Wish You Weren't Here

by Janeen Ippolito

  Casimir sighed. His tone was almost gentle. “But you have and you will, Allis. You are a creator and a destroyer. As soon as you accept that grave power and responsibility, and as soon as Cendric starts truly sharing your mutual burden instead of trying to protect you from it, you will both be able to work together, and Allis’s control will improve.”

  Despite everything, his words made sense. A lot of sense, deep in my gut. I glanced at Cendric. Grief and reluctant comprehension shadowed his features, along with many words I knew he wouldn’t want to say around Casimir. Especially not after everything we’d already been through.

  Casimir might be a jerk, but he was an accurate jerk. And he did care, more than I’d ever imagined. He just really sucked at showing it.

  I sucked in a breath, almost choking on the water. “Okay, Cid. I have to keep the bond with Kiran, and it seems that the diabolical idiot tied my senses to his creations. So the fish dying will hurt me because he made it so. Can you help?”

  “I can steady your heart rate with our bond and …” He hesitated.

  “Spit it out.” Had to be a vampire thing. My husband always got skittish about using his vampire magic around me.

  “I can use mesmerism to distract your feelings and numb the pain. By your leave.” He glared at Casimir. “There are addictive side effects to vampire mesmerism.”

  The light elf shrugged. “That may be so, but she’s a Jinn. With her, I doubt it will be an issue.”

  “He has a point.” Then a thought struck me. “Wait, Casimir, how do you know about Jinn?”

  He smirked. “I’m part of the Lyrium, so I have access to their vast amount of knowledge. I know much about Jinn magic, including your particular variety.”

  “Oh. Why didn’t you just say so?”

  “You wouldn’t have believed me.”

  “True.” Another thought struck me. “What about our bond? Is that a thing for Jinn?”

  Casimir shook his head. “That can be dealt with later.”

  I clasped Cendric’s hands again, feeling the tension and fear. “Got it. So, how does this mesmerism work?”

  He exhaled a few long, slow bubbles. “You must look deeply into my eyes.”

  “I like this game already.”

  “And then completely relax to the sound of my voice without losing your own will in the process.”

  I tilted my head. “Okay, let’s do this.”

  “How overconfident.”

  “Only for you, Cid.”

  “Liar.”

  “Yup, and a darn good one.”

  “Focus on me.” His voice took on a deep timbre, rich and smooth, lulling me. Man, I loved that tone of voice. And I did trust him. Plus, Diza was right there. If she couldn’t fix anything that went horribly wrong, she didn’t deserve to be called the Lyrium empress.

  As I lost myself in the depth of his deep black eyes, I felt our magic entwine once more, reaching out and returning our Dreamscape to the serene desert it had been. The pain of the fish-monsters as they suffocated arced through my body, but this time, there was a barrier. Cendric’s presence. His eyes centered me, reminding me that he was my anchor. My home. No matter if I took over all the land-magic of Pittsburgh, he was my home.

  And we could weather anything, even the sensation of my lungs caving in and my skin burning up beneath searing breezes.

  Augh.

  I’m hurting. It’s too much. Disappear.

  The urge to teleport overwhelmed me.

  A whimper escaped me. Cendric’s arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer. “Let me in, Allis.”

  Despite the mesmerism, despite everything he was to me, I still managed to resist him. “I’m … crazy … dangerous...”

  He sighed. “And I’m a monster. But we’re both more—and we need to become more.”

  I dropped the last of my shields and sank into the comfort and ease of the darkness in his eyes, allowing him to absorb the madness of creativity within me even as I found peace in the stillness of his soul. The last of the water faded away. Our clothes dried out in the breezes, yet I saw nothing but his eyes. They were all I needed.

  A hand touched my back, flashing a jolt of magic through me that broke me from Cendric’s stare.

  Diza’s voice entered my soothed mind. “All right. Come out of it. Where’s our esteemed Jinn-errant?”

  A growl emerged from Cid. I couldn’t blame him. But it was time.

