. "Your father? Doug? Tanya? Your fake ass cousins - "

  "Stop it, Jane."

  "Stop what? Stop with the truths? Stop with the - "

  "I mean it, Jane!"

  "Stop with the fact that you're twenty-two and not eighteen? Stop with the fact that you're own sister was a whore, and my brother, her pimp? Tell me something, Dominic, what happens when a whore isn't good enough anymore? Or let me rephrase. . .when her cunt has become to mature to fuck? Does she become like Tanya scouting other girls for a chance at freedom? Or, like Tia being an old washed-up whore with nowhere to go and no one to go home too? Or, Jenna who tried to make a better life for herself only to end up dead in a desert? Or, Chloe who "works" to support her dad 'cause you've threatened to kill him like the way you killed her mother? Or, Bai who was sold by her own parents for a few hundred dollars? I means, is this what I have to look forward to now with you telling me that that's it?"

  My rambling had obviously left Dominic feeling contemptuous 'cause he said nothing empathetic to ease my mind. So to ease his mind, he instead opened his door and stepped out with minimal hesitancy leaving me to open my door where I stepped out with great hesitancy. But as soon as Dominic reached for my hand to walk me to my front door, I thrust myself at him, clinging to him desperately.

  "Please, Dominic, please!" I pleaded, sobbing uncontrollably, trembling erratically. Dominic grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard.

  "Stop it, Jane!" He then demanded sternly. I choked back the last of my uncontrollable tears, and nodded like the good little girl I should've been all this time, I mean, if it meant for me to have been prevented from being sold. Dominic took firm hold of my hand and quietly led me up the driveway to my house.

  The dead silence of my neighborhood minus a dog barking somewhere down the street and Dominic's heavy breathing and my heels clicking on the cobblestone paved driveway began to raze my eardrums. As we neared the grand steps leading up to the front door of my house, two things started to unnerve me: my breathing intensified, and I was starting to panic. I noticed however, and after we reached my front door, Dominic had no problem letting go of my hand like letting go of a stray dog to the pound. And when he said nothing as he calmly turned to walk away, I broke down.

  "Please! Please!" I then begged Dominic with my heart literally weeping and dying on my sleeve as that ever constant fear gripped at my words. Dominic continued to say nothing; he just shrugged my hand from his and began the task of walking away but I don't let him get very far as I kept stepping in front of him, blocking him from leaving. Then he would maneuver around me to avoid me. And again, I would step in front of him, blocking him from leaving. And this game of Mouse taunting Cat went on for a couple of minutes until Dominic ultimately stopped walking and stared down at me.

  "Please. . .please don't sell me, Dominic." I sobbe
d, throwing my arms around his body and pressing my face firmly against his chest. "I promise. . .I promise I'll be good. Please. . .don't leave me to them. . .please. . ." and the quake in my voice eventually trailed off and disappeared amidst the tears drenching Dominic's chest. The scent of his signature cologne kissed at my nostrils thus bringing about a comfort I realized I wasn't ready to let go of 'cause the way I saw it, and no matter how fucked up this sounded, and no matter how many times I had been desperate to escape Dominic all along, I honestly could not see myself "working" for anyone else BUT him. I mean, I was already lost without Dominic, and a new day hadn't even begun yet.

  Chapter 50

  August 4th -

  "Where are we?" Bree asked as we waited for the light to turn green. The traffic on 24th Street was heavy; the airport was nearby, explaining the traffic, the cars, the buses, the shuttles. "It's almost noon," I said depressing on the gas. We were heading south toward the Greyhound bus station. As soon as the bus station came into view I held my breath, made a quick right hand turn onto the station's parking lot, and anxiously parked my car.

  "What are we doing here, Jane?" Bree's tone was full of awe and confusion. "Wow!" She then exclaimed as some big buses past behind us then disappeared behind the back of the building. "Are we going to ride one of those?" Bree continued to ask only now she was wide-eyed and excited. Bree had never ridden on a Greyhound bus before and neither have I which explained both our excitement. I mean, the closest Bree and I ever came to riding a bus was a school bus, and that was only when we had field trips.

