Unchained Memories

by Karen D. Badger

Billie’s gaze veered to Doc and back to Cat.

  Doc continued. “Do you know who you are?”

  Billie turned her eyes toward Doc once more. “No.”

  “Do you recognize any of us?” he asked.

  Billie closed her eyes for a moment. “No.”

  “Okay. Things may come back with time,” Doc said. “For now, let me summarize what I know. First, you have amnesia. That’s quite normal after brain surgery. We’ll work very hard to help you recover your memory, if we can. Sometimes memory comes back all at once, sometimes it comes back in pieces, and sometimes it doesn’t come back at all. Second, you lack mobility. The results of the sensory testing indicate the pre-motor and motor skills housed in the frontal lobe of the brain will have to be relearned. We’ll set up a program of physical therapy, occupational therapy, and counseling to help you deal with that. Do you understand what I’m telling you?”

  Billie pulled her gaze away from Cat once more to look at Doc. “I… I’m paralyzed and I don’t remember anyone,” Billie said.

  “It’s clear the intellectual parts of your brain have been unaffected by the brain injury. You’re correct, except you’re not paralyzed. Paralysis implies nerve damage in the spine. That’s not what your condition is. You have the ability to move your muscles, but your brain has forgotten how to move them in a coordinated manner, kind of like a newborn. You’ll have to relearn how to grasp objects, walk, feed yourself—things like that. The good news is, those skills are learned at a rapid pace, so I expect you’ll be on your feet in no time. I’m going to arrange therapy sessions and meet with your team of doctors to set things in motion here. Now, before I go, do you have any questions?”

  “How did this happen? Was I in an accident?”

  “This is going to sound somewhat incredible to you right now, but your injury was caused by a gunshot wound to the head three years ago.”

  Billie looked startled. “Someone shot me in the head? Who?”

  “That’s not important right now. Just know that the scar tissue building up around the injury site over the past few years was beginning to jeopardize your health.”

  “Does my family know? Have they been contacted?”

  Cat stepped forward. “We are your family, Billie. You have no other living relatives.”

  Billie became agitated. “You’re not my family.”

  Doc placed his hand on Billie’s shoulder. “That’s enough for now. Things may become clearer with time as your memories return. Do you have any other questions?”

  “No.”

  Doc rose to his feet and kissed Billie on the cheek. “I’ll see you later, then. Caitlain, could I speak with you in the hallway?”

  Out in the hall, Doc took Cat into his arms and hugged her close. Cat clung to him for dear life, shaking like a leaf. “She’ll be fine, kitten,” he said.

  “But will she ever be Billie again?”

  “Only time will tell. In the meantime, you’ll need to be as supportive and as patient with her as possible. You can’t push her. She’s very confused and won’t react well to pressure. If she regains any memory at all, it’ll have to be on her terms, not yours. She’ll be moody and may even lash out at you. Be prepared to deal with that.”

  “I love her with all my heart, Daddy. I don’t care what I have to endure, as long as we get her back. I’m prepared to work my ass off to see that we do.”

  “How can we fail with determination like that?” Doc said as he tweaked her nose.

  Cat started to go back into Billie’s room but stopped short. “Daddy, I have to call Art and Marge to let them know she’s awake.”

  “Give me the number. I’ll call them.” Doc wrote the number down as Cat recited it.

  “Thanks, Daddy.”

  Cat approached Billie’s bed. Billie’s eyes were closed. Unsure whether she was asleep or not, Cat touched her hand. Cat jumped back when Billie’s eyes flew open. The terror in Billie’s eyes broke her heart.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  Billie continued to stare at Cat but didn’t respond to the apology.

  “May I sit down?” Cat asked.

  A slight nod was answer enough for Cat as she pulled the chair closer to Billie’s bedside.

  “Billie,” Cat said. “I know this is all very confusing to you right now, but I promise I’ll help you through it. I love you, with all my heart.”

  “We can’t be married. We’re both women.”

  “Yes, we are. We’ve overcome a lot of obstacles, one of which was the legality of gay marriage.”

