Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  “I wasn’t trying.” She protested, but whether she protested him coming at her or her own reaction, she didn’t know. “I’m in my own bedroom.”

  He nodded, but reached out his hand, his finger tracing the edge of the neckline on her shirt. “This shirt is cut so low,” his finger followed the curve of the top of one breast, effectively stopping her breathing, “that you look like you’re going to fall out of it.” His finger dipped down in between her breasts, making the point that the shirt was indeed too provocative. His eyes followed the path his finger was taking, up and over the curve of the other breast.

  All of her control fled. She sat, rigid as a statue, enthralled by his touch. She didn’t move as his finger found her collarbone, then followed a path back down between her breasts.

  Of course she wasn’t wearing a bra. She’d been asleep. TJ’s finger hooked into the slit of the shirt and tugged. “And I want you to fall out of it.”

  She had no choice but to move nearer or let him pull the shirt out far enough to see down it. That wouldn’t take much. Her brain didn’t decide, but her body did. She followed the tug of the fabric and the pull inside her, until she was right next to him, until she couldn’t get any closer.

  His eyes left the front of her shirt, searching her face, leaving her unsure of what he found there. His hand opened, all fingers following skin, up between her breasts and around the back of her neck. They laced into her hair, and her mouth fell open knowing what was coming.

  The faintest grin crossed his mouth before it found hers. His kiss sent streamers of heat out through her, undoing the frozen muscles she’d held so tightly in place. Where before she’d been stiff, she now moved against him, her arms coming up to hold him, her mouth taking his with an abandon she hadn’t felt in forever.

  She held him there, kissing him until his mouth left hers. His lips traced paths along her jaw, up to her ear and back. Her head tipped, giving him better access. If they stopped, it wouldn’t be because of her. Her fingers searched the front of his shirt, grabbing at the soft fabric and wanting it gone, wanting the feel of hot skin beneath her fingertips.

  With a small chuckle, he leaned back, breaking contact and pulling the shirt off in one fluid movement. He waited, maybe wondering what she thought. But she thought he was magnificent, all muscle and lean strength. Her fingers found his chest, curling in the light dusting of hair there, loving the texture of him.

  For a moment he watched her look and touch, and he’d gotten tired of waiting. One of his hands came under her arm and up behind her head, able to brace her where he wanted. Her fingers still played with him, going only by feel as his lips found hers again.

  This time the kiss was hotter, more demanding. His tongue slipped inside her mouth and she opened wider to him, giving as well as she got and wanting still more. She felt his fingers at her neck while she kissed him trying to convey all the flames inside her. His hand traced down over her collarbone and found its way inside the front of her shirt, cupping one breast.

  A startled gasp escaped her and TJ licked it off her lips, just as his fingers found her nipple. Norah leaned into his touch, not sure when she’d ever been this on fire, ever wanted someone with this drive for completion.

  He smiled that half-smile again, his eyes hot as blazes, as he left her mouth, kissing down her neck and over to where he’d tugged her shirt to expose just the nipple on one breast. She realized what he was doing only as he did it, and she let her head fall back as the sensations of his mouth closing over the tip rocketed through her.

  She was putty when he leaned back and stripped the shirt over her head. Breathing heavily in cadence with him, she watched as he paused. She expected steam and sex, she wasn’t prepared for the reverence in his tone. “God, Norah, you’re beautiful.”

  She started to breathe in, the clutching in her heart radiating out, making her want to think, to wonder, but he didn’t let her. TJ dove back at her, touching her everywhere, fondling her breasts, running his fingers along the indentation of her waist. His mouth followed, lavishing attention on every exposed inch of her, while she reached for him, wanting to touch him, to feel him beneath her fingers.

  She didn’t realize, until he found her, that he’d slipped his hand under the waistband of her boxer briefs. His fingers touching her, lighting her on fire, making her gasp out his name.

  His own voice came out under tight rein, “Oh God, you feel so good.” As his fingers plunged inside her, he caressed her, shrinking her world to only the places where he touched. Without removing his hand, he stretched out beside her, his mouth finding hers again. He stroked her, holding her in this suspended state of frenzy, not letting her come down. She was simply a breathing, writhing body, totally at his mercy when he removed his hand and made short work of stripping the last of her clothing from her.

  She lay there panting, wanting, and too wound up to wait. Coming up on her knees, she reached out to him, following the line of hair down his chest that plunged into the waistband of his pants. She unzipped him, needing his help to get him as naked as she was.

  He pulled her against him, both of them on their knees on the bed, his mouth searching hers as her hands traced the curves and planes of his hard body. She moved against him, savoring the feel of man—of him.