  Bree quickly gathered up her Spongebob duffle bag and her stuffed Spongebob doll and opened the door. I snatched the keys from the ignition and hurried off my car with her. I opened the back driver's side door and grabbed my duffle bag and purse and together we headed into the station.

  For being a Monday morning, or afternoon actually, the place was jam packed. It took almost an hour to purchase two one-way tickets to Las Vegas. And by the time we got through the station's checkpoint and took our places in line we were almost dead last. I didn't complain. I was just glad to be in line. . .just to be going somewhere else for a change.

  I kept glancing at my watch. I even found myself fidgeting in my stance. I was having a hard time keeping still.

  Bree tugged on my blouse and I looked down into her big baby brown eyes. "Why are we going to Las Vegas, Jane?"

  "A friend of mine lives there," I said. I was full of hope about finding Mr. Church despite my failing to ask where he lived simply because I never contemplated on looking for him up until now, now that Dominic had opened the door for me to escape.

  Before Dominic left me, somewhere beneath all my pleading and sobbing, he finally took some pity on me and held me in his arms while the soft of his lips kissed at my hair. And somewhere beneath his compassion he said, 'Do us both a favor, Jane, and run. Run as far away as you can and never, ever come back.'

  I stared up into Dominic's eyes from amidst all my sobbing. I found I was both confused and speechless by his strange request. I meant to ask why he would say that to me but he had already read my expression, and answered matter-of-factly, 'Because you'll make this easy for me.'

  And with those last words, Dominic disappeared from my life.

  I had tossed and turned, and turned and tossed for about a good hour before I realized it was time for me to actually go. Without pondering further I jumped out of bed with my heart pounding dangerously against my chest. I packed a quick bag, grabbed my car keys, and dashed out of my bedroom. But as soon as I hit the staircase I remembered I had forgotten something important.

  Waking Bree from her slumber was like trying to wake the dead. I had to coach her out of bed with a promise of "Disneyland". And dressing her was no easy task, either. Once Bree was packed and ready, we made a run for it.

  At first I had no idea on where to head. My decision was spontaneous. I mean, all I knew was that time was quickly passing and that our parents were going to be up soon. And there was a good chance they would be calling the police once they discovered us missing.

  So at six in the morning my plan was this: Breakfast. A phone call to the bus station for departure times to Las Vegas. Drive around to kill time. Then after, drive to the bus station, purchase tickets, get on the bus, and start a new life. Now it was past noon, and it was time to board the bus. But halfway to the door however, I hear Bree suddenly croon, "Hi, Dominic!"

  Right then and there my whole body went numb with such an irradiated fear that my blood literally drained from my face, dragging me down into the bowels of a cold and very open grave. I quickly looked away from Dominic and shut my eyes tight and took a deep and apprehensive breath before summoning up enough courage to re-open them. And not only was I staring at Dominic, but I was also staring at Justin and Josh who were no more than a couple of feet behind him.

  "Let's keep it moving folks," the bus driver stressed from the door as he gazed in mine and Bree's direction 'cause we were holding back the line. And not leaving pressure to opportunity, meaning, allowing Dominic to change my mind, I took a gutsy step forward, then Bree, then Dominic. Then we stopped. Then I took another gutsy step forward, then Bree, then Dominic, and we stopped again. And this little charade went on for about a good two minutes with Dominic's eyes never faltering from mine - it felt as if he and I were literally walking down the aisle to matrimony. . .one step here, another step there. And while my steps were of escaping, his were of retrieving. Dominic lied to me. And when I attempted to challenge that lie by boarding that bus and escaping his oppression something flickered in his eye causing me to rebut that presumption particularly when he mumbled, "I'm sorry".

