The Rock Chamber Boys : The Complete Series

by Daisy Allen

  His eyes soften a little and he gives me a soft, reassuring smile. “It’s okay. I’ll make sure they beef up our security a bit, okay? French fans are a little crazy - fun, but they have no barriers. I mean, it is where Sebastian comes from.” He winks and I feel the fear leave my body.

  “Anca! Are you okay?” Dennis runs up to me, his face looking both worried for me, and furious at the photographer at the same time. He’s scary. I probably couldn’t lie to him if I had to.

  “Anca! You okay?” Sebastian and Brad ask, also circling me.

  “Guys! I’m fine! No big deal. But thank you for worrying. Now, let’s get ready for our show and give these Frenchies something to really talk about, shall we?”

  I climb into a car and expecting Marius to follow me. Out of nowhere, Jez pushes past Marius and slides in after me. I look out the window to see Marius just shrug and move to the next car down the line. I’m kind of relieved. We haven’t really spoken about what happened the other night, the last three days filled almost to the second with rehearsals.

  But it’s probably better this way. I can’t believe I even admitted that I’d had a crush on him. No more drinking around Marius, though. That’s been established.

  But the kiss.

  The TWO kisses, I remind myself.

  I just can’t seem to forget them. Forget the way his lips felt against mine, his body against mine.

  But he’s right, the last thing that we and the band need is for Jez to find out. Because if Jez finds out, it’s game over. For everyone. The band might be the most important thing for everyone else. But for Jez, I know, it’s me.

  ***

  For our week in Paris, Dennis has rented out a huge apartment on the Rue de Kennedy. It’s in a quieter residential part of the city, but right across the river from the Eiffel tower.

  By the time we get settled the sun has set and the lights on the tower twinkle like little raindrops stopped short in the sky by the sheer beauty of the moon.

  It’s so beautiful, I can’t stop staring out the window from our living area, just sitting back on the leather couch, a side-cart full of every drink imaginable, the private chef a button away, and the Eiffel tower so close I can reach out and touch it. Every now and again, there are the unmistakable sounds of people having fun, as a bout or barge floats down the river. And I wave to every single one.

  All this luxury, it’s overwhelming and I’m so unaccustomed to it. My bank account is full from the money Jez sends me every month, but I’ve never really felt the need to use too much of it, just what would get me through my last year of college. It never occurred to me that with Jez’s money, which he always insists is our money, there’s really nowhere I couldn’t go or nothing I couldn’t do.

  I smile, thinking of all the possibilities, and remind myself to talk to Jez about it when we have a moment.

  “Okay, everybody ready?” Dennis comes in, carrying his trusty clipboard.

  We all nod. Even me, even though I’m not really sure that I am.

  “Let’s go. They’re waiting for us.”

  ***

  There’s a reason the harp is the instrument depicted as being the music of heaven. It’s because it’s the sound divined by God for holy souls to dance to.

  I was six years old when I decided I wanted to play the harp. Jez was learning the cello and piano. And even at 10 years old everyone was talking about what a virtuoso he was going to be. They wanted me to be like him.

  They didn’t know that even though I loved Jez more than anything in the entire world, the last thing I wanted was to follow in my brother’s footsteps. The same brother who protected me and watched out for me, was also my tormentor. Tormented me with his over protectiveness, with his worry, with his concern. If he saved me from bullies, then he also alienated me from friends. If he stood up to teachers in my defence, he also made me their most hated pupil.

  And if he ever thought his being better than me in cello would discourage my own progress, he would stop playing it, to give me the chance to shine. And that’s the last thing I wanted. God had given Jez a gift, and I wasn’t going to be the reason he didn’t use it.

  But it wasn’t ever a question for me, what instrument I wanted to play.

  All because of the first time I ever heard someone play the harp.

  ***

  17 years ago

  Everyone is crying.

  I don’t know why but everyone is crying.

  I’m looking around and no one is talking to me.

  I’m thirsty but no one will talk to me and I can’t find mommy anywhere.

  Oh, there’s Jez.

  He looks like he’s been crying, too.

  I smile at him and hold my arms out. He gives me a big hug and sits down next to me.

  “Anca, I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise me to say you’ll always remember, okay?”

  “Okay, Jez. I promise.”

  “No, not yet. After I tell you.”

  “Oh.”

  “You know I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Jezzy. I’m thirsty.”

  “Okay, I’ll get you something to drink in a minute.”

  “Can I have orange juice?”’

  “Yes. But after, okay?”

  “Okay.” I nod, I’ll always do what Jezzy tells me.

  “And I will always be here to take care of you. If you ever need anything, you tell me and I will do it for you. There’s nothing I won’t do for you. Okay? Do you understand?”

  “Yes, I understand.”

  “And you’ll remember?”

  “Yes, I promise.”

  “Good.”

  “Can I have some orange juice now?”

  “Soon. There’s one more thing I need to tell you.”

  He’s crying again. Maybe he’s in trouble for not putting away his toys. Mommy tells me off sometimes because I don’t put my toys away.

  “Why are you crying, Jezzy?”

