by Jane Charles
The open suitcase is beside me and it tears me up inside that this is what she’s always lived out of. It’s a big one at least. Deep and what most would consider oversized, but she’s been hauling it from place to place. That just ain’t right.
I want to unpack for her, but do I dare?
Will she do it on her own?
No, she won’t and Nina will never settle in and feel like she has a home until she is getting clothes from a dresser or a closet.
The first thing I take out is the white garbage bag and set it by the door. I’ll get those washed for her later.
One by one I hang up her jeans, then put her workout clothes into drawers, her uniforms in another drawer, then her shoes at the bottom of the closet. Running shoes, soccer cleats, rugby boots and a basic pair of winter boots. Her shin guards for soccer go in the drawer with her socks and the only clothes left in the suitcase are her panties and bras. I barely peeked at them when I got stuff to take to the hospital but I can’t help but stare at them now. Some are basic white cotton, but some are silky, frilly and soft. Girly panties for the least girly person I know, but I’d sure like to see Nina in them, before I remove them of course.
Damn, I’m getting hard just looking at her bras and panties. Maybe I am a thirteen-year-old boy.
The shower shuts off and I quickly scoop up what my mother would still call unmentionables and put them away leaving only an old teddy bear and cassette tapes in the suitcase. Who listens to cassette tapes anymore?
These I put inside the nightstand drawer and set her teddy bear against her pillow before stuffing the suitcase in the back of the closet.
The last thing I would have ever dreamed of Nina owning is a teddy bear, just like she didn’t strike me as a lace panty kind of girl. I sure have a hell of a lot to learn about her. I just hope she lets me now that I’ve unpacked her suitcase without permission.
14
Tex is sitting on my bed and my teddy bear is leaning against the pillows. I stop and look around. Where is my suitcase? The teddy bear has always been at the bottom, safely tucked away. “Where’s my stuff?” I ask slowly.
“Unpacked.”
He unpacked my things?
That’s an invasion of privacy, but I’m not sure if I’m upset. I should be.
“Nina, it’s time you stopped living like you don’t have a home.”
“I don’t have a home.”
“Yes, you do.” He stands and comes toward me. “A caseworker isn’t going to come yank you from here. Miguel isn’t going to kick you out. This is your home.” He stops right in front of me.
I blink up at him.
“You need to start treating it like one. Not like you’re a temporary guest or this is a hotel room.”
He takes my shower bag from me. It has my shampoo, razor, toothbrush, toothpaste and stuff I need in the bathroom.
“There’s an empty drawer for these things.” He goes around me and I follow him into the bathroom. He sets the bag by the sink then opens a big, deep drawer.
“Shampoo, razor, whatever on a shelf in the shower, the rest in here.”
At least he doesn’t unpack that for me. “Thanks,” I mumble and step around him and start taking stuff out. It’s weird, putting stuff away, like it belongs somewhere. Like I really do belong here.
Tex takes the shampoo and conditioner bottles from me and puts them on the shelf next to his. Miguel has his own bathroom, on the other side of the apartment. This is the one Tex and I share. The one he used to share with Johnny. It used to be a small, three stall bathroom for the school, but Miguel removed two of the stalls and had a shower put in when he renovated the room. It’s kind of a big bathroom. Two people could easily get ready to go somewhere at the same time, not that I would with Tex. Another girl maybe but not a guy.
I put everything else in the drawer, except my comb, and go back to my room. Tex follows and takes my bathroom bag from me and sticks it on a shelf in the closet. Some of my clothes are hanging in there.
He opens the drawers on the dresser to show me where he put my clothes.
“Of course, you can rearrange, I was just guessing.”
“It works for me.”
Everything is accounted for except for the tapes. My heart starts to pound. “Where is my music?”
“Those old tapes?” He asks with a chuckle.
“They may be old but they are mine.” I don’t need another person making fun of my music like the kid in high school.
“Easy.” He holds up his hands in defense. “They are in the nightstand.”
I open the drawer and relax when I see them inside. It’s not like I can play them anymore, but they are mine. What I have left of a happier time. The tapes and my bear.
Leaning back against the pillow, I pull the teddy against me. I’m fucking exhausted and all I did was take a shower and wash my hair.
“You should take a nap.”
“Can’t. Not until I comb out my hair.” Which I hate doing. There are going to be a gazillion tangles no matter how much conditioner I used. I really need to save up and get my hair cut. Maybe I’ll just shave it all off.
Friday the 13th. Not that I’m superstitious or anything, but this day still gives me the willies. Nina hasn’t left the apartment and this is the first day Miguel has allowed me to come back to work. I’ve been babysitting Nina for five days, not that we had a chance to talk the way I’d like. She pretty much has been sleeping a lot. The doc says it’s normal, but at least a lot of the dizziness isn’t as bad as it was at first.
I take a deep breath when I enter the gym. It’s not the most pleasant smell in the world but a welcome relief from the apartment. That place smells like a funeral parlor with all the lilies, roses, and flowers I can’t even name, filing up the place. Basketball teams, boxers, soccer teams, you name it, have sent flowers when they found out what happened.
