Her pain is palpable; it radiates from her.
She continues, “Sometimes I think if I can keep the same thing from happing to Lily and Max and Jackson, maybe a part of Alex will be found and saved too.” She peers up at me “It helps me push forward. You haven’t mentioned it, but you probably already know from the Prescott file that I applied to be their legal guardian.”
I jerk my head up in surprise. “Actually, I didn’t know. I know you told me several families stepped forward, but there’s nothing in the case file that suggests anyone applied.”
Elle searches my face. “How is that possible?”
“I don’t know. Unless…” Christ, it’s unthinkable. I contemplate seriously. “Unless they’re burying applications. Which, since speaking with Prescott, I wouldn’t put it past him or his deep pockets.”
“Or that crooked judge,” she growls as her brow furrows deeply.
“This is why the kids are here, at North House, Elle. I promise I’ll look into it.”
Slowly she nods. She has a new look in her eyes toward me.
Could it be… trust?
“I just want it to be fair. They deserve that.”
“Yeah, they do.” I find my hand reaching out and covering hers. “I’ll pull every string I’ve got. I swear it. I’ll find out exactly what happened to your application and make sure it gets into the right hands.”
“You know what, Connor? I believe you.” Her free hand comes over mine.
After a pause, she says, “You really thought about me that whole time?”
“More than you could ever know,” I confess on an exhale.
“You didn’t resent me when you were sent to juvie?”
“Not at all.” The touch of her hand ignites the blood in my veins like nitrous racing fuel.
“You know, everyone’s always telling me what a great guy you are.”
“What do you think?”
She opens her beautiful mouth to speak, and I’m waiting on her every word, but just then Lily calls out for her.
“I have to…”
“I know.”
“Guess we’ll have to resume this conversation another time.” Slowly, reluctantly, she peels herself away.
All Monday, I keep watching the clock. It’s already late afternoon and Elle has only been downstairs twice for quick intervals just to check in. She’s been in remote Skype meetings all morning, and they’re scheduled through the evening.
After I work with the teens on their lessons, I pair them with the younger kiddos. Jackson, Max and Lily love working with the teens. They make it fun.
While that’s going on, I make some calls.
After the kids come in from an impromptu backyard basketball sesh, I take the pre-made casserole—compliments of Debra—out of the oven to cool. Once the kids wash up, they get the table ready.
In hopeful expectation, I take the stairs two at a time, hurrying to Elle’s room. I’m hoping she might be able to come down for something to eat. When she answers my knock, her shoulder is scrunched up in an attempt to cradle her phone at her ear, while her hands are busy with open files as her eyes scan over documents she’s trying not to drop. Her desk holds a mountain of paperwork, and there’s a trail of mess to her open briefcase.
She shoots me an apologetic look and mouths wait at me.
I nod.
“Yes of course.” She speaks into the phone. “I’ll be able to take care of that when I get back into the office first thing Friday morning.” Pause. “Sure, I’ll get ahold of him as soon as we hang up.” Pause. Another look at me with an apologetic half-smile.
Damn I want to knock all that crap to the floor, toss the phone from the window and kiss her.
“Thanks, Barry. See you then.” She disconnects the call and exhales. “Monday’s the worst.”
Getting to look at you and talk to you makes this the best Monday ever.
But out loud I say, “I know what you mean.”
Her eyebrow twitches just a bit, as if she knows I thought something else first.
“How are the kids?”
“Everybody’s great. Hungry for dinner.”
“Is it dinner time already?” she says, sounding stressed. She scans her phone—for the time, no doubt.
I understand these long days more than anybody. “Are you hungry?”
She glances over at the desk. A small plate with crumbs from the toast she ate for breakfast early this morning still sits there, along with an empty coffee cup.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Connor, I’m not finished. Is there a rule about the house leader having to be at dinner?”
“We can make an exception.” She definitely doesn’t need more pressure.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re here, that’s enough. It’s all good.”
“I swear, I’ll wrap it up in an hour. At least I won’t miss the evening gathering.”
“Sounds good. But you really can take all the time you need.”
“Thanks, Connor.”
I start to turn to go, but her gaze lingers on me as she catches her bottom lip with her teeth.
Jesus Christ! I’m going to explode. That’s all there is to it.
“I meant to get in more time today with—”
My breath stalls in my chest. Has she been feeling the same way I have?
“You…”—but she attaches the next three words quickly—“know, the kids.”
The cutthroat courtroom lawyer in me stops at the word, you. The trained witness interrogator part of me believes she meant the you, but the part of me that knows how guarded she is wonders if it wasn’t just a stressed-out slip of the tongue. The smile that started to rise stops short.
“The kids completely respect the work you’re doing and know how much you care. Again, don’t sweat it. Come down when you can.”
“Even Lily’s holding up?”
“We’ve had to redirect her more than a few times today, but we’ve done a good job at keeping her distracted.”
Elle beams brightly. “You’re pretty good.”
I’d love to show her just how good I really am.
“I’ll bring you up a plate and a cup of tea,” I say instead.