  “I’m not gay,” Billie said.

  Cat’s heart sank. Remember what Jen said, Billie’s inherent biological makeup hasn’t changed. She studied her hands clenched in her lap and took a deep breath to compose herself. “Billie, I think we need to concentrate on getting you well. We can deal with our relationship later.”

  Billie looked away from Cat. “I’m not gay,” she said again as Cat’s heart crumbled into pieces.

  Chapter 23

  Cat was asleep in the chair beside Billie’s bed when Doc arrived the next morning. He shook her shoulder. “Cat, wake up.”

  “What is it?” Cat said. “Is Billie okay?”

  “She’s sleeping. Come into the hall with me,” he whispered.

  Cat rose from the chair and followed him into the hall.

  Doc shoved his hands into his lab-coat pockets. “Caitlain, I forbid you to spend every night sleeping in that chair.”

  “You forbid me?”

  “You’ll be of no use to Billie if you don’t take care of yourself. You need to go home and sleep in your own bed. You need to reconnect with your children. Billie’s in capable hands. She can survive the nights without you.”

  “Daddy—”

  “I insist.”

  Cat tried hard to stand her ground against her father’s piercing gaze, but she had to admit she was tired. “Oh, all right. All right. I’ll go home at night. Geesh.”

  “Good decision. Now, let’s go see how that lady of yours is this morning.”

  Cat led the way into the room just as Billie began to stir. She went directly to her bedside and kissed her on the forehead. “Good, you’re awake. How are you feeling this morning?”

  Billie frowned at Cat and shifted her attention to Doc. “I’m okay.”

  Doc picked up her chart from the pocket at the foot of the bed and read through the notes from the night shift. “Everything appears to be fine here. All indications are that you had an easy night.”

  “How long will I be here?” Billie asked.

  Doc put the chart back and sat on the edge of the bed. “That depends on you. We’ll need to set up a physical therapy schedule as soon as the swelling has subsided enough for valid baseline measurements.”

  Cat stepped forward and placed her hand on Billie’s arm. “You remember, Billie—just like when Seth was recovering from brain surgery.”

  “Seth? Who is Seth?”

  “There’ll be time to talk about that later,” Doc said. “Right now, I’ll go schedule a battery of tests that can be carried out over the next few days so we can get you home as soon as possible. Now if you ladies will excuse me.”

  Cat sat in the space vacated by Doc. She reached for Billie’s hand, only to be disappointed when Billie pulled it away. Cat forced herself not to react.

  “Things really will be better when you can come home,” Cat said.

  “Where’s home? Where do I live?”

  “You live with me. Don’t you remember Doc telling you we’re married?”

  “No, we’re not. We’re both women. I told you I’m not gay. Why are you trying to force yourself on me?”

  Cat was losing her battle to keep her temper in check. She inhaled deeply to calm herself. “I’m doing nothing of the kind. I just want you to know I’m here for you. Soon your memories will come back, and you’ll understand just what I feel for you.”

  Cat could see the confusion on Billie’s
face. “I’m not gay.”

  “Howdy, howdy.” The cheerful hello from the doorway drew Cat’s attention.

  Cat’s face lit up. “Jen. Good morning.”

  Jen swept into the room and enveloped Cat in a warm hug and tender kiss on the cheek. She then hugged and kissed Billie. “How are my best friends this morning?”

  Cat yawned. “A little tired, but good.”

  Jen directed her next question at Billie. “How about you, big guy?”

  “Big guy?” Billie said.

  Jen lay across the bottom of Billie’s bed. “Yep, that’s my favorite name for you. Big guy—all bark and no bite.”

  Billie grinned, a fact not lost on Cat.

  Cat stood and grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair. “If you don’t mind keeping Billie company for a while, I think I’ll head home and get a shower.”

  “Sure. No problem,” Jen said.

  Cat attempted to kiss Billie on the cheek before leaving, but Billie turned her face away.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t,” she said.

