Fire With Fire

by Jenny Han

I shove the envelope through the slats in her locker door, not even caring if some of them rip.

  * * *

  CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

  * * *

  MARY

  IT’S WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, LAST PERIOD, and I’m standing in the parking lot in front of Reeve’s truck, concentrating with all my might.

  But it’s hard, because I’m so happy. Seeing Reeve these past few days walking around school, pretending like he doesn’t care when I know the truth because I can see right through him. He’s miserable, and I’m loving every second of it.

  The door doesn’t move. I concentrate harder. If only I knew what the inside of a car lock looked like, then maybe I could picture it clicking open.

  Openopenopen.

  I need to get inside Reeve’s car before school lets out, so I can leave him a gift. It’s my daisy necklace, the one he gave me on my thirteenth birthday. Once upon a time it was my most prized possession; I never took it off, not even to take a bath. I found it the other night when I was packing. I hadn’t seen it since homecoming night. The perfect parting gift.

  I want him to see it hanging from his rearview mirror and think of me. I know he won’t make the connection, that I am the reason he is hurting right now, that I am the one who is behind it all. But I hope there will be a flicker, a shadowy hint of an idea, an idea that will grow and fester long after I’m gone: You are suffering right now for all of your past sins. This is what you deserve.

  Either way, I’m done with it. I don’t want it anymore.

  I slide my hand into my coat pocket, take the daisy charm into my hand, and squeeze it as hard as I can. As hard as it takes to turn coal into a diamond.

  Click.

  Both truck doors, the passenger side and the driver’s side, spring open hard and fast, like they are spring-loaded. It makes the entire chassis rock. Reeve’s car alarm wails. I don’t have much time.

  I climb into the front seat and loop the chain around Reeve’s rearview mirror. I give it a flick, so the daisy charm swings back and forth like a pendulum, dead center in the middle of his windshield.

  Then I slide out and walk away, without bothering to close the doors, as the high school begins to empty out.

  * * *

  CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

  * * *

  KAT

  IT’S ONE MORE DAY UNTIL Christmas break, and school is basically a joke. I’ve seen a movie in three of my classes today. Not that I’m complaining.

  I take my lunch to the library to check e-mail, which is my new routine since sending in my early-decision application. You’re technically not allowed to eat or drink in the library, but I’m stealth about it. I have my chicken wrap tucked up the sleeve of my flannel shirt and an open soda inside my book bag, which I keep upright by anchoring it between my feet.

  I’ve got two e-mails. One forwarded warning about violence against puppies from my aunt Jackie, and one from Oberlin.

  I stop breathing and click, and my eyes pop all over the screen.

  “Oh God. Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

  The librarian rushes over immediately. I think she’s been waiting for weeks to catch me on some rule break, so she can toss my ass out of here. I swear, the woman wants this damn library all to herself. “You cannot use that language in here, Ms. DeBrassio. I’m going to write you—”

  I don’t even wait for her to finish saying whatever the fuck she’s saying. I push back my chair, hoist my bag up on my shoulder, and book it to Ms. Chirazo’s office. I burst in without even knocking.

  She’s with another student. A pudgy freshman in a striped polo shirt. They both turn and look at me, shocked. I don’t realize right away, but a steady stream of upended soda is dripping out of my bag.

  “Fuck!” I scream out at the top of my lungs, because that’s the only word I can think of. And then I start crying like a baby.

  Ms. Chirazo isn’t even fazed. If anything, she’s a guidance machine. “Kat, take a seat right now,” she says in a voice like a drill sergeant. I collapse into the empty chair next to the pudgy kid, wrap my arms around my head, and moan. Ms. Chirazo turns to the boy and says, “Billy, I’ll come find you later.”

  I shoot Billy whatever-his-name-is dagger eyes. “You didn’t see this,” I growl.

  Ms. Chirazo follows him to her door and closes it so hard her papers flutter. Then she rushes to my side. She doesn’t go back behind her desk. She takes the seat next to me, the one Billy vacated. I wipe the snot from my nose on my sleeve, but more drips out.

  “What happened?”

