Knight's Absolution (Knights of Hell Book 5)

by Sherilee Gray

  She nodded again, but he could see in her eyes she was still deciding whether or not to run.

  “I need you to listen to me, love, okay?”

  She nodded, those eyes still wide as hell.

  He cleared his throat, trying to cull the growl in his voice. “There is nothing you could do, or say, nothing, that would cause me to harm you in any way. You don’t know me yet, I get that, but I swear on my brothers’ lives, you have nothing to fear from me.”

  Her pale, delicate throat worked. “Okay.”

  She was telling him what he wanted to hear, but she didn’t believe it.

  That image from all those months ago—of his hand around her throat before he knew she’d helped Grace—flashed through his mind again, and he felt sick to his stomach.

  “I know you’re scared. You don’t know us. But you know Grace, yes? You think she’d take shit from anyone?” He grinned, trying to cut through some of the tension. “Yeah, sure, Chaos can be an asshole sometimes, but you think she would’ve mated with him if he was a total dick?”

  A small smile played at the edges of Luna’s lips. “She ah…helped me remove a demon's head the first time I met her.”

  Gunner chuckled. “Sounds about right.” He let her barely there smile warm him. He liked that. Wanted to make her smile more. All the time. He still couldn’t believe she was here with him. That she was alive.

  “The demon’s name was Greg,” she said. “He liked to hurt me when Sir wasn’t around. I have…or at least had a high pain threshold. That asshole liked to test it. Killing him felt…good.”

  His chuckle stuck in his throat, and he had to fight another growl as his demon howled, wanting to break free and kill Greg all over again.

  “You’re angry again,” she said.

  “Yes,” he said, going for honesty. “I don’t like the idea of anyone hurting you.”

  She blinked. “I’m alive. He’s not.”

  Gunner took her in, unable to get a true sense of what she was thinking, feeling.

  “Will you stay, Luna?” He needed to tell her who she was to him. The last thing he wanted was to fuck around with this after so long without her, but she’d barely recovered. She was confused, and she was also wary as hell of him.

  He’d give her some time to get used to him, and then he’d tell her the truth.

  “Are you sure your wards are strong enough? Sir’s powerful…” Her lip trembled, fear sneaking back into her eyes before it was quickly replaced with anger.

  “They’re strong enough to keep him out, I promise you that.” He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear before he could stop himself, and the backs of his fingers brushed her cheek. Her skin was silky smooth and cool. It warmed when she drank from him, but cooled again quickly. Probably because her heart wasn’t beating.

  She flinched, and he quickly pulled his hand back.

  “Do I really frighten you?” he couldn’t stop himself asking.

  “I…don't think so.” She licked her upper lip again and frowned. “Only Sir was allowed to touch me, still some of the other demons, not just Greg, liked to hurt me when they knew they’d get away with it. I guess I’m just not used to being touched in a way that doesn’t cause pain.”

  A sledgehammer came down on the calm he’d been working so hard for, shattering it with one mighty blow. He refused to let Luna see it this time, though, and the effort was so Herculean, he trembled. “I’m sorry, love. Next time, I’ll ask before I touch you.”

  Her head tilted to the side, eyes sharpening with curiosity. “Why would you want to touch me?”

  The move was all demon, and for some reason, to Gunner it was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Christ, the last thing he needed now was a hard-on. “To comfort you. To comfort me. You don’t think you’d like that?” he asked, again unable to stop himself.

  She blinked in that slow way of hers. “I don’t know.” She looked down and touched the inside of her wrist. “When you brushed your thumb here, it felt…nice.” Her cheeks colored. “It made my skin tingle.”

  How could she not know if something felt good? What the hell had she been through? How long had that twisted fuck had her? Her emotions were all over the place, one moment she was smiling, the next there wasn’t a trace of anything there, and a second later she was wide-eyed and blushing.

  He knew a lot of dhampirs struggled with emotion or were devoid of them completely. Luna was definitely struggling.

