To Mars via The Moon

by Mark Wicks

  CHAPTER VIII

  JOHN INSISTS ON GOING BACK AGAIN--A STRANGE, BUT AMUSING INCIDENT OCCURS

  When we rose the next day the moon was a considerable distance away fromus, but not so far off as might at first be imagined if one onlyconsidered the speed at which we were travelling; for, although movingat our full speed, the earth was following us up pretty closely, as thecurve of its orbit would, for several days, run nearly in the samedirection as we were going. Still, 2,000,000 miles a day was sufficientto make a diminution in the apparent sizes of the sun and Venus; andthere was a gradual increase in the size of the planets, Mars andSaturn, towards which we were moving. As regards the fixed stars,however, there was no change in our surroundings, as they are such animmense distance away--the nearest being, at least, twenty billions ofmiles from the earth, that a few million miles more or less make nodifference in their apparent size, or in their positions in regard toeach other in the constellations as we know them in our maps.

  As we were now fairly on our way, and moving rapidly in the direction wewished to travel, I thought it quite time to put into operation a schemewhich John and I had previously decided upon, so I told M'Allister thathe must be prepared to take a little change of air.

  "Why, Professor," he exclaimed, "that sounds almost like a proposal forgoing to the seaside!"

  "We certainly are not going there," I replied, "for we are rapidlymoving away from all seaside resorts, and you are not likely to visitany of those places for a very long time to come."

  "Well, mon, where are we going to get our change of air then?" heinquired; "you know there's no air at all outside of this vessel."

  "Quite true," I answered; "so we must get our change of air inside thevessel."

  "Yes," interposed John, "and, Kenneth M'Allister, you will have to makeup your mind to have rather short commons of it; the same as we shall!"

  "Whatever do you mean?" he inquired, now appearing really scared--for adreadful thought had crossed his mind. "Mon, you surely do not mean thatour machinery is giving out!"

  "Oh no! not at all, M'Allister," I replied; "but perhaps I had bettergive you a full explanation of the matter:--

  "You know we are bound for the planet Mars, where the air is very muchthinner than that which we have been accustomed to breathe, and veryprobably it is composed of somewhat different constituents. In thesecircumstances you will understand that, if we landed upon Mars withouthaving taken proper precautions, such thin air might make us very ill,even if it did not kill us.

  "That little compartment next the store-room was arranged and fitted upfor the special purpose of supplying a thin air in which we couldprepare ourselves for the atmosphere of the red planet. So we are reallygoing into training. The machines in that room will generate anattenuated atmosphere somewhat similar to our own, and this will beautomatically mixed in a cylinder with a little oxygen and nitrous oxidegas, so as to make it as near as possible like what we expect to findupon Mars. When we commence it will be only slightly different from ourown air; then gradually we shall reduce its density and change itsquality until it is as thin as we shall require. Each of us must spendabout eight hours a day in that little compartment, though it will notbe necessary to take the eight hours continuously, for we may spend afew intervals in the other rooms.

  "John and I will take general charge of the machinery in that room, andhe will also look after your machines whilst you are with me in ourMartian air-chamber. In addition to these arrangements, we have prepareda concentrated air of the same kind which we can carry about with us inbottles, so that by simply opening a little valve in the bottle we caninhale some of the air now and then when we are in the other rooms. Byadopting this plan, I hope when we reach Mars we shall all have becomeso acclimatised that we shall be able to breathe the Martian air withoutmuch inconvenience."

  "Heh, Professor," said M'Allister, "what a mon you are for planningthings out; I would never have thought of that!"

  "John had quite as much to do with the planning out as I had," Ireplied; "and as you now understand what we propose to do, we will atonce commence our training, but we shall not feel much difference in theair for the next day or two."

  We accordingly put our plan into operation, each of us making up atleast eight hours' time every day in the Martian air-chamber, with theresult that we gradually became accustomed to the thinner air, and couldbreathe it without any feeling of inconvenience.

  As the days went on I began to notice that John was becoming veryirritable; and so was I, though to a lesser extent. The closerconfinement to one room was evidently beginning to tell upon us, and dayby day the effects were more apparent on both of us, especially in thecase of John; but, strangely enough, whilst we were becoming moredepressed and irritable, M'Allister's spirits seemed to be rising everyday!

