Double Moon

by Francine Zapater

  The restaurant office was quite deplorable. Small, gray, with a lot of papers and a tiny table where there was barely room for a phone and a couple of cabinets.

  Mr. Benet looked at my resumé like he didn’t care through his glasses. He was a good man, though he didn’t talk very much. I’d known him since childhood and I knew that giving my resumé to him was just a formality, but I wanted to do things right.

  “All right, Stella. I think we have something for you.”

  “Really?” I was about to jump out of the chair and kiss him on the forehead. I refrained. “When do I start?”

  “You see,” he hesitated, scratching his head. “I wasn’t going to ask you, but this morning Marie, who works evenings here, called in to say she was in bed with the flu. So, if it's okay with you, you can start today.”

  It had only been a couple of hours, and I felt completely useless. I’d burned a dozen burgers and mixed up a couple of orders. Paul, the manager, gave me a mop, telling me to stay away from the kitchen. I threw myself body and soul into cleaning the floor, trying not to cause any more damage.

  It was time to close up. I left the restaurant, exhausted and hungry. I knew Nicole would scold me for not telling her anything about my new job, but I was determined to stick with it; if they let me go back to the restaurant the next day after that catastrophic evening, of course.

  I didn’t usually walk the streets at that time of night, especially when it was so cold. The dim light of the streetlights cast eerie shadows and that was a challenge for someone with an imagination as vivid as mine.

  I started to walk faster. I had the feeling that someone was following me. My mind was playing tricks on me. The only thing to be heard was the sound of my footsteps as the soles of my boots rang against the pavement. My breathing started to get faster. There it was, that strange feeling again, coursing through my body. I got goose bumps and I started to shake, I didn’t know if it was because of the cold or fear, or perhaps both.

  Headlights appeared in the distance. I heard the roar of a familiar engine. It was the same bike I’d seen the first day under my window.

  I froze when he pulled up in front of me. I couldn’t see who the rider was. The darkness of the night and the lights of his bike, shining right into my eyes, made it impossible to recognize him. He’d taken off his helmet and seemed to be waiting for me. I didn’t move an inch. I was totally paralyzed.

  “Need a ride?” I heard him say in a low, sexy voice.

  I recognized the voice. It was so different I couldn’t identify it, but one thing was for sure: it belonged to the boy I’d bumped into in the cafeteria. My heart leapt. These meetings would end up giving me a heart attack or something.

  I tried my best to force my legs to keep walking, but my body was paralyzed in front of him and his powerful bike.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea to be walking around alone at this time of night.” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “The night can be dangerous for someone like you.”

  What was going on here? Was he threatening me? Did he want to scare me? He’d certainly managed that. But part of me was turning against him because of his brazen arrogance. I still couldn’t see his face and that bothered me. I was sure it was the same person who had turned my life upside down with just one look. Deep in my heart I felt blessed because of that unexpected meeting, but I certainly wasn’t going to let him go on reveling in the effect that he was having on me.

  “Thank you for your interest, but I can take care of myself,” I said rudely.

  Luckily the mobile started vibrating in my bag. I was grateful to whoever was calling; right then, it was a lifeline. I heard my mother's voice, slightly breathy.

  “Hello, sweetheart. I just got out from the hospital and I’m going home but I saw that you weren’t home yet. I'm still in the car. Do you want me to pick up you somewhere?”

  “Yes, mom,” I half-whispered. “I’m opposite the sports store.”

  “Okay, I'm coming your way. I'll be there in five minutes.”

  I switched off the phone, but didn’t put it away. I felt safer having it on hand in case things got ugly.

  The faceless biker was staring at me. I could feel his eyes on me. He was hidden under a blanket of darkness and I was openly exposed to the headlights of his bike. He had the advantage. I felt stupid standing there.

  “If you don’t want to wait, my offer still stands.”

  “I'd rather wait. You can go.”

  “I don’t want to leave you alone. I’d rather stay here with you.”

