Double Moon

by Francine Zapater

  I ran towards the sea although I didn’t know why it was drawing me to it. I wanted to get into the water. I wanted to feel the cold on my skin. I was getting closer to it when a warm wind, like a desert breeze, caressed my face and distracted my attention from the icy waters and dragged me towards the rough, hot sand dunes.

  Before I knew it, I was in a desert and the sea wasn’t as calm as before. Now it looked like an angry ocean with huge waves crashing against the sand and I was its prisoner.

  I stood motionless. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go back to the sea or lose myself in the desert in front of me.

  I began to drown. I couldn’t breathe even though I was taking down air in huge gulps.

  The sand covered my body, while the raging sea covered my face. I struggled to get free and I could feel my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen.

  I woke up with a start. A delicate, pearly layer of sweat covered my skin. The feeling of suffocation during my nightmare was so real that I was gasping for breath.

  I slid out of bed and looked out of the door for him. Luke was still there. That calmed me down. I couldn’t explain my bizarre dream. I was terrified to go to sleep again, but despite my fears, I eventually managed it.

  I had the same dream again, but this time it was more violent and more intense. I didn’t wake up. But I didn’t reach the end of the gut-wrenching nightmare either. I felt as if I was drowning, trying to decide between the soothing cold of the sea and the baking heat of the desert.

  The noise of heavy curtains being drawn woke me up. The bright morning light shone through the windows and brought vivid color to the room.

  I sighed, grateful that the night had finally come to an end, between waking and sleeping, mixing nightmares with reality. It had been awful. I stretched out slowly, like a lazy cat, enjoying the pleasure of feeling the muscles in my body.

  “Good morning Sleeping Beauty,” I heard Luke say.

  He was looking at me, leaning against the window he’d just opened. The sunlight outlined his silhouette, hiding his face from me; the light that came through the window blinded me. I didn’t know how to take the tone of his voice. Was it somehow... sweeter?

  I felt butterflies fluttering in my stomach, which scared me because he’d managed to make me feel like that. I tensed up again.

  “Hello.” I cleared my throat. “What time is it?”

  It wasn’t normal for Luke to wake me up, so maybe I’d slept more than I should have. Anyway, my body hadn’t had enough; it didn’t want to get out of bed.

  “Eight o'clock.”

  He stood motionless. He was staring at me, arms folded across his chest. It began to bother me. He had me at an advantage with all that light blazing onto my face. It was easy for him to see the expression on my face. In his case it was the opposite, I was intrigued by his change of attitude, and that voice which was so sweet and soft.

  “Are you hungry? Luke went to get some breakfast.”

  I woke up suddenly. An electric shock jolted my body. I jumped out of bed and ran to him. My body slammed into his; I put my head on his chest. I smelled his scent, crying, this time with happiness, soaking his shirt. I felt his chest heaving with laughter. He hugged me tight, burying his head in my hair and kissing it so I couldn’t breathe.

  I shivered. It was real. Erik had come back and he was hugging me again.

  I looked up at him to confirm the obvious. He was there, my sky, my sea, as transparent and crystalline as I remembered. I was lost in him, as I had been in the past. He seemed restless, though, and a feeling of foreboding shot through my body. He touched my chin with his hand, bringing his face close to mine slowly. My heart was beating wildly.

  “I missed you so much,” he breathed.

  I felt my face warming up.

  “I...” I couldn’t finish the sentence because his lips covered mine softly.

  Again, that electric shock gave me new life, running down my back, making the hairs on my skin stand up.

  I clung to his neck, pulling him even closer to me, pressing my mouth against his, our lips opening to each other. We were overcome with passion and the excitement of being together again. It was a special moment, filled with desire, desperation, haste and pain, but filled with love. A single kiss had never expressed so many emotions at once.

  “Luke will be back soon,” I said, pulling unwillingly away from his mouth.

  His breath, coming in fits and starts like mine, showed he didn’t want to stop. He ran his warm hands over my neck, down over my shoulders and onto my back.

