Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  “Like you.”

  JD shrugged as TJ realized that his brother couldn’t see beyond his perfect little world. “However you want to do it. You weren’t very happy your way though.”

  He sucked in breath, his words coming out as more of a yell than he intended. “JD, I’m not like you. I’m never going to be like you.”

  “You aren’t. You don’t have to be. But why do you have to move so fast? Why do you have to break every rule? Close every party?”

  “You don’t get it, JD.” TJ sighed. “And you never will.”

  Chapter 5

  In perfect cadence with the last notes of the music, Norah’s arms floated down to an arc framing her torso. In the mirror she saw fifteen students attempt to do it as well as she did; none succeeded. But they were improving.

  “All right girls. That’s it for tonight. Thank you for coming back, and I’ll see you next year.”

  There was a round of applause, both from the girls and from the parents just beyond the door. Norah didn’t blush, it wasn’t really for her, it was for the girls. A few showed promise, but these girls were likely too old to go pro, and that wasn’t Norah’s goal for them anyway.

  The girls all broke form, a small swell of colorful leotards and leg warmers parting and moving for the door, almost like a school of fish. The parents came in to talk to her, to ask what classes each girl should be placed in the next year. These girls were going into junior high, and she was going to promote all but a few of them to pointe. That meant parents ranged from concerned to excited—and unilaterally ignorant.

  She answered questions, and answered them again. And smiled.

  One girl hung back, until all the others had been gathered up by moms or dads.

  Only three weeks ago, at the recital, had Norah met Andie’s father. Before then she had only seen the mother, and only briefly. On those few occasions Norah noted that the two had no looks in common except for brilliant smiles. But at the recital, Andie’s Dad had come backstage to give his daughter flowers, and Norah had silently blessed the gods that it was after the show instead of before.

  She was used to good-looking men. Her students’ fathers could be found crawling all over the dance studio on a regular basis. Some of them hit on her. Of course, she always said no; she had a strict policy not to get involved with anyone associated through the dance school. But she hadn’t been prepared for the blow when Andie’s father had introduced himself.

  Her gut had twisted when he turned, and she was facing JD Hewlitt. The boy she’d idolized from age eight to sixteen. She’d fancied herself in love with him then, but later learned that it had been nothing more than a good crush.

  The worst moment had been that he had recognized her, too. “Lilah?”

  Norah had shaken her head, not surprised at all that he’d thought she was her sister. He hadn’t even noticed her or her silly infatuation while they’d been growing up. Why would he? He’d been seven years older, mature to her gangly child. And he’d been dating Lilah. Norah looked enough like her older sister that, given the years, the mistake was more than understandable.

  JD did a double take when she told him who she was, probably shocked that she wasn’t still the stick-skinny kid who was all big eyes and too-wide smile. They’d spoken just a few sentences, then he’d gone.

  Now mother and daughter approached her, the last ones lingering on the last night of class before summer.

  “Hi, Norah. I’m Kelsey.” The woman with the kind face had a tiny baby tucked in one hand and the other extended out for a welcoming shake.

  “I remember.” She smiled. At least JD looked to have found someone good for him.

  “I wanted to talk to you about a few things.”

  Uh-oh. That never had meant anything good in her past. But she nodded and smiled as though she couldn’t wait to hear what was coming.

  “We had Andie’s portraits done here at the studio this winter when you offered them.”

  Norah simply nodded, waiting for the point. The portraits had sucked, but she’d gotten a cut of the meager profits, and she needed every penny she could squeeze out of this school.

  “They were passable.”

  That was a kind word for it.

  Kelsey continued, realizing that Norah wasn’t going to step in. “I do portraits. I’d like to bid on next year’s job.”

  That brought on a few blinks. It certainly wasn’t expected. “Okay.” It was all she could think of to push out of her mouth.

  “On a separate note, I understand that you know my husband.”

  There you had it.

  “We’d love to have you over to dinner.” The words gushed out, not giving Norah near enough time to process all of them. “You should get a chance to catch up with JD. I have examples of my work at the house. And TJ is in town. Although, if you’ve paid any attention to the entertainment news then you know that TJ isn’t his usual self. But he might be over.”

  Again Norah nodded, meaning only that she’d heard, but Andie was jumping up and down, clapping and squealing. “I’m so glad you’ll come.”

  There was hardly any way to say ‘no’ after that. Even though she hadn’t really meant to say ‘yes’.

  Chapter 6

  TJ looked around the place from his vantage just above his usual waist height. After two weeks here it seemed even less like home and more like some alien land. Sadly, he owned it. The whole house screamed his condition, from the ramp up the front walk to the low queen-sized master bed.

  The kitchen was the worst. It was the most obviously ‘handicapped.’ Every door and drawer opened with a full handle—no knobs to slip through weakened grasps. The counters were low and hung out beyond the cabinets underneath, so TJ could wheel his chair up and work. Like he was ever going to prepare a meal here.

  Even the cabinets were hung low. The paths throughout the house were wide enough for the chair. There were so many silver rails in the bathroom that it looked like the plumbing had gone nuts and come through the walls.

