by Len Webster
“You really do love him.”
“I do,” Alex said with an honest smile. “Now, can we go to the airport? I can’t miss this flight. I really miss Evan right now.”
Savannah laughed. “Yeah, let’s get you on that flight.”
Almost nine hours later, Alex stood in the terminal, looking for her boyfriend. She had planned to spend the six-hour flight working on one of her research papers, but she had spent it staring at her acceptance letter from the Rodahawe Institute. Her heart wanted it. Wanted to work with a Nobel Prize winning physicist. She wanted to assist him, learn from him. She wanted it. Over two years ago, she had applied purely out of heartbreak, but now, she wanted it. She loved the idea of working with and alongside a man of such importance as Dr. Rodahawe.
But the pros of working at one of the best institutes didn’t outweigh the cons. She couldn’t leave Evan. She couldn’t stomach the idea of spending another year away from him. When her plane landed in San Francisco, her decision had been made. She would turn down the offer. There was no way Alex was going to leave Evan. Not after everything they had been through. She wasn’t going to throw almost two years away.
Hiking her backpack higher on her shoulders, she got on her tiptoes, trying to find him. The crowds after a deplane were always hectic. She watched people find their loved ones as she continued to search for her very own.
“AJ!” she heard Evan shout.
She turned in the direction of his voice and watched him make his way past several people, smiling at her. Alex ran toward him, and the moment they reached each other, she dropped the handle of her suitcase and wrapped her arms around him. Evan lifted her up, and Alex wrapped her legs around him, not caring that they were on display.
Alex let out a soft laugh and pressed a kiss on his lips. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too, AJ.” He kissed her back, peppering the corner of her mouth and her cheeks with kisses. Then he set her down and cupped her face. “I can’t wait until we graduate, and we don’t have to spend so many weeks apart again.”
Guilt had her chest clenching, but she shouldn’t feel guilty. She was turning the Rodahawe Institute down for a life with Evan. Alex knew she was making the right decision for them.
“Me, too,” she whispered.
Evan let go of her face and grabbed her suitcase. “Come on. Let’s go eat before we drive back to my apartment. Do you want to eat in San Francisco or at Stanford?”
She smiled. “Like that’s a real question. San Francisco, of course.”
The party Alex and Evan found themselves attending was lively. After they had celebrated the Cardinals making it to the NCAA championship, Evan had taken her out for dinner—opting to celebrate his win with his girlfriend rather than his team. After their dinner at one of her favorite restaurants in Stanford, Evan had promised they’d only spend a few minutes celebrating with the rest of his teammates.
The fellow Cardinals chanted his name as the drinks were passed around. Alex stuck to vodka and Sprite rather than the warm beer the players were drinking. In the almost two years since they started dating, she had gotten to know his teammates and their girlfriends very well. It sucked that she couldn’t attend all their social events since she was at Duke, but she attended as many as she could. A few minutes of celebrating had turned into three drinks for Alex. Evan had stuck with his one beer as they danced and partied with the rest of the Stanford Cardinals.
“Another drink, Alex?” Chuck, the starting pitcher, asked.
Alex glanced down to find that the ice in her glass had melted away. “Oh.”
Evan took her glass from her. “Are you okay? Do you want another?”
“I can do with one more but …”
Her boyfriend grasped her hips and smiled at her. “AJ, I love you, but I’m too sore to clean up your vomit. I mean, I will, but I really don’t want to.”
She wrapped an arm around his neck, pressing her body close to his as she hummed. Another drink was most definitely not what she wanted at that moment. “Can we go home?”
“You want to go home?”
“I do,” she whispered. “Really want to celebrate you winning. Just us. Alone.”
“Just us?” Evan raised his brow. “Alone?”
She nodded, her body swaying. Yeah, she was tipsy, but she knew exactly what she wanted. “I’m wearing a present I picked out for you.”
Her boyfriend glanced down at her little black dress, and his eyes found hers. “You did?”
“I did,” she said as her other arm wrapped around his neck. “But we’re wasting it just standing here.”
He kissed her full on the lips and grabbed her hands from around his shoulder. “Chuck, we’re leaving.”
Chuck with his crooked nose grinned. His dirty blond hair had been tousled by the girl he had attached to his hip since they arrived at the party. “Cardinals! The captain is leaving!”
“O Captain! My Captain!” the people in the room shouted, referencing Walt Whitman’s poem.
Evan laughed as he grasped her hand and addressed his teammates. “Chuck’s in charge. No trouble tonight. Don’t let me down. We’re so close to the championship.”
“Bye, everyone!” Alex said with a hiccup.
“Laters, Duke!” someone called out, causing her to laugh.
Her boyfriend tugged on her hand. “Let’s go home, baby.”
In her state, she giggled. “Yes, Captain Gilmore, sir.”
“God, we gotta get you home,” he groaned.
“You’re really giggly when you’re tipsy,” Evan pointed out as he pulled her into his apartment and then led her down the hall.
Alex pulled on his hand and stopped him from moving. Wrapping her arm around his shoulders, she leaned closer to him, her lips close to his. “I really, really want you.”