  She frowned again when he said no more, her gaze locking with his, knocking the wind from his lungs. “But why would touching me comfort you?”

  Because you became my entire world the moment I felt you a year ago. Because I thought I’d lost you forever. Because I need to touch you to prove that you’re real and you’re truly here with me.

  “I thought you were going to die, Luna. Seeing you like that scared the hell out of me.”

  She continued to frown.

  Luna didn’t understand, and now wasn’t the time to tell her. “Would you like to take a shower? I can get you some clean clothes.”

  “God, yes. I must look and smell disgusting.”

  “Nothing about you is disgusting. Not one fucking thing.” Gunner swung out of bed before he reached for her, before he touched her again, and tugged on a pair of jeans lying by the bed. Luna was obviously strong as hell. How could she not be after everything she’d been through? But there was also a kind of naivete about her. She didn’t seem to understand relationships very well, of any kind. And ones that involved affection, definitely not. She said she had a friend, but he doubted the demon who kept her prisoner all this time had let them get too close to anyone else.

  She didn’t even know how to identify what made her feel good. Which told him she’d spent most of her life suffering and deprived. Christ.

  He dragged a hand over his shaved hair, and when he turned back, Luna had twisted to watch him. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were wide and bright. She licked her lips before her gaze slid up to his face, and then she blushed harder when she realized he’d caught her looking at his body. He pretended he hadn’t noticed, but he took that little bit of interest, that blush, as a fucking good sign.

  “The bathroom’s just through there. I’ll get you some clothes and leave them on the bed. When you’re done, just come through to the living room.” He pointed at the bedroom door. “I’ll be waiting there.”

  Jesus, she looked so small and pale. Then her dark crimson lips curled up, flashing her little fangs. “Thanks, Gunner.”

  His pulse picked up speed at the memory of those dainty fangs piercing his skin, and his cock surged behind his zipper. “Don’t need to thank me, Luna. Whatever you need, I’ll be the one giving it to you,” he said, his voice impossibly deep and rough with need.

  His demon pressed against his skin and purred, and Gunner quickly turned away and walked out. He’d been fighting his inner demon his whole life, and now, with Luna close, the fucker had calmed.

  His demon was as infatuated with Luna as he was.

  Luna stayed in the bath until the water turned cold. Her hand sat against her chest. Nothing. Her heart had died in that basement, even if she hadn’t.

  It made her feel even more of a monster than she already did. Yes, full-blooded vampires didn’t have a heartbeat, didn’t need to breathe, but she was half human. That slow steady thump in her chest had been a connection to that part of herself, to her mother, and to Ronan. She’d felt hers beating and imagined his beating in time.

  But Ronan’s wasn’t beating anymore. It had stopped years ago after his powers had been ripped from him and given to another. After he’d been slaughtered.

  She squeezed her eyes closed as her body shook and her chest ached. Her eyes stung, and something tickled her cheeks. She brushed her fingers over her skin. They came away red. Tears. And not the kind she got when she used her powers. This crying was an emotional response, and it wasn’t the first time it had happened. She’d done it when Gunner saved
her, hadn’t she? Blood running hot and thick down her face.

  There was no denying it now.

  This was what it was like to have emotions.

  She fucking hated it. The anger she’d been able to handle, these other feelings, not so much. It was as if she were in a raging tornado, being pulled in all different directions, and she wanted it to stop.

  Swiping her tears away, she made herself open her eyes and fought the confusing feeling inside her. Thankfully, it was quickly replaced by rage. Yes, now she wanted to punch something.

  Someone.

  Sir would pay for what he did to Ronan. She would find a way to kill him like she’d always planned. Being here at the knights’ compound would make things more difficult, but she’d find a way. But first, she needed to find Spencer. If only she had the first clue how to go about it.

  The water she was soaking in was gray and disgusting from the filth that had coated her body and now swirled with pink from her tears. Screwing up her face, she climbed out, drained the tub, and turned the shower on, nice and hot.