  “I don’t need your company.” He was beginning to make me angry.

  I’d never had the courage to talk to a stranger, even less pick a fight with one. But I wondered why this guy brought out such an uncontrollable mixture of attraction and hate in me.

  I heard a chuckle. The lights of a car coming down my back lit his face as if it was broad daylight. A mocking smile formed on his lips. To my great disappointment, the beam of light disappeared as quickly as it had come, hiding his face. Now I had no doubt. It was him, the angel of my dreams.

  “By the way, we haven’t been introduced,” he said, extending his hand to me. From his the tone of voice I knew he was smiling.

  I didn’t move. He lowered his hand slowly to put it back on the engine housing of his bike.

  “Now comes the part when you tell me your name,” he added, sounding a little annoyed.

  I wasn’t going to overlook the fact that he hadn’t told me his. He was in for a disappointment, as was I.

  “If you're as smart as you look, you'll find out.” I honestly couldn’t understand why I was behaving so rudely.

  Just behind him, a pair of headlights appeared. I recognized them instantly. It was Nicole. I felt a sense of relief mixed with anxiety.

  I was relieved to get away from this awkward situation but was also upset because, after all, I wanted to stay here with him more than anything in the world. My heart was telling me to climb onto his glowing red bike instead of getting into my mother’s old car. Fortunately or unfortunately, my powers of reasoning acted first, and I went over to where Nicole had stopped, just across the street.

  I walked away without saying a word. Without looking at him. A moment of weakness was enough to make me glance at him, feeling his icy stare making all my determination crumble.

  “Come on, Stella, it’s too cold.”

  The voice of my mother brought me back to reality. I walked slowly over, hearing the roar of an engine speeding down the street behind me.

  “Who was that?”

  “What?” I was still all over the place.

  “That friend of yours on the bike.”

  “He isn’t a friend. He was just asking for directions”

  My mother frowned at me. It wasn’t very convincing, but she decided not to press me.

  “What were you doing round here so late?”

  “I was at work.” Bang, I’d dropped the bomb. Now, I just I had to wait.

  “What?!

  I had to face up to it as soon as possible, so I did.

  Another sleepless night. Things were going from bad to worse. Only a few days ago I’d started at high school and my concentration would leave much to be desired for the rest of the course if I went on that way. I had to sleep. I looked at the alarm clock. It was four in the morning. I covered my face with a pillow, desperate because I couldn’t get to sleep. I started leafing through a book, required reading for literature class. It was boring, but precisely because of that, I managed to get to sleep.

  The evening’s events had managed to get the better of me. I was out of control. Again and again, I compared the deep, rasping voice of the biker with the sweet, mellow tone of the boy in the cafeteria. They were the same person, I’d seen it with my own eyes, but then why in the cafeteria had he seemed like an angel from heaven and tonight, straddling his bike, he was more like a dark angel? And, even more puzzling, why did he attract me so strongly?

&nb
sp; His behavior hadn’t exactly impressed me so far. My hormones must have been having a great time driving me crazy.

  I finally succumbed to something like sleep, but it wasn’t at all restful. I woke up feeling worse than the day before.

  “Did you sleep well, darling?”

  Nicole was putting the dishes from the dishwasher in the cabinet over the sink, when I walked into the kitchen with slow, weary steps.

  “Not really.” I saw a wrinkle of concern form on her brow and I knew what was coming next.

  “You're going to have to tell me once and for all what's wrong,” she said, resting her hands on her hips. “For two days now you’ve woken up with a face like a zombie and you’re hardly eating anything. No matter how much you try to deny it, I know something’s going on, and today you’re going to explain it to me.”

  Her voice and expression were a mixture of concern and anger. I should give her some credible excuse, but what? Should I tell her I was going crazy? Or that a divine face had robbed me of my sleep and my appetite? No, that was absurd. So I decided on other answers, less certain, but more rational.

  “I'm just worried. This is my last year of high school. What about next year? I’m still not sure if I want to go to college and leave you alone.”