  “If you don’t want me to kiss you again, you'd better give me time to recover,” he replied softly, freeing his neck from my embrace, kissing my palms over and over again

  I smiled, blushing. I didn’t want to let him get away from me, but I didn’t want Luke to see us. My hormones didn’t agree. I took a deep breath to calm down. Doubts came quickly to my head. What if I never had another chance like this? What if this went wrong? Why was I worried about Luke? Most importantly, was all this for real, or was Erik just toying with me? I trembled at the thought.

  “I'm sorry,” said Erik, like he was worried by the look on my face. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad, don’t be sad.”

  He stroked my cheek with his fingers. It was fabulous to feel his warmth on my skin again, right down to my bones.

  “I'm not sad,” I lied. “I’m just worried.” I remembered my conversation with Luke the night Erik left. “I need to talk to you.”

  He frowned. He obviously knew what I was talking about. We went into the small living room and sat on the couch.

  “Luke told me everything.”

  I looked into his eyes waiting for his reaction. I saw anger in them and it made me feel guilty about what might happen.

  “I think I’ll have to have a little chat with that blabbermouth.”

  Right then the door opened and I saw Luke coming in, with his flaming, fiery hair and a provocative smile.

  “Looking for me?” He seemed totally unconcerned.

  Erik stood up and reached him in two strides. He grabbed him by the arm to get him out of the house.

  “Hey, wait! What’s the rush?” He looked at me and I couldn’t tell what those turquoise eyes, so cold and expressionless before, were trying to tell me. He seemed frustrated, disappointed. “Your breakfast,” he added, throwing me a paper bag. Inside there were two donuts.

  The door slammed angrily behind them. I heard nothing of what was going on outside. I’d forgotten how irritating it was that they didn’t need to talk out loud to communicate. I didn’t like to be left out like that from something that concerned me so directly.

  Erik was angry with Luke. That was obvious. On the other hand, although Luke was a loudmouth, he’d been more honest with me than Erik had.

  I couldn’t believe it. I was supporting Luke and not Erik. I rolled my eyes in disbelief. Luke was irritating. If Erik did something to him, he deserved it for being such an arrogant bragger.

  I decided to ignore them both and concentrate on my breakfast. If I carried on like that, I’d go crazy.

  A sudden thud made me choke on my donut. I ran to the window and saw Luke lying on the ground, holding his face. I opened the door. Erik was standing, staring.

  I ran towards them.

  “Are you insane?!” I bent down next to Luke.

  A trickle of blood as red as his bike was falling from his lip. I glared at Erik.

  “Why did you hit him?” I asked, pointing at Luke, who was trying to stand up, the picture of pain.

  Erik didn’t reply or look at me. He just stood there.

  “Aren’t you going to answer me?” I went up close to him. I was beginning to get more worried than angry.

  He was in shock, or so it seemed.

  “I'm going inside. I’ve had my fair share of craziness today,” Luke muttered dismissively, moving towards the door.

  “Do you need any help? You’re bleeding.” I didn’t know what to
do and my gaze shifted between the two of them.

  “No thanks,” he spat, touching his lip. “Damn, it hurts!” He turned to me, fixing his strange eyes on me again. “You take care of him. I can take care of myself.” He turned and strode into the house.

  I turned to Erik, who just stood there, impassive. I put my hand on his arm. I was afraid.

  “Erik, are you ... okay?” I asked gently, trying to bring him back from where he’d lost himself.

  “I don’t know. I...” I moved closer to him and put my arms around his waist, to try to give him the will to go on. “I... I couldn’t control myself; I didn’t want to control myself,” he said. “Luke is so... I didn’t like what he was thinking. I didn’t want to hit him, I just wanted to know what he said to you, but he wouldn’t talk. He just started to ramble, and...” He didn’t finish the sentence, his jaw clenching. He can’t have liked what was in his brother’s head. “I'm sorry you had to see me like this.”

  “Don’t be stupid. You reacted like anybody would.” I smiled trying to break the tension. “Luke is unbearable, he deserved that. Now, leaving that aside for a moment, I think there are a few other things we have to clear up, right?”

