by Daisy Allen
“Come on in, babe!” I hear Cadence’s muffled voice and through the dark tint I can just see her face pressed against the glass.
I hop up the stairs and almost fall back down again.
“Holy shit,” I slowly exhale.
“What?” Cadence calls from somewhere down the back of the bus. Her head pokes out from a door about thirty feet away. “Oh, this ol’ thing? Eh, it’ll do.” She laughs and then comes out and walks toward me. “Just kidding, it’s pretty fucking amazing, isn’t it? I’m new to all this too so I know what you’re feeling.”
Amazing is one way to put it.
First off, it’s bigger than my entire apartment.
As soon as you step onto the bus, it opens into a wide entertaining area. Six…no, eight single recliners line the two sides, swiveling so you can look out the window or toward the other chairs. I wander over and sink down into one.
Wow.
Soft, buttery white leather. I love white leather. Always have. Between the chairs are side tables, designed for champagne buckets and glasses. I look up and two flatscreen TVs line up against the windows.
A curtain separates the rest of the bus and I get up to explore a little more. I push aside the curtain and there’s long thin hallway running along the right side of the bus.
“We have four small rooms on this bus. The other bus is the same. We’ve decided to split up boys and girls, is that all right with you? The third bus is just bunks for the crew and assistants. Dennis …well, we don’t know where he stays, he just appears when he’s needed,” Cadence says.
“Yeah, great. But don’t you want to stay with your new fiancé?”
“Er, no. I’m not staying on a bus with those other guys. I’d never get any sleep. Anyway, take your pick. Hailey’s already put her stuff in the front room, but you can choose any of the others that you like. I don’t really care.”
I smile at her appreciatively. I’m feeling a little more at ease knowing that she’ll be on this trip.
I pull my suitcase into the second room from the front and can’t help but let out a little gasp.
The room is tiny but so luxurious. I can’t imagine how they can cram this much into one room. The double bed takes up most of the space, wall to wall, but there are sunken-in shelves on one side, a large-screen tv on the other, and a narrow but full length wardrobe. I jump onto the bed and spread out like a starfish, slightly giddy and immediately regret it. I don’t want to get off.
“Cadence?” I call out.
“Yeah, babe?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in bed,” I gurgle happily.
“Is that a challenge?” a voice speaks up and a head pokes around the doorframe. It’s Brad.
I scramble off the bed and to my feet. I’d had an idea of how I’d wanted our next meeting after the press conference to turn out. This wasn’t it.
“Brad!”
“Hey, Butter.”
“Don’t call me that.” I feel my forehead crinkle into a frown.
His left eyebrow raises, amused. “It’s better than ‘dick-wad.’”
He has me there.
Coming out from around the corner, his body completely blocks the doorway. It feels like the entire room is filled with him and I’m suddenly feeling a little claustrophobic.
“So, Dennis wanted me to come and talk to you.” His eyes flick around the room, resting on my luggage.
“What about?”
“About...how we’re going to do this.” His hand comes up and does a random gesture, a twirl in the air.
“What’s there to talk about? You do your job, and I’ll do mine,” I say with all the conviction I can muster and wonder which one of us believes it less.
“And it’s as simple as that?”
“Of course.”
He fingers the doorframe, fiddling with some loose woodchips. “A few days ago, you wouldn’t even talk to me. Now we’re just supposed to live together for six weeks, touring Europe, and you really think there’s nothing we need to talk about?”
“We’re not living together,” I say, busying myself with unpacking some of my clothes and sliding them onto clothes hangers.
“Fine, living on two tour busses within ten feet of each other. Is that better?”
“Kinda.” I slide off the bed and open the wardrobe door, using it as a barrier between us. I close it to see he’s stepped further into the room and pulled the sliding door closed behind him.
Now I’m really starting to suffocate. I back myself up against the bed, trying to create distance between us. My leg connects with the edge of the mattress and I sink down into it. He leans over me, his arms bracing on the bed, his thigh brushing my leg as he whispers into my ear.