  His room was large enough for him to maneuver the chair around each side of the bed, and the side tables simply jutted from the walls as most counters in the house did. It was a necessity for someone who would never stand to work at the surface.

  The back room was outfitted for the live-in nurse. Probably the worst feature of this whole set-up.

  Kelsey had arranged the first nurse when he moved in. TJ was grateful that he didn’t have to call and find his own babysitter. She was a big matronly woman who didn’t seem to understand that he needed help, not a mother. When his plate had slipped through his grasp, shattering and sending shards of china skittering across the smooth floor, she hadn’t understood his deep need to pick up each additional plate, and smash it alongside the first. They had shattered so completely against the slick silver refrigerator, the wall, the floor. The cups had been picked off their hooks one by one and flung to wherever they would make the best end, the last crashing on the countertop and sending a burst of tiny slivers into his arms and neck.

  He hadn’t noticed much. But Nurse Ratchet sure did. She had hmmphed, wiped the blood off him while he sat there shaking, swept the floor, then told him in her imperious tones that she would have the agency send someone else.

  JD had arrived in the interim, and hadn’t said a thing.

  TJ had no idea what was boiling inside him, only that it was. JD and Kelsey were about the last ones standing where he was concerned. Craig and Alex already told him to go to hell.

  A repair-man came to fix the broken kitchen window that TJ hadn’t noticed he’d caused. He had watched the whole repair job, thinking how easy it was. Then TJ realized he was now perfectly incapable of doing it.

  A second nurse had come and said nothing when he watched endless reels of himself on entertainment shows. Pictures of his face in better days flashed on screen. The talking heads reported that he was expected to make a full recovery. He laughed. They said it was speculated that drugs were involved in the acc
ident. He contemplated calling them up and telling them that no, it had just been alcohol, but clearly that was enough.

  That was when he realized that he wasn’t as famous as he thought. While cards, flowers, and gifts poured in, no paparazzi followed him. For the first time he was glad not to be bigger than he was.

  When the shows changed to more pressing news, all of three days later, he turned the TV off. Instead he watched his feet, hoping for some sign of life, some twitch or jerk that would signal that this nightmare would end. He refused to go to physical therapy, purposefully oversleeping and missing appointments. It was worthless and heart-breaking to watch someone else move his limbs.

  On her day off, nurse number two went out. She didn’t come back. He was later told something about non-cooperation.

  Nurse number three was male, and by far the best of the lot. But still intolerable. He ate healthy breakfasts sending smells of wheat germ pancakes and turkey bacon all through the house. Though good-natured, he constantly told TJ the effects of the cigarettes he’d started smoking, the pizza and Cheetos he ate, the beer he drank. To add further insult, the man sang in the shower. Bad songs. Poorly. And at a volume that TJ could no longer achieve.

  The man had to go.

  Still he showed up in the living room right on time, in blue scrubs. The too-bright kind that made it clear the man in the wheelchair was out with his assistant, not a friend. “Are you ready?”

  TJ just stared. TJ was bathed, a phenomenal chore that took up a good portion of his mornings. He was dressed, yet another thing that took fifty times as long as it used to and was yet another demeaning experience. He was ready.

  He didn’t want to go to JD and Kelsey’s. All he really wanted was to be left alone, and there would be so many of them. All five kids would walk better than he did. They would run around the backyard in the early summer air, screaming and chasing each other. They might as well take kitchen knives and stab him repeatedly. No, he wouldn’t ever really be ready.

  Chapter 7

  Norah followed Kelsey around the house. Apparently they’d moved in a while ago, needing a bigger place. That made sense; JD and Kelsey sure seemed to be working on stuffing it to the gills.

  She had followed Kelsey upstairs, checking in on kids doing the last remnants of studying for the last few days of school. She thought maybe she should have kept the dance school going a little longer. Instead, she simply closed for the end of the year at the same time as the previous owners had, never giving it a second thought. But already the money was being missed—a few extra weeks would mean more of it next year.

  “This is my in-house workshop.” Kelsey opened the door to walls covered with photos. Portraits, candids, black and whites, all casually perfect to Norah’s eyes. Though she was untrained, like most people she knew what she liked. And she liked these too much.

  “I love it. I think you’d take excellent portraits at the studio, but I’m afraid most of our parents can’t afford you.” Which was a damn shame, she thought to herself.

  “Don’t worry about that. I won’t work for my usual rate. It’s something I’d like to do.” Kelsey talked and gestured, casually aware of the sleeping infant in the crook of her arm. Norah wondered about this woman with so many children, who could hold her baby so easily.

  Norah offered another conciliatory smile. “That would be even worse. If you lower your prices, then there’s no room for the studio to take a cut.” She sighed. “I have to, or I’d give you the job. But we aren’t making a real profit yet and I have to take what I can to keep it open.”

  “I understand.” She pulled out a folder of prints. “I’d still like to do it. I did these for Daniel’s soccer team last fall.”

  Norah flipped through the pages, seeing smiling kids caught in action, looking victorious, and all of them portrayed with a clear eye for whichever child was in them. Norah had no doubt that each kid looked his or her best.