Her boyfriend circled his arms around her waist. “Bedroom?”
“Please.”
He pressed his lips to hers as her fingers glided into his hair. “AJ,” he groaned when they heard the loud sounds of typing. “Milos is home.”
She pulled away, frowning. “So not tonight?”
Evan shook his head. “It’s still early. I forgot he has a programming assignment due.”
Alex understood. “Okay. But can we go to bed now? I’m a little …” And as if on cue, she swayed a little.
“Let’s get you to bed.” He walked her down the hall and into the living room where they found Milos by his monitors. “Hey, man,” Evan said.
Milos turned in his seat and smiled at them. “Hey, guys. Saw the results. Congrats, Ev.”
“Thanks, Milos.”
Her boyfriend’s roommate pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You guys want some coffee? I’m going to make some more.”
Evan shook his head. “I’m going to get AJ in bed. She drank far more than she wanted. She’s got a flight tomorrow. Night, Milos. Don’t stay up too late, man.”
“I won’t. Night,” Milos said before Evan took her to his bedroom and closed the door behind them.
Alex made her way to his bed and sat on it, her head suddenly spinning and making her feel sick. She pressed her palm to her temple and groaned. “Evan,” she whispered.
“Yeah, AJ?” he said as he kneeled in front of her. “You’re looking pretty pale. Are you okay?”
“I think I want to sleep.” She reached behind her and tried to pull at the zipper on her dress.
Evan, noticing her struggles, reached behind her and pulled it down. Alex pushed the straps down and freed her arms. Then she stood and shimmied out of her dress, leaving her in the black lingerie that was about to go to waste. She had spent so much money on the lace set, but right now, she was definitely not in the mood.
Her boyfriend left her and made his way into his closet. He returned seconds later wit
h one of his Stanford Baseball shirts just as she stepped out of her black heels.
“Arms up,” he instructed.
Though she was tipsy and feeling a little sick, she couldn’t help but laugh as she raised her arms. Evan slipped the shirt over her body.
“Thank you,” she said, loving that she was wearing one of his shirts to bed. “Do you have to do any work? Or can you come to bed?”
Evan pressed his palms to her cheeks and looked her in the eye. “Bed with my girlfriend is what I want right now.”
She pressed a kiss to his chin. “I love you,” she whispered as she pulled away. Evan stepped around her and pulled the blanket back for her. Alex climbed into bed and laid down. Then her boyfriend covered her with the blanket before she snuggled into the pillow.
“I’ll just change,” Evan said.
Alex nodded as she sat herself up. “Can you get me some Advil from my backpack? I’m not feeling really good.”
“All right. I’ll get you some water, too. Just lay back down and close your eyes.”
“Okay,” Alex said as she laid back down and closed her eyes. She heard Evan unzip her backpack and rake around inside.
Then, after a few moments, she heard nothing.
It was too quiet.
Alex opened her eyes and sat up to find Evan at her backpack with a letter in one hand and a booklet in another.
“Evan?” she said in a small voice. She could only see half of his face. Half of his anguished expression.
“Not once this weekend have you said anything about the Rodahawe Institute,” he said as he craned his neck and faced her. She couldn’t read the emotions in his face. She was too scared to know exactly which emotion was affecting him most.
Was it disappointment?
Betrayal?
Annoyance?
She pulled the blanket from her and scrambled to the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t hiding it from you. Honest. I just forgot.”
Evan stood, his nostrils flaring. “Were you going to tell me?”
Alex swallowed the sudden and large lump in her throat. “No.”
He flinched. “Why?”
“I don’t know,” she said in a small voice. “I just got the letter before my flight. I haven’t had a real chance to sit down and think clearly.”
He glanced down at her acceptance letter and then back at her. “Are you considering Zürich?”
Alex wet her lips. Her head still pounded, and she swore she saw two Evans. “It’s the Rodahawe Institute, Evan. Dr. Rodahawe chose me to be his research assistant out of thousands.”
“When did you send in your application?” His grip on the letter tightened, crinkling it.
“Over two years ago,” she said in a little voice. Her hands rubbing at each other out of nerves. “It was when I was home after Landon broke up with me. I wasn’t going to apply, but I was so heartbroken that I couldn’t think of anything else. I sent it off, and the next day you came to Blue Jay’s and talked to me. I forgot about it until the other day when I got the letter.”
Evan nodded as if he understood the truth she was telling. “But you’re considering it.”
Alex got off the bed and closed the distance. She took the letter and booklet from him and dropped it on the floor. “Evan…”
“You are,” he stated, the hurt etched on his face. “I can see it in your eyes. Tell me the truth, AJ.”
Part of her wanted to.
It would be a great opportunity for her career.
But a larger, needier part of her wanted to stay with Evan.
Continue to be with him and truly have a normal relationship.
But she couldn’t deny herself this chance.
She swallowed hard, trying to relieve the tightening in her throat, but it didn’t work. “It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
He winced, surprised by her statement. Evan pulled away from her touch and took a step back, distancing himself from her. “MIT and Massachusetts are next, AJ. Not goddamn Switzerland!”