  TJ pulled his mouth away from her, for just a moment in the middle of all the frenzy and the reaching he found her eyes. “Say ‘yes,’ Norah. Please.”

  The last word drifted out on a sigh, begging more than polite.

  “Yes.”

  He kissed her once, hard and demanding, before breaking away. He leaned over to the nightstand where his pants had fallen, fumbling for his wallet.

  Finally having access to him, she found his swollen shaft and caressed him while he attempted to work the packet he’d pulled out. He groaned as she pushed against him, then kissed her while he sheathed himself and sat back on the bed. He lifted her, holding her over him. Norah felt him, more than ready, probing her, and she pushed against him, onto him, the feeling of him entering her robbing her of the ability to watch his face.

  He pulled her to him, making a sound of sweet yearning at her ear, and he held her tightly, moving the two of them together. There was only him. Only the feel of her skin on his, of him deep inside her, trying to get deeper. She held on tight while she felt the waves of release overtake her.

  Chapter 26

  TJ felt something shift, and he fought for control. He fought for the ability to watch as Norah came apart in his arms from his loving. And he loved her.

  Her body tightened in perfect rhythm around him. It took every ounce of determination not to follow her, but to continue and give her more. With a wrung-out sigh she started to relax in his arms, trembling. Nothing had ever felt sweeter, but he leaned over her, laying her back, keeping himself fitted inside her where he belonged and, with his weight on his arms, began to move again.

  At first she protested, as though her body couldn’t take another onslaught. He stroked her until a small moan escaped her as her hips started moving against him again. He murmured to her, words of encouragement until she clung to him, moving as frantically as he did. Together they fought for another release.

  Her hips locked her onto him, and this time she took him with her—the grip of her orgasm a storm he couldn’t help getting tossed in, triggering his own fierce waves of pleasure.

  A sound ripped out of his throat and he collapsed against her. His body worn out from the exertion, his mind numb from what had just happened. Realizing that he was crushing her, he rolled to the side, taking her with him.

  It was, he knew, the first time he’d ever done that. He was one of those men who did not want to be touched after sex. He would find the strength to stand or at least roll away every time. But right now he wanted to stay here, inside Norah. He couldn’t hold her tight enough, couldn’t get close enough. He breathed in the scent of her hair, felt her skin touching his, felt the wetness on her skin and his.

  H
e smiled to himself. They would both need a shower, and God what he could do to her in a shower.

  Her hands pushed against his chest, feeling small and sweet. “TJ, let go.”

  He shook his head, even knowing that she couldn’t see him. “Stay.”

  “We can’t. The condom.”

  He held her tighter, knowing what he had felt while making love. Something had shifted, and he suddenly realized what it was. He didn’t look forward to telling her, so he pulled her tighter and thought maybe she wouldn’t be upset.

  “TJ, you have to get up.” She shoved against him again, harder this time.

  “Just stay, Norah. Please. It’s too late to do anything—”

  She interrupted him, not letting him get all of it out. Pushing against him, she struggled for real, and he knew he had to let her go.

  She was angry at him. “You know, condoms don’t work if you don’t use them correctly.”

  “Norah, the condom broke. I felt it.”

  She disengaged like a bolt of lightning had hit her, and he used her frantic movements to his advantage. He peeled the remnants of the busted condom from himself and flung it into the trash he’d seen tucked under her nightstand.

  Norah was worried, he understood that. He held his arms out to her, knowing it wasn’t like him and knowing that she was what was different. He’d hold her, tell her he loved her, and they’d make things right.

  But she shoved away and off the bed. On her feet, she looked at him once with frantic eyes. He started to speak, almost getting sidetracked by Norah standing straight in front of him in all her naked glory. But she was upset and he needed to help her.

  This time when she looked at him, she was mad. “Why didn’t you stop?”

  “I didn’t know what I felt until afterward. I never had sex without a condom before. I never had one break.” Her anger didn’t change with his words. She didn’t crawl back into his arms and ask him to make it better. The words tumbled out of his mouth, begging her to forgive him. “I didn’t know.”

  “But—”

  He waited for something more but it didn’t come.

  “Norah?”

  She didn’t look at him, just walked almost blindly to the bathroom. Uncertain what was going on right in front of him, he waited. He heard the water running, and he lay back figuring she needed a moment alone. He would fix things when she got out.

  But when she came out a moment later, her eyes still looked glassy. She didn’t look upset, but she didn’t look calm either. She started over to the old bureau and opened drawers, grabbing jeans and a bra and a t-shirt. She started pulling on the clothes.