  I want to look at her, but I can’t. “I didn’t get into Oberlin, that’s what happened!” Saying it out loud is like a freaking bitch slap.

  “Did you get a letter from them?”

  I shake my head. “No. It was an e-mail. From some automated robot. It wasn’t even personalized or anything. Cruel bastards.” I can barely choke out the words. “I told them in that damn essay that this was my dream. I told them that my mom is dead, and that I was going to live her dream for her. And they don’t even have the decency to send a personal response?”

  “What did it say, exactly?”

  I glare at her, fire in my eyes. “Are you fucking deaf? It said I didn’t get in!” Immediately I want to take it back. I don’t want to be a bitch to Ms. Chirazo. I shouldn’t have cursed at her. She’s been good to me.

  Ms. Chirazo doesn’t yell or throw me out. Instead she motions me to stand up. Then she ushers me to sit behind her desk. She leans around me and opens up the Internet on her computer. “Show me. Show me exactly what they sent you.”

  I do. I pull the damn e-mail up so she can see it for herself.

  She reads it a lot more carefully than I did. It takes her a few seconds to talk. “Kat, this just says you didn’t get in early decision. Your application got pushed into the general pool. You still have a chance.”

  Maybe I should feel better at this, but I don’t. “If they don’t want me early decision, they don’t want me period.”

  “That’s not true. Not at all. In fact, it says here that you can still update your application. We can pump up your extracurriculars, try to find you some additional opportunities to round you out. I’ve looked at your application myself, and that’s your only weak spot.”

  “What am I going to do? Put out a hit on the student council president?”

  “Not funny, Kat.”

  “I’m just saying. It’s too late.”

  She walks over to her filing cabinet and shuffles some papers around. “We did get a request earlier this week from Jar Island Preservation Society. They’re looking for office volunteers after school and on the weekend.”

  I don’t want to hope, but this is better than nothing. “All right.”

  “Excellent. I’ll call them today and ask when you should start.

  “I’m sorry I cursed at you.”

  “You were upset. I understand. I’m glad you’re expressing your feelings.” She pats me on the leg. “In the meantime, you’ll go ahead and apply to your safety school just in case. You’re a tough girl, Kat. Don’t lose your head now.”

  I never thought I’d say this, but thank freaking God for Ms. Chirazo.

  And then it hits me.

  “Hey, Ms. Chirazo. Do you have, like, set students you deal with? Or can you talk to anyone who might need help? Because I have this friend . . .”

  * * *

  Later that day, a note from Ms. Chirazo is delivered to my eighth period. Turns out the Preservation Society wants me to start today. So I head over there after school. Why not? I’ve got nothing to lose. And, if anything, I feel like I owe something to her, for working so hard to help me.

  It’s a nice building, on the strip of fancy stores in White Haven. White wood with black trim and lots of old leaded-glass windows that have bends and dimples in them. They’ve got bundles of balsam branches hung around the doorway and laced through the iron step railings, and it makes the air smell freaking fantastic. I spot a
plaque on the way in. Bronze. It says this building was once the town meeting hall, back in the 1700s.

  Inside, the space is big and open, with hardwood floors so shiny I can see my reflection in them. Every wall is covered with red exposed brick, and they’ve got town artifacts hung up, like a moth-eaten old flag and a weathered wooden boat paddle. Every few feet there’s a large oak desk. Vintage lightbulbs with the twisted orange filaments dangle down from the ceiling. The whole place reeks of money.

  I don’t like it right away. Something about rich-people causes makes me itchy. It’s like they’re looking for ways to use their money to ease their guilt.

  I walk up to the first desk I see. There’s a woman there, talking on the telephone. She’s got on a fuzzy cream sweater, pearl earrings, and a huge honkin’ diamond on her finger.