  She climbed into the hot spray and sighed as she assessed her physical state. Gunner’s blood had definitely made her stronger.

  God, what must he think of her? Having her latch on to his vein, sink her fangs into his flesh, and drink from him. How could he stand it? How had he not shoved her away in disgust?

  Had he fed other dhampirs when they’d stayed here? She couldn’t be the only demi-demon whose demon half was vampire? Did the knights take turns? Whoever drew the short straw was stuck offering the bloodsuckers their vein?

  Duty. Gunner had fed her out of duty, that was all.

  But he’d been so…gentle with her, almost…affectionate? She knew what affection looked like. Humans showed it all the time. Hugging on the street, touching each other with wide smiles on their faces and color in their cheeks.

  She shoved her head under the hot spray and shook her head. No. It was kindness, nothing else. She was just having trouble recognizing emotions in others, not surprising when she was still trying to understand her own. She’d never experienced affection before, or maybe she had but just couldn’t remember? Her mother was a shadow in the past now, the memories distant and faded. So how would she know how to tell the difference?

  The knights were born to protect demi-demons like her. They fought hard to control the demons in this city, to stop Diemos from leaving Hell and invading Earth. Just being a demi put her under the umbrella of their protection. That’s all it was. The way Gunner had been with her in his bed had been all about duty. Nothing more.

  “Love.”

  She shivered. The way he said that all deep and raspy.

  Why did he keep calling her that?

  He probably called all demi that.

  “There is nothing you could do, or say, nothing, that would cause me to harm you in any way.”

  He said he’d never hurt her. Everyone who had ever said that to her had done the opposite. They’d lied, and they’d hurt her over and over again. She couldn’t allow herself to let her guard down, to fully trust him or the other knights. Her belly clenched as she shampooed her hair.

  They saved you.

  She squeezed her eyes closed.

  Because they don’t know the terrible things you’ve done.

  She sucked in a deep breath out of habit. She desperately wanted to trust them, to trust someone, she just didn’t know if she knew how.

  If she should.

  Opening herself up to more pain didn’t seem like a wise decision. Because eventually, they’d turn their backs on her, or worse, they’d learn the truth about her. It was only a matter of time.

  She’d been strong for so long; there hadn’t been any other choice. Her sanity had depended on the thick, impenetrable wall she’d built around herself. If it crumbled away now, what would be left? She couldn’t allow herself to drop her guard, to allow herself to think about her life up until this point and not lose her mind entirely.

  Not with how shaky she was right now. One moment she was crying, the next she wanted to punch something.

  And then there was Gunner.

  When she was with him, all she wanted was to get closer to him.

  Stop. Get control of it.

  She lathered the soap over her body, then rinsed off and climbed out. Drying quickly, she wrapped the towel around herself and opened the door, peeking into the bedroom. Just as Gunner had promised, there were clothes on the bed and the door leading to the small living room was closed.

  Gunner was out there now. Waiting for her.

  Then what?

  She didn’t know. She couldn’t remember a time when Sir wasn’t controlling her every move.

  Padding to the bed, she checked out the clothes and couldn’t help but smile. Grace had chosen these for her, there was no doubt in her mind. Black jeans and boots and a black sweater. There was even underwear, all black as well, and a small bag with some cosmetics, deodorant, hairbrush, a few other bits and pieces.

  Luna had her camouflage. And it was all black. Even without the ability to feel, to experience emotion, she’d been drawn to the color. Maybe it was silly to some, but when she dressed this way, when she put on her black eyeliner and lipstick, it was as if she was someone else. Like she was somehow protecting the real Luna behind a disguise.

  She needed that now more than ever.

  Luna dressed, feeling less vulnerable, stronger almost instantly. And after using the bathroom mirror to apply heavy eyeliner and lipstick, the terrible grip in her belly, the weight of the unknown, lessened just a fraction.

