All Horns & Rattles: A Baxter Boys Novel

by Jane Charles

  An older woman who was always at the counter before, but I can’t remember her name, comes to the front counter. “Can I help you?”

  “I need a copy of my immunization record for college and hope it’s in my file.”

  She narrows her eyes on me. “You got an ID?”

  I pull my New York State identification out of my wallet and hand it to her. “Nina White.” She smiles.

  “Yeah.” It’s like she’s happy to see me or something. I haven’t been in here in like three years. There is no way in hell she remembers me.

  “I’ll let Mrs. Kragen know you’re here.”

  I hope it’s a different Mrs. Kragen than I remember.

  “She’s taking over your file until your caseworker is back.” Then she nods to the older black woman at a back desk.

  Shit! Mrs. Kragen scares the hell out of me and always has. That woman has a way of looking at you over the rim of her glasses, like right into your soul, and without a word you want to confess every bad thing you ever did. “I don’t see why I need to talk to her. Can’t you just make a copy for me?” It’s a piece of paper. I don’t see why I have to talk to Mrs. Kragen.

  “I’m not about to let you out of here without talking to her.”

  “Why, what’s the big deal?”

  “Because, she’s been looking for you.”

  With that, she walks away, with my ID, and takes it back to Mrs. Kragen and puts it down in front of her. Mrs. Kragen is on the phone but after she looks at the card, her head jerks up and she pins me with a look. Not the scary look, but more of a relieved one.

  Why was she looking for me? Has something happened to someone in my family? It has to be Jade. She’s the only one still in the system.

  Oh God, what if something happened to my sister? I know it’s been twelve years, but she’s still my little sister. Or, maybe something happened to one of my brothers?

  I may not be ready to contact Dylan yet, but that doesn’t mean I want anything to be wrong.

  I’m not sure what is holding me back, but I couldn’t bring myself to read through his feed. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ll find out that he’s carried on without us, or find out that he is a complete asshole, or something that says he doesn’t want his family.

  Though, that last one doesn’t ring true. He wouldn’t have that picture of us in front of the pool if he didn’t still have some feelings.

  That still doesn’t mean he’s not a jerk. I’ve seen a lot of people go south when they are in the system and I think I’d rather have the memories of him being the best brother than to find out he’s turned into a complete jackfuck.

  After Mrs. Kragen hangs up the phone she goes to a cabinet and starts going through a stack of files. Is she looking for mine so I can have my immunization record?

  Finally she turns. She has four files and grabs my ID off her desk and then comes up to the counter.

  “Nina,” she smiles. “Where did you go?”

  What the hell is she talking about? “Eighteen and out, remember?”

  She stops at a half door and pushes on a buzzer then opens it. “Come back and talk to me. I’m confused.”

  What, did they change the age limit or something? We both know the rules. I’m no longer her problem. What’s so confusing?

  We go into a small conference room with a wooden table and chairs that are just like the ones in the library at the high school I went to. She shuts the door. “Why didn’t you go to the halfway house?”

  Maybe she has me confused with someone else. “What halfway house?”

  Mrs. Kragen frowns deeply and opens a file. “Here’s the notation. Mrs. Parker made arrangements for you to live at a halfway house until this fall, when you go off to college. She gave all the information to Mrs. Graft.”

  All I can do is stare at her. I’d think she was talking about someone else, but she’s got the right foster parent and the right caseworker. “I had a place to live?”

  “Mrs. Parker wanted to talk to you directly and explain, but you were at school and she couldn’t wait for you to return.”

  “I don’t understand.” I really can’t process this.

  “We didn’t know you were going to graduate high school early, not that it would have made a difference, but Mrs. Parker wanted to make sure you had a place to live while you finished out high school. The house was expecting you on January 1st, but you never showed and we’ve been looking for you since.”

  “Really?” Why do they even care? I’m an adult now and they’ve got plenty of kids to worry about. This place is practically overflowing with files.

  “I still don’t understand why Mrs. Graft didn’t tell you.”

  “Because she didn’t care. She allowed me a shower and breakfast and then I was out the door.” I shake my head. “Once I didn’t bring in money I was no use to her. State wasn’t paying her anymore and I wasn’t going to hand over anymore paychecks.”

  “Pardon?” Mrs. Kragen’s face is masked with confusion, so I tell her about my paychecks and that of the other kids and because I’m still pissed about the missing tip money and tell Mrs. Kragen about that too.

  Her lips purse and she gives me that terrifying look again. Except, thank God, I’m not the one she’s pissed at.

  “It’s impossible to prove and things have worked out.” I go on to tell her about Miguel and my college plans. “So, all is good. I just need a copy of my immunization record.”

  Mrs. Kragen leans back and studies me. “What about your family?”

  “What about them?” I shrug. “My brothers never came looking for me and Jade is only sixteen.” I lean in. “But, I will want to know where she is when she’s eighteen.”

  “They did, Nina.” She says quietly.

  “They did what?”

  “Come looking for you.”

  My heart skips a beat. “Who?”

