by Kaylee Ryan
“Seth.” She moans my name, and I thrust my hips. That’s all it takes. Her body convulses around me, and we’re both crying out, flying off into the world of orgasmic paradise. She buries her face in my neck, and I pull her from the wall, holding her close to my chest. Close to my heart. Slowly, she lifts her head and smiles shyly. “A girl could get used to that.”
I throw my head back and laugh, smacking her on the ass before carefully setting her on her feet. “Over there, woman, or I can’t be held accountable for my actions.” I point to the opposite side of the shower to the other showerhead. Sliding off the condom, I step out and toss it in the trash before I finish my shower. I keep my eyes closed and my back turned as I wash away the day. She’s too damn tempting.
Fifteen minutes later, we’re snuggled up in our bed. Mara is in one of my shirts, and I’m in boxer briefs. I want nothing more than to feel her naked skin against mine, but with Finley in the house, we have to stay covered. Besides, she’s here in my arms. They’re both here calling this place home. What more could a man really ask for?
Chapter Fourteen
Mara 14
* * *
It’s been a long week of worry and constant conversations with Amelia. I want her to fight. I know it’s selfish, but I want it all the same. I’m not ready to lose my best friend. Her appointment isn’t until eleven, but Ridge told me to take the entire day off. He told me to spend some time with her, so that’s exactly what I’m doing. Guilt washes over me. My life is falling into place as hers falls apart. If it were not for Amelia, I wouldn’t be here. In Jackson. I wouldn’t have interviewed for the job or met Seth.
Seth.
My life suddenly feels like a fairy tale. One I always dreamed of. Finding a man who respects me, loves me for who I am, my past included. When I found out I was pregnant, I was excited and scared, but I knew in my heart Blake would do the right thing. I wish he would have had that chance. My fairy tale turned into something different, something better, and all because of Finley. And now, Seth. I never imagined I would find a man who would treat my daughter with so much love and affection. Sure, I know there are men out there, but I never thought I would find one, and I’d been okay with that. I’d been okay with it being me and Finley against the world.
Then Seth came into our lives. Like a slow-burning flame, we got to know each other, and now, I feel like that flame is burning out of control. My heart speeds up whenever he’s near, and when I watch him with Finley, it melts into a puddle at my feet.
I’ve never known this kind of love. Never had this kind of bond with a man. It’s unexpected, but I wouldn’t change it. No, I want to relish it. I want to shout from the rooftops how much I love him. How much we love him. It’s no longer me and Finley against the world. It’s me, Finley, and Seth, and I love it.
So much.
A knock sounds at my window and causes me to jump. My hand flies to my chest as I look over and see Amelia standing there. I roll down my window and wave. “Hi.”
“Hi.” She laughs. “What are you doing sitting in my driveway at nine in the morning like a damn creeper?”
“I’m taking you to breakfast, then your appointment.”
“Mara,” she says with a sigh, “I told you. I’m a big girl. I can take myself to my appointment. I’ve already had this conversation with my parents.”
“You’re also stubborn as hell. Go grab your purse as I’m starving.” I stare her down. I’m not willing to budge on this. She can try to push all of us out all she wants, but I’m not letting it happen. I know damn good and well the others are not going to either. She may try to act all tough and closed off like she doesn’t need a shoulder to cry on, but I know better. I’m going to be there for her every step of the way. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to convince her to change her mind.
“So, how are things going with Seth? How’s the new living arrangement?” she asks twenty minutes later. We’re sitting at a local diner sipping coffee as we wait for our breakfast.
“Great.”
“Great, huh?” She smiles. “You’re welcome,” she teases.
“Thank you, Amelia,” I say, overly sweet.
“I expect a wedding invitation,” she says with a smile, and then she immediately sobers.
Reaching across the table, I gather her hand in mine. “I don’t know if there will be a wedding or invitations, but I know that I love him. I know that he treats me as if I’m the light in his life, and Finley, you would think she was his with the way he dotes on her.”
“He’s a good man.”
“He is. We’re not there yet, but it sure would be nice to have my best friend by my side when we do get there.”
“Mara, we’ve been over this.”
“I know we have. I know it’s selfish of me. Hell, we all want you to fight this thing, but you’re young, and cures are found every day. Even if there is no cure, five years is a long time, and you can break those odds, Amelia.”
“Maybe.” She shrugs. “But I don’t want to. I’ve researched this. I’ve talked to three different oncologists. I know what to expect. I know that the drugs they give me to slow the cancer alter my quality of life. I know that there is no guarantee that the drugs will even work. I don’t want to pump that poison into my body and become even sicker. I want to do this.” She uses the hand that’s not held tightly in mine to motion between the two of us. “I want to go to breakfast with you. I want to live my life. I understand that the cancer is going to spread. I understand that when that happens, the end of life will not be a fucking walk in the park. I get all of that. I also get that I feel fine. I have a cough, I get tired easier, but other than that, I feel good. I want to hold onto that feeling for as long as I possibly can.”
“I’m not okay with that,” I say, fighting back my tears. “I need you.”
“You have Seth.”
