by Kaylee Ryan
“Hey, Seth. We’re back at your place. You think boss man would let you come home early? Mara needs you.”
“I’m on my way.” I end the call, shoving my phone back in my pocket. “That was Amelia. They’re back at my place. She asked me to come home. Says Mara needs me.”
“Go.” Ridge reaches out and takes the hammer I was using out of my hand. “You need us, you call.”
“Thanks.” I barely have the words out before I’m rushing out to my truck. I don’t bother to wait for it to heat up. Instead, I put it in Drive and crank up the heater. Mara needs me. I have to get to her.
I break more traffic laws than I care to admit on the way to my place. We’re working on a job that’s about a half hour away, but I make it in just under twenty minutes. The truck is barely in Park when I’m pushing open the door and jogging up to the front porch. “Mara!” I call out as I enter the house.
“In here,” Amelia calls back.
I make my way to the living room following her voice and find Mara curled up on one corner of the couch, a blanket thrown over her legs, and Amelia on the loveseat in the same position. I get to Mara and drop to my knees in front of her. “Hey, baby. What’s wrong?” I ask like a dumbass. I know she’s upset about Amelia, but this is not what I was expecting. Sure, I expected her to be sad, but this… this is more than sad. Her face is streaked with tears. Her eyes are full of pain and red from crying. She’s curled into herself.
“Seth, maybe you should sit down,” Amelia suggests.
I turn to look at her over my shoulder. “What happened?”
“Sit.” Amelia nods to the couch.
Standing to my full height, I sit next to Mara on the couch, pulling her legs onto my lap. She doesn’t even acknowledge me. “Hey.” I lean into her, kissing her on her forehead. “I’m right here.” I place my arm around her shoulders and pull her into me. She comes willingly, sliding onto my lap, but she’s still not speaking. “Tell me what’s going on here.” I look across the room at Amelia. She looks tired, and I can tell she too has been crying, but she doesn’t look as though the world is coming to an end, not like Mara does.
“We got some unexpected news today at my appointment.”
I wrap my arms around Mara and hold her close to my chest. “Okay. Are you going to fill me in or do I have to guess?” I’m getting irritated that she won’t just tell me what’s going on.
“There’s really no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to blurt it out. You know, like pulling off a Band-Aid.”
“Amelia.” My voice is low, a warning that my patience is wearing very thin.
“I’m pregnant.”
Pregnant. Oh, shit! I squeeze Mara tighter as she begins to cry. “P-Pregnant?” I ask, even though I know I heard her.
“Yes.”
“What does that mean?” That’s a stupid fucking question. I know exactly what it means. My palms sweat and I’m sure if I were standing, my knees would be knocking. This is the last thing I expected to hear today. Is it safe for the baby? Is it safe for her? A million questions filter through my mind. I can’t believe this is happening.
“Seth, do you really need me to explain the birds and the bees to you?” Amelia asks, her tone playful. She’s hiding behind humor.
“Stop.” Again, my voice is firm. “Stop with the kidding around. You know what I meant. What does that mean for you? For the baby?” I’m trying to remain calm and ask the right questions. I’m trying like hell not to show her that I’m freaking out.
I’m going to be a father.
Amelia is pregnant.
She’s dying.
Holy fuck!
“It means that I’m having a baby. It means that you’re going to be a father. It means that I’m dying, and this baby is going to be your responsibility. It means that you’re not going to change my mind. No matter what you say, I’m keeping this baby.” She wipes at her eyes and continues. “I never thought I would get to be a mom, to know what it’s like to feel my baby growing inside me. You gave me that. Our one drunken reckless night gave me that. I’m a strong believer in everything happens for a reason, and I believe that’s why we got trashed and ended up in the same bed together. I was meant to know this… love. This bond between mother and child. I already feel it, Seth. That’s why I felt so strongly about not getting treatment. I feel it deep in my soul. This was meant to be.”
