“I know it feels that way right now, but it’ll get better.”
Cat closed her eyes. “I hope you’re right, Mom. With everything I am, I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am. Now let me fix you some lunch.”
Cat arrived back at the hospital in a very good mood, hoping Billie’s session with Dr. Connor would continue to bring their relationship closer to what it was before her illness. She missed the warm, loving, affectionate woman Billie was. She craved the physical contact and the emotional balance they had together, and she was anticipating the day when all would be restored… if it can be restored, said a nagging voice at the back of her mind. Cat tried hard to ignore the voice as she rode the elevator to Billie’s floor.
She strolled down the hallway, exchanging pleasantries with the nursing staff on her way by. As she approached Billie’s room, she noticed several nurses and orderlies standing outside her door. Cat’s stomach did a flip-flop as she ran the remaining few steps to the room.
Cat pushed her way through the crowd until she made it into the room to find Doc and Laura trying to physically control Billie.
“Leave me alone!” Billie screamed.
“Billie, you need to calm down,” Doc said.
Billie picked up the tube of hand cream on her bedside table and threw it at Doc, who effectively dodged it.
“Don’t force me to restrain you, Billie,” he said.
“Billie! Billie!” Cat yelled, drawing the attention of everyone in the room, including Billie, who immediately stopped the tirade. Cat was startled by the intense anger she saw in Billie’s eyes.
“Caitlain,” Doc said, “maybe you should leave. She’s unstable right now, and I don’t want her to hurt you.”
“What happened?” she asked, as she watched Laura trying to get Billie back into some semblance of order on the bed.
“We don’t know,” Doc said. “She asked to use the phone earlier, and the next thing we knew, she was out of control. I don’t know who she called, but it upset her.”
Cat furrowed her brow and remembered the disconnected phone call Jen said was from Billie. “Daddy, I need to talk to her—alone.”
“I’m not leaving you alone with her in this condition.”
“Please. I have an idea about what might be bothering her. I need to talk to her alone.”
Doc looked at her. “All right, but I’ll be right outside the door. If I hear one thing I don’t like, I’m coming back in here. Understand?”
Cat nodded and hugged him before approaching Billie’s bed. Laura had just pulled the blankets back up to Billie’s waist. Billie was calmer but still upset. Laura met Cat’s eyes with an expression that clearly said, “Be careful,” before she joined Doc in the hallway.
Knowing what Billie was capable of when she was angry, Cat kept herself out of arm’s reach until she could determine what the problem was. “Billie?”
Billie continued to glare at her.
Cat took a step closer. “Billie, honey, want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Was it good?”
Cat was perplexed. “Was what good? I don’t know what you’re asking.”
“With Jen. Was it good?” she said again, with even more anger in her voice than before.
Cat’s eyebrows rose into her hairline. “Jen?” Getting angry herself, she put her hands on her hips and glared at Billie. “Just what do you think happened with Jen?”
Billie scowled at Cat. “Doesn’t Jen have a life of her own? Doesn’t she have a partner or something?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, she does.”
“And how do they feel about your relationship with Jen?”
Cat crossed her arms in front of her chest. “My relationship? Billie, I’ll ask you again—what do you think happened between Jen and me?”
“You fucked her,” Billie yelled.
Cat was speechless. Anger rose in her gut as she launched herself over Billie, pinning her to the bed. She knew she was taking a risk, but her heart was ruling her senses at the moment, and she cast caution to the wind.
She sat astride Billie’s legs, her hands on both shoulders, and pushed her back into the pillows. She leaned close until their noses were nearly touching and angrily said, “I did nothing of the sort. Do you understand? We’re friends and nothing more. I love you. Don’t you realize that yet? Are you so blinded by self-pity you can’t see how much you mean to me? Jen is like my sister, nothing more. I love her dearly. I always will, but not the way I love you. I refuse to give up my friendship with her because you’re being narrow-minded and pigheaded. Now get over it.”