“He doesn’t replace you, Amelia.” I let go of her hand and sit back in the booth, crossing my arms over my chest. Now she’s just pissing me off.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then you better spell it out for me.” How dare she compare my relationship with Seth to our friendship. It’s altogether different.
“What I meant to say is that you have a shoulder to lean on. He’s going to be there for you, for both of you.”
“Are you sure surgery isn’t possible? Maybe we can look into treatment overseas?”
“Mara.” She sighs my name as if I’m exhausting her. Good. Maybe that means I’m wearing her down. “No, it’s not possible. I’ve reached out. I’ve researched. I’ve cried. I’ve gone through it all since the day I found out it might be possible. I’ve talked to families whose loved ones have this cancer. No matter how hard the fight, it never ends the way you want it to.”
“How do you know unless you try?” I don’t know what else I can do to change her mind. She’s set in her decision no matter how many times I beg, or the others beg. Seth told me that Kent called her last night and tried to talk her into it, but it was no use. She’s made up her mind and I hate it. I hate that she’s not fighting, but at the end of the day, I know it’s her choice. I just can’t help but think she’s making the wrong one.
“Mara, I love you. You were there for me during the most traumatic time of my life in college. You’re my best friend and I need you here with me now. Not just here sitting across the booth with me, but I need you here in the moment. I need you to respect my decision, and I want to live.” She stops and swallows hard. “I want to live each day as if it could be my last. Can you do that for me? Can you please respect that I’ve made up my mind?”
“H-How can I do that? How can I accept that you’re d-dying? How can I accept that you’re not willing to fight for your life?”
“Don’t you see? I am fighting for my life. I’m fighting for the good days. For the memories I can make while I’m healthy. If I’m sick all the time, that won’t happen. Regardless of what I do, Mara, I’m going to die.”
> I watch as she swipes at a tear that’s rolling down her cheek. Closing my eyes, I try to block it out. The tears. Her words. I want this all to be a bad dream. I swallow the lump forming in my throat, but it does nothing to stop the tears that begin to fall. Slowly, I open my eyes to find her watching me. Her lone tear has, like mine, turned into streams coating her cheeks.
“Please, Mara,” she pleads. “I need my best friend. I need you to respect my choice. You don’t have to understand it, but please, I need you to respect it.”
Defeat. It washes over me, as well as acceptance. This is her choice, and it’s my job to be there for her through good times and bad. “Every step, Amelia. Do you hear me? Every single step I’m going to be there. You want memories? We’re going to make memories.” Reaching into my purse, I pull out an envelope from a bill and a pen and slide it across the table. “Make a list.”
“What?” She wipes at her face and looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.
Maybe I have.
“Make a list of things you want to do. We’re going to make them happen.”
She smiles across the table. “There are a few things you can’t make happen,” she says, her voice cracking. “Things I’ll never get to experience, but with you and Finley, I got pretty close.”
“Write it all down, Amelia. All of it. Anything and everything, no matter how far out of reach. Write it down.” I don’t know how I’m going to make this list happen for her, but I’m going to try my hardest. I’ll get Seth in on it as well. He can rally the guys, and I’ll call the girls, and we’ll see to it that as many items as possible are crossed off her list.
Fifteen minutes later, she sets the pen down and slides the envelope across the table. With a deep breath, I pick it up and read it.
* * *
Visit the Grand Canyon
Get a tattoo
Fly on a plane
Be in two places at once
Watch the sunrise and sunset in the same day
Take lots of pictures
Spend time with those I love
See Niagara Falls
Swim in the ocean
Fall in love
Get married
Have a baby
* * *
My heart feels as though it’s going to beat its way out of my chest. I expected bungee jumping or skydiving. Not… this. Basic everyday living. I choke back a sob as what’s happening settles deep in my bones. My best friend is dying. There are things on this list that she will never be able to accomplish, and my heart breaks for her.
“Amelia.” I look up to find her watching me.
“I’m sure I can think of more, but you know I don’t really know how much time I have.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her to fight, but we’ve been down that road. Her mind is made up, and I told her I would respect that. I do respect that it’s her decision, but I hate it. I hate that I’m losing her. It feels as though she’s giving up. I know that’s not the case. She’s grabbing life—what little she has left—by the horns.
“This is a start.” I manage to push the words past my lips.
“We better get moving.” She takes a sip of her coffee then stands and saunters off to pay the bill, all while I sit frozen, her list gripped tightly in my hands. Some of these she’ll never make happen, but for the ones that I can control, I’ll see to it she gets to mark them off her list.
My best friend wants memories. I’m going to give them to her.
“Would you stop fidgeting? We know the results. This isn’t some life-altering appointment. I’ll get the numbers from my bloodwork, tell them I’m not taking treatment, and then we’re out of here,” Amelia says, reaching over to take my hand in hers.
She’s trying to comfort me. I need to get out of my own head, my own grief, and be there for her. “I’m sorry. I’m still adjusting to all of this.”
“Knock knock,” a female voice says. “Amelia.” The woman holds her hand out and Amelia shakes it.
“Hi, Dr. Hampton. This is Mara, my best friend.”
“Nice to meet you, Mara.” She holds her hand out for me and I take it as well. “How are you feeling?” she asks Amelia.