  “Norah.”

  She shook her head, not turning to face him.

  “Norah, what’s wrong?”

  That at least startled a reaction from her. Just not the one he expected.

  “What’s wrong is that the condom broke.” She slipped the bra on and the t-shirt over her head.

  TJ started to rise up to get her, only to discover his lack of energy was going to last a little bit. Being with Norah had drained him and his legs didn’t want to support him. He settled for sitting up behind her and reaching out.

  She evaded him even as she slipped into a tiny pair of underwear and then jeans.

  “Norah, where are you going?” He was starting to get worried. She wasn’t even in there.

  “I’m going to go take care of the problem.”

  “Can we talk about it?” She hadn’t made eye contact with him once, just mechanically went about getting dressed. “If you get pregnant it will be okay, Norah—”

  “It won’t be okay.” She practically yelled it, cutting him off and showing the first emotion she had since leaving his arms. “You don’t know anything about being a parent. It isn’t going to work itself out.”

  “Norah, we’ll figure something out together. I have plenty of money, that’s not an issue.” He reached out for her, his fingers reaching the denim of her jeans, only to be slapped away with a vicious, stinging swing. “Ow, Norah!”

  “We won’t figure anything out. I’ve got it taken care of.” She walked out the bedroom door and down the hall.

  Alarmed, TJ shoved off the bed to follow her, only to discover his legs still refused to hold him. “Norah!”

  She didn’t come back.

  A second later he heard the front door shut, and a moment after that her engine and the sound of wheels on smooth pavement.

  Chapter 27

  Norah tried to breathe while she drove straight to the clinic. She’d make them work her in. She couldn’t get pregnant. She couldn’t get pregnant.

  She repeated it like a mantra.

  The problem was she knew from experience that she could get pregnant, and the bands tightening around her chest with every minute told her just what a bad idea that would be. He had so casually thought it would be okay, that he could just throw his money at her.

  But she wouldn’t let him. It was her fault just as much as his. In all these years, with all the one night stands, just looking to slake some need, she’d never had a condom break.

  Her hand reached up and wiped at the tears that had fallen down her face without her permission. She made all the appropriate turns and stops, and prayed that the doctor would work her in.

  TJ.

  Of all the people for the condom to break with. It would be the one she shouldn’t have been with in the first place. Her heart was frozen, pumping icy blood throughout her system. Even though it was the last of the hot summer days, she cranked the heater, but couldn’t get warm.

  She parked in the lot and ran up the stairs. Stopping at the front desk, she explained in hushed tones what had happened to the woman in the berry pink scrubs. She received a sympathetic smile and a clipboard with several pages attached. She was asked to wait.

  It was all she could do not to stare at the pregnant woman in the waiting room. There were usually pregnant women in here when she came for her checkup, but she usually had time to prepare herself before she came. She never sat here, staring at the walls, wondering if she might be pregnant.

  She tried to focus on the questions on the page and filled them out as best she could before waiting nervously on the edge of her seat.

  What seemed like an eternity later, Norah was called. The doctor was sympathetic, she always had been. She knew about Jeff and Jordan and wasn’t surprised when Norah asked about morning after pills.

  Norah thought she had bordered on demanding them.

  The doctor looked through the files. “Let’s see, you were in almost two months ago. Is anything different?”

  All she could do was shake her head, and try to keep her fingers from twisting.

  “All right, then we don’t have to give you an exam.”

  A knot loosened inside of her. The idea of an exam had seemed so violating. But she would have done it.

  “Norah.” The doctor waited until she made eye contact. “I’ll prescribe you the pills—”

  “Oh, thank you. Thank you, I’m so sorry.” She gushed, the words tumbling out of her.

  “I wasn’t finished.”

  Norah nodded her acquiescence to whatever it was, waiting.

  Finally the doctor continued. “These aren’t birth control, and I usually only give them out on one condition.”

  “What’s that?” She didn’t add I’ll do anything, I just can’t get pregnant.

  “That you find a more permanent alternate form of birth control. I would recommend the pill, or an implant, an IUD.”

  Norah waited, her hands and heart still twisting. After a moment she realized the doctor wanted her to make a choice. “The pill.”

  “I’m writing you two prescriptions.”

  Norah listened intently to the instructions, when to take the pills, what it might make her feel. What should make her call the office tomorrow morning, what shouldn’t.

  Then she took her prescriptions and bolted.

  The pharmacy line was too long. The workers
too slow. Norah knew that all the pharmacy workers knew what her prescription was for. If they were unsure, