by Len Webster
Glancing down, Alex saw she was dressed in one of her old Stanford shirts and a pair of pj shorts instead of the jeans and sweater she’d worn this morning. Her heart ached when she realized that it was one of Evan’s old baseball shirts. He must have carried her to bed and cleaned her up because Alex was sure she fell into her own vomit.
She lifted her chin and saw the concern consume his brown eyes. “Hey,” he whispered, “how are you feeling?”
Alex brushed her hair back and then dragged her palms over her face just in case Evan hadn’t cleaned her up and she still had vomit on her face. “Better,” she said as she pulled the blanket back and got out of bed. She walked over to him and picked up her brother’s blue elephant before she sat on the window seat. She smiled at the sleeping baby in Evan’s arm.
Evan lowered the book and set it next to her. “That’s good.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A couple of hours,” Evan answered. “I just fed Seb so he’ll be out for a while.” Then she watched as Evan slowly stood and set her brother in his basinet. He must have brought it from the nursery while she was passed out.
“You’re really good with him,” Alex stated, envious. “He only cries with me.”
Evan sat back down next to her. “He was just hungry.”
Alex nodded, digging her teeth into her lip to stop herself from crying. “I should know that.” Her voice was tight. Her tears dragged down her face to her bitter disappointment. “I’m supposed to know when a baby is hungry.”
“Hey,” Evan said, getting her attention from her sleeping brother to him. “It’s okay, AJ.”
“It’s not. You’re better at this. Seb has spent more time with you in his life than he has with me. I spent his first two months in Zürich, so he doesn’t know me. He cries. I’m supposed to know why he cries and how to fix it. Instead, I pass out on him.” Alex got up from the window seat and turned the blue elephant over and pulled on the string to restart the lullaby. Then she set it next to her baby brother. He was so beautiful when he slept. It surprised her how such a little baby had such a pair of lungs on him. “I didn’t mean it, Evan,” she said in a small voice.
“Didn’t mean what?”
She turned, and her heart plunged at those anguished brown eyes of his. “When I said I wouldn’t move to LA for you and this baby. I didn’t mean it. I’ll still move if that’s what you want. To be in his or her life. I promise, I’m moving so that you can be closer to our child and nothing else.”
“AJ,” he breathed.
Alex blinked her tears free as she attempted to muster a smile. But her broken heart ensured that didn’t happen. Instead, a sob escaped her. “I swear. I swear we’re over. Just like you wanted four days ago.” She wiped away her tears and tried to control her emotions. “The part of my life I share with you is over. I shouldn’t have hid seeing Landon from you. I was trying to fix a mistake, and I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Then she glanced down at her clothes and sighed. “And thank you for cleaning me up. I should probably get downstairs and clean—”
He shook his head. “I already cleaned up your morning sickness from the carpet.”
“Thanks,” Alex said, feeling awkward around him.
Evan Gilmore was just the father of her child.
That was all he wanted to be.
And she had to respect him and his decision.
“Can you sit back down for a second?” Evan asked.
Alex nodded and sat on the window seat that held so many years’ worth of memories for them. It made her sad knowing that those memories would never be retold so fondly again. She had held a tiny thread of hope when they had ended so long ago.
But as she looked into Evan’s eyes, she knew that thread would snap.
Severing them.
Ending their ties.
To her surprise, Evan reached over and grasped her hand, causing her to flinch at his touch. “You’ll make a great mom, Alexandra,” he assured in a soft voice. “And I’ll be by your side. I’ll always be by your side.”
She believed him.
She hated that she did.
Her belief met with love that shouldn’t exist.
“I appreciate that,” Alex said.
Evan took a deep breath and released it. His brown eyes darkened as she noticed his lip twitch. “And I wanted to say …”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry, Alexandra.”
Alex winced. “What?”
He sighed, shame contorting the features of his face. “For accusing you of wanting him to raise our child. For telling you the part of your life with me in it was over. For accusing you of wanting to be with him. For not believing you when you cried and told me that I was the love of your life. When I saw those pictures, I couldn’t think straight. I was jealous. I was angry. I hated that you didn’t tell me. That maybe I took too long, and you went back to him. And I’m sorry I told you I gave up a career in the Major League for you as if I made the wrong decision. I’d pick Zürich with you over and over again. I’m sorry, Alexandra. I’m so sorry. I was angry because I wasn’t allowed to be angry. I’m not your boyfriend anymore, but I reacted as if I was.”
She squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, too. I should have just told you. I didn’t think, and I’m sorry. I had no idea we’d been photographed. I swear, I was ending his hope. He knows that I will never want him or love him the way I loved you.”
“Does he know you’re pregnant?”
Alex nodded. “He does. He knows you’re the father, and he knows I’m never going to be with him.” Then she pulled her hand from his, realizing that if she said any more, she’d confess she loved him. That she was willing to have her love go unrequited to have him in her life. But instead, she changed the subject. “How was LA? I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”
“I actually came back for a reason.”
“You did?”