Every time a bouquet was brought back to the apartment and she read the get well card she’d tear up, then turn red, and apologize. Horns has never been a crier before. It frustrates the hell out of her so I looked up all the symptoms of a concussion and head injury. When crying or being more emotional than usual was listed, she felt better, but still hated it.
She wrote thank you notes, after I went out and picked some up for her, and it took her forever to get through them. Nor can she read for very long because her concentration is off and starts to bring on a headache. Again the doctor says this is all normal for so soon after the type of trauma she had, but I can tell she’s getting antsy. Horns isn’t used to doing nothing.
She isn’t the only one who is antsy. I still haven’t kissed her. She’s recovering and I don’t want to bother her with my attention right now. We’ve barely talked and she still gets tired.
Then there is Miguel. I’m scared to death he’s going to walk in on us and have a few things to say about it. Not that I think there is anything wrong with what I’m feeling for Nina and her for me, even though I’m not sure what exactly that is, but Miguel will have very strong opinions. Especially since the two of us are basically living together, without sharing a room, but I don’t want either of us to lose a home. Of course, it would be me who moves out. Nina is unpacked for the first time in twelve years and I’ll be damned if she goes anywhere.
All we have to do is get through these next few weeks until she’s feels up to going out and then I’ll take her to dinner or see a movie or something, where we are out from under of the watchful eye of Miguel. Right now, we just have an hour and a half a day when we don’t know he will be coming home and that’s when he goes to Mass. I don’t want to get into the middle of a conversation, or cuddling, and hopefully kissing, while worrying about him interrupting us.
Damn, this thing with Nina is just like I’m fucking thirteen again. Afraid of getting caught, afraid to kiss her, getting hard when looking at her panties. What the hell happened to my manhood?
15
It is so good to finally be sitting at the front
desk. I didn’t think Miguel would ever let me come back. Two weeks ago I hit my head and all I’ve been doing is laying around. At least after a week or so I could read for longer, so that was nice, but the inactivity was putting me on edge and I was going to go insane if Miguel didn’t let up.
I finally got all of the thank you cards written and they are sitting in a stack in front of me so I can hand them out as guys come in. The bouquets overwhelmed me. I never dreamed so many of the guys cared. My eyes still water when I think about it. For most of my life I’ve felt like I was alone and nobody really cared except a few, but that’s not the case. Not at all and it still overwhelms me. These are good guys and I’m really glad I get to stay local for college. I can’t imagine I wanted to do anything more than work here and go to school. Hell, even when I graduate, I probably won’t leave. Miguel needs me and I need him. Especially since Tex only has a year and a half of school.
Hell, I’m not even sure what is going on with Tex. I wish I was clear on whether I dreamed a conversation or if it really happened. Did I dream or imagine that he was about to kiss me before Miguel came in?
I’m beginning to think I did since Tex has said nothing since, and he hasn’t tried to kiss me again. In fact, he’s treating me no differently than he did before I hit my head, except he asks me how I’m doing a lot more, but that is because of the injury.
What if the conversation and what I think was a near kiss wasn’t real? Or maybe it was and he’s changed his mind? Did Tex rethink everything? He is going to be gone in a year and a half. His family lives in Texas and he used to always talk about settling back there, so what would be the point in getting involved?
Of course, nobody ever knows how long a relationship will last, despite the best intentions of a forever, and I don’t even know if there is a relationship. But, I need to look down the road. Is the investment worth it when there is going to be pain in the end?
Oh, my head wants to reason this out and stop whatever may or may not be happening before it’s gone too far, but my heart and gut wants Tex.
Hell, even if he is interested, it’s not like we can be together. Not with Miguel around.
Talk about old fashioned. Miguel was telling us how he courted his wife back in the day. He’d walk with her after church, and they’d go to a movie on a Friday or Saturday night. He didn’t even attempt to kiss her until they’d been doing the walking, talking and watching for a month. I don’t know if they did anything else, anything at all, but he married her six months after that kiss because he knew just from that. Then he complained about people today--that they don’t realize how special an intimate relationship is and too many people are doing private things with practical strangers and that is the reason society is falling apart and why there are so many problems in the world. Loose morals and the root of all divorces.
I’ve never heard Miguel go on and on like that because, for the most part, he’s the most liberal guy I know. He accepts everyone who walks in the door and wants to join the gym. I’ve never known him to judge anyone on any choice or lifestyle or sexuality. The only people he’s ever kicked out are people like Ricky and Tim, who have hate and lack acceptance, so this whole thing really threw me.
Neither Tex nor I said anything, but we exchanged a few looks across the table, and it made me wonder if Miguel had read my mind somehow. Had I given away what I was thinking and feeling about Tex?
Damn, those first few days after I hit my head are still really fuzzy. I remember stuff, but I’m still not sure if it was real or imagined. And, what I really wish to know is if the conversation with Tex really happened or if it’s all in my mushed up head.
“Hey, how does it feel to be out again?” Tex asks as he comes up behind me.