  She sizes me up—my messy hair, the rips in my jeans, the combat boots—and offers a tight smile. Into the phone receiver she says, “Of course we’re worried about the house. It’s absolutely charming. And with all your family history there . . . Now, we’ve made several attempts to reach out to your sister, and . . . there’s no other way to put this, except to say that she’s not well. And the house is clearly suffering because of it.” The lady’s voice is hella high-pitched and whiny. She mm-hmms a bunch of times to the voice on the other end of the call, but she’s clicking through e-mails or something on her laptop, so I doubt she’s even listening. “Yes, well, we are willing to help in whatever way possible. If the house proves too much for your sister to care for, then we’ll be happy to make you a very generous offer. Yes, well, of course. We look forward to hearing from you and are happy to assist in any way we can.”

  The woman hangs up the phone and lets out a pained sigh.

  “Tough day on the job?” I ask.

  She chuckles dryly. “You could say. Now, may I help you? You’ve been waiting so very patiently, and I appreciate that.”

  I want to say, You don’t need to be so condescending, you bitch, but instead I smile. This woman must think I’m some kind of feral cat in from the streets. “Ms. Chirazo from the high school called about me today.”

  The woman eyes me. I guess however Ms. Chirazo pitched me, I’m not exactly measuring up. “Of course. Yes. Well, we’re happy to have you, Katherine.” She gets up from behind her desk. “Let me show you to the basement, where you’ll be working.”

  Of course.

  She ushers me down a creaky stairway. The basement has not received the same designy care as the upstairs. There are no windows, and the ceilings are so low we need to hunch if we don’t want to knock ourselves out.

  “You’ll need to go through these documents, scan the front pages, and then save them to the hard drive.” She shows me a thing that looks like a paper shredder. “It goes quick; you slide the documents through this and the scanner takes a picture. Try to get them to go in straight. And be extra careful with any paper that’s turned yellow.”

  “What is all this stuff?”

  The woman laughs through her nose. “A little of everything, really. Town charters, newspapers, land surveys.” She’s already halfway up the stairs. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  I shrug off my jacket. I’d love to bust right up out of here, but I can’t. I’ll be working here until spring, probably. Ugh. The things I’ll do for Oberlin. For fuck’s sake.

  * * *

  CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

  * * *

  LILLIA

  MRS. LIND HAS GONE ALL-OUT this year. There are red-bow-tied waiters walking around passing out fancy little bites like mini lump crab cakes and pear latke cakes with truffled crème fraiche on top—plus, there’s a carving station and a raw bar and all kinds of chocolate goodies.

  It’s a packed house, people everywhere. My parents are by the Christmas tree talking to some friends from the yacht club. My mom looks so beautiful tonight. She’s wearing a white dress that drapes on the side, and she got her hair done in an updo. She tried to get Nadia and me to go with her and get our hair done too, but Nadia hates the way anyone else does her hair, and while I would normally jump at the chance to get a blowout, I wasn’t in the mood.

  I’m in that blue silk dress again, the one I wore to Reeve’s open house. I put my hair in a ponytail and I’ve got on my platform booties because they’re my most comfortable dressy shoe. It’s not like I’m trying to impress anyone tonight.

  I’m sitting with Alex on the comfy couch in the living room, sharing a chocolate tart with whipped cream on top. He snuck us some mulled cider, too, although I doubt our parents would care. I don’t know where Nadia is—probably playing Guitar Hero in the pool house with Alex’s cousins. We’re the only kids still hanging around, only I guess we’re not kids anymore. That’s what Alex’s mom said, that we should stay and socialize with the adults because we’re practically adults ourselves. I’m hoping my parents won’t want to stay too late, because we only took one car.

  “Why so glum, Lil?” Alex asks me. “Christmas is in three days.”

  I’ve got a forkful of chocolate tart halfway to my mouth. “Glum? I’m not glum. Sorry if I seem that way . . . I guess I’m just tired. I went to the barn really early this morning.”

  “How is Phantom?”

  “Oh, he’s good.” I take another forkful of tart. “I can’t believe you remember his name.”

  Alex gives me a wounded look. “Of course I remember. I’ve seen you compete. Remember, back in freshman year? You used to ride, like, every day. Phantom was all you talked about.”

  I laugh. “I guess I was kind of a horsey girl for a while there.” I reach over and grab my clutch off the coffee table. “I got you something for Christmas.”