“Do you really think we can forget everything that happened in the past?”
His breath is hot against my neck, and fuck, he smells so good. Familiar, but different. Older, more mature. Manly. Irresistible.
“Brad...” I say, eight years of pent-up frustration catching in my throat.
“Because, I don’t know if I can.” His finger tucks under my chin and he lift my eyes up to meet his.
“Brad...” I say again, because I can’t quite seem to find any other words.
He lowers his head and for a moment, I almost let myself believe that we can do this. That we can kiss and it be nothing. That it doesn’t carry the weight of the past. But we can’t.
“Brad!” I say again, this time firmly and pushing him away. The room is so tiny, his back slams against the door.
“Ow!” he cries out. his hand instantly reaching around to feel the wound.
“Shit! I’m sorry!” I cringe, biting my tongue to stop me from running my hands along his back to check if he’s okay.
“It’s okay. It didn’t hurt.”
“No, I mean...I’m sorry, we can’t do that. We can’t, Brad. It’s too...it’s just too much. I can’t do this if I’m worrying that you’re going to be trying to kiss me at every turn.”
“Okay, well, that hurt.” His shoulders drop, like a deflated balloon.
I can’t help but let out a little laugh. Same old Brad.
He comes over and sits next to me on the bed and I don’t move when he put his hand on mine. “I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I really can’t believe it either.”
“And yet, we can’t talk about what happened...?”
The bed shakes along with the shakes of the head.
“And we can’t...”
“We can’t anything. I’m serious.” I take a deep breath and force myself to look at him. I need him to know I mean what I’m about to say. “I need this job, and I need this story to be good. I need this opportunity. And I need you to not fuck it up for me. Please. Do this for me.” I don’t know it, but I squeeze his hand with every word.
He doesn’t move. Not even to squeeze my hand back. He just nods, and says, “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Of course, ‘okay.’ If it means that much to you, then I won’t do anything to jeopardize it.”
“Thank you, Brad.” I squeeze his hand again. This time on purpose.
“No problem.”
We sit there in silence for a moment. I can’t say what he is thinking, but I know that my thoughts aren’t of this time, or of this place, but of eight years before. And what could’ve been.
It’s minutes before either of us speak again. And when we do, it’s Brad who breaks the silence. “You know, I know you don’t want to talk about what happened—”
“Brad...” My voice is soft but firm.
He pulls his hand away from mine and presses his index fingers against my lips. “Shut up for once and let me finish.”
“Sorry.” His hand falls back onto the bed and my eyes involuntarily follow.
“Look, I don’t know what it is you’re feeling toward me, toward us. But it doesn’t change the fact that all I want is for you to be happy. It’s what I’ve always wanted. Always. Wheth
er you’re working with us or not. I just thought I should say that. I didn’t ever think I’d get this chance to say it, so I am now.”
And I believe him. And from the look on his face, he knows I do. I just can’t open my mouth to tell him I feel the same way about him.
He doesn’t give me the chance to try, though. Propelling himself off the bed, he slides open my bedroom door and bellows. “Okay! Let’s get this show on the road! First stop, Cambridge, baby!”
He gives me a wink and one last long look before storming down the bus, leaving me to wonder.
Chapter Ten
Brad
It’s a good thing the bus windows are tinted. Or else I’d probably be permanently stuck to the side of one, my nose breathing a foggy pattern on the glass, trying to get just a glimpse of Butter this entire trip.
How can she still have this effect on me after all these years? Hadn’t I put enough time, enough space, hell, enough women between us? I shouldn’t still be able to remember the way her skin smells, the way her lips taste, the way she moved against me. But I can; everything is still seared into my memory, endless of layers deep, never to be shed from my mind.