Evan nodded.
Hope flourished in her chest.
Me.
Us.
Our baby.
Our family.
But Alex pushed those traitorous thoughts from latching onto her heart. She knew the truth. There was no true future with Evan Gilmore.
Evan inhaled a deep breath and scooted closer to her. “I came back for you,” he revealed. Alex’s eyes widened in shock. “I came back to take care of the woman who is carrying my child. The woman who I haven’t stopped loving. The woman who I’ll always be in love with. I came back to ask if we could try again.”
She winced.
Her breathing stalled.
“Try again?”
Fear flared in his eyes as a smile curved his lips. “Yes. Not for the baby. For us. I want us to try again. I wanted to try again the moment I left Zürich. So will you go on a date with me?”
“A date?” she breathed.
An amused laugh escaped him. “A date. A real date.”
“You’re asking me on a date after you cleaned up my morning sickness? I looked disgusting.”
Evan reached up and cradled her face in his palm. “You’re beautiful. You have always been beautiful.” He kissed her forehead, and her chest tightened with longing and sweet memories of them.
“But why are you asking me on a date?” she asked once he pulled back, her eyes searching his.
He was silent for a moment as he stared at her as if he were memorizing this moment to tell someday. A heartbeat later, he inhaled a deep breath, exhaled, and said, “I’m asking because you’re the love of my life, AJ. You always have been.”
Alex’s lips parted when she saw the vulnerability flash in his eyes.
She believed him.
“You always will be,” he declared.
Her heart soared with relief and love.
Alexandra Parker was still the love of Evan G
ilmore’s life.
Six months after he left her, he was asking her to try again.
And her answer was a whispered, “Yes.”
91 Pa
protactinium
ALEX
Senior year of college
“I’m so sorry!” Alex yelled as she slammed the apartment door shut and ran down the hall to find her roommate in the kitchen. Her eyebrow was raised and humor shone bright in her blue eyes.
“You are so lucky I love you,” Savannah said as she set her water bottle on the counter.
Alex sighed as she rushed over to the dining table and dropped all her books and bag on it. “I know. I lost track of time at the lab with my research. I’m so, so sorry, Sav. I promise as soon as I get back from Stanford, I will spend the entire day shopping for graduation dresses with you.”
“We were supposed to go today before your flight.”
“I know. And I know you’ve been looking forward to it. If I didn’t finish this research that is due on Monday, I wouldn’t be able to spend the whole weekend in California with Evan guilt-free.”
Savannah’s lip twitched as she crossed her arms over her chest. “And did you submit your paper?”
“I did.”
“Then good.”
“Are you mad?”
Her roommate laughed. “No. I’m not mad, Alex. It’s your boyfriend’s last play-off series game as a senior and captain of the Stanford baseball team. Are your parents going?”
Alex shook her head as she unzipped her bag and pulled out her purse. “No. Work and everything. But if Stanford wins the play-offs, they’ll be at the championship game for sure. Oh God, is that the time?” Alex asked, noticing the clock on the wall. Her flight was boarding in less than three hours, and she hadn’t even packed. With so many of her final papers due in the past few weeks, she’d been all over the place trying to finish them and juggle the internship applications in Massachusetts for after graduation.
“You go pack, and I’ll drive you to the airport,” Savannah ordered.
“Right. I swear, I’ll be five minutes.”
Savannah let out an unbelievable laugh. “Seriously, Alex? Five minutes to pack for a weekend with your boyfriend?”
Alex set her purse on the table and smiled. “I have a lot of my stuff already at his apartment. I just need to pack the new dress and shoes he wanted for dinner, then I’ll be ready to go to the airport. I’ll be right back.” She spun around and bolted to her bedroom. Once she was inside, she went to her closet and pulled her small suitcase from the top shelf and set it on the floor.
She was thankful that during their junior year of college, Evan had her leave some of her clothes at his apartment he shared with Milos. It made last-minute flights to California to see him much easier. It went the same way for her boyfriend. In her closet, he’d left several of his shirts, sweaters, a few shorts, pants, pairs of socks, and underwear in a drawer. Alex stood, removed the brand-new black dress she bought from the hanger and laid it flat in her suitcase. Then she grabbed a few extra shirts, a pair of jeans, her Converse, a pair of black heels to go with her dress, and a pair of ballet flats. She even included the lingerie set she had bought to surprise her boyfriend. It was an impulse buy while she had been shopping with Savannah a few weeks ago.
Alex glanced down at the Duke sweater and blue skinny jeans she wore. She didn’t have time to change and what she wore would be more comfortable for her flight. Just before she zipped up her suitcase, she packed Evan’s Stanford sweater to change into once she got off the plane so she could ditch Duke’s colors for her boyfriend’s.
In the almost two years since they started dating, they had managed to keep their long-distance relationship thriving. It wasn’t easy. It included a lot of back and forth between California, North Carolina, and Massachusetts, but they had made it work. When Evan played at a school close by to Duke, she always found a way to attend his games. And Evan, vice-versa when he had a week off or it was the off-season. The most they had ever spent apart was three weeks. Never allowing months to separate them. And when junior year ended, Alex surprised him by going to Stanford early. She had spent the few weeks helping him study for his finals before they went back home to Brookline.