“Good. Still have the lingering cough. I get tired easier. Then again, that could just be my mind playing tricks on me. Other than that, I feel great.”
I watch the two as they talk back and forth. “Being that tired is to be expected as your body tries to fight off the cancer. Expect more of that along with nausea, vomiting, and headaches when you start treatment.”
“About that.” Amelia glances over at me. “I’m not taking treatments. I want to live what time I have left not being sick.”
“Amelia, you do realize that without treatment, the disease will steadily progress. With treatment we can hope that it slows down. Giving you more time.”
“I do. I also know that the chemo and the radiation will make me sick, and there is no guarantee it will slow the growth.” She glances over at me. “I took everything we talked about, and this is my decision. I don’t want treatment.”
“Okay.” Dr. Hampton nods and looks down at the folder in front of her. “There are some results I need to discuss with you. Is it okay to speak freely?” She nods at me.
“Yes. I’ve told my friends and family. Everyone knows. Is it worse than we thought?” Amelia’s voice is strong, but her hand that’s holding mine is shaking.
“No, but we did find something new in your bloodwork.”
“Okay,” Amelia says slowly.
The silence in the room is deafening as time ticks by as we wait for the doctor to tell us what they found. My heart thumps in my chest, my palms are sweaty, and I want to scream at her to spit it out already. I’m so afraid it’s worse than what they thought. That we have even less time than we had hoped to have.
“Amelia.” Dr. Hampton closes the folder and focuses on my best friend. “You’re pregnant.”
I’m not sure whose grip is tighter, hers or mine. I do know it’s tight as we each try to process the bomb that was just dropped on us.
“W-What? I think I heard you wrong. Can you repeat that?” Amelia asks.
“You’re pregnant.”
No. No. This is not happening. Please, God, no. I don’t need her to tell me to know that her baby is Seth’s. The man I love. She’s having his baby. I don’t know how to process this. I’m at a loss for what to say or do or think.
“Pregnant? That’s not possible. I’ve— Oh, God.” She glances over at me and I see remorse flash across her face. “Mara,” she whispers.
“Considering your current circumstances, I would suggest you terminate the pregnancy.”
“What?” Amelia’s head whips around to face the doctor. “Have you lost your damn mind? I’m not taking treatments, so I can have this baby. My mind was made up before, but now, now I know why. I mean, I didn’t know then, but it makes sense to me now. My gut was telling me no treatments. This is why. I’m keeping this baby.”
I close my eyes and focus on breathing. This can’t be happening right now. Why? Why, when things were starting to turn around for me, does life have to twist my new reality?
“Mara.” Amelia’s voice is soft and pained. “Talk to me.”
Slowly, I open my eyes to find Amelia and Dr. Hampton watching me. “I-I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Amelia—” Dr. Hampton starts, but she cuts her off.
“No. I’m keeping this baby. You’re not going to talk me out of it. What you can do is send my records to my obstetrician, Dr. Hatfield.” She stands and holds her hand out for me. “Let’s get out of here.”
I don’t take her hand, but I stand and robotically follow her out of the office, down the hall, out of the building, and to my parked SUV. I stop next to the driver’s side door and focus on getting my emotions in check.
“Mara, I’m so sorry. I know we used protection. I— Please just talk to me.”
I
stare at her over the roof of my car. “Seth, you need to call Seth.”
“I will. I’ll tell him. Right now, I’m worried about you. Why don’t you let me drive?”
“No.” I shake my head and it wakes me out of this fog I’ve been in since the doctor dropped the news. “No, I can drive. Call him. We’ll go back to o-our place.” I stutter over my words. Will he still want it to be our place? So many unanswered questions now that this new development has been revealed. Does he want us to stay? Do I want to stay? Does he want this baby? Question after question runs through my mind as I drive us home.
Chapter Fifteen
Seth 15
* * *
I’ve checked my phone for what feels like a thousand times. I told Mara to call me if they needed me today. The guys have all been quiet as we wait to hear how Amelia’s appointment went today.
“Hear anything?” Ridge asks as I’m sliding my phone back into my pocket.
“No. Not yet.”
“She’s not going to change her mind,” Tyler speaks up.
“We might as well accept that,” Mark adds.
“Remember when we were in high school and she was determined to drink us under the table after prom? She drank until she made herself sick. She’s never been one to be swayed once she makes up her mind about something,” Kent recalls.
“Yeah,” I agree. “I hate it, but it’s her choice. We just have to be there for her and support her through this.”
“How do you support someone through death?” Mark asks. “I mean, I was there for Dawn, but it wasn’t her who was dying. How are we supposed to stand back and watch it happen?” He shakes his head.
“We don’t have a choice. This is her decision,” Ridge comments.
“You.” Tyler points at me. “You’re the one who is going to get the worst of it. She and Mara are close. That’s double for you.”
“I know.” I run my hands through my hair. Our families have been through so much these past few years. Would it be too much to ask for some good news for once? Before I can voice my thoughts out loud, my phone rings. Rushing to grab it out of my pocket, I see Amelia’s name on the screen. “Hey,” I answer, mouthing her name to the guys.