  “I’m sorry, Anca. Mommy and Daddy. They. They’re not coming home. Ever again.”

  “What? Why not?” I don’t understand what Jezzy is saying. “Mommy said this morning she was going to pick me up from pre-school and then Nanna came. She never comes. But Mommy will be home later?”

  “No. No. Anca. Mommy is, she’s never coming home again. Or Daddy. They were in a car accident. They, they died, Anca.”

  “What does that mean? What is ‘died’? Why are you being mean to me! I want mommy!”

  “I know, I know. But she’s not coming. It means, it means we’re never going to see them again.”

  “WHY?! I want my mommy!”

  “I know. I know, Anca. But I’m here.”

  “NO! I don’t want you! I want my Daddy! Daddy said we were going to the park this weekend! I want Daddy!”

  “He’s not… he’s not. He can’t.”

  “You’re lying! You’re being mean to me! I’m telling mommy!”

  Jez is hugging me. He won’t let go, even though I’m kicking him and biting him, he won’t let go. And all I want is for him to let go so I can go find mommy.

  Where is my mommy? Mommy?

  ***

  My dress is black. It’s got a big bow and it’s pretty. Nanna said I had to wear it, and not my pink dress with daisies on it. It’s ok, I guess. But everyone else is wearing black too. Even Jezzy. He’s wearing a nice suit I’ve never seen before.

  Mommy and Daddy still haven’t come home and Jezzy said we are going to say goodbye to them today. I don’t know how we can say goodbye if they’re not coming home. But I’m going to tell Mommy I don’t want her to go away anyway, then we won’t have to say goodbye.

  Jez is sitting next to me holding my hand. He’s crying so I squeeze his hand and he smiles at me. He keeps giving me hugs and kisses and telling me I have to promise to remember that he’s going to take care of me. And that I have to be a good girl because it’s going to be hard.

  I know I’ll be okay if Jez is with me.

&n
bsp; Everyone is quiet now and the priest is talking. He’s standing between two long boxes Jez told me are coffins. He said Mommy and Daddy are sleeping inside. And that I will go up and say goodbye later if I want to. He said I can’t see them, but they’ll be able to hear me and I should tell them that I love them and that I’ll never forget them and I’m going to grow up and be a good girl.

  Oh, there’s a pretty lady walking through the aisle now, and she’s sitting down next to a big, a big… I don’t know what it’s called. It’s brown and has long strings.

  Oh my.

  She’s running her fingers along it and… oh, it sounds so beautiful.

  Oh. I know this song, it’s Ave Maria. But, it sounds so pretty.

  I must be squeezing Jez’s hand too hard because he turns to look at me but I don’t care.

  I want to go sit next to the lady playing the big wooden thing. It’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.

  I have to tell Mommy I want to play that thing too.

  Oh. I can’t… I can’t tell Mommy.

  Oh, I miss my mommy so much. I haven’t hugged her in so long.

  I’m jumping up and running to the coffin. I knock on it but nothing happens, I try to lift on the lid but it’s too heavy. Why won’t anybody help me.

  “Mommy! Wake up!!! I have to tell you something! Mommy, I miss you, wake up, I want to tell you something. Please Mommy, please… can someone please wake my mommy up please.” I can’t see anything, everything looks blurry. I’m laying down on the grass and I can feel Jezzy come up to me, picking me up and holding me.

  “You said Mommy was sleeping in there! But why won’t she wake up to talk to me!”

  “She can’t, Anca. She’s going to be asleep for a long, long time. You have to say goodbye to her.”

  “No! I want to tell Mommy I want to learn to play like that lady, Jezzy. Please, can you tell her?”

  “She knows, baby girl. She knows. And yes, I’m going to make sure that you can learn to play the harp.”

  “Harp?”

  “It’s what that lady was playing.”

  “It was so beautiful. Do you think I will be able to play like that?”

  “You’ll play better. I know you will.”

  “And then when Mommy and Daddy come back I can play for them.”

  “I think they’ll really like that. You practice hard and make them proud okay?

  “Okay…”

  “I love you, Anca.”

  “I love you, Jezzy.”

  Chapter Ten

  Marius

  The stomping is starting.

  That usually means we’re about 10 minutes past the concert start time.

  The audience is getting restless and they want us to know it.

  Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp.

  Rock Chamber Boys. Rock Chamber Boys. Rock Chamber Boys.

  The chanting starts. Over and over.

  Ten, fifteen thousand voices in unison.

  It always amazes me how crowds can organize themselves into one unit.

  One hungry-for-music blood unit.

  “How long?” Sebastian is pacing. It’s his thing. He’s usually the one who starts our concerts. Since everyone else is too chicken shit to do it. Once in a while he might be able to convince Jez to, but then it’s back to him again for the next ten shows. As long as it isn’t me, I don’t care which one of them does it.

  Dennis goes over and puts a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him. “Sit down! Another few minutes, there’s some problem with the spotlight.”

  “Great. Next time maybe don’t buy it off eBay.” Seb grumbles and continues to pace.

  “Shut up. And sit down and breathe, for fuck’s sake. It’s like you haven’t done this a thousand times before,” Jez growls at him, barely looking up from his phone.