  “No! Your future is what matters. You can’t throw away your excellent qualifications to babysit your mother.” She walked over slowly and hugged me.

  The warmth of her closeness was comforting, like a hot bath when you’re numb with cold. Although the real reason for my insomnia was far from being what I‘d just said, right now I didn’t really want my life to change. Ever.

  “I love you, mom.” I whispered.

  “I love you too, sweetheart.” I saw her wipe away a tear with the sleeve of her shirt. “Off to school now, you don’t want to be late.” she added, but she didn’t let me go.

  I pulled away from her embrace as best I could and left home unhurriedly.

  I liked to walk to school. I sensed the autumn air; wetter, colder and denser than a couple of weeks before. It was pleasant, and it helped me clear my head.

  Most of my friends had some kind of vehicle to get around. An old car, a rusty motorbike, or just a bicycle. But I liked walking. I had to admit that I didn’t exactly have the sense of balance to ride a bike or motorcycle, and the little money I’d saved wasn’t enough to buy a car. Walking was my only option, so it was just as well I enjoyed it.

  I arrived early at school for the first time in three days. The worn wooden bench at the entrance of the building looked lonely. I sat, waiting to see my friend’s ramshackle car appear. But instead of the usual hum of its engine, I heard the loud roar of a motorcycle.

  I knew for sure who it was before I saw him coming, for two reasons: the deafening noise of his bike and the electricity coursing through my body.

  “Hey! What’s up, thunderstruck?”

  I gave a start when I heard Beth's voice behind me.

  “You scared me half to death.” My heart felt like it was beating a thousand miles an hour. “I was waiting for you.” I replied, still looking around, looking for one face in the crowd in particular.

  “Sure... waiting for me. Why were you ignoring me then?” She stood in front of me, with a suspicious look in her large eyes. “You’ve got that strange look on your face again.”

  “Don’t be an idiot!” I said, putting an arm around her shoulders. “Let’s go in, we’ll be late again. By the way, your hair’s looking much better, isn’t it?” I ruffled her lank hair as she tried to pull away from me.

  Luckily for me I’d brought up the ideal topic to make her forget about my odd behavior. She began to talk and talk about her great style problem, which apparently wasn’t so serious. I was glad to have her by my side. Her jokes and her biting comments about anyone we happened to see on the way, managed to stave off my obsession. Or so I thought.

  “What a beauty!”

  I looked in the direction of Beth's eyes, and I saw him. There he was, divine, sculptural. My heart began to pound. My hands started to sweat and my stomach was like a clenched fist.

  “It can’t be. What's he doing here?” I thought I was saying it in my head, but actually I was saying it aloud, unfortunately for me.

  “Do you know him?” Beth said in astonishment “Why haven’t you introduced us? He’s perfect.”

  “Don’t talk dumb. Of course I don’t know him.”

  “Then why did you say that...? Oh, let it go. You’ve been acting like such a weirdo lately…” She shook her head, tossing her raven hair. And with that she headed off.

  “Where do you think you're going?” I shouted desperately. My throat felt dry and scratchy.

  I was terrified. I knew she wouldn’t answer me. I bolted after her without thinking. I didn’t normally bother with her when she flirted, but with him I couldn’t allow it. He was... what was he for me? We’d only met two or three times, by chance, but I’d never felt what I felt now as I got closer to him. A bag of nerves, and with flushed cheeks, I stood behind my friend. For now.

  “Hi. I'm Beth Thomson.” She greeted him with ease, stretching out a hand.

  I was surprised. Beth was no shrinking violet, that was for sure. I was surprised she hadn’t already taken the opportunity to plant two kisses on my angel’s face. Then, taking advantage of my hesitation, she pushed me in front of her, right in front of him.

  I couldn’t stop sweating and my face looked like a traffic light. I’d never felt such heat surging through me, not even at the height of August. . It was as if a fire was devouring me from inside.