  I caressed his back and dropped my head onto his chest as he ran his fingers through my hair.

  “Let’s take a walk,” he proposed and I accepted.

  We walked for a while. We left the small cabin and went into the thick forest. The silence was relaxing, only broken occasionally by birdsong and the smell of dewy grass. I breathed in the sweet aroma that filled my lungs with freshness. We stopped at a rock we came across on the way, big enough for us both to sit on. I kept quiet. I wanted him to start the conversation when he’d calmed down enough.

  “What do you want to know?” he asked after a few minutes that seemed like hours.

  A million questions raced through my head. I had to sort out the questions I wanted to ask him, the most important first, the trivial ones later.

  “I'll start with something easy, okay?” I said, still a little hesitant.

  He nodded silently, waiting.

  “Why me?”

  “That's not easy,” he admitted, obviously embarrassed.

  “But I need to know. Why did you choose me? Was it just luck or do you have little guidelines you have to follow?” I added scathingly.

  “Normally…” He began to talk looking at his hands, avoiding my eyes. “We look for troubled teenagers from dysfunctional families, so they won’t miss them if they disappear. That’s how we avoid unnecessary complications.” He spoke so softly I had to lean close to hear him. “It makes things more difficult when there’s a family involved, going to the police and things like that.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question. Why me? I don’t fit your description of a ‘human guinea pig’. I have wonderful people around me who love me and would miss me.”

  “I know. That was what surprised me when they suggested you as a target. But maybe it was my fault.” He was still embarrassed. “I should have said that you weren’t ideal, but from the first time I saw you I couldn’t control the desire to meet you, to be near you.” He finally raised his eyes and looked at me, full of bitterness. “I thought it was just curiosity so I explained it to my bosses when they asked me to finish my work. I cheated myself. What I felt for you was so strong that I never had enough; I always wanted more from you. My curiosity was never satisfied. When I finally understood what was happening, it was too late.”

  “And have I finally satisfied your curiosity now?” A feeling of incomprehension completely overwhelmed me.

  “No! I tried to convince myself it was just curiosity, or I was infatuated with you, because you were more difficult than the rest. At least that’s what I told Luke.” A look of pain crossed his face when he said his brother’s name. “He insisted I need to change my target, but I couldn’t. Something had changed in my cold heart and it had the opposite effect to what I was trying to do. I’m the one who’s fallen at your feet begging for your love.”

  I was stunned by what I’d heard. Erik was being honest, but there was still something buzzing around my head, bothering me.

  “Luke said I wasn’t the first. How can I be sure that with me it isn’t just more of the same?”

  I already knew the answer, I knew it deep in my heart, but I needed to hear it from him. He took my hand tenderly and began to caress it.

  “I know it's hard to trust me, but I’ve never loved anyone. With the others, it was just a formality, my work or my mission, whatever you want to call it.” His eyes darkened slightly. “I don’t expect you to understand, or to approve of it. I can’t even say I’m proud. I know I’ve been a monster, but let me show that my love for you is real, that I’ve changed.” He put my hand on his chest, letting me feel the beating of his heart.

  “I want to trust you,” I said, a little confused. “But this is all so difficult for me.”

  I decided to tell him about my experience with Luke.

  “Luke has been boasting about the hypnotic influence you have on us. Just to make me see what you could do,” I explained. “How do I know you haven’t used it on me?”

  His face changed.

  “Because, if I had,” his voice became deep and distant, “you wouldn’t be here; you’d be in a sterilized room with doctors checking on the progress of the embryo.”

  A deep-rooted fear came over me at the mere mention of such a thing happening. I got up and started walking back towards the cabin. Suddenly, this forest seemed the darkest and most sinister place in the world.

  Erik came up to me cautiously.

  “Here,” he said, putting his jacket on my trembling shoulders. “I didn’t realize. You must be cold wearing just that shirt.”

  He was right. I was wearing the sweatpants I usually sleep in, and a thin cotton shirt with long sleeves. Despite the cold, I still had my doubts about why I was shivering. Maybe it was the cold, maybe it was fear.