  Kelsey smiled at her. “We’ll set a reasonable price list, and we’ll offer a lot of options, and we’ll split the profit. I’ll even give you a minimum.”

  Norah closed the folder and handed it back. “When you make offers like that, it’s hard to refuse. It’s yours.”

  Kelsey beamed. “Thank you.”

  JD’s voice called up from downstairs. “Dinner’s ready.”

  “Well,” Norah gave a small smile, ready to get out of confinement with the baby. Luckily, the little girl hadn’t woken up and tried to look at her. “I guess we’ll hammer out the details later.”

  With that Kelsey led the way back down the stairs to a strange whirring noise Norah had just then noticed. She wondered what JD was doing to dinner when she saw the man sitting in the wheelchair at the base of the stairs watching her come down. His mouth hung open.

  The voice that fell out of it was so like his brother’s. “Lilah?”

  “JD?” She shot back.

  He jerked his head back, and this time when he spoke his eyes were wider. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, he looked her up and down in full surprise. His voice was filled with wonder this time. “Norah?”

  She couldn’t help but enjoy his shock. She was a long way from the awkward pre-teen he’d known. She was sure her smile was too near a laugh to be polite. “Hey, TJ. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  JD poked his head out of the kitchen to join the conversation. “Yeah, TJ, get this, she’s Andie’s dance teacher.”

  Kelsey cut in, helping out. “Actually, she owns the studio.”

  Norah so wanted to hate the woman who’d bagged the most sought after boy from her corner of Houston. But it was hard to do. And JD was clearly in love with his wife.

  TJ looked up at her. “Did you just move out here?”

  “No. I taught at the studio for a year before I bought it three years ago.”

  He looked affronted. “And you didn’t call us up?”

  Norah laughed. “You’re famous. What was I going to say, ‘hey do you remember me? The little sister of the girl your brother used to date in junior high?’”

  He had the grace to look sheepish.

  Kelsey and JD called everyone to the table, and there were several minutes of shuffling. The baby had to go into her crib, then the toddler got strapped into his high chair and was handed his own dinner of finger foods. Ari, at five, had a cute little regular chair with a seat higher than the others. The older kids sat in their own seats, and easily made room for TJ at the end.

  Norah watched all of it in a kind of sick fascination. She and her father just pulled out chairs and sat. But Kelsey and JD were obviously in their element, they worked in concert making sure everything happened.

  TJ was more like her, just an observer. Suddenly quiet, he sat in his place at the end of the table, seemingly made of plaster, only his eyes showing any movement. Tucked there where he was, it was almost impossible to distinguish that he was in the wheelchair.

  After the shuffling stopped, dinner was served, and Norah was caught up in what it was like to be part of a large family. Andie had taken the place to her right, and TJ occupied her left side. Thankfully, the smaller children were nearer to their parents. Her own childhood had never been like this. It was a very organized chaos.

  In minutes the conversation turned to other topics. Daniel’s final baseball game. How much Andie liked the dance studio. That Norah had agreed to let Kelsey do the portraits at the studio next year.

  Kelsey had one hand in her toddler’s face holding food and the other stopping Daniel from interrupting his little sister, but she looked happy. “Norah, I’d love to do some dance portraits of you over the summer. At several different times, so they look like they were taken over more time, and you can have them. But I was thinking copies could go up at the studio with my name on them, so by the time portraits come around the parents will know what to expect and have an idea of what they’ll be getting.”

  Norah nodded, and it was decided. As usual, the details would be worked out later. Ev
en she wasn’t going to whip out her day-planner at the dinner table.

  JD spoke down the long table to his brother, “How’s Arlen working out?”

  TJ sighed. “Aside from the fact that his name is Arlen?”

  They all waited.

  “He’s getting fired.”

  That was it. Everyone was talking on top of each other. “When?” “Why?” “What will you do?”

  For a moment Norah took pity on him. They wouldn’t leave him alone. They didn’t see that he was in a bad place they couldn’t bring him out of. Even though he joined in at the dinner table, Norah knew how fresh the wound was. Hell, the whole world did. And she remembered the boy he’d been. This wasn’t TJ. Not like she’d seen in the music videos, or in interviews.

  “He’s better than the others. At this rate I think we’ll have it figured out by the tenth one.”

  Norah didn’t miss the bitterness that peeked through the covering of irony.

  TJ continued, “Aside from being generally intolerable, he sings in the shower.”

  Huh? She almost said it, but the words came out of Kelsey’s mouth. “That’s a fireable offense?”

  Her own husband answered with a solid “Yes.”

  It was the expression on his face, the compassion for his brother, that made Norah realize that the singing wasn’t some old Hewlitt thing, it was an affront to TJ’s situation. She was startled to realize that his career might be over. That his singing voice might have been damaged.

  As the conversation turned again, Norah was willingly led along.

  Dinner’s end was punctuated by a baby’s cries and Kelsey popping up from the table, her already slim form dashing down the hall to get her youngest. No wonder the woman regained her figure so quickly, she didn’t have time to put food in her mouth.