Mara is holding onto me as if I might disappear. Then again, maybe that’s me holding onto her. I can’t believe this is happening. I love Amelia; we’ve been friends for as long as I can remember, but that love, it’s nothing like the love I feel for Mara. For Finley. I will love this baby with everything in me. Will Mara? Will one night destroy the future we are building? I pray to God that it doesn’t.
“How are you feeling? How is the baby?” I keep my eyes locked on her looking for signs she might be hiding the truth about how she’s feeling, while my arms are locked tight around Mara, holding her close. She’s my lifeline in this sea of unexpected events.
Amelia’s smile, although tired, it lights up her face. “I feel good. I’m drained and have this stupid cough that comes and goes, but I feel good. Great in fact. I want this, Seth.” She reaches for the table and grabs an envelope with writing on it. “Earlier today Mara asked me to make a list of things I wanted to do before this disease takes me. I thought it was silly, but she was finally accepting my decision to not take treatments, so I obliged her. Right here, on this list I wrote become a mom. I knew it would never happen, but it was something I wanted regardless. Wishes do come true. I want this, Seth. This baby. I need you to tell me that you’re on board with this. That you are going to love this baby for both of us when I’m gone.” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. Amelia, always the strong one, never wanting to show emotion.
“What kind of question is that? This is my child we’re talking about. Of course I’m going to love and care for him or her. How can you even ask me that?”
“I know this is a lot to take on. I know I’m blindsiding you with this, but, Seth… I love this baby.” Her hands cover her still flat belly.
“Is this safe for you?”
“I’d already decided I wasn’t getting treatments.”
“Did you know? Is that why you’ve been so adamant? Did you know you were having my baby and didn’t tell me?” Mara flinches in my arms when I say my baby, but I hold tight to her, needing her close.
“No. I didn’t know. I promise you. I did, however, have this gut-wrenching feeling that I didn’t want treatment. I meant it when I said I didn’t want to be sick, and I want to make memories. I mean that with all that I am, but this… this baby is a bonus. I get to be a mom. I get to feel my child growing inside me. I get to witness the miracle of life, and most of all, I get to leave a piece of me behind. I may be dying but this baby, he or she will live for me. I know it sounds crazy, but it makes it all a little easier. To know that when I leave this world, part of me, not just my memory, but part of me, my blood, my heart, will still be here.”
“We have to get you checked out. Get the baby checked out.”
“I’m way ahead of you. My oncologist is sending my file to Dr. Hatfield. I’m going to call when I leave here to make an appointment.” She stands and wipes at her eyes. “I know the two of you need some time. I didn’t want to leave her alone.” She walks over to the couch and takes a seat on the coffee table facing us. “Mara,” she whispers and waits for Mara to look at her. “I love you. I’m sorry. I know this has to hurt you and be confusing for you. When I told you that I don’t have feelings for Seth, I didn’t lie to you. He’s one of my best friends. I’m happy it is him, because that means I know this baby will be loved and cared for after I’m gone. I’m sorry this is happening to us, but I’m not sorry about this baby. He or she is my blessing.” Reaching out, she gives Mara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’ll give you two time to talk. Call me if you need anything. I’ll let you know when my appointment is.” She
stands and grabs her coat, slides into her boots, and walks toward the door.
“Amelia, wait. Are you okay to drive? Where’s your car?”
“I’m fine.” Her hand rests on her belly. “Mara drove. I’ll have Mom or Dad drive me back later and drop off Mara’s car. I’ll text you before I come.” With that, she walks out the door.
My mind is a mess. Jumbled full of the information that Amelia just dumped on me. First and foremost, I’m going to be a father. Mara tries to pull away, but I hold tight. “Talk to me,” I whisper.
“I’m afraid to,” she says through her tears.
“Hey.” I lift her chin with my index finger and turn her to face me. “What do you mean you’re afraid to? There is nothing you can’t say to me. I know you’re upset, but I promise you that night meant nothing. But this is my baby.”