  She attacked her tangled hair with the brush. The thin bleached strip of hair she liked to dye different colors, usually red, had almost grown out, and her thick black hair was almost waist length now.

  She gripped the edge of the counter and looked herself in the eyes.

  Whatever comes next, you can handle it.

  With her armor back in place, some of the tension left her body.

  A soft knock sounded against the bedroom door. “Okay in there?” Gunner’s deep voice was muffled.

  She gripped the edge of the counter harder, her skin flushing hot just from the sound of the male’s voice. Her mouth watered, but not from the memory of his blood working its way down her throat, soothing and healing, but from the scent of his skin, the texture, the heat of it against hers.

  “Y-yes…” Barely a sound left her, her throat suddenly impossibly tight. “Yes,” she forced herself to repeat, stronger this time as she walked to the door.

  You can’t hide in here forever.

  Gripping the handle, she made herself open the door.

  Gunner stood on the other side, towering over her, concern in his deep gold eyes. He smiled gently, and the scar through his upper lip made his mouth curl on one side more than the other.

  She’d been away from him for less than an hour, and the impact of him, his size, his handsome face, that indescribable thing in him that drew her in a way she didn’t understand, was stronger than it had ever been.

  His nostrils flared as his gaze moved over her from head to toe, and for the first time in her life, she desperately wanted to know what someone else thought of her appearance. She wanted someone to notice her.

  Did Gunner like the way she looked? Or did her armor work on him like it did on almost everyone else?

  His smile curled a little deeper. “Now this is the girl I remember.” His hand lifted as if he was about to reach out and touch her hair before he remembered himself and dropped it again. “Feel better?”

  He really did remember her from the one time he’d seen her. Yes, she’d been more than aware of his existence, had seen him on numerous occasions, and sometimes…she’d actually sought him out on her own. She may have followed him a time to two as well.

  But he’d only seen her that one time. The time he’d punched a hole through a car window and held her by her throat while Grace’s mate rescued her.

  She didn’t bring it up
, though. She understood why he’d done it. He thought she was the enemy. And she was, wasn’t she? Even if she hadn’t wanted to do the things Sir made her do, she’d still done them. “Yes, much better.”

  “You feel up to a tour? I’ll show you around the place, introduce you to my brothers’ mates and the other demi staying here.”

  She nodded. It’d be rude to say no after everything they’d done, even if the idea of meeting so many made her break out in a cold sweat. “Sounds good. So where will I be staying?”

  Gunner frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I assume you have separate quarters for the demi you bring here?”

  His frown grew deeper. “I thought that maybe you’d stay here, with me? You’re still recovering. If you need to feed again, if you need to…”

  “No.” The word burst past her lips with far more force than she’d intended.

  Gunner flinched, his body freezing in place.

  Feed from him? No goddamn way. The humiliation was too much for her to bear. She didn’t want this male, of all people, to see her like that ever again. Nothing but a slave to her hunger. Once was more than enough.

  Gunner was watching her, his jaw working.

  What was he thinking? Probably how ungrateful she was. Here he was offering her his vein, despite how awful it must’ve been for him, and she’d recoiled as if he was the monster.

  “I’m sorry,” she rushed out. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I won’t burden you any longer. I sure as hell don’t expect you to feed me again.” She looked down at the floor, unable to meet his penetrating gaze.

  “You need to feed regularly, Luna.”

  “I’ll figure something out—”

  “How will you figure it out?” he said, so harshly, goose bumps rose all over her skin. “You need blood, I’m offering you mine.”

  She shook her head even as her fangs tingled and her stomach gripped with the beginning pangs of hunger. “You’ve already done enough. I’ll find someone…don’t worry about me.”

  “Look at me,” he said, softer but still harsh.

  It was difficult, she didn’t want to look at his handsome face, not when her body was screaming at her to move closer to him, to seek out his incredible warmth, to breathe in his intoxicating scent.