  Cat stepped back and closed her eyes against the pain. “It’s okay. I understand. I’ll see you a little later today.”

  Jen climbed off the bed and walked Cat to the door. Cat felt warm and secure wrapped in her friend’s arms. “Don’t worry, she’ll come around,” Jen whispered.

  “I hope so. I’ll be back soon.”

  “I’ve got it covered. Take your time. Love you,” Jen said as she kissed Cat once more.

  “Love you back.”

  Jen closed the door behind Cat and sat on the edge of Billie’s bed. “How are you feeling today?”

  “I have a headache, and I’m confused and afraid.”

  “Afraid? Why?”

  “Cat insists we’re married.”

  “You are.”

  “Why can’t I remember it? Why don’t I feel something for her? How can I possibly be married to her when I’m not gay? I don’t even know who she is.”

  “It’ll come back in time.”

  “You care a lot for her.”

  “I love her,” Jen said. “She’s a wonderful woman. I love you too.”

  Billie frowned. “What is it about lesbians? Do they all act like that? Did you and Cat and I have a ménage a trois or something?”

  Jen fell back onto the bed and laughed heartily, her blonde curls splayed over the side of the bed.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You. You’re funny. I’ve often thought about that very thing. You two are so cute together, I can’t help but be jealous of your relationship, but a ménage a trois? That’s a little over the top. There’s no way I could deal with a threesome. Can you imagine the drama? Yikes!”

  “I’m sorry. I assumed…”

  Jen sat closer to Billie and grasped her hands. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, big guy. I’d be honored to be part of a threesome with you and Cat, but lesbian drama is something I’d rather avoid.”

  “I’m not a lesbian, Jen. I’m not.”

  “Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind, okay? Cat will grow on you, you’ll see. Promise?”

  Billie met Jen’s gaze. “I promise.”

  Cat arrived back at the hospital just as Billie was being wheeled down the hall in her bed. She caught up with Doc who was walking alongside the bed. “Daddy, where are they taking her?”

  “To the PT lab. We’re doing the baseline testing this afternoon.”

  Cat followed them onto the elevator.

  “Where’s Jen?”

  “She left when the orderlies came to get me,” Billie said. “She’ll be back later.”

  Cat was surprised to hear Billie answer. “Oh. Okay. Thanks.”

  “All right, here we are,” Doc said when the elevator stopped. “I hope you ate your Wheaties this morning, Billie, we have a long day of testing ahead of us.”

  Later that afternoon, Doc met Cat and Billie in Billie’s room. “Good afternoon, ladies. I have Billie’s PT schedule for the next few weeks.”

  “Few weeks? Will it really take that long?” Billie asked.

  “I’ve scheduled you for three weeks. Whether we need all that time will depend on your progress. It’s possible you may need even more time than that. However, the better you do, the faster you’ll be able to go home.”

  Cat pulled a chair close to Billie’s bed and waited for Doc to begin.

  “Okay, the plan calls for an early start each morning with a quick examination and collection of vital statistics. After breakfast there’ll be an hour-long physical therapy session for gross motor skill development and an hour of occupational therapy for fine motor skills. Following lunch and a nap, you’ll have a session with a counselor. Finally, another physical therapy session followed by dinner. Each day will end around six o’clock.”

  “That sounds grueling,” Cat said.

  “It’s designed to be,” Doc said. “Immersion therapy will give Billie’s body the quickest chance at recovery.” Doc looked at each of them. “Do you have any questions?”

  Cat noticed that Billie fell silent during Doc’s explanation, staring at her hands folded in her lap. When she realized Billie was not going to reply, she answered her father. “Not right now. I’m sure we’ll have plenty once PT begins.”

  “Okay then, I guess I’ll head home and see you in the morning.”

  After Doc left, Cat sat on the edge of Billie’s bed. “You were pretty quiet during Daddy’s explanation.”

  “There wasn’t much to say. He’s the doctor. I assume he knows what he’s doing.”

  “That he does.”