  Beth was still yacking, but I couldn’t hear her. My world right then revolved around those deep blue eyes, like a piece of sky on a clear winter’s day. He looked at me with such intensity that I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was like I was trapped in the glacier in his eyes. Time seemed to be standing still. For me everything had disappeared: Beth, school, the street, the people, everything. It was just me and him. Only his blue eyes fixed on mine. I felt an even greater attraction than before. I only realized that I wasn’t blinking when my eyes started burning.

  Physically, it was the same guy who had intimidated me last night on his powerful bike. But now he looked like someone else. It was as if the guy from the night before and this one were two different people. My mind was playing tricks on me. Last night it had been dark, I couldn’t see the strange rider clearly. My head was spinning like a top. Perhaps my obsession had taken me to the point of seeing this beautiful face on any stranger. He’d taken me by surprise and, in a second, my life had been turned upside down. Something profound, something out of my control had begun the first day our eyes met. There was no turning back. Whatever it was, I was completely ensnared.

  “Is anybody listening to me?” Beth, tired of being ignored, stood between us, blocking my view. I wanted to push her away. Why was she doing this?

  “My name is Erik Wallace.” He shook her hand, then offered me his.

  I reached out my hand, afraid of what might happen if he touched it, after what I’d felt just by looking at him.

  A pleasant warmth ran through my skin as I touched his. I felt a tingling in my fingertips, where the sensitivity was even greater. It was just a light touch, but I thought he kept my hand in his longer than was necessary.

  “I still don’t know your name,” he said softly.

  I couldn’t say a word. Beth spotted my temporary paralysis and reacted for me.

  “Her name is Stella Preston and I think you can let go of her hand,” she said. I thought my head was going to explode at any moment.

  What must he think of me? I must have seemed like a perfect idiot. But if I’d spoken to him before, why was I feeling so dizzy and incapable of answering?

  “What's your first class?” I heard my friend ask.

  “Let me see. I just arrived and I don’t know my schedule,” he said, rummaging in his backpack.

  I decided just to watch carefully. He was we
aring faded jeans with a thin, vanilla-colored cotton shirt and a chocolate-brown leather jacket. The way he dressed wasn’t so different from the other students, but he wore that simple outfit like nobody else did. I loved what I was seeing.

  His face was just as I remembered it in my dreams: balanced features, square jaw, straight nose and forehead, where some golden locks, like drops of honey, fell nonchalantly. His hair was slightly wavy and tousled, giving him a touch of the rebel, of freshness. And finally his eyes, blue as lapis lazuli, framed by thick lashes that gave them a startling depth.

  I saw a broad smile appear on his face as he waved a small piece of paper. His rose-colored lips revealed perfect teeth. I felt a stab of pain in the face of such perfection. I couldn’t even dream of a guy like that. Beth, maybe, but not me. Ever.

  His voice was music to my ears.

  “I have literature class with Mrs. Stewart.”

  “You're in luck. That’s our class too,” said Beth, taking him by the arm without thinking twice.

  He looked confused and turned to me. I stood like a statue in a museum. Shocked by how Beth had grabbed that arm that I longed to touch.

  “Are you coming with us?” His syrupy voice seemed tarnished by something that I couldn’t make out.

  I looked pleadingly. Was he the only guy who didn’t fall head over heels for Beth? I was used to being totally ignored when she deployed all her arts of seduction, but in this case I wasn’t. His eyes spoke to me. It was Beth who grabbed him by the arm, which made me feel strangely uncomfortable and annoyed, but it was me he was looking at.

  “I’m coming,” I answered through gritted teeth, so it came out like an incomprehensible babble.

  “Of course she’s coming,” I heard Beth say to him. “When she stops drooling.”

  “What do you think you're doing?” I asked Beth when we sat down in class, away from Erik.

  “Trying to seduce Erik, maybe?” she replied, raising an eyebrow, as if it was so obvious that my question was out of place. “Oh, come on Stella! He’s hot! That’s obviously what I’m up to, isn’t it?”