“That would be great. Thanks.” She gives me a grateful smile, and all I can think is that Talon’s universe theory—how there’s a plan and a destiny, no coincidences—seems more real to me than it ever has.
After dinner, the kids decide to play Twister, but after a few rounds, the older ones are chomping at the bit to play video games. I let them and take over at the spinner so the three little ones can play. Just then, Elle appears in the doorway.
They all make a break for her, rushing her at once.
“I’m sorry it was such a long day!” She hugs them all. “I’ve missed you guys today.”
“Me too!” Lily shouts.
“Can you play Twister with us?” Max asks.
“Sure!”
She kisses each of them before smiling up at me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I should not be this excited to see her. My heart is racing from her smile, and I know I’m in deep goddamn trouble.
“Twister, huh?”
“Up for the challenge?”
“Of course.”
I spin and she and the three little ones reach over and under each other and become a big pretzel. They giggle and laugh. Lily cheats by tickling her brothers. They cry foul, then laugh again.
My soul tugs at me while I watch them play. I want her. I want them… all four of them. After four days insulated like this, 24/7, they’ve become my new life. And I don’t want it to end.
It occurs to me that this is what family feels like.
“Next color?” Elle’s sweet voice floats to me.
“Um… red.”
Can she see how much I’m falling for her?
I spin. “Blue, Lily.”
“Gotcha, Connor!” she calls back, her blond curls covering her face as
she huffs and slides a leg over Max, knocking him to the floor. “HA-HA! I beat you!”
“It doesn’t count when you kick me out of the way, Lil.” He rolls his eyes.
I chuckle and turn the dial. “Yellow.”
Jackson pulls off a Matrix style move to his next space, while Lily teeters, almost hitting the mat before Elle catches her around the waist and rights her.
“ELLE!” Max whines.
“Sorry, Max, instinct.”
I can see her soul, and it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever encountered.
Soon, they land in a heap of arms and legs together on the floor, all of them giggling. I am too.
Jackson jumps up from the pile. “Your turn, Connor!”
He grabs the spinner from me. “You and Elle.”
Me and… Elle? “I don’t know, Jacks.”
“Yeah!” Max shouts and karate chops the air, “A Connor and Elle match!”
“Honey, Connor’s probably tired after such a long day,” Elle tries.
Lily starts dancing around, chanting our names.
“Lily, you can help me with the colors.” Jackson says as both Lily and Max group up around the spinner to watch the show.
“I’m game,” I tell Elle.
“Okay then.” She speaks assuredly, but I see her swallow uncomfortably.
We stand over the mat and face off as Jackson spins the needle. “Right foot on—”
“GREEN!” Lily yells, startlingly loud. “Like Oscar!”
Elle and I look at each other and laugh heartily. I’m thankful for the break in the tension.
“Lady’s first,” I say, sweeping my hand toward the vinyl sheet.
She eyes me suspiciously, then gives me a challenging grin. And it’s on.
Max calls, “Blue.”
Like her eyes, I muse as I bring my left hand to the nearest blue circle.
“Elle, left foot on yellow,” Jackson instructs.
Our bare arms touch, and the sensation is delicious. Soon our legs curl together, and I can imagine hers wrapped around my waist. I have to force my mind not to pay attention to the achingly sweet intimacy the game is inadvertently giving us.
They keep calling the plays as Elle and I make this a full-fledged, competitive sport.
I get stuck in a plank facing the mat, and she does a complete backbend over me. I have to crane my neck to watch her. It’s beyond fucking sexy and utterly distracting. I almost fall.
“Hey! Using your yoga… expertise is completely… not fair!”
“There are no rules to that effect, counselor,” she argues.
“Oh, is that where you want to take it?” I look over into her pretty face.
“Maybe.”
I nod. “Alright then. Next direction, Jacks.”
“Jacks, huh?” she says to me.
“He likes it.”
Her next smile almost knocks me out.
“Connor, right foot to blue.”
I shake the fog from my brain and take a look at the mat. Elle is covering most of it and has effectively pressed me to the edge. Not to mention, being facedown while she’s all stretched out over me is not ideal. I want the full view.
“Ref, can I lift my right hand and move my opponent so I can reach my foot to the circle.”
“Move her?” Jackson looks up at us.
“Yeah? Move me??” Elle asks, still in her backbend.
Jackson studies our positions. “I say yes, as long as she doesn’t fall. Or you’ll be out,” he decides. “Can you really lift her with one hand?”
I snort a laugh. Oh, can I lift her.
She squeaks. “No!”
“I wanna see!” Max cries.
Employing a side plank, I get my right hand at the small of Elle’s back and carefully hoist her in the air. Pivoting my left hand on its blue dot, I reposition both my feet on their colored spaces, and twist my torso upward so my body is beneath hers in an impressive three-legged crab-like move, before lowering her back over me. Her hands and feet land back in their original placements.
“You have flexibility,” I whisper in her ear. “I have strength.” That would be an amazing fucking combination in bed.
An audible breath escapes her lungs. She steadies herself and whispers back, “I have other distractions.”