  Cat waited for Billie to say something else, but it became apparent to her Billie was deep in thought.

  “I’ll be here in the morning to help with your therapy,” Cat said.

  “How is it you have so much time to spend here? Don’t you work?”

  “As a matter of fact, I do. I’m a doctor. An anesthesiologist to be exact. I’ve arranged to take some time off except for emergency calls so I can participate in your recovery.”

  “And what about me? What do I do for a living?”

  “You’re a lawyer—a very successful one. You almost single-handedly argued the case for gay marriage in this state—and you won.”

  “I did? I don’t remember.”

  “You did. I’ve never been so proud of anyone in my life.”

  Billie yawned.

  “It’s been a tough day, huh?” Cat asked.

  “Do you mind leaving early tonight? I’m kind of tired.”

  “But we haven’t had much time together today. I don’t mind sitting here while you sleep.”

  “No. I’m tired and I’d like some time alone. Please.”

  Cat retracted her hand and stood by the bed. She tried not to allow her hurt feelings to show on her face. “Okay then. I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” She leaned down to kiss Billie and was once again met with Billie’s cheek. She kissed the cheek offered to her and stood to leave.

  “Thank you for understanding,” Billie said.

  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  * * *

  Breakfast on the first morning of therapy was tense. Cat adjusted Billie’s bed so she was partially sitting, but her balance was so poor, she had to support her on either side with pillows.

  Cat wedged the final pillow between Billie and the bed rail. “There. That ought to do it. Can I help feed you?”

  “No. I’ll do it myself.”

  “Okay, suit yourself, but I’m here to help if you need me.”

  “I don’t need you.”

  Cat felt the sting of Billie’s comment and retreated to the chair by the window to nurse her hurt feelings. Billie struggled to guide the spoon from the bowl to her mouth. After two spoonfuls of oatmeal ended up on her face and shirt, Billie flung the spoon across the room.

  Cat cringed and approached her cautiously. “Let me help you.”

  “No! Get away. Don’t touch me.”

  “
Billie, you’ve got to eat. You’ll need to keep up your strength for therapy.”

  “I said no.”

  Cat clenched her fists at her sides to suppress her anger. When she was calm enough to deal with Billie without losing her temper, she picked up the spoon from the floor and put it on Billie’s tray. “It’s up to you if you don’t want to eat, but at least let me clean you up.”

  Cat ignored the scowl on Billie’s face as she wiped the oatmeal from her chin and shirt.

  She finished cleaning the oatmeal from Billie’s face just as the therapist arrived, promptly at nine a.m. Cat could almost touch the air of arrogance that surrounded the man as he entered the room and folded his arms across his chest. He was a large man, well over six feet tall.

  He approached Billie and extended his hand. “My name is Joseph, and if I do my job right, I’ll be your worst nightmare.”

  Cat watched Billie’s face for her reaction. She sat there stoically. Joseph seemed unfazed that Billie ignored his greeting.

  He lowered the safety bar. “Your injury is to your brain, not your spine or muscles, but in order to reestablish the correct electrical impulses associated with gross motor movement, we’ll be working primarily today with your arms and legs. We’ll begin with range of motion tests.”

  Cat eyed Joseph warily as she stood off to the side and watched him manipulate Billie’s limbs. As tall as Billie was, she was dwarfed by Joseph’s large frame. She had to admit he was very good-looking—broad shoulders, muscular chest and arms, dark, wavy, shoulder-length hair, goatee—but there something about him Cat didn’t trust. She decided she’d keep her eye on him.

  At first, when Joseph worked Billie’s muscles, the movements were simple gentle extensions and contractions of her arms and legs. Before long, he became more aggressive, applying more pressure and demanding more counteractive force from Billie. Cat could see the pain on Billie’s face. Billie clutched the sheets with her hands and gritted her teeth while Joseph pushed her bent knee toward her chest.

  After almost an hour, Billie objected. “Stop, please. It hurts.”

  “Sorry, no can do. Now come on, push harder.” Joseph pushed her knee toward her chest.