“I know going back home was next for us. But—”
“It’s a year, Alexandra! A goddamn year without you. Away from you. It’s not just another state. It’s another continent! You didn’t even discuss it with me!”
Alex shook her head, realizing that she was suddenly hot all over. It wasn’t a fight they should be having while she was intoxicated. She was barely putting it all together. She was afraid of what might slip from her lips. “There was nothing to discuss, Evan! I applied when we weren’t talking. It was my choice. I got accepted into the best research institute in the world. We both agreed that I’d take a year off before I applied for MIT. I can honestly say that when I got that letter, my answer was no.”
“Was?”
She winced, realizing what she just said.
What she had implied.
That she wanted Zürich, Switzerland, over Massachusetts with Evan Gilmore.
“It’s just a year,” she said in a small voice.
Evan shook his head. “We’ve spent two years apart! You want to spend another year away from each other?”
Alex didn’t answer right away.
She wanted to say that she didn’t, that she wanted to be with him, but it wouldn’t be the whole truth.
The academic in her wanted to go to Zürich.
Wanted to work with the man who had won a Nobel Prize in Physics.
When her silence had been enough for him, Evan stormed out of his room, leaving her in shock. Tears rolled down her cheeks. Evan had left. She was still tipsy, but she knew what she had said, what she had implied. Alex glanced down at the acceptance letter on the floor and then at the wide-open door. She heard the front door slam shut, and she fell to her knees, sobbing at how one letter had ruined them.
Alex hadn’t slept.
All night, she sat on her boyfriend’s bed and waited for him, but he never returned. She had called and texted, but he never answered. Evan leaving her had sobered her up. Milos had checked on her and offered her coffee, but Alex had refused. She appreciated his generosity, but she was too upset, too worried over Evan’s well-being to think of anything else. Alex glanced at the time on her phone and saw that her cab for the airport was twenty minutes away. Evan was supposed to drive her, but her boyfriend was currently MIA.
Her phone vibrated in her hand and her pulse raced, thinking it was Evan.
To her disappointment, it wasn’t.
It was Savannah.
Sav: Did he come home?
She blinked away her hot, threatening tears and replied to her best friend.
Alex: No. I’ve called, but he doesn’t pick up. I’m worried, Sav. You should have seen his face. I broke his heart.
Sav: I’m sure everything is going to be okay. Your flight’s soon.
Alex: I know.
Locking her phone, she got off Evan’s bed and spun around. She had made his bed and tidied up. She wasn’t sure if he still wanted her clothes in his closet, so she had packed them all in her suitcase to take with her back to Duke. There was no point in keeping them in his closet. They would be graduating soon, and she’d have to take them home with her anyway. Picking up her backpack, she slung it on and pulled up the handle of her suitcase. She took in the folded Stanford shirt she’d worn on his bed. The one he’d put on her last night. And this morning, she had taken it off with so much heartbreak.
Alex couldn’t believe how stupid she had been.
She should have been more sure.
She should have assured him more.
Alex had already emailed the Rodahawe Institute to video chat with Dr. Rodahawe. She wanted to personally thank him and decline his offer, but he was in Norway on assignment for a week, so she’d have to wait until then. Some in the science community might say that she was giving up a once-in-a-lifetime opp
ortunity, but Alex knew she wasn’t.
Evan was her once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
She had made a mistake by bringing the letter with her, but just as she had decided back in Duke, she would not be going to Zürich when she graduated. Her plan—the plan she had made with her boyfriend—would remain. Alex would return to Massachusetts and finally be with Evan Gilmore the way they always should have.
Alex tucked her phone into her jacket pocket and made her way out of Evan’s bedroom. Her boyfriend’s roommate, Milos, was in the kitchen with a tight expression on his face.
“Any word?”
She shook her head. “No. But I have to leave for the airport. I stayed as late as possible, but I have to go. I really do want to stay, Milos, but I have classes. When he comes home, can you have him call me? I know he won’t want to talk, but I just want him to let me know that he’s okay.”
Milos nodded. “I’ll tell him, Alex.”
“Thank you, Milos. Good luck on your programming assignment. I’ll see you later.” Alex gripped her suitcase handle, turned, and made her way toward the apartment’s front door. She unlocked it, twisted the handle, and opened the door. She held it open with one hand as she pushed her suitcase into the hall. Then she stepped out and closed the door behind her.
She was about to make her way toward the elevator when she noticed him sitting on the floor by his front door. His hands were in his lap, his chin dipped so she couldn’t see his face.
“Evan,” she said in a careful tone.
“You’re leaving?” There was no emotion in his voice.
Alex inhaled a short breath. “Yeah. My cab will be here soon. Did you just get home?”
He shook his head and then lifted his chin. “No. I never left. I’ve been sitting out here all night. Thinking.”
“You stayed in this hallway all night? Evan, I waited for you to come home so we could talk,” she said.
Evan stood, sadness filling his eyes. “I know. I just had to think. You were tipsy, and I wanted you to sleep.”