Even now, the past and the present keep weaving in and around each other. Standing over her in her bedroom on the bus, the way she looked up at me is no different to how she looked eight years ago. And my body can’t fucking help but respond the same. I want her. All of her. Her body, her mind.
Just sitting here thinking of her, I can’t help but sport a raging hard-on. Sitting next to her on the bed, it was all I could do not to straddle over her and take her. Remind her of what it was like the one night we had together. The sounds she made, the way she came in my arms, her body spent, her eyes begging me for more. Fuck. She’s every bit as sexy as she was when she was eighteen. Who am I kidding? As stunning as she was then—it can’t compare to the woman she is now.
I want her. I want her future and I mourn the loss of a past we should’ve had together. If only she’d talk about what happened. Is she really so embarrassed about how she acted that she won’t even let me get some closure? Or have I read it all wrong…that I’m the only one carrying a torch here, and this really is nothing but a job for her?
No.
There’s something more—I just don’t know what it is yet.
“Oi! Bradley! Get out here, the girls are here!” Jez yells from the living area on our bus.
I jump off the bed and practically fling myself out the door. Cadence greets me with a wave as she perches on Sebastian’s knee, and Hailey winks at me from her spot on the couch. Her legs are tucked under, settling in with a blanket.
“Um. Where’s um, where’s Bu- er, Emily?”
“Oh, she’s taking a nap on the other bus, so we thought we’d take the ride to Cambridge over here to give her some quiet and to get used to traveling. You guys can be kinda overwhelming,” Hailey tells me.
My heart plummets so fast I half expect to hear a thump at my feet. Really? Already? After all this time apart, now, just a day in, all it takes is for her to be out of sight for me to miss her this much?
“Good! It’ll give us a chance to give you all the gossip on that witch,” Jez snarls as he settles onto the couch with Hailey, rolling his eyes.
His comment draws a gasp from the girls, who look over to see Marius nodding. “Yeah, hell. Two fucking months with her. What a drag!”
“Oh, close your damn mouth, Brad. You know how we feel about your precious Emily.” Sebastian narrows his eyes, as if disgusted at just the mention of her name.
I’m stunned by their comments. She hadn’t come up in conversation for years now. I had no idea they felt this way about her.
“Still?” I ask them, turning to look each one in the face for a second.
“What do you mean, ‘still’? You think we can forget what she did? And what you were like for over a year after?”
“What? What happened?” Hailey and Cadey sit up, eyes wide, waiting for the story.
“It’s nothing. Don’t listen to them.” I wave my hand dismissively.
“She broke his fucking heart. Like, broke it into a million pieces or however the saying goes,” Jez growls, pulling on Hailey’s blanket.
“Aww, Bradley!” the girls coo at me.
I wander over to the bar, and pour myself a drink. “Ugh, shut up. That’s not what happened.”
“Oh yeah? So, you just moped around for a year sighing and writing bad poetry and drinking bourbon straight from the bottle ‘cause that was your emo phase?” Jez interrogates me, with a little too much accurate detail.
Hailey pinches Jez, who lets go of the blanket with a squeal. “Oooh, Bradley, did you really? I don’t remember that.”
“Yeah, he was a fucking mess,” Marius continues, settling on the floor in his yoga position. “You were only sixteen then and still at school. You weren’t around for everything.”
“So you guys dated? For how long?” Cadence continues the questioning even while I cover my ears, just wishing for it to end.
“No, they didn’t date,” her fiancé discloses, not without a hint of glee, the corners of his lips twitching. “They just slept together. Once.”
“Apparently it was enough,” Marius mumbles, tumbling over onto his head.
I down my glass and slam it onto the bar. “Argh, guys! Shut up!”
Jez ignores me and gets up from the couch to refill my drink, giving me a pointed look as he does. “Anyway, we hate her. And right now we’re not happy with Dennis either, for lugging her on us. No offense, Hailey.”
She shrugs. “Hey, what my dad decides is up to him. I’ve got my own job to do. And well, I like her. From what I know of her.”