  And now, back in my natural Dreamscape, I could see the orange thread, fine and thin, tying me to the Jinn who was technically my vassal. Servant.

  Well, why walk to reach him?

  I snapped my fingers.

  Chapter 18

  We all emerged in the middle of a vast, empty plain. Well, empty except for the dried-out, stinking carcasses of the giant fish-monsters. Another snap of my fingers and they disappeared, revealing the lone, lean figure of Kiran. I strode over to him, Cendric keeping in step with me and Diza and Casimir a few paces behind us. As we got closer, I couldn’t help but notice the greenish-puke mess splattered all over his clothes and brown skin.

  Despite my anger and my desire for some serious vengeance, I felt a twinge of pity.

  “What happened?” I frowned. “Did one of those things throw up on you?”

  He shook his head, running a hand through his loose black curls. “No. I was inside one of them when it exploded. Thanks to you.”

  Cendric frowned. “Allis already trapped you to one bottle. Why choose additional confinement?”

  “I didn’t choose it.” He spat on the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “The thing came after me first.”

  Eaten by his own death fish. His own manifestation of independence, if I was any judge—and I did have a degree in psychology and more experience figuring out Kiran than I cared to admit.

  But at that moment, all I saw was the brokenness within his defiant shell and the fear visible in his fighting stance, in the way his eyes darted around the Dreamscape.

  “This place disturbs you?”

  “It’s my prison. So yes.” He glanced around. “I usually enjoy solitude, but the faint whispering of souls making their way to the afterlife is rather eerie. It doesn’t bother you?”

  “Nah, I find it peaceful.”

  “You would.” Kiran huffed. “This place needs color.”

  “Oh, I make color happen.”

  “Ah, the brilliantly chaotic Dreamscape I broke in to.”

  “Yes. That.” I came to a stop a few feet in front of him. His eyes watched me unconsciously, orienting himself to me the way I did with Cendric. The difference was, I chose to be oriented to Cid, and he was just as tied to me, even if there were problems with him being my house. Whatever this was with Kiran didn’t—couldn’t—work the same way.

  It needed to stop.

  Kiran was still staring at me. No one else was talking.

  For now, he was my responsibility.

  “All right, Kir. I don’t want to keep you in here any longer than necessary. I just need some ideas about how to take the rest of Pittsburgh away from your mother.”

  “So you do believe me.”

  I nodded. “I’m open to the idea. Cid and I are preparing a case on multiple fronts to bring Malda Nazari to justice. Any insight you have on her would be helpful.”

  His gaze slid to Cendric. “Can I get legal immunity from this?”

  I could see the vampire clenching his teeth. “Yes. Conditionally, with many clauses and stipulations.”

  “I would expect as much.” Kiran shrugged, kicking the sand in front of him. “Malda is insecure and suspicious at her core. I don’t know how she ended up leaving the Jinn homelands, but it was a mutual decision and there was much violence on both sides. My father returned to India, and she left for North America. When she came here, she wanted a place of peace.”

  “For her child?” Cendric asked.

  Kiran shrugged. “Yeah, but also for herself. Life is noisy for Jinn. All those molecu
les clashing together. We need refuges. But no Fae courts in North America would take Malda in. Jinn are forbidden as a rule, and Malda’s dark history meant no one was interested in exceptions, even if they pitied her. Then for some inexplicable reason, Queen Epriana allowed her into this court and persuaded enough lords and ladies to support her decision.” Kiran shook his head. “If I had to guess, I would blame Grand Vizier Mutamo. He’s had the most influence over the queen since her youngest brother killed her parents and siblings.”

  “Right.” Theiya had been married to that youngest brother. The whole thing was a tragedy. “Your mom is insecure. She won’t want to leave, and she’ll notice you being gone.”

  “Perhaps eventually. We don’t keep in touch.”

  Cendric tilted his head. “Except when she had you under her control with the love potion.”

  “Don’t remind me. She never liked that I dated you, Sandy. Among other things, the love potion was her retaliation. She used Terezal because Terezal had always had feelings for me.”