Their almost two years together had been amazing. Evan was still not fond of flying, but he managed through every flight. He always told her that seeing her was worth the anxiety of flying. The little arguments they had seemed to go away the moment they were in each other’s arms. They made it work. And when senior year finished, they would finally have a normal relationship in Massachusetts. Alex hadn’t found a job just yet, but she was trying. Her decision to delay her Ph.D. was purely so that she had the work experience in the lab, guaranteeing she was a better candidate for a place at MIT.
“Alex! Come on!” Savannah yelled from the kitchen.
Alex zipped up and locked her suitcase before she walked out of her closet, picked up her jacket from her bed, and then exited her bedroom. Once she returned to the dining table, she picked up her purse, opening it to ensure she had her driver’s license to board the plane.
“Have you already checked in online?” Savannah asked as Alex shoved her purse and some of her text books into her backpack and zipped it up.
“Yeah, before I left Mika at the lab. I have my boarding pass on my phone,” Alex replied as she slung the backpack on and grasped the handle of her small suitcase. “I’m ready to go.”
“Great,” Savannah said as she swiped her keys from the kitchen counter. “Oh, you got some letters today.”
Alex wheeled her suitcase to the kitchen and took the bunch of envelopes from her roommate. She flipped through several different letters and decided they could wait until she returned to Duke on Monday morning. But just as she was about to set the envelopes down, she came across a logo that made her heart stop. Her hands shook as she dropped the other letters on the counter and held the large envelope in her hands. She stared at the logo and read the name over and over again.
The Rodahawe Institute.
“Oh, my God,” she breathed.
“What is it?” Savannah asked.
Alex shook her head. “It’s a letter from the Rodahawe Institute.”
“The Roda-what?”
She glanced up at the confused expression on Savannah’s face. “The Rodahawe Institute. It’s one of the best research institutes in the world.”
“And you applied?”
Alex flipped the envelope over, ready to tear it open. “I completely forgot I did. It was back when I was a sophomore, and I was dating Landon. One of my professors suggested I apply. I wasn’t going to, but then Landon broke up with me, and I applied. I forgot that I even sent in my application. I even had to do a video interview for it.”
“Well, open it!” Savannah encouraged, her voice full of excitement.
With shaky hands, Alex ripped the envelope open and pulled out the contents. She expected a single piece of paper, but there was a thick pamphlet underneath a letter. Readying her heart for rejection, she took a deep breath and read the letter in her head.
Dear Miss Parker,
It is with my sincere pleasure to offer you the position as my research assistant in classical mechanics. I have chosen you from thousands of applicants from around the world. Not only for your knowledge in your specialized field of physics, but also for your desire and determination to learn more as evident in your video interview.
Miss Parker, your recommendation letters exceed any other applicant, and I would be honored to have you be a part of the team here in Zürich, Switzerland. The Rodahawe Institute is one of the finest research facilities in the world, and I believe it could be the very institute that will hone your skills, knowledge, and expertise.
Please find included all the information you will need to start your research assistantship.
I look forward to meeting you in person.
Regards,
Dr. Vincent Rodahawe.
Founder.
The Rodahawe Institute.
Zürich, Switzerland.
Alex finished reading her letter. It didn’t feel real. She should feel happy. The Rodahawe Institute was the institute every scientist wanted to work at. It would be the pinnacle of any scientist’s career. To start her academic career at the very best would be a dream come true, and the fact that she had been chosen by Dr. Rodahawe as his assistant out of thousands of applicants was proof that she deserved the position.
“Alex?”
She peeked up to find Savannah’s furrowed brows. “I’m sorry. Let’s go to the airport.”
Savannah shook her head and stepped closer, taking the letter and pamphlet from Alex. “Let me read it.” Her jaw dropped. “Alex, you got offered a position at the best institute in the world. How are you not happy right now?”
“It’s in Zürich, Switzerland, Sav.”
“Oh,” her best friend breathed.
Alex took the letter and booklet from Savannah, removed a strap from her shoulder and flipped her backpack to her stomach. She unzipped it and shoved the letter and booklet inside. Then she gripped her suitcase handle and nodded. “Yeah. It’s in Europe.”
“And you won’t go?”
“I don’t know,” Alex admitted. “I can’t believe I got in. But it means I have to go to Switzerland, and that’s not part of the plan. Evan and I are supposed to go back to Massachusetts after graduation. He had plans to get an apartment close to MIT and a job in the city. We’re supposed to finally be together.”
Savannah frowned. “Are you really going to turn down the position?”
“Yes,” Alex said, not hesitating. “It might sound like I’m giving up a dream for him, but the almost two years I’ve had being with Evan have been the best of my life. I don’t want to give him up. The Rodahawe Institute wasn’t the dream. It was MIT.”