  I didn’t tell Erik why I was trembling. He’d only get more worried. He ran his hand slowly down my arms, looking into my eyes as if he needed my approval to hug me.

  His jacket was warm. It was pleasant. He walked a few steps away from me, putting his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans.

  “You promised to trust me, whatever happened.” I felt regret in his voice. “Do you still stand by that, now you know the kind of monster I am?”

  I couldn’t allow him to go on torturing himself like that.

  “Of course I do, but it would’ve been easier to believe it if you’d told me the truth and not someone else.” I searched for his hand and grasped it tightly. “You can’t imagine how bad I felt hearing the horrible things Luke told me when I couldn’t talk to you.”

  His hand tightened into a fist, full of anger. I immediately regretted telling him about my conversation with Luke.

  “You don’t know how sorry I am to hear that. I didn’t want to hurt you. I hate to see you like this, forgive me, I shouldn’t have left you with my stupid brother, he...” I covered his mouth with my hand. I didn’t want to go there.

  “I'll forgive you if you promise that from now on you'll stop hiding things from me. I want to hear the truth. Always.”

  “All right.” He looked dejected.

  “Even if it’s the worst thing ever, I want the truth,” I demanded.

  He nodded.

  “Well, we’re done. Let’s talk about something else.”

  I was about to ask him where he had been all those days, when I felt a sharp tug. My body was suddenly close to his and his arm was around my waist tightly.

  “If you didn’t exist, I’d have to invent you,” he whispered.

  I couldn’t talk or think. I thought I was going to die of happiness. The warmth of his breath on my cold skin made my heart overflow.

  “I’m still not sure you don’t use your powers on me,” I joked, blushing from head to toe.

  His lips curled into a dazzlingly attractive smile. I fe
lt it from the way they touched my neck.

  “What do you want to talk about?” he asked as he kissed me.

  “I can’t remember,” I admitted, with my eyes closed, enjoying our closeness.

  He laughed, then raised his head towards me and gave me a fleeting kiss.

  “We’d better get back to Luke.”

  He put his arm round my shoulders and we began to walk, or rather I let myself get carried along. I was floating, ecstatic. Erik too. He looked relaxed, happy, even the blue of his eyes was clear and transparent again.

  We arrived at the cabin. Luke was waiting for us with the door open. He was lying on the couch, flipping through the book he had been reading. I greeted him but he didn’t answer, starting up a conversation with Erik instead.

  “You didn’t manage to talk to him, did you?”

  “No. I tried to, but I couldn’t, it was as if they were avoiding me. It was weird. Rudolf has come for me, I’m sure of it, but I get the feeling that he doesn’t want me to know what he has in mind.”

  He squeezed me tightly to his side, as if he wanted to protect me.

  “Do you know if he’s still after us?” Luke asked indifferently. Perhaps because he knew the answer, and really he was just asking for my sake.

  “I don’t think so, but it’s hard to be sure. I got out of there as soon as I could, trying to avoid him, seeing as he didn’t want to talk. I thought that was the best thing for it.”

  Luke's face was expressionless. I knew the situation was more serious than they wanted me to think.

  “So, are we safe?” I asked, more out of fear than curiosity.

  “Most probably,” Erik said.

  That didn’t help very much. If Erik wasn’t a hundred percent sure, it was because the danger was still real, even though he was trying to hide it from me.

  We were sitting on the couch holding hands and despite my doubts I felt safe and calm with my angel next to me.

  “Not even he knew where we were,” said Luke, looking at me condescendingly, but pointing at his brother. “It's a shame he found us just as we were beginning to get along so well.” There was a mixture of irony and longing in his voice.

  It was getting more and more difficult having to listen to his hurtful comments. I’d seen something in his eyes that told me Luke was only as hard or insensitive as he wanted to be. I felt a sharp pain across my chest. I should ignore him. It was best for everyone.

  “You're so predictable.” Erik said to his brother.

  “So what are we going to do now?” I asked, trying to talk about something more productive. “Are we going home or are we staying here?”