  An idea formed in my mind. We needed evidence, and while part of the team was following leads, Kiran could be an ace in the hole. “When Cendric broke my curse-mark, the bond you’d tried to make with me when we were together got half-activated, so you were able to see through the potion. You fixated on me to make that bond stronger.”

  “The potion … brought certain things to the surface.” He paused. “I did what I had to do.”

  And there was the stoic look he got when faced with embarrassing emotional outbursts. Yes, this was definitely the aftermath of Kir on a love potion. Oh, so many fun things I could say—but alas, responsibilities. “And then I rejected you and broke the curse.”

  “Do you enjoy repeating the obvious, Sandy?”

  “No, but I do think you need to return home to your mom and tell her you failed.”

  He scowled. “Failed at what?”

  I pursed my lips. “Seducing me with your wicked ways and bringing me into the fold. When I rejected you, it broke you so thoroughly that your only recourse is to return to home and get more potent serums from dear old mom.”

  “No, I’m not returning. That is not going to happen.”

  “Kir—”

  “I’d rather go back into the death fish,” he grumbled.

  Cendric spoke up. “We need an inside man. If you want immunity, you need to work for it. Go back and win her trust—” Kiran interrupted with a dismissive sound, but Cendric persisted— “win her trust as much as you can, and then stand with us when we confront her at the diplomatic gala for Melrose Durante.”

  Kiran scoffed. “You’re going to confront her at the vampire ball?”

  Cendric shrugged. “The queen favors Allis, and she is particularly fond of Melrose. She’ll be in a good mood.”

  “Hmmm. You’re asking a lot of me.” Kiran’s face suddenly flipped into a scheming grin. “How do you know I won’t betray you to her, or choose my own agenda?”

  “We don’t,” I said, crossing my arms. “Which is why you aren’t our only horse in the race. We’re offering this to you, partly in kindness.”

  It was a bluff. We could really use Kiran siding with us. Testimony from her own son would go a long way to imprisoning Malda. But my ex didn’t need to know that. And I’d be able to sort of track him with the tenuous bond between us.

  He eased over to me. Next to me, I felt Cendric stiffen. Kiran’s eyes sparked. “Maybe you could sweeten the deal with a kiss? For old time’s sake?”

  “No.” That was Cendric and me both.

  Kiran laughed. “Too embarrassed you might like it, Sandy?”

  So either there was more love potion floating around, or Kir still held a candle for me. Or both. Considering how we’d have to keep up this master/servant situation for a bit longer, I needed to set some ground rules.

  I lifted my chin.

  “No, I’m strong enough to resist temptation, especially when it’s being offered by a man who’s trying to manipulate me. You don’t get to force me into kissing you. Not now, not ever. I understand what you did, but it’s still not cool, and it didn’t work. My will is still my own.” My voice lowered, and I dared to walk closer to him. “Never forget, Kiran. I could have simply forced you to do my bidding. I chose not to. What does that say?”

  His eyes widened. “That you value my freedom more than your power?”

  “I’m crazy like that.”

  He exhaled shortly. “How was I stupid enough to let you go?”

  “You didn’t. As you reminded me earlier, I broke up with you. No regrets.” I breathed out. “For now, you need to start showing just how defeated you are around Pittsburgh. So, I wish that you would leave this Dreamscape and go about your business until I call on you next.”

  “As you wish.” The romantic meaning was clear in the words.

  Cendric growled. “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Love me? Yeah, well, we can’t say. Maybe he thinks he does. It wouldn’t be the first time someone fell in love with who they thought I was.” I gave him a sly smile. “As if you’re one to talk about the matter of attracting people unintentionally.”

  He gave me a soul-searing look and drew me closer to him. “You’re the only one that matters.”

  “Likewise.”

  Someone cleared their throat behind us.

  “We’ll just go for now and be around to help later,” Diza said.

  I nodded, focused only on Cendric. “We should probably go to the coffee shop and make sure everything’s okay.”

  “I suppose we must.” He traced my jaw and down my throat, drawing chills from me.

