Wish You Weren't Here

by Janeen Ippolito

  “See you … soon …”

  The bones incinerated, crisping to a pile of ash that blew away in the rancid wind. I coughed, trying to force it from my lungs. Trying to force everything from me before it stained my soul more than it was already from being mostly-Jinn.

  But I couldn’t stop. Couldn’t push away the image of Kiran burning from the outside in. If anything other than fake dream food had been in my stomach, it would have been puked up on the sparkly sidewalks.

  Shadows swept around me. Cooling. Soothing. Erasing all the chaos, the horrifying insanity, until there was nothing but dust and desert and empty winds. The solitary, oddly refreshing place between death and dreams.

  I pressed my hand to my chest, fighting to still my heartbeat. A figure swooped in close to me, his pale, muscled form wreathed in shadows and framed by large wings so black they glimmered violet. Cendric had remade our Dreamscape into soothing numbness. I plunged into my husband’s arms, letting his scent of copper and cedar and the strength of his presence anchor me. For he was my anchor, the holder of my magic, even as I was the keeper of his soul.

  “Breathe, my love.” His voice was firm yet threaded with a wild music that stilled the rage within me.

  “I don’t … it couldn’t be …” My limbs trembled. “Not here. It’s not safe anymore. He got in.”

  His wings spread around me. “It’s always safe here—”

  “No!” I pushed away from him, unable to stop my shaking. “It’s not, I’m not. He died. It’s—I have to wake up!”

  My eyes snapped open. I was in Cendric’s arms again, being held from behind, as he often did when we slept. Sweat slicked my back, and my hair stuck damply to my cheeks. A gentle, soothing warble came from his chest, pressed against my back. His raven side, reassuring me. The sensation of his blood flowing in his veins sang a gentle accompaniment, a reminder of his vampire exterior.

  “Be at peace, lelkem.” A Hungarian phrase meaning his breath. His soul. For we were joined magically, destined. Even if we were still figuring that out. “I’m here.”

  Under his crooning words, my heartbeat calmed. I was in his room—our room. Still hard to remember that, since I’d only moved in seven weeks ago. But it was ours. The king-sized bed. The many large windows and skylight, now tinted black to block out the daylight so we could sleep. The soft tan walls, blank. The floor lined with our pictures and decor, since we were still in the process of combining our decidedly different aesthetics.

  A new home, still getting figured out. But home, even as Cendric was home. The nightmare slid into the back of my mind. Still there, but not where it could hurt me. I sighed.

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No. It’s nothing. Just an invasive memory.” It had to be nothing. One hundred percent nothing.

  Kiran was way too smart to let anything bad happen to him.

  Cendric gently stroked my neck with his fingers. “You’re wrong. There was something more.”

  I rubbed my forearms, lingering on the bonding tattoos.

  “Allis, he used his magic on you,” my mate pressed. “What did he do to you?”

  I felt the embrace of his shadow magic, trying to sense any change in me, even as I sought to understand the strange, jolting effect of Kiran’s magic. “I dunno. Nothing feels abnormal.”

  “I agree. There are no traces of his magic within you.” A grim relief filled his voice. “Yet somehow he entered our Dreamscape. How?”

  “My fault, probably. As usual.” I groaned.

  A rumble from my husband’s chest disagreed with me. “He used you somehow, Allis. You cannot blame yourself for that. We need to find answers.”

  “Do we?” I shook my head. “He’s gone now.”

  All I’d heard from Kiran recently were a handful of drunk texts over a month and a half ago, and the rumor that he’d been involved in covering for me when my Jinn magic had first emerged. And now I watched him burn up from the outside in. What did any of this mean?

  “Yet he could return.” I sensed Cendric’s desire to keep me safe and close. His fear of this intrusive threat he couldn’t understand.

  “No, he can’t.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “I dunno. He burned up. Blamed a curse.” I shuddered. “I don’t want him back.”

  “So we must discuss how to keep him out.”