  I didn’t know why but those words churned my stomach. I was furious and irrational. I felt a mixture of anger for what she wanted to do and helplessness because I couldn’t do anything about it.

  “Leave him alone,” I mumbled, staring at the cracks in the table, as I noted how my nails dug into the palm of my hand from clenching them.

  “Wait a minute. Something’s going on here.” Then her face lit up and she began to laugh. “You like the new boy!”

  The whole class turned to look at us. I blushed as much as it’s possible to blush, as the teacher told us to pay attention.

  Erik looked at me from across the room. I couldn’t see it, I didn’t dare to look, but I sensed that almost electrical current running through me again.

  Beth handed me a piece of paper under the desk.

  You and I need to have a little heart-to-heart about this. Don’t think you can get away without telling me everything, and I mean everything, about what’s going on here. YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT.

  I nodded. It was for the best. At the end of the day, I also needed to get all this off my chest, or this world of new sensations would eventually drive me insane.

  “Where do you want me to begin?” I said, lost in thought.

  We’d gone out for lunch, avoiding the rest of the group, who were no doubt waiting for us in the cafeteria, as always. We sat on the lawn. Beth interrogated me with her eyes.

  “How about at the beginning?” she said with considerable curiosity. “I want to know everything. Did you already know him? Do you like him? Is there something going on between you? Like a secret?”

  “Beth, please, or I won’t tell you anything.” I stood up, walking around in small circles.

  She put two fingers to her lips, gesturing that she would keep quiet.

  “I'm not involved with him, if that's what you're thinking.” ‘Although I wish we were’, I added mentally. “I don’t know him. Well, now I do, thanks to your magnificent speech this morning. I’d only seen him around a few times.” My voice didn’t sound as calm as I would have liked.

  “So what's wrong? You’ve never objected to me flirting with boys, or so it seemed to me. Why does it bother you so much with this guy?”

  “Because ... because ...” My head was going to explode. “I don’t know why!” I finally blurted. And then the words began to flow without stopping. “Two or three days ago I saw him from a distance. We were right here, when you asked me why I was ignoring you, remember?” She nodded. “Well the fact is that when I see him, the rest of the world disappears for me. I only see him and want to know.. No.” I corrected myself. “No, I need to know what's behind that look that’s driving me crazy.”

  I felt a great weight that had been pressing down on my chest, getting lighter. It was a relief to put into words what until now had been no more than feelings.

  “My God!” Beth said after a few seconds after my little declaration. “You’ve really got it bad, haven’t you? You know what that's called? Cupid’s arrow, love at first sight!” Her words sliced through me. “It’s incredible! I never thought you were interested in guys. You seemed impervious to all of them. I even thought you might be a lesbian. But now you go and fall madly for a total stranger! And with only one look! Unbelievable!”

  “In love? Me? That's impossible.” I didn’t believe her, though her words echoed in my head over and over. “It's just curiosity. Perhaps some physical attraction, I can’t deny he's gorgeous and all, but love? A crush?!” I was mortified. “No, this stuff only happens in the movies; also I have this pretty well screwed on,” I said, tapping my head gently.

  “Trust me, you can deny it all you want and more, but you’re into our little blue-eyed boy like a train,” she repeated, looking over my shoulder as she spoke. “And I think he’s noticed you too.”

  I looked at her, not understanding what she meant.

  “He's at the door and he’s staring at you like you wouldn’t believe.”

  “What?!” I squirmed uneasily on the grass. “Don’t look!” I pulled at her, almost knocking her to the ground.

  “My God! It's worse than I thought. It’s mutual!”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  My mind was trying to be consistent, but my heart wouldn’t listen to reason. I felt a rapid pulse in my neck.

  “I’m just saying I’d give anything for someone to look at me the way he's looking at you right now.”

 

  ANXIETY

  “Reason can tell us what to avoid; but only the heart can tell us what it is right to do.”

  Joseph Joubert