  Then I gave a huge yawn.

  He laughed, pulling me into a fierce hug. “I concur with that yawn.”

  I leaned close to him and snapped my fingers. The coffee shop reappeared around us. Everyone looked up in surprise.

  Gideon stopped talking with Matthias. “That was quick.”

  “Yeah? How long?”

  “Maybe a minute.”

  I exchanged a glance with my mate. “That sounds about right. Time is really weird in that place.”

  Gideon nodded and got up from his chair to give me one of his brotherly, assessing looks. “You seem all right.”

  “I think I am.” This time, Cendric was the one who yawned. As always, it looked darn cute on his serious, smoldering vampire face.

  I sighed. “We could use some shuteye. I’ll catch everyone up on the details later, but as it stands, Kiran is either on our side or set on betraying us, so just work as if both things are possible, because they are.”

  Gideon and Matthias nodded.

  “Betrayal is most likely,” Matthias said darkly.

  “I’m trying to be optimistic.”

  Just as I was about to teleport us home, Josie walked in the door, her face aglow. “Allis! You won’t believe it. He understands, and everything is great!”

  “Who does?”

  “Rafe! It’s amazing.”

  I rubbed my eyes and gave her my best attempt at a searching stare. Her eyes seemed normal, not dilated like Terezal’s had been. No love potion on her, hopefully. But Rafe?

  I gave Gideon a quick look. “Dragons?”

  Thankfully, he got my drift. “As far as I know, doesn’t work on them. If it did, it would have to be a crapton of it.”

  “Got it.” It only excluded one part of the funny business, but I didn’t have the energy to troubleshoot anything else. “Josie, I’m just a bit tired, so I’m happy for you. How about you chat with Gideon and talk with me in a few days, okay?”

  Cid and I must’ve really been showing our fatigue, because she nodded sympathetically. “Of course! Don’t even worry. Everything is great!”

  For some reason, her overly perky tone wasn’t reassuring.

  But everything could mind its own business for a little while before exploding again.

  Hopefully.

  Chapter 19

  It’s hard to sneak around holding an axe. But
when you can teleport any item you wish to your hand, the whole scenario changes. All I had to do was make sure I knew where the axe was in the weaponry supply closet. Then it was all about easing through the trees without catching Cendric’s attention. He was talking animatedly with Melrose on the second-story porch of our house, which meant he could see me if he tried. But one thing I knew about my vampire: he could miss a crapton of things when he was involved in a conversation.

  Just a few more steps into the forest that surrounded—and partially suspended—our treehouse at the edge of the animal sanctuary. Cendric stood straight, his hands waving as he spoke, gray eyes sparking with interest. Melrose was his usual placid self in the safety of shade, perhaps a little more intent than he normally was. Some kind of argument. Those two loved to debate. I liked it too, but at that moment, all I wanted was some peace and quiet with some sharp objects. Especially after being stuck inside for a few days with Cid, who was trying very hard to respect the fact that I wasn’t ready to have a full-on conversation about the past few days, our bond, his guardedness, and whatever else. I could sense his strong desire to talk through all the things, but a girl needed some empty space to process first.

  Which meant stomping through the forest in my jeans, hiking boots, t-shirt, and comfy jacket to the axe and knife throwing range. All by myself. I could have teleported there, but I’d have missed the trees, which glowed with leaves changing colors into orange, red, and yellow. Plus, crunching on fallen leaves was one of life’s joys. It made it worthwhile to trudge up and down the little hills to the range.

  After a bit, I reached the tiny valley, about twenty feet across, that held the range. At one end, chalk dust marked off a straight line to stand behind and throw. On the other were tree stumps at varying distances from that line, propped up so I could see the cut end with the targets outlined.

  No one else was there except for small critters rustling in the grass and chirping birds in the trees. I breathed out a sigh, relaxing my shoulders. I’d been on the introverted side of extrovert when my Jinn magic had been curse-marked. Now I was definitely straddling that middle ground, especially with the hyper senses.