  No arguing with that. I placed my hands over his, where his arms spanned my waist. “We stay together. That’s how. I’m exactly where I want to be. With you.” Cendric, who I’d met over and over for five years, only to forget him each time thanks to the curse-mark that had bound my magic since I was a child. Cendric, who had broken the curse-mark, who’d stood up for me in the Fae courts and fought for me. I didn’t need to worry about anything else.

  He pressed a kiss to the back of my neck. Another sigh escaped me as my muscles relaxed.

  “Should...get up,” I muttered. “Do things?”

  “It’s early yet. Only 8 am.”

  I yawned. That was early. At least for the schedule Cendric kept, which was surprisingly synced with mine. Who knew that when my body preferred to sleep until noon every day and go to bed at 4 am, it would be compatible with my vampire mate? Both of us wanted to keep some daylight hours, since his raven soul made him immune to sunlight and I wasn’t a vampire at all—but we both appreciated late nights and falling asleep around 4 am.

  And Cid was right. Eight am was way too early. I snuggled deeper into his embrace. His arms twitched. “However, I could get up and investigate this threat further.”

  “Nope. I don’t sleep unless you sleep.” My mind began drifting into the peaceful blankness brought by his magic.

  He sighed. “Allis, I can survive with very little rest—”

  “Not letting go of you, Cid.” I clutched him even more tightly. “Stay. Please.”

  This was real. I needed this. I needed him, needed his magic cocooning me.

  The rest of the day would have enough trouble.

  He gave me another kiss, then relaxed with a sigh.

  Just before my mind drifted off, a flash of sizzling skin, of bones shuddering to ash, of red magic flashed through my mind. Provoking anger. Bewilderment. A strange, possessive heat.

  Then all slipped away into calm gray shadows.

  Chapter 2

  I awoke to sunlight filtering through the wall of windows in front of me and the overhead dome—all suited to Cendric’s raven soul needing to see the open skies. Since my Jinn side hated the idea of being closed in, the layout suited me as well. The tint from the windows had lessened just enough to convince me that getting up was a great idea. I checked the pale blue alarm clock numbers projected on the nearby wall. A little past noon. I had a 1:30 pm appointment with Josie Framer. I scrubbed away the lingering heaviness in my eyes and snapped my mental shields in place, holding back the overwhelming stimulus from my Jinn magic, which had turned my five senses up a million points and then shoved them in a blender. Maintaining the shields was the first thing I’d worked on with Cid, but even so, sometimes I’d taste sound and hear food.

  But right now, the coast was clear. I sighed. Okay, Allis, you got this.

  Cendric was already up. I heard the shower in the adjoining bathroom. He had this thing about always making sure he was up before me and asleep after me. I dragged myself out of bed, pulling at my t-shirt and shorts. Part of me wanted to join him in the shower. The other part demanded coffee.

  I paused in front of the door, imagining the steam and hot water within the massive shower stall, surrounding my very much unclothed mate who likely had shifted his large, gorgeous black wings out.

  Well, it couldn’t hurt to make sure he was fully intact.

  I stepped inside the massive bathroom—well, room didn’t really cover it. Bath chamber? Bath amphitheater? Not that I was complaining, since I didn’t have to clean it. A wide counter with two sinks spanned one side, a mirror paned the wall above it, and there were
plenty of drawers and cupboard space beneath. Cid’s area was all in order, and mine was … not as messy as it could have been. Toilet facilities were in their own separate room that was the size of the old bathroom I’d shared with Gideon. At the end of the counter were three steps up to a large jacuzzi with more windows above and around it, all of them tinted to allow for clear viewing out and zero viewing in. But that morning, my attention was drawn to the large shower stall that covered the entire wall opposite the counter. Glassed in and deep enough for a ten-foot wingspan to flap underneath the rainwater showerhead.

  Which, as it so happened, was exactly what Cid was doing at that moment, partially turned away from me. Proof that God created gorgeous things. I licked my lips, enjoying the view—and came away with some oh-so-pleasant morning breath tooth slime. Gross.

  I turned toward my sink and loaded up a toothbrush.

  “How did you sleep?”