Billie’s eyes misted. Her tears instantly melted Cat’s anger. Cat released her and sat back on Billie’s lap. She opened her arms, and Billie went readily into them. Billie rested her head on Cat’s breasts and wrapped her arms around her body. Cat held her close to her heart.
“Shhh, it’s okay. I love you. Don’t ever doubt that,” Cat said as she rocked her.
After a time, Cat released her and lowered her back against the inclined bed. She cupped Billie’s face in one hand and leaned in to place a gentle featherlight kiss on Billie’s mouth. “Do you want to tell me what started all this?”
“I called you at home. I missed you. Jen answered the phone. She said you were in the shower. She said both of you were sweaty.”
Cat could see where this was leading. She thought back to what she had said to Jen while she was leaving. Jen, thanks for everything. It was fun, and I really needed it. See you this afternoon, hon. Bye. Cat was floored by how that must have sounded to a distraught Billie.
Cat took a deep breath. Her chest felt tight with emotion. “Billie, I went on one of Jen’s power walks with her. She caught me just as I got home and talked me into going. After our walk, she came over and we had coffee together—nothing more. I went to take a shower while she finished her coffee before she left. You happened to call just as she was walking out the door.”
Billie took Cat’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry. I should have trusted you.”
Cat traced Billie’s right eyebrow and let her finger trail around and down the side of her face to her chin. She tilted Billie’s head up and kissed her. “Yes, you should have, but to tell you the truth, I can understand why you were concerned. After all, you’re just beginning to know me and trust me. I understand how you could’ve thought… But nothing happened. Let it go. Okay?”
“Okay,” Billie said as the tears began to fall again.
“Well, I guess you don’t need me today,” a voice said from the doorway.
Dr. Connor was standing there, leaning against the doorframe.
Cat climbed off Billie’s lap and sat on the side of the bed. Billie grabbed her hand and prevented her from moving farther away. “How long have you been standing there?” Cat asked.
“At about the point you put that wrestling hold on Billie and pinned her to the bed.”
Cat grinned and blushed.
Dr. Connor continued. “Nice move, by the way. Are you two okay?”
Cat and Billie looked at each other then back at Dr. Connor. Both nodded.
“Okay then. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Cat and Billie were talking about the children’s visit that evening when Jen poked her head into the room.
“Hi,” she said.
Cat felt Billie tense. “I’ll be right back.” She rose from the bed, took Jen’s hand, and led her out of the room.
When they reached the solarium at the end of the hall, Cat released Jen’s hand and began pacing. Jen grabbed her on one of her many passes. “Want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Jen, Billie is jealous of you. Well, actually, she’s jealous of the closeness you and I share.”
“But… but, I have the same closeness with her. She has no reason to be jealous.”
Cat placed her hand on Jen’s arm. “You and I both know that, but we need to remember Billie’s memories of our relationship—the one between the thre
e of us—are no longer available for her to draw upon. All she sees is you hugging me, and me not pushing you away. She assumed I encourage your affections, and we have some sort of romantic relationship going on. Hell, after she spoke with you on the phone earlier today, she was convinced we slept together.”
Jen gasped when Cat explained to her what happened after their phone call. “Cat, I’m so sorry.”
“For what? You didn’t do anything. Billie misinterpreted what you said.”
Jen sat down on the edge of the couch. “I wish it was that simple.”
“What does that mean?”
“Damn. How could I be so stupid?” Jen said. “I told her I was just leaving and you were in the shower because we were both pretty sweaty, but I neglected to tell her the sweat was from a power walk, not from a hot and wild lovemaking session.”
“Jen, it’s not your fault if she misinterpreted what you said.”
Jen stood up and paced across the room a couple of times before stopping in front of Cat. “I was purposely vague. I left out the details. I wanted to make Billie jealous.”
Cat’s voice raised three octaves. “Why the hell would you want to do that?”