  It has often been remarked that if two or three people are shut uptogether for a considerable time, with no other companionship or change,sooner or later they are bound to fall out with each other.

  Up to the present we had all agreed splendidly, but now John'sirritability seemed to increase hourly; and as regards myself, I oftenfound it necessary to exercise very great self-control to avoid givingvery sharp and snappish answers to John's peevish and querulous remarks.

  But the inevitable explosion came at last, and, like all explosions, wasvery sudden and unexpected when it did happen.

  All the morning of the 2nd of September John had been wandering in andout of the various rooms, and frowning as though very displeased aboutsomething. I gave him a hint or two that he ought to put in more timewith me in the air-chamber, but he took no notice of my suggestions.Presently, whilst I was in there alone, he came through, but, withoutspeaking to me, went on into the store-room; and I heard him in thereopening and shutting the lockers and cupboards, generally closing thedoors with a loud bang, as persons do when in a very bad temper.

  These bangs became more frequent and more violent, and at last succeededeach other with such rapidity that it seemed almost as though a vigorouscannonade were in progress.

  I was wondering what could be the meaning of all this commotion, whensuddenly the door opened, and John rushed into the room looking verycross indeed.

  "I'm sorry, Professor," he cried, "though it's no use saying so; but wemust go back to England again at once!"

  "Good gracious, John!" I exclaimed, "what do you mean, and whatever hashappened to upset you so and cause you to change your mind in thisextraordinary way?"

  "The deluge has happened," he replied, very crossly. "Professor, _I'veleft all my stock of tobacco behind_!"

  "Never, John," I replied. "Why, you packed it up yourself; and Iremember that when we overhauled the stores on our departure I saw thelarge tin of tobacco in your cupboard."

  "I thought I packed it up," he answered, "but it's nowhere to be foundnow. As my tobacco supply had nearly run out I went to the cupboard thismorning to get some more, and took down the big tin of twenty-six poundslabelled 'Tobacco.' I opened it, and what do you think it contained? Youwould never guess--well, it was tapioca!

  "I've looked everywhere I can think of, without finding a trace of theweed."

  Just then M'Allister came into the room, and, noticing John's viciousfrown and my troubled look, asked what was wrong. We told him the news,but he only laughed, and, turning to John, exclaimed, "Heh, John, don'tfash yourself about the tobacco, mon; we'll find you a substitute.There's more kinds than one."

  "Substitute, indeed!" said John snappishly, "no substitutes for me!"

  "Well, John," I interposed, "you can have as much of my tobacco as youlike; it's a good brand, you know, and I shall not mind a shorterallowance, for it does not mean much to me."

  "No," he exclaimed sharply, "I can't take yours, Professor; it's yourown special brand!"

  "Well, John," said M'Allister, "you're as welcome to mine as if it wereyour own, and it's fine strong stuff too. And you can have some of myNavy plug as well," he added with a grin; "you'll find it rare goodchew
ing."

  "I simply cannot take the Professor's tobacco," said John; then, angrilyturning upon poor M'Allister, he cried, "And as for your filthy stuff,it's a downright insult to offer it to me!"

  "John! John!" I implored, "do be reasonable; it's not at all like you totalk in this rude way, and you must know we really cannot go back now!"

  "Reasonable!" he sneered. "Do you call it reasonable, Professor, to aska man who is a lover of his pipe to go all the way to Mars and staythere for months without any tobacco!"

  "Well, you will not accept mine, although you know perfectly well thatyou are heartily welcome to it. It's not your own particular brand, itis true, but it is a real good one. However, most likely you will findsome on Mars; there's plenty of vegetation on that planet, without adoubt."

  "Vegetation be hanged!" he angrily exclaimed. "What am I to do in themeantime? As for tobacco growing upon Mars--why, sir, I'd bet my bottomdollar that, outside our own world, there's no place in the wholeuniverse where anything equal to my superb mixture can be produced. It'sno use talking, Professor; as I said before, we must go back."