  “Dylan and Noah. In fact, Dylan was in this office at nine in the morning on January 2nd demanding to know where you were. That’s when we found out you never made it to the halfway house. Mrs. Graft told me that you just up and left without a word on your birthday.”

  “That lying bitch.”

  This time that scary look is directed at me.

  “Sorry.”

  “I wasn’t that worried though because you still needed to finish school so I went to your principal.”

  “But I had graduated early,” I say slowly and look up into her eyes to see if I can tell if she’s telling me the truth. “Dylan really came looking for me?”

  “Dylan showed up in this office the day he turned eighteen demanding his family and hasn’t stopped.”

  This is so not what I expected. I was certain they forgot about me or didn’t want to have anything to do with me. It was easier that way because it kept me from getting my hopes up for the future. “What about Noah?”

  “He is in the army and in Italy.”

  A smile pulls at my lips. “Army huh?” I may not have seen him in twelve years, but it’s kind of cool that my brother is a hero. Well, as long as he doesn’t get himself killed.

  “And Jade?”

  “She’s with a good family.”

  “But you won’t tell me where, right?”

  “It’s the rules, Nina. You know that.”

  I push my hair out of my face, trying to take all this in. Everything that I believed, or told myself was wrong.

  “Dylan is in New York?”

  “I have been ordered to call him the minute I find you.” She chuckles.

  Nina has been gone an awful long time. I get that doctors’ offices can be a long wait, but her appointment was like three hours ago and she hasn’t come back.

  Did they find something else wrong with her?

  I was sure her head was doing just fine.

  I’d call and check on her but she doesn’t have a phone.

  I am so buying that girl a phone because not knowing where she is drives me crazy with worry sometimes.

  Gr
abbing the phone on the first ring I answer, hoping it’s Nina.

  “Miguel’s Gym.”

  “Where’s Nina and why aren’t you in school?”

  “Hey, Miguel. Nina had a doctor’s appointment, school is still canceled.”

  “At least you’re finally open.”

  “Yep. I’m here all by myself.”

  “Nobody has come in.”

  “Nope, but I won’t close,” I assure him.

  “Did Nina look for her brother?” he demands.

  “We found him on Facebook, but she hasn’t really done anything else with it.”

  “Well, at least that is a start.”

  “I’ll stay on her, I promise.”

  “Good. I don’t think she realizes how important being with family is.” With that his voice cracks.

  I don’t know what I’d do if I lost one of my siblings. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “No. Just remind me to make an appointment with my attorney when I get back. My brother didn’t have a will and none of his papers were in order. I don’t want to leave a mess.”

  “Sure.” But I don’t want to even think about Miguel no longer being here. It was one thing for me and Nina to talk about owning the club one day, but that day needs to be far, far into the future.

  After we hang up I look out the doors. “Where the hell are you, Nina?”

  33

  It’s almost too much to take in. With my immunization record tucked away in my bag, I step back outside. I’m also holding the telephone number and address of Dylan.

  I told Mrs. Kragen she could let him know I’d been located, but not where to find me. I need time to take it all in. Prepare, I guess. A part of me wants to hop on the train and rush to wherever it is he lives and the other part wants to take my time, take it in and move slowly.

  It’s not like I know him. Even though he might have been looking for me doesn’t mean he turned out okay. Of course, he wasn’t in foster care as long as me since he was twelve when the cops came in, but what if he’s changed? The system can fuck up even the best kids.

  He’s my older brother and I should trust him. But, I’ve also learned most people can’t be trusted. It would be foolish to rush right in.

  But, how can I not contact him now that I know where he is and that he has been looking for me?

  He didn’t forget me.

  Tears spring to my eyes as I head down the stairs to the subway, but I blink quickly until they are gone and swipe away the few strays that managed to escape.

  What I need to do is read through his Facebook page. Maybe I’ll find the answers I need there.

  Noah’s in the Army. Unbelievable.

  I didn’t even ask what Dylan did, but he’s got to be doing something since he’s twenty-four and has a place to live that isn’t in too bad of a neighborhood.

  I stop in front of the signs on the subway wall. One direction takes me to the train traveling in Dylan’s direction, the other back to Miguel’s.

  Until an hour ago, I only had one choice of what direction I wanted to travel. But, I can’t just show up on Dylan’s doorstep unannounced. That would be rude and I don’t even know what to say.

  I haven’t processed all of this yet.

  I head to Miguel’s. It’s the smart thing to do instead of rushing to the unknown.

  Dylan’s visits to child services were logged in the file, along with his different address changes.

  Noah visited and wrote letters.

  When I think of those letters Noah wrote to Mrs. Hood I just get pissed. Our former caseworker lied to Dylan and Noah. She knew where we all were, but she didn’t tell Dylan that Noah had run away at the age of sixteen until two years after the fact and by then it was too late for Dylan to find him. Except, Noah’s information was in the file all along and Mrs. Hood didn’t give it to Dylan. Just like she never told Noah where he could find Dylan.