  At first I didn't know what to make of Dominic's apology, I mean, he sounded so sincere that it actually touched a sentimental nerve with me. But while I was too busy wrapped up in his unexpected apology I hadn't noticed the fresh bruises around his left eye and lip. And when I stole a glance at both Justin and Josh, I also noticed that they, too, were sporting fresh bruises. Then it dawned on me that they had been roughed up and later forced to find me. I don't know why, but my blood suddenly began to boil with this silent rage nipping at my insides. And it wasn't cause Dominic had sustained an obvious beating but because of the obligation that came with that beating, meaning, since he took a beating for me, now I was obligated to return the favor by going back with him.

  Five feet from the door I made the decision to shed my thick skin and step out of the line, tugging Bree with me. Dominic then nodded his appreciation 'cause for once he didn't have to threaten me.

  "What's going on, Jane?" Bree whined the second we stepped out of line. And just hearing the solemn in her girlie voice broke my heart.

  "Hey, Bree," Justin interrupted coolly, holding out his hand to her. "Why so glum, sweetie, where were you going?" Bree looked up and gazed at me with that same vocal solemn now inhibiting her innocent face. She then bowed and shook her head.

  "Nowhere," Bree mumbled taking Justin's hand while Justin took the bus tickets from mine. Justin's expression glowered as he sighed out long and hard in Dominic's direction.

  "Nowhere, huh?" Justin then casually repeated, giving me an icy stare that literally melted my heated one.

  Josh unexpectedly cinched my waist and pulled me close to him. Tonguing my lobe he scolded, "Don't you think that's fucked up. . .you taking your sister like that without anyone knowing?" I said nothing, and kept to my silence. Josh, too, said nothing more and escorted me out of the bus station with Dominic, Justin and Bree following close behind.

  Dominic's Hummer was parked next to my car. I expected to see Tanya emerging from the front passenger's seat but she wasn't inside. Justin cleared his throat loudly and held out his hand to me for the keys after he saw that my car was locked. And I was surprised to see that he wasn't impatiently snapping his fingers (a deed he seemed to practice religiously) 'cause of my hesitancy to giving them up. Once the car doors were unlocked, Josh then ushered Bree onto the f
ront passenger's seat while I took my seat behind Justin only 'cause Dominic had opened the back driver's side door for me. Tears of fear instantly swelled in my eyes as I just sat there in complete silence waiting for Dominic's Hummer to pull out of the parking space beside us. But aside from feeling scared, I was also feeling ashamed for taking Bree with me like that, in the middle of the night, and without our parents' knowledge. And for that I had to give Josh his props.

  The ride back home was both a long and unnerving one, like watching a horror movie unfold, not knowing at first what the evil is even though everyone in the theatre knew it was only a matter of time. I guess it was fair to say that my trip back to Dominic's house was an absolute nail biter, especially when there was so much traffic intercepting the evil that awaited. And no matter how much Justin maneuvered the car in between other cars to gain leverage, time, invariably, was not on his side from getting us from point A to point C. So I had no choice but to sit back and endure the torturous ride.

  And the "torturous ride" should have ended on Dominic's driveway but that wasn't the case, particularly when Justin bypassed Dominic's neighborhood and turned into mine instead.

  Before the car even parked on my driveway, I had already been squirming in my seat. And why we were here at my house instead of Dominic's began to really puzzle me? I mean, could it possibly be that my parents called Dominic for help? And if they did, then how did Dominic know where to find me? I mean, I had disconnected the GPS on my car right before Bree and I left so that we couldn't be tracked. Then I began to stress that maybe I had disconnected the wrong wire? But then that couldn't be the issue 'cause the GPS wasn't functioning when I left our house. It wasn't until I glanced down at my purse and caught a glimpse of my cell had it hit me: The cell was brand new, and it came with a built-in GPS. I clutched my purse closer to my side, and clutched the leathered fabric for leverage from my emotions that were fearfully building with each deep breath I took. And my heart, while beating rapidly in my chest, felt like it was just seconds away from imploding.