  "We cannot go back," I replied sternly, for by this time I was becomingvery irritated at his obstinacy. "The idea of going back so many millionmiles merely to fetch tobacco! Remember, we have travelled at least57,000,000 miles on the way to our destination!"

  John strode up and down, becoming more and more excited every minute,and was soon quite raging; yet it seemed most singular that the moreJohn raged the more M'Allister laughed. I looked from one to the otherin amazement and the most utter perplexity at this extraordinary changein their behaviour. Then all at once I saw a gleam of light, so tospeak, and the solution of the mystery became clear to me.

  The air we had so long been breathing when in the air-chamber, and whenwe made use of our air-bottles, was very similar to what is popularlyknown as "laughing-gas"; and undoubtedly we were all more or lessexperiencing the cumulative effects of the constant mild doses we hadinhaled. Laughing-gas acts in a different manner upon persons ofdifferent temperaments: some will keep laughing, moderately orimmoderately; others will become irritable, angry, or even pugnacious;whilst others again will weep copiously.

  M'Allister was now talking rapidly and quietly to himself, laughing allthe while, his eyes shining and twinkling merrily as though somethingintensely amusing were being enacted.

  This seemed to react upon John, who apparently was irritated beyondcontrol, and presently he roared out, "Kenneth M'Allister, stop thatinfernal grinning and chattering like a monkey! Stop it, I say! stop itdirectly!" But M'Allister took no notice and laughed louder than ever.

  "Why, you confounded baboon," shouted John, "you're worse than anylaughing hyena! Stop it, stop it at once, or I shall do you somemischief!" And he advanced towards M'Allister in such a menacingattitude that I had to rush between them to keep them apart.

  He was now raging up and down the room, looking as angry as a hungrylion which has just had a long expected dinner suddenly snatched awayfrom it; but the worse he became the louder M'Allister shrieked withlaughter. The latter was now simply rolling about the room--for it couldnot be termed walking, it was so erratic--holding his sides andlaughing, whilst the tears were chasing each other down his cheeks. Hekept trying to speak, but had no sooner stuttered out the words, "Heh,mon! heh, mon!" than he was off again into another wild paroxysm oflaughter, and was rapidly becoming exhausted.

  Things were really becoming very serious indeed, and I saw thatsomething must be done at once to put an end to this disturbance. So,going over to M'Allister, I took him gently by the shoulders and pushedhim out of the room, saying quietly, "Go to your own room at once; butfor goodness' sake don't touch the machinery until the air has had timeto put you right again. Leave me to deal with John." He rolled offthrough the doorway, still laughing "fit to split" as people say.

  Returning to John, I tried to calm him down; but it proved a long anddifficult task, though at last I succeeded in persuading him to go withme into our living-room and sit down quietly.

  After sitting there some time, puffing away at his pipe, the fresher airbegan to have its effect; and soon I judged that he was calm enough totalk the matter over and discuss the situation more reasonably.

  Then I said: "John, my dear fellow, please listen to me. You know wehave now travelled quite 57,000,000 miles on our journey, and that allour arrangements have been made with a view to reaching Mars not laterthan the 24th of September, because it will then be at the point whereit is in opposition to the sun as seen from the earth. It is merely asentimental reason so far as the opposition is concerned, but there aresubstantial reasons for not delaying our arrival.

  "You say we must go back, but please consider all that such a coursemust involve. Though the earth has been following us up pretty closelyon a slightly different course it is at the present about 13,000,000miles away from us. You will see it out there on our left hand towardsthe rear of the _Areonal_; but we cannot go direct across to where it isnow, for by the time we reached that point the earth would have goneahead several million miles. Our only course is to head it off, and,taking the shortest line, that means a journey of over 12,000,000 miles.Therefore, we cannot reach England until the 8th of September at theearliest, and as we shall require at least a week to lay in freshstores, it will be the 15th before we can start again.

  "Starting on the 15th September we should have to travel at least54,000,000 miles before we could catch up Mars, and as that will taketwenty-eight days, we could not arrive there before the 13th of October.(See the chart.)