“Me too,” Cadence chimes in, tugging on Sebastian’s ear when he scoffs. “I think you guys are just being jerks. If Brad’s okay with it, you should be too.”
I smile at them gratefully. “Thanks girls. Take care of her, okay?”
I wander back to my room, trying not to stare out the window and wonder if she still sleeps like she used to, on her back, with one leg bent up and the other stretched out straight, an arm flung over her eyes to block out the light.
Just the way she looked the last time I saw her.
Chapter Eleven
Brad
Eight Years Ago
She smells like jasmine. Skin porcelain white, delicate, fresh, of the night. Even now, with the sunlight softly filtering through her lace curtains, the day slowly dragging itself awake, she smells like the absolute stillness of night. Like mystery and something hidden, dangerous but undeniable.
Her arm is warm against my bare chest and I pull on her waist, cradling her against me. She wriggles and mumbles something in her slumber. I wonder if she’s dreaming of us last night. There’s a tensing around my middle as the memory floods my own brain. Her hot, damp body under mine as she held herself open, waiting for me. Then finally, feeling myself slide into her, taking her and giving to her all at once. My heart races as I remember the way she arched her back, pushing herself against me, taking me deeper.
“Hmm, Brad?” she mumbles softly into her pillow.
I press my lips against her bare shoulder. “Shh, Butter, I’m here. Get some more sleep.”
“Mmmokay. Don’t leave okay?”
“No, I’m not leaving. Ever. Just… just get some more sleep.”
My fingers brush a curl from her face and follow the curve along her neck and down her spine. She shivers a little at my touch and it thrills me.
I roll over onto my back, not wanting to disturb her. The clock on her nightstand tells me it’s 6:26 a.m. Her favorite coffee shop opens in four minutes and it gives me an idea. Inching at a snail’s pace to the bottom of the bed, I quietly slide my pants on and creep out the front door, careful not to stir the rest of her family.
***
“Two double caramel lattes and two croissants and a Greek yogurt to go, please,” I order at the coffeeshop ten minutes later.
&nbs
p; “YO, BRADLEY!”
I turn to see my bandmates strolling through the cafe door. I’m not surprised to see them wearing the tattered remains of their suits from last night either.
“Good God, what stinking gutter did you guys climb out of?” I grin at them.
“Yo mama!” Jez hollers back.
“OOOH!” Seb and Marius exclaim in unison.
I let my mouth drop open in mock offense before replying. “Hey! I’ll tell her you said that and that’ll be no more roast dinners for you.”
“Shit. Sorry, reflex. You know I love Mrs. Windsor,” he apologizes sheepishly.
Marius comes over to me and slings his arm around my shoulder. “What about you? You fucked off outta there so fast, I barely had time to throw your violin after you.”
“Ah shit, did you...?”
“Relax, I’ve tucked your precious Ivy all tight and snug in her case.” He’s referring to my nickname for my violin.
“So? Where were you?” he asks me again.
“Nowhere. I just went home,” I say, bracing for a round of questions.
“You’re wearing the same clothes, pecker-breath,” Sebastian grins.
“So?” I busy myself with gathering sugar and napkins hoping they’ll take pity on me.
“So, you went home and went to bed. Then woke up and put on the same clothes and decided to go get a coffee at 6:40 a.m. on a Saturday morning.”
“You are so smart, you could be a detective if only you had half a brain.”
“Two lattes, two croissants, and a yogurt!” the girl at the counter calls out.
I ignore it, turning to Sebastian and pinching the underside of his arm.
“Ow!” he yells and tries to pinch me back, but I duck out the way. “Fuck-knuckle! Isn’t that your order?”
“Is it?” I say, putting on my innocent face that has never fooled anyone, ever.
“Nice try. Sounds like you ordered for two,” Jez says with a grin spreading across his face. “Oooh, you dog you, don’t tell me, you finally infiltrated the lion’s den!”