“Well, I was kind of aware of the jealousy thing. I’ve been sensing for a while now that she’s uncomfortable when I’m around. I was hoping to use it to spur some memories, to push her into admitting how she feels about you. I’m sorry. It sounds like I really screwed things up.”
“No, Jen, you didn’t screw things up. I think your plan worked. It’s just her reaction was a little more volatile than is healthy for her.”
“I’m sorry. I’ll back off. Maybe I should go home and let you two be alone.”
Cat took Jen’s hand. “No. I want you to stay, and I don’t want you to change the way you are around Billie and me. Please don’t change. It is one of your most endearing qualities. I’ve told Billie how I feel about our friendship. She already knows I’m not willing to give that up.”
Jen’s voice was choked with emotion. “I don’t want to cause problems between you two.”
“Billie has to realize there’s no threat here. The old Billie knew that. The new Billie has to learn it as well.”
Jen whispered, “I’m sorry.”
Cat wrapped her arms around Jen. “Well, I’m sorry too—sorry life sucks so much right now for all of us, but it’s bound to get better. I know it will.”
Cat stepped back and wiped a tear from her eye. “Let’s go face the music.”
Jen tensed as they entered the room. Sensing this, Cat squeezed her hand. “Just go with it,” Cat whispered.
Jen released Cat’s hand and walked right up to Billie, sat on the edge of the bed, and leaned in to kiss her on the mouth. “How are you feeling, tough guy?”
Billie couldn’t help but smile at her boldness. Surely Cat told her about the misunderstanding. “I’m fine. Thanks.”
“Cat tells me you’re just about ready to run the hundred-yard dash down the hallway. Is that true?”
Billie willed herself to relax. For Cat, she thought and grinned. “Want to race?”
“Billie, you know the rules, No running in the hallways,” Laura said from the doorway.
“Geesh, Laura, you’re no fun,” Billie said as Laura pulled her walker around in front of her.
Laura looked at Jen. “Hi, Jen. Have you come to see Miss Show Off strut her stuff?”
Jen raised her eyebrows. “Strut?”
“Hey, I’ve got to do something to draw attention away from my bald head.”
Jen planted a kiss on top of Billie’s head. “I kind of like your bald head, my friend.”
“All right, missy, let’s go.” Laura grabbed Billie’s hat and planted it on her head before holding the walker for her to pull herself up.
Soon, the entourage headed down the hall, stopping at the solarium for a breather. Billie made two round-trips, and they returned to her room.
“Well,” Jen said as she perched on the arm of Billie’s chair, “I’ve got to get home and get dinner for the family.” She leaned in and placed a kiss on Billie’s head. “I’m proud of you, girl, and I love you very much. You know that, don’t you?”
Billie just nodded.
Jen rose to her feet and opened her arms to Cat. She held her close for several moments before releasing her. “Walk me to the elevator?”
Cat leaned in and kissed Billie on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.” She locked arms with Jen and walked out of the room.
Doc arrived with the kids after dinner. While Tara and Skylar climbed into Billie’s lap in the chair, Seth hid behind Cat.
After several minutes of hugs and kisses, the girls climbed out of Billie’s lap and onto her bed to play with the bed controls. Seth, still hiding behind Cat, pushed her in front of him as they walked over to Billie. Billie drew her brows together as she watched him maneuver his way over to her.
“All right, scout, what’s up?”
Cat took a step sideways, exposing Seth to his mother. He reached up and removed the baseball cap he was wearing.
Billie’s eyes flew open. “You shaved your head!”
“Yep. Just like you.”
Billie brought her hand up to her mouth and laughed, then opened her arms to him. She held him close and whispered into his ear, “Thank you. That was so sweet.”
“Grandpa took me to get it cut.”
Billie looked over at Doc, who was studying her chart. “Oh, he did, did he?” She caught Doc’s eye and winked at him. “Well, I like it.”