“I know that. I would never ask you to walk away from your child. I just…. Where does this leave us? Do you want Finley and me to leave? This is a huge change for you, Seth. One that you’re not ready for.”
“No,” I say firmly. “You’re not leaving. This is your home. You’re my home. You and Finley.”
“But, Amelia?” she says, letting the unspoken question hang in the air.
“She’s having my kid, but she’s not the love of my life. I hate it. I hate that it’s not you. However, I don’t hate her or my unborn child. This is a clusterfuck of epic proportions, but that doesn’t change how I feel about you. I love you, Mara. You and Finley, you’re my family. We’re just adding to it.”
I wait. Holding my breath for her to tell me what’s on her mind. Her eyes well with tears as they begin to slip over her cheeks. “I love you. I’ve never known a love like what I feel for you. I don’t want to lose you, but I will step back. I would understand if you needed to focus more on Amelia and the baby. She’s my best friend, and you… you’re the love of my life, and this is so messed up. I’m losing her, and now I’m so afraid that I’m losing you too.”
“What? Baby, no. You’re not losing me. Never. I know this mess is twisted and complicated, but we’ll make it through this.” Please, God, let us make it through this. I send up the silent prayer, but then it hits me. What if she doesn’t want to do this with me? “Mara?” I cradle her cheek in the palm of my hand, her tears soaking into my skin. “Tell me you’re in this with me. That you’re not going anywhere.” I pause and try to find the words I need to say. “Tell me.” I swallow the lump that is lodged in my throat. “Tell me you’re willing to raise this baby with me?” I ask, choking on my own emotions. Tears burn my eyes as I wait with bated breath for her reply.
“What?” she whispers.
“The mother of my unborn child has terminal cancer. You are my heart, my whole heart. Tell me I’m not going to lose you over this.”
“No. Of course not. I just don’t want to keep you from—” she starts, but I kiss her.
A quick, chaste kiss.
“I need you in my life, Mara. This is a surreal twist of fate, but I want you by my side as we make our way through this rocky sea.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She nods. “I was so scared of losing you. That maybe feelings you didn’t know you had would surface.”
“Not at all. I love her as a friend and now as the mother of my child, but that love doesn’t come close to the love I have for you. We’re going to fight through this.”
“She has a list.” Mara wipes at her eyes and hands it to me. “I want to make it happen for her. All of it.”
I skim through the list. “Marriage?” I ask, eyebrows raised.
“Well, maybe not that one, but the baby part, you did that, so who knows. It’s not entirely impossible.”
My eyes read through the list one more time. “I need to call the guys. We’re going to make this list happen for her.”
“Are you going to tell them? About the baby I mean?”
“Shit.” I rake my fingers through my hair. “Yeah, they don’t know about that night. This is going to be a shock to all of them.”
“Amelia should be here for that conversation.”
“I agree. How long until we have to pick up Finny?”
She glances at the clock. “I told Sonia I would be there by four.”
“Good. We have some time. I want to hold you.” Standing with her in my arms, I make my way to our bedroom and carefully set her on the bed. Stripping out of my jeans and hoodie, I climb in bed behind her, pulling her to my chest. “I love you, Mara.”
“I love you too.”
I don’t sleep, but she does, just like I knew she would. Exhaustion was written all over her face. There are too many things bouncing around in my head to rest properly. I have a baby on the way, and I’m going to be a dad. I’ve got some things to work out.
After I tell the guys.
Chapter Sixteen
Mara 16
* * *
I wake to the sound of laughter that I know is my daughter. Glancing at the clock, I see it’s after five. I didn’t mean to sleep that long. The emotional roller coaster of the day took it out of me. Throwing off the covers, I make a quick stop to the restroom before making my way down the hall toward the sound of my daughter’s laughter.
“Sef.” Finley giggles.
“Look,” he says, spotting me and pointing over her shoulder. “Mommy’s awake.”
“Mommy!” Finley scrambles to her feet and comes rushing toward me.