  “Want to meditate with me?” I ask Seb from my spot on the floor, legs folded under me.

  “About as much as I want a mouthful of rat droppings.”

  “I can’t tell - is that a yes or a no?”

  Jez throws an empty water bottle at me. “Leave him alone, you know how he gets.”

  “Rock chamber boys! Rock chamber boys!” Brad chants along, waving his arms over his head. He’s probably had a bit to drink, so he’s not nervous in the slightest.

  Then I realize there’s still one person missing. “Where’s Anca?”

  “She’s in her own dressing room,” Dennis tells me as he listens in on the stage crew intercom.

  “Maybe someone should call her?”

  “She’s not playing for another 20 minutes, let her settle down,” Jez tells me, and there’s something weird in his voice, something strained, like he’s hiding something, something I’ve never heard before.

  It’s not right she’s on her own, she should be a part of all this. “I’m just going to go let her know she can warm up in our green room with us, saves being lonely.”

  “Let her be, dude. Trust me. She knows. She wants to be alone.” Jez blocks me as I get up to walk to the door.

  He stares me down and I back down. “Okay. If you say so.”

  Jez nods. “Yeah. It’s her thing. Hailey will take care of Anca, if there’s something she needs.”

  “Guys, you’re on!” Dennis says, jumping to his feet. He looks so wired I wonder if I touched him, would his head spin right off. His mouth is chewing a giant ball of gum so large I’m almost afraid he’ll choke on it. But he’s always like this before a big show.

  We file out of the greenroom and up the stairs.

  The stomping is louder now that it’s just above our heads. I can see dust falling from the ceiling and it amuses me to imagine tens of thousands of people falling through while they dance, a self-made mosh pit.

  The crew helps us up onto the platform backstage.

  My heart is racing.

  My mouth is dry.

  I consider making a run for it.

  And then Sebastian catches my eye and his face says it all.

  Let’s. Fucking. Do. This.

  We reach in and grab each others’ hands, crossing our arms and starting our pre-concert ritual. Just the four of us. A moment to remember where it all began.

  The crowd suddenly breaks into a roar as all the lights are killed and we know. It’s time.

  The entire venue is pitch black and we make our way on stage, slowly, quietly, just hoping we don’t trip on something.

  I hear Jez and Sebastian find their chairs in the dark.

  I position my viola and pick up my bow.

  And now, I just wait.

  We change our set list almost every night depending on how we’re feeling a few hours from the concert. So, they never know what’s coming. But it always starts the same.

  Cleansing their senses palette with the pitch black canvas. Before the musical deluge.

  “And a one, two, three,” I can just make out Sebastian whisper to himself under his breath.

  And it starts.

  One brilliant note to wash over the crowd and call their attention. It rings out – loud, unwavering, pure. It primes us all for the sounds to come.

  Tonight, we’re starting with a new piece, we call it When Valkyries Cry. It’s our new mash up of Ride of the Valkyries and Prince’s When Doves Cry.

  It’s an epic piece that is going to bring the house down.

  And it starts with that one note.

  Then the lights blast into life, drenching us all in a cleansing white. Before we surrender to the music.

  Let’s fucking do this.

  Chapter Eleven

  Anca

  2 years ago

  I check the clock, two hours until curtain’s up.

  The knock on the door stops me from falling back onto the bathroom floor.

  “Hey, Anca! You okay in there?”

  It takes every ounce of my energy to answer, “Er, yeah. I’m good. Just… when am I going to learn, cafeteria tacos bad.”

  There’s a chuckle on the other side of the door
and I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to hear footsteps fading away.

  It’s quiet again, and I let my body slide back down, resting my face on the cool bathroom tile.

  I can’t do this.

  Yes, you can. My own voice tells me. But it’s not as strong.

  But now his voice is in my head, “You’re not ready, my angela. You are too weak. Only I really understand your gift, and you cannot waste it for those who don’t deserve it.”

  I drag myself up, trying to splash some water onto my face.

  I can do this. I tell myself again.

  I open the door. And he is there.

  “Anca. My darling.” He reaches out to me, and I’m too weak to step away.

  His cool fingers brush the damp hair from my forehead and he pulls me close, dropping a kiss onto the top of my head.

  “What did I tell you? See? Why are you putting yourself through this? You can’t do it.”

  “Ye… yes I can.”

  “Shhhhh,” he presses his finger against my lips. “Look at you, you can barely stand. You can’t perform tonight. They will laugh at you. Why put yourself though that?”

  He’s right. I’m not good enough.

  And he knows I know.

  I let him lead me to the harp and sits me down on the stool.

  “Imagine. Imagine them laughing. Is that what you really want?”

  “No… no,” I shake my head.

  “No, I couldn’t bear that for you either. It’s not your fault, they just don’t understand. They don’t appreciate your music like I do. NO one knows how beautifully you play, like I do.”

  I can’t help but look up at him, grateful. At least he understands me, sees me, hears me.

  “Play, Anca, just for me. For no one else but me.”

  “You won’t laugh?

  “Never. I will never laugh. But you must remember, they will. You must only ever play for me.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Marius

  Present Day