  Alex chews fast and swallows. “No way.”

  Shyly, I nod. “I wanted to say thank you. You’ve been so great to me this year.” I pull out the present from my clutch. I could barely fit my lipstick and compact inside with it because it takes up so much room.

  Alex looks touched. He turns the whole thing over in his hands, and I’m glad I took special care in wrapping it up. I used a special shiny gold foil paper and tied it with a cream silk ribbon. He opens it slowly, careful not to rip the paper. He pulls out the long, whiskey-colored piece of leather and stares at it without saying anything.

  “It’s a guitar strap,” I say, because maybe he thinks it’s a belt? I take it from him and turn it over. “I had them emboss your initials in the leather. I picked the font out myself. Anyway, the lady said it’s adjustable, so you can wear it high and tight like Johnny Cash, or low like the punk-rock kids do.” I hand it back to him. “I wasn’t sure what style you’re into.”

  “Lil,” he says quietly, and then looks up at me. “This is so cool.”

  I beam a smile. “Really? You like it?”

  Alex nods, but then suddenly stands up from the couch and stares across the room.

  I look up, and there’s Reeve, wearing his puffy vest and standing in front of the buffet table with a beer in his hand. He’s cutting himself a piece of the pork tenderloin and eating it with his fingers.

  I stand up too, my heart pounding. “Did you invite him?”

  “No,” Alex says.

  Now Reeve’s taking a swig of the beer, finishing it in one long gulp. He’s looking around the room; he hasn’t seen us yet. But he spots Alex’s uncle Tim, and he goes up to him and claps him on the back so hard that some champagne tips out of Uncle Tim’s flute.

  “Shit. He’s drunk,” Alex says, and strides across the room. I follow him. He goes up to Reeve and puts his hand on his shoulder. “What are you doing here, man?”

  Reeve turns around unsteadily. “Your mom let me in.” Then he sees me standing behind Alex. “Whaddup, Cho.”

  “Hey.”

  Alex starts hustling Reeve out of the room and out the back door, toward the pool house, with Reeve protesting and stumbling all the way.

  Reeve pushes Alex away from him when we’re outside. “What the hell? I’m not welco
me at your house all of a sudden?”

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Alex says. “Just chill.”

  I wrap my arms around myself, shivering. I left my coat inside.

  Reeve juts his chin at me. “What is it you have against winter coats?” He starts to shrug out of his vest.

  “I’m fine,” I say.

  “ ‘I’m fine,’ ” he mimics back. Then Reeve’s lip curls. “Whatever. Freeze to death, then. See if I care.”

  My eyes well up. He’s being so mean. Is this how it’s going to be with us now?

  “You should go,” Alex says, stepping in front of me.

  Reeve throws up his hands. “So much for bros before hoes. I’m out.” He yells out toward the pool house, “Merry Christmas, kids! Santa’s getting his ass kicked out.” And then he stumbles off toward the gate.

  Nadia and a couple of Alex’s older cousins have come outside; they’re watching us from the front of the pool house with wide eyes.

  I take Alex’s arm. “He shouldn’t drive,” I say. “He’s drunk.”

  Alex doesn’t make a move; he just watches as Reeve stalks off. I push Alex in Reeve’s direction as hard as I can. “Hurry, Alex!”

  Reluctantly, Alex follows him. “Give me your keys. I’ll drive you home.”

  Reeve tosses his keys out onto the lawn. “Nah, I’ll walk.”

  “Reeve!” I call out. “Let him take you.”

  But he’s already halfway down the street, his black puffy vest blending into the night sky. I go looking for his keys, but it’s too dark. Alex comes back to my side and shrugs. “Give me your phone,” I say to him, and he hands it to me. I use it like a flashlight and I comb through the grass.

  Behind me, Alex says, “We should go back inside. It’s freezing out here. I’ll find them in the morning.”

  I ignore him and keep searching. My fingers finally close on the hard, cold metal, and I clutch them in my hand. Then I hold them up in front of Alex. “You should go after him. He’s drunk; it’s going to take him hours to get home with his bad leg. He could get hit by a car.”