“Oh yeah? I’d like to see them.” Oh Christ, how I’d like to see all of them!
Max gives the next direction, and suddenly Elle is in a downward dog over me, her face lifted just to the side of mine. So close that, when I turn mine a hair, my cheek touches hers. Her delicate skin is smooth and soft.
With each breath she takes, her breasts press against my chest and her nipples bead.
Fuck. Me. Please.
Jackson announces my next move, and the within the next few spins I turn the tables—or so I think.
Elle is belly up on her hands and feet in the same crab position I’d been in earlier, only this time, I’m on top of her, hovering over the length of her, my arms extended and flexed on both sides of her head in a held push up.
Our bodies are so incredibly—impossibly—close.
Her breathing shifts and her breasts rise and fall. Her gaze drops to my lips, where it lingers for a moment as she licks her own. My groin aches at the sight of it. When she realizes she’s doing it, she quickly brings her eyes back to mine.
Without meaning to, I feel my face break into a cocky smirk. My body begs to be closer. Just an inch, and I could have my mouth on hers. Just an inch, and I could press my body against hers until she’s pinned to the floor.
Fuck! My cock is growing hard and I have no apron to hide behind.
“Are Connor and Elle gonna kiss?” Lily’s voice floats through my senses.
Kids, kids, kids! My mind screams the alarm!
“Ew, yuck! No!” Max says, horrified.
Jackson doesn’t say anything.
“Whoa!” I tumble myself to the side, dropping my elbow to touch the mat.
“YAY! ELLE WINS!” Lily dances.
Max groans, “Oh man.”
“Yes, she does,” I announce, hopping off the mat and offering a hand to Elle. “She’s the champ!”
She takes my hand and I pull her to her feet. We’re both breathless; her cheeks are painted with the prettiest of pink blush.
Get ahold of yourself, Connor!
Honestly, it was a game of freaking Twister. It’s not her fault I’m so infatuated by her! And that the closeness made me… think… think that maybe…
“Great game, right guys?” I’ve got to take charge of the situation because Jackson is watching me like he knows. I’m the house leader this week. It’s about the kids.
Fuck! I just really blew it!
“Ice cream!” I broadcast. “We have some mint chocolate chip or rocky road. Anybody up for it?’
All three of the kids cheer as the teens shout, “We want ice cream!” from the other room.
“I’ll dish,” I call, already jogging to the kitchen while situating my pants to be more comfortable on the way.
Elle
I DIDN’T MEAN for everything to feel awkward.
More awkward.
I wanted to try… try to show him somehow that I had deeper feelings than friendship. Or loathing. Now I think I embarrassed him. I definitely embarrassed myself, and worse, I did it all in front of the children.
What was I thinking?
I wasn’t.
We were so close. He was so close. And when he touched me during the game, I kinda lost it. Not like he even meant to; he had no choice—it was simply part of the game.
But his body was so hard, and every muscle was flexed and…
And his heart is…
So big and loving and kind…
I just…
Wanted to play. Wanted to feel.
It’s been so long since I could feel. Connor has awakened every part of me: my soul, my heart.
My hidden heart and the deepest parts of me.
My
body reacts to him.
And… Jesus, I just tossed the smart girls’ rulebook right off the cliff and jumped off after it, I behaved so ridiculously.
I turn and lift my phone.
“Ooww!” Cursing myself, I press my eyes closed in pain. Nothing like looking into a bright screen too fast in pitch darkness.
Smart. Add that to the list, genius.
I dim it. Three am.
Sleep is not being kind.
I acted like a fool.
What he must think of me! I can’t believe how much I humiliated myself.
I swipe another tear from my face.
How do I fix this mess? This mess of my own creation?
Then my mind shifts lanes and I’m remembering him over me, “I’d like to see all of them,” he’d said about my moves. I thought he was being flirty.
My eyes close as I remember the way he looked at me when he brought me dinner, or every time I come into the room, and when we started talking about our shared moments from the past.
It made me feel like it was all becoming mutual.
I curl up in the blanket as I embrace the moments I thought meant something deeper. I don’t want to lose them. I want them to be true.
In my truth, that was the sexiest, most romantic Twister game ever. In my truth…
A few more tears fall.
I want this to be real. All of it. Connor and me, the kids.
But isn’t this how broken, orphaned children think? Wanting what’s not real to be real? Wanting a family?
I whisper against the darkness, “I’m not a child anymore.”
And I still don’t know what he’s going to do. He could still choose Harrison and Smith over the kids. I don’t mean over my new silly fantasy of us as a happy family, I mean that Prescott could still win and Connor might not stand up for them.
Do I really still believe that?
I know I don’t. Not really. We’ve got Debra and Cade on our side, and now I see in Connor the man that Debra described. He’s not the man I thought he was when I met him in the courthouse.
No, he’s not that man at all.
He’s so much more.
I’m falling.
After some time, my eyes start to feel heavy.
As I finally begin to drift off, I think…
Risk: An Enemies to Lovers, Second Chance Romance Standalone (Brothers of Ink and Steel) Page 16