  "Thus, we must sacrifice our chance of being upon Mars on the date ofopposition, and also the opportunity of catching the first glimpse ofour earth a few days later. If we continue our journey now and reachMars on the 24th of September the earth will then be only 37,000,000miles away; but by the 13th October it will be over 40,000,000 milesdistant. There is the further objection that to get back again inreasonable time we must leave Mars by the 1st of December, and the lossof three weeks' time will deprive us of many opportunities of learningwhat there is to be found on the planet.

  "Now, John, like a good fellow, just think over the matter quietly andreasonably; you will then realise that it is quite impossible tointerrupt our journey and return to England as you suggest."

  "I have thought it all out again and again," he replied, "and can onlyrepeat, Professor, that it is quite impossible for me to go on minus mytobacco!"

  "Was there ever such an obstinate and unreasonable man!" I thought tomyself. "What can I do to put an end to this absurd difficulty?"

  _DIAGRAM showing the relative positions of the Earth andMars at the various Oppositions of Mars, from 1892 to 1924._

  _Past Oppositions are shewn by the firm lines with the dates outside theOrbit of Mars. Coming Oppositions are indicated by the dotted lines withthe dates inside the Orbit._

  _The distance between any two consecutive Oppositions represents thedistance in excess of one complete revolution in its orbit passed overby the planet since the last preceding Opposition. These distances aregreater on the left hand side because of the planet then being nearerthe Sun and consequently travelling more rapidly._

  _Drawn by M. Wicks._

  Plate VI]

  Resuming the conversation, and keeping as calm as I could in thecircumstances, I placed the matter before him in all its aspects, andafter we had been talking together for a long time, he seemed to be ableto take a more reasonable view of the position. In order that somethingmight be done to keep his mind from dwelling upon his proposal to returnto England, I suggested that we should go to the store-room andthoroughly overhaul it.

  He agreed to this, accompanying me to the store-room and pointing outthe different places he had searched. The tins were in several sizes,but all were made square in order that not an inch of the availablespace might be wasted. We looked into a large number of tins which hadnot previously been examined, but without finding what we wanted.

  At last a thought
occurred to me, and I said: "You tell me, John, thatyou are quite certain you put up the tobacco and labelled the tinyourself, yet the tin so labelled was found to contain tapioca! Do youremember where the tapioca was stowed away?"

  He pondered awhile, with his chin resting upon his fingers, thensuddenly replied, "Yes, I think I know where it is," and, taking me overto another cupboard at the far end of the room, we made a further searchand at last found the tapioca tin, opened it, and lo, there was themissing tobacco!

  "Well, I'm blest!" said John, very slowly drawing out the words; thenall his ill-humour suddenly vanished, and he burst into a most heartylaugh, in which I joined. Our laughter, indeed, was so mutuallycontagious, and so often renewed, that we had to sit down to finish itand recover ourselves.

  Then John remarked, "Now, Professor, I think I can explain it all. Yousee I prepared and labelled those confounded tins before loading themup; so I suppose that when stowing away the parcels of tobacco I justglanced at the label on the tin and saw the letter T followed by theright number of other letters, and, taking it for granted that it wasthe tobacco tin, placed the tobacco in it. The only other tin left topack was the one I supposed to be labelled 'Tapioca,' and no doubt,without troubling to look at the label at all, I put the tapioca intoit; but, of course, it must really have been the tin labelled'Tobacco.'"

  Thus the matter was satisfactorily cleared up. John, having found hisbeloved weed and recovered from the effects of our patent Martian air,was now quite himself again, seeming very contrite, and apologisingrepeatedly for his rude conduct.

  "That's enough, John," I said, as I laid my hand on his arm; "it isquite clear that what you did was mainly the result of the peculiar airyou had been breathing, so I cannot blame you much. If I had not takenso many intervals in the purer air, I might perhaps have been equallyaffected; as it was, my temper was none of the sweetest."

  M'Allister had also quite recovered by this time, and bore no ill-willtowards John; indeed, I doubt whether he had any very clear recollectionof what had occurred.

  So that ended the matter; and this little explosion having cleared theair, we all settled down to our old amicable relationship. We, however,took the precaution of reducing the amount of nitrous-oxide gas in ourmixture of air, with a view to preventing any similar untoward resultsin future.