Several times through the visit, Cat saw glimpses of the old Billie come through: small signs, gestures, expressions, terms of endearment she most often used with them. It was apparent her body was starting to remember, but her mind was still resisting. All in all, the signs were positive. Cat realized that only with the children did Billie really relax.
I’ve got to get her home. I just know things will improve once she’s home.
Finally, it was time for the children to leave. After hugs and kisses, they said their good nights, leaving Cat and Billie alone in her room.
Billie yawned, signaling the end of a long and tiring day. “I’m beat.” She rubbed her hand over her eyes.
“Are you all right?” Cat asked. “You don’t have another headache, do you?”
“No. I’m just tired.” Billie yawned once more. “How about helping me to bed?”
“Now that’s an invitation I can’t refuse. I’ll take you to bed any day.”
A sudden tension fell between them as their eyes met. It was on the tip of Cat’s tongue to apologize for her comment, but instead, she adopted a wait-and-see attitude.
“Cat, I… Maybe you should go home and sleep in your own bed tonight. I know you’re not sleeping well with us crammed together on this small bed.”
Cat’s first instinct was to refuse, but Billie was offering her a convenient escape from the tense situation she had created with her careless comment, and she did the very thing she so didn’t want to do. She agreed to go home.
After feigning a yawn and a stretch, Cat assisted Billie from the chair to her bed and tucked her in for the night. Leaning in, she intended to kiss Billie on the lips, only to brush her cheek when Billie turned her head at the last moment.
Cat stepped back and tried to hide the awkwardness. “All right then. I guess I’ll be going. I’m scheduled to anesthetize a surgery tomorrow morning, so I’ll stop in before I scrub to say hi. I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well, my love.”
Cat chided herself all the way home for the verbal slip that made Billie so uncomfortable. Up to that point, things had been progressing in the right direction. Billie had stopped pulling away every time she touched her. She even allowed Cat to kiss her without recoiling. Cat surmised the growing familiarity between them caused her to forget Billie still felt uncomfortable with her insistence they were lovers.
She pulled into the driveway, stopped the engine, and rested her forehead on the steering wh
eel. Intense sadness washed over her as despair filled her heart and mind. She sat in the dark for a long time, fearing that one careless comment had destroyed all the trust and comfort she had worked so hard to build between herself and Billie since the operation.
Feeling chilled, she climbed out of the car and went into the house, only to find herself pacing across the living room, too restless to sleep and too distracted to focus on a book or television show. The minutes ticked by as she paced. By eight o’clock, she was climbing out of her skin and anxiety had a firm hold on her stomach.
“Get a grip, Cat,” she said to herself. “You’ll be of no use to Billie if you work yourself into a stupor. So you opened your mouth and inserted your foot—so what? Get over it.” She tried to convince herself she hadn’t ruined her chances with Billie.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she picked up the phone. “Jen?” she asked when her friend answered the phone. “Jen…” Cat didn’t know what to say or even why she had called her.
“Cat, where are you?”
“Home.”
An audible click was heard as the phone fell silent. Cat stared at the receiver, trying to decide whether she should call Jen back.
The decision to make a second call became unnecessary as the kitchen door swung open. “Come here, you,” Jen said as Cat rushed into her embrace. “Now tell me what happened.”
“I blew it. I blew it.”
“What do you mean, you blew it?”
Cat broke away from Jen’s embrace and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. “Billie made a comment tonight about being tired and asked me to help her to bed, and stupid old me had to make light of it with an off-color remark of my own, one that left no doubt as to how willing I was to take her to bed.”
A small grin appeared at the corners of Jen’s mouth. “I see. So, how does that constitute ‘blowing it’?”
“Well, considering she asked me to leave, I guess that pretty much speaks volumes, you think?”
“She asked you to leave?”
“Well, she didn’t exactly tell me to go. She suggested I might want to go home and sleep in my own bed. She thought I would be more comfortable here at home than crammed into the small hospital bed with her. At least that’s the excuse she used.”
Unchained Memories Page 23