  What fucking right did she have to mess with my brothers’ lives and make decisions for them that were none of her business?

  Unless she knew something about them that isn’t in the file and a reason they shouldn’t be together.

  That’s what gives me pause. What do I really know about either of them, other than what was in the files? Of course, Noah can’t be so bad or he wouldn’t be in the Army, but it does make me wonder about Dylan. There has to be a reason he was kept from knowing anything about his family and that is what worries me. Do I really want to risk finding out?

  I’ve never been so fucking relieved to see someone as when Nina walked in the front door of the club. “What did the doctor say?”

  She grins. “I am free to practice, train and play.”

  “Great!” That is a relief in itself. Training for rugby is supposed to start next week and I knew Nina would be pissed if she wasn’t allowed to participate.

  “Did you get your records?”

  She takes a deep breath. “And then some.” With that she takes papers out of her envelope and puts them on the counter in front of me. The top sheet is the address, telephone number and email address for Dylan White. Thank God, maybe she’ll contact him now.

  I move that sheet out of the way and read copies of letters that her brother, Noah, had written.

  “See, Noah was looking for you.”

  “They both were. Dylan just visited and demanded answers. Noah wrote letters.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “Not sure.”

  “Nina, your brothers clearly want to find you. They want their family back.”

  “I know. It’s just that, what if they aren’t like I remember?”

  “Of course they aren’t. You all grew up, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”

  She bites her lip in indecision.

  “Sit your ass down here at the computer and read through his posts, look at his pictures. Get to know him and then call.”

  “Okay,” she finally says and I get up so she can sit where I was.

  “I’m hungry. I’ve only had coffee and I bet you didn’t eat either.”

  “No.”

  “I’ll head to the diner and get burgers. You read while I’m gone.”

  Nina looks up, her grey eyes meeting mine. “I will. I promise.”

  “I want a report when I get back. I’m not going to let you avoid this any longer, Nina.”

  “I get it, okay.”

  Grabbing my coat, I head out with every intention of staying on her until she contacts her brothers. It’s just not right that they’ve been separated and that the system worked against them being together instead of trying to reunite them.

  Some things in this world are really fucked up.

  34

  A few of the regulars start to wander in while Tex is gone. Most of them are boxers and a couple of trainers. That’s what we usually get during the day. The others are just here to work out. Ian and Joel are two of them because they still don’t have classes either and have been going stir crazy with not being able to work, go to school or work out.

  Dylan’s Facebook page is open and I know that if I don’t start reading it before Tex gets back, he’s going to be on my ass. Besides, it’s not like anyone training or working out needs me. None of the guys here are newbies and pretty much have their workouts down and know the equipment as well as I do.

  Dylan pretty much stays to three or four topics. Food, his friends, updates on finding family and someone named Mary.

  He’s been pretty open in his posts about looking for us, which somehow led to a broken hand, without an explanation except the brick wall won.

  Is he violent?

  That kind of scares me. He was never violent before, but the system can screw you up. I’ve got the scars to prove how nasty it can be.

  But, I don’t want to think about those now.

  I skip past the pictures and read earlier posts. He didn’t connect with Noah until a few weeks ago and thanks this Mary for the help. I click on his friends list to see if Noa
h is on Facebook too, but I don’t see him and go back to reading Dylan’s posts. Then a name pops out. PvtNJW is Noah. I click on his profile. His posts are about Italy, the army and finally talking to his brother for the first time in twelve years, and that he can’t wait to find his sisters.

  They both want to find me and Jade and a lot of the fear I’ve been holding onto that they just moved on with their lives finally lets go of me.

  Tex comes back in and is carrying a big sack.

  “Well?”

  “Dylan and Noah connected a few weeks ago.”

  “When are you going to do some connecting?”

  I look up at him. “Soon. I just want to read more.”

  Tex pulls up a stool next to mine and gets the burgers and fries out. The gym is pretty casual, not like one of those fancy health clubs, and Miguel has never cared if we eat at the front desk.

  I go back to scrolling through Dylan’s posts while I eat, see the broken hand again, and then read earlier. He was really pissed at the system before he hit the wall. Railing at child services for keeping us apart and lying to us, all kinds of things, and all he wanted to do was find his family but it had been working against him since day one.

  That’s pretty much what Noah’s letters said, but Dylan was really pissed in some of those posts.

  But they aren’t all angry. He talks about and tags people that I assume are friends. A guy named Alex opened up a tattoo shop and gives a link to Just Ink About It. He helped Mary, Alyssa and a Mia move into an apartment.

  “Have you looked at the pictures?” Tex asked.

  I’d pretty much scrolled past them because I wanted to read what he was saying, but I go back up to the top. There are photos of five guys shoveling outside of a brownstone. A Ryan tagged Dylan, Christian, Sean, Alex and Zach as they start to recover from Snowmageddon.

  Then there is a picture of Dylan and Mary. She’s really cute, and looks like she’d be a bubbly person. She’s sitting on Dylan’s lap. He’s scruffy with a beard. I wish he didn’t have that so I could see what he really looks like.