  “Better.” I began attacking my mouth with the electric bristles.

  Over the buzzing, I heard him answer, “I’ve set some of my contacts on alert for the whereabouts of Kiran Singh.”

  “Grenishmrph.”

  “Is that some new language?” Humor tinged his voice.

  Smartass. I spat into the sink. “Good idea. Although Kir is real hard to find if he doesn’t wanna be.” I rinsed my mouth out. Better. No toxic swamp breath. “He never tried getting in my head like that when we were together.”

  “Perhaps he was unable to.”

  “Yeah, or he didn’t want to. He always did like his space.”

  Way too much, sometimes. It was one of the many reasons I’d called it quits after two years. He just couldn’t commit, no matter how close we got. Bottom line, Kiran wasn’t the invasive type. Or at least, he hadn’t been.

  “Well, regardless of his intentions earlier, what he did last night was criminal.” Cendric’s voice held that hard edge of justice with undertones of anger.

  “Sure, okay. And before you ask, no, I still don’t feel any different, even if he did try to wham me with some of his magic.”

  “Good. Please let me know if that changes.”

  His worry was clear. For shifters, the mate bond was permanent but apparently there was a way for me to break it on my side. To switch up partners. It dug at Cid’s insecurities, since he’d lost his first wife in a vampire attack during the Blood War—the same attack that had turned him.

  “You got it. And don’t worry, Cid. You’re stuck with me. After all, you’ve got a chunk of my magic as well.” I turned to face him. He stared down at me, his gray eyes equal parts stern and deeply caring. Couldn’t blame his protectiveness. It would get old if he weren’t so dang good at it—or if a part of me didn’t desperately need that protection. Standing up for my rights still wasn’t my strong suit. And yeah, we were still figuring out our lives together, but I was all in. What else would I be? Where else would I go?

  Unbidden possibilities filtered into my brain. I shoved them aside and focused on Cid, raising my eyebrows. “Well, other than tracking down my erstwhile boyfriend, anything else on your plate today?”

  “The usual.” His expression turned wry. “A business meeting at the firm, and then another round before the Fae court, pleading your case.”

  “Right. That.” A weight settled in my stomach. According to the dictates of the Alliance of Blood Binders, my position as Cendric’s wife meant I was automatically a blood binder. Blood binders were a special task force of official vigilantes who monitored the Fae courts, lest another Blood War arise. The Fae had already reduced their population eighty percent in the last war a century ago. While the Alliance of Blood Binders were cranky that Cendric had married me without seeking approval, they’d been won over by my openness, willingness to submit to long interviews, and extensive knowledge of Fae psychology and relationships, two critical areas for blood binders. Plus, as Cid had said, an organization of highly independent types was pretty used to their people doing things out order.

  The point being, with the approval of the ABB, I should be fine to work as a blood binder. Except for the wretched Jinn Lady of the local court, Malda Nazari. She kept insisting I was unfit for any sort of official duty until I was “properly trained.” By her. Which meant full magical brainwashing, brutal trials, and who knew what else. No idea why she was so against me, although it was another reason I’d called it quits with Kiran. The last thing I needed was a psycho mother-in-law. Anyway, Malda had stirred up enough trouble that Queen Epriana was deferring my appointment as a blood binder to the city. Cendric claimed it wasn’t personal. Queen Epriana was just a cautious one, and Grand Vizier Vaughn Mutamo sided with Malda, which suggested he had his own secrets to hide from me.

  All of this political crap meant that I didn’t have those wonderful “don’t shoot Allis for screwing up” and “help the local blood binder in moments of need” benefits that my mate enjoyed. Which, coupled with my out-of-control magic, meant Cendric was super touchy about me actually going on missions with him. I could read his desire to have the situation ended, plus his fear that it never would, or that I’d get into trouble before he could get me within at least the spirit of the law.

  Not that I cared about this part of the law in the slightest—but I was trying to be a good sport about his concerns.

  I walked over to the shower glass. “Hey, you’ll get through to the court somehow. You’re super-smart and sneaky in your upstanding way. Plus, you’re a vampire and a lawyer. How can you lose?”