I nearly jump because I had no idea he was there. “Like I’ve been granted a reprieve.”
It’s pretty quiet today for a Saturday. Usually this is the busiest day of the week.
“Do you think you’d feel up to going out tonight?”
My heart skips. “Where? To do what?”
He leans in. “I thought you might want to get out of here. You’ve been cooped up for almost two weeks.”
Giddiness bubbles inside. I think this is the first time I’ve ever felt actual giddiness. Maybe that conversation really did happen.
Or, Tex knows me well enough to know that I’m itching to get out of here. What I really want to do is go for a run, but the doctor won’t allow that yet.
I wish I knew if this was a date. Not that I’ve ever been on one and not sure if people actually date anymore. To hear Miguel talk, people just hook up. I wish I knew what set him off on that tirade the other night so I sure as hell am not telling him about my past.
“What are we going to do?”
The side of his mouth quirks up. “That, darlin’, is a surprise.” Then he winks.
Damn, I wished he’d come out and just say something. Date or not? He’s teased me since we first met and until I hit my head, I didn’t give it any thought. Now, it’s like these mixed messages are coming at me, but I’m not going to embarrass myself by asking. “Wait, don’t you have to work?”
“Nah. Miguel scheduled the part-timers because we don’t have any leagues playing, so after dinner we’ll head out.”
“You keep a close eye on her.” Miguel wags his finger at me.
The man has no idea that we are going on a date, which is for the best. If he did, Miguel would probably go with us to chaperone. That’s how protective he is of Nina. Despite what Miguel may think, it’s not 1950, or even 1962 when he first asked his wife out, and I’m not waiting another month to kiss Nina.
“I’ve ordered a car, which should be here in a second,” I assure Miguel. “I don’t want Nina to deal with the subway yet.”
He nods as if in approval. “Where are you going?”
I can’t tell him that because it’s a surprise to Nina. “Just getting out and taking it easy, I promise.”
“You bring her home if she gets tired or a headache or dizzy and don’t stay out long.”
It’s like Miguel is her father and if I don’t bring her back at a respectable time he’s going to be sitting there waiting with a shotgun on his lap. Hell, if he had any clue to some of the thoughts I’ve had about Nina, he would have already shot me and hid the body.
My phone dings. “Car is here.”
“Gloves, coat, hat and scarf,” Miguel tells Nina.
She smiles and holds up her hands to prove she’s already wearing gloves. The other items she grabs and I can tell that she’s hard pressed not to roll her eyes. The old man has been hovering over her since she came back from the hospital, and limiting his hours in the gym, coming up when we least expect just to check on her even though he made me stay with her.
I open the door and hold it for her.
“Use the railing,” Miguel calls.
The railing was installed two days after Nina was injured because I slipped on the ice and fell off the steps. I’m not sure if he did it more for Nina or me. Or, maybe he did it for himself. Miguel is getting up there in years.
Virgil and Barry are in their homes at the side of the building.
“Take care of her,” Virgil calls.
Geez, what do they think I’m going to do? “I will.”
I get to the door before she can open it. This is a date and my parents taught me right and it’s behavior Miguel would approve of.
Damn, I need to get them out of my head or I won’t even risk holding her hand.
And, when the hell did I turn into a fucking thirteen-year-old boy? Hell, I was more suave at thirteen. Or, I thought I was. I was sure as hell a lot more confident.
“So, where are we going?” she asks.
“It’s a surprise,” I tell her for like the tenth time. Nina doesn’t like surprises. She’s had enough of them in her life and likes to know what’s coming whenever possible.
“At least give me a hint.”
“Well, it’s something I
haven’t done.”
“Not helpful.”
“It’s something people enjoy doing when they visit New York.”
“Still not helpful.”
“I made reservations for it.”
Nina looks down at her ratty jeans, then bites her lips.
“Don’t worry. Your attire is fine.” I’d love to take Nina to a nice restaurant. One with soft, white tablecloths and fine china. As far as I know, the only place she ever goes out to eat, the few times she has, is at the diner where she used to work. But, I also know exactly what her limited wardrobe is. She doesn’t own a skirt, dress or even nice slacks, let alone footwear that isn’t designed for athletics or comfort.
“How long is it going to take to get there?”
“In this traffic, it could take an hour,” the driver answers.
I glance at my phone to check the time.
“Are we going to be late?” Nina asks.
“Nope. I planned accordingly. We might even be early.”
Nina slides her hand on the seat and looks around. “I think I’ve only been in a car a handful of times in my life. The last was like three years ago, maybe.”
“Back home, we only travel by car, or truck, or motorcycle.” I tilt my head. “A horse is always a good choice too.”
16
We come from such different worlds. “Well, I’ve never been on a horse.”
“We’ll have to fix that.”
I snort. “Because there is a lot of horseback riding in New York City.”
“Maybe I’ll take you to Texas for a visit.” He grins.
“Like Miguel would allow us to be gone at the same time.” I don’t want to think about any reason why he’d want to take me to visit his home and turn to look out the window. “Manhattan Bridge?” Where is he taking me?