  “Right now I think the most important thing is to find a good excuse to explain your absence to your mother.”

  “I’ve fixed that,” I replied smugly, feeling I was useful at last. “I talked to her last night and told her quite a story.”

  “You called your house from here?!” Erik's eyes snapped open wide as if my call had caused a nuclear explosion.

  “Well, he…” I said, pointing at Luke without even looking at him. “He didn’t let me use my cell phone. In fact, he’s kidnapped it!” I added indignantly. “He went out yesterday and I called Nicole from here.” I pointed at the phone next to Erik.

  Erik didn’t answer but looked at me in astonishment.

  “That's why I didn’t leave you alone,” Luke remarked dismissively. “So you wouldn’t do anything stupid like this.”

  I didn’t understand why they were so angry over one little call. I’d called my mother, not the President of the United States; also, Erik had just suggested I talk to her.

  I didn’t understand. Why were they so angry with me?

  “Yeah, so what’s the problem?” I was starting to get upset.

  “Stella,” said Erik quietly. “Calling your mother was really irresponsible.”

  “What?!” I shouted in amazement. “Would you rather I let my mother die of worry?”

  ‘This is the last straw’, I thought, feeling more and more irritated.

  “No, it isn’t that. The problem is you called from here.”

  He was still talking calmly but he was having the opposite effect on me. The calmer Erik wanted to appear, the angrier I got.

  “But he gave me no choice, he had me locked up here for four days and I couldn’t talk to my mother to give her an explanation for why I’d disappeared. You have no idea ​​how bad she’s been feeling, all that time without hearing from me,” I said, trying to justify myself.

  I looked at Luke, accusing him both with my eyes and my words. He stared at me defiantly, and I didn’t like what I saw one little bit.

  “Of all the pig-headed… I was just trying to protect you,” he said without a hint of regret. “Now thanks to your brilliant idea they’ll probably be able to trace the call and pay us a little visit.”

  “It's likely they’re monitoring incoming calls to your mother. They’re bound to know who rang.” Erik said.

  “Oh!” I gasped when I finally realized what the problem was.

  I covered my mouth with my hands. I never dreamed that was the reason for Erik’s strange behavior. I felt ridiculous. I thought I’d done something good and, as always, I’d just ruined everything.

  “Why... why didn’t you tell me last night?” I added in a whisper.

  “It wasn’t the right moment.” I knew what he meant. I cringed when I saw Erik staring at us. “When I left you alone, I went to call Erik. I knew he must have been looking for us and I decided it would be best to stay here and wait for him. Even though you’d put us in danger.”

  “But if you'd told me I...”

  “What would you have done? Run away with me instead of waiting for Erik? Forgive me for saying so, but I doubt it.”

  He looked at me accusingly, his eyes as hard as his words. What did he want from me? He already knew what I felt for his brother. His reproach was useless. I said nothing; it was all I could do just to try to stare him down. The intensity in his eyes was so deep I had to drop my gaze, completely red-faced.

  “Let's go.”

  Erik's face was unreadable. He seemed upset about all this. My anxiety began to grow when I realized that Luke might have shown him things mentally that he didn’t want to say out loud.

  “Where?” I asked.

  “To a safe place.”

  That was all he said; he didn’t bother looking at me. He was angrier with me than I could imagine. I started to take his hand, but I stopped halfway. It would be better to leave him alone for a little while.

  The hate I felt for Luke was there again like a phoenix reborn from its ashes. Even that emotion upset me. I didn’t want to feel anything for that arrogant idiot. Neither good nor bad. I just wanted to ignore him. I wanted to pretend he was dead to me. But it wasn’t easy; things were getting more and more complicated and I couldn’t do anything about it.

  I shook my head and threw one last look at Luke, who seemed extremely pleased with the recent rift between Erik and me. It made me want to hit him and wipe that stupid smile off his face.

  CONFLICT

  “Jealousy is just a fear, but so thin and subtle that if it were not so vile, it could be called love.”

  Lope de Vega