  “Indeed. How could I?” But that fear slid aside, revealing another one. He was worried about my first official meeting with Melrose Durante that night. Melrose, the leader of the Houses of the Dead, the only decent slice of vampire community worldwide. And Cendric’s mentor. “Dude, still worried about Melrose? You need to relax. It’ll be fine.”

  “Thank you for caring.” He raised one pierced eyebrow at me. “What did I mention about the utter unfairness of you reading me without reciprocity?”

  Huh, there was definitely an edge to his tone. But not directed at me, specifically. He was still tense about last night. Maybe a little humor. I tossed my hair. “Oh, that you found it incredibly alluring and sexy, just like all this?”

  I gestured to my baggy shorts and oversized t-shirt. He smirked. “No, I don’t recall that part.”

  The shower door opened, and steam poured out.

  I gave a theatrical groan of distress. “The damp! All over my Cthulhu shirt.”

  “Your shirt?” He reached out and tugged at the shirt. “You’re a men’s large now?”

  I blinked up at him, hands on my hips. “Well, you know...sharing is caring.”

  “Is it?”

  “Well, if it isn’t, you’re welcome to reclaim the shirt from me.”

  His smile widened, and he pulled me the rest of the way in, closing the shower door behind me. I affected another distressed look. “All of this tugging can’t be good for the fabric. You should take better care of your possessions.”

  “Oh, that is precisely what I am doing.” He drew me closer, his hands slipping beneath my shirt.

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t find a retort for that. Because it was so freaking sincere, just like him. Because after being abandoned by way too many people, including my Jinn dad when my mom was pregnant, it felt good to be owned. Cared for. And it went both ways—that fine ass belonged to me.

  Which meant I shouldn’t be quite so fractious about lowering my shields so he could get a glimpse of my fears and desires. Ever since our bonding, our magic had started bleeding over. But after years of fortifying my mind against Fae, it wasn’t easy to surrender my willpower.

  Cendric’s fingers eased a little further up my torso.

  Okay. That helped.

  His gray eyes studied my face as I finally let him in my mind. Sadness flickered across his face. “Allis, last night wasn’t your fault.”

  “You don’t know that, Cid.”

  “I know you.” The vampire lea
ned down to press his forehead against mine, his touch now comforting instead of arousing. “You’re guarded enough against me, your mate. I trust that you wouldn’t invite your ex-lover into our Dreamscape.”

  I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “Hell no, I wouldn’t.”

  “Then that is settled. As for your fears about him…”

  “Incinerating horrifically into a pile of ash?” I tweaked a lock of his hair.

  Cendric pursed his lips, a really good look for them. “I understand your distress. I wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone, even him. But we can only help him if he wants to be found.”

  The hard tone to my husband’s voice suggested that Kiran had better be ready for some choice words about his breaking in act. I couldn’t blame Cid, even though I was also concerned about Kiran. But what could I do when the guy was hard to find? I’d say a few prayers for Kir, although I was never sure how that worked for immortals on a separate path, and then I’d have to go on.

  No need to worry about him. Kir had always prided himself on taking care of his own business. Even if he’d looked super nervous in the Dreamscape.

  He could handle it.

  Cendric’s hands started their climb beneath my shirt again, a welcome distraction from my thoughts. “As for that one desire I’m reading quite clearly…”

  “Oh, that one?” I shrugged with an impish look, my fingers finding his chest in turn. “I mean, totally optional, Cid.”

  “An excellent option.” Somehow, my shirt found its way onto the shower floor, along with the shorts.

  “Yeah, I do have good ideas sometimes.”

  Our mouths met in a deep kiss and our bodies entwined, stopping any further words or coherent thoughts for a good amount of time. I was all too happy to make sure Cendric knew I was his—and he was mine.

  ***

  Afterward, I stared at a drawer of clothing, trying to figure out why I couldn’t remember the names of any of the colors in front of me. Why I didn’t care. Why life seemed to suck, even though overall I was feeling pretty awesome.