I bend down to catch her. “Hey, sweetie. Did you have fun at Sonia’s today?”
“Nugs.” She points to the Chick-fil-A bag on the table.
“I called the guys. They’re going to be here at seven. My parents are taking her out for ice cream, so I thought I should feed her first.”
“Dinner before dessert is always a good idea,” I say, walking into the living room with Finley in my arms. I sit on the couch, and she slides off my lap and settles onto the floor beside Seth. “Did you tell them?”
“No. Not yet. I wanted to do it in person. I asked Kent to stay a little while once my parents bring her back so I can sit them down and tell them. I wanted you to be there with me. He didn’t ask questions, but considering everything that’s been going on, he probably just thinks we need some time together.”
“Okay.”
“You get rested?”
“I did. I’m sorry I crashed like that.”
“Nah, we’re a team. Besides, I needed some Finny time.”
“Bite.” Finley holds up a chicken nugget that she bit into.
“How are you going to grow big and strong if I eat your chicken nuggets?”
“I eat,” she says, taking a big bite.
“Good girl. You have to eat it all if you want ice cream.”
She nods, swallows, and takes another bite. “I do,” she says with her mouth full of chicken. I know I should correct her, but I let it go.
“You should try to eat something.” Seth hands me a small package that I know contains my favorite chicken sandwich before taking one for himself.
Finley chatters as she eats, filling the silence between us. Seth watches her intently like she’s the most precious gift in his life. Soon, there will be another baby for us to love. My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. I can’t believe my best friend is dying of cancer, and she’s pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. Talk about a cruel twist of fate. But that’s life. It’s unexpected and unpredictable. You have to learn to roll with the punches and take it one day at a time.
“I done,” Finley says, the same time there’s a knock at the door.
“I think that might be Mamaw and Papaw. Think we should let them in?” Seth asks Finley.
“Yay!” She scrambles to her feet and races for the door.
“Hold up, Finny. Don’t open that door until I get there!” Seth yells, climbing to his feet and following her. “Hey, come on in.” He greets his parents.
Slowly, I stand, and I know there is no use fretting over how I look. It
’s been a long, emotionally exhausting day. So instead, I meet them in the foyer and paste on my best smile, which isn’t hard when Finley’s sitting on Steve’s hip talking his ear off about ice cream.
“Hi.” I wave, and Seth immediately comes to me and slides his arm around my waist.
“It’s nice to see you, dear.” Shannon greets me with a smile that could warm the darkest of souls.
Finley and I are so lucky to have them in our lives. We have Amelia to thank for that. I swallow hard, fighting back the emotions that threaten to break free. “You too. Thank you for taking her.” I manage to speak past the tears that are threatening to fall.
“We enjoy our time with her. We’ll be back in a little while.” Shannon steps in and wraps her arms around me. “We’re here for you,” she whispers.
“Thank you.” I give her a sad smile. She thinks I’m upset about Amelia, and I am. I’m also sad for her. I’m not mad about the baby. How could I be? It was before Seth and I were more than just two people who met one time and shared a few messages. Okay, more than a few, but I was there, he was here, and neither one of us ever expressed that we were interested in taking things further than just friendly conversation. Now, here we are and although I’m glad that it’s me, because I know I will never let a day go by that this baby doesn’t know how amazing his or her mother is, my heart is breaking that my best friend won’t get to see her baby grow up. She’ll miss all the firsts. I’m having a hard time dealing with that.
“Mara.” Seth bends his knees to look me in the eyes. “You okay?”
I blink hard and realize it’s now just the two of us standing by the front door. “Yeah, sorry, I just kind of spaced out.”
“It’s fine. I know this is a lot to ask of you.” He runs his fingers through his locks. “Fuck, I hate that this is happening, that we’re in this situation, but what she said makes sense. Right? I mean, I’ve been thinking about it, and a baby is a miracle no matter what, and as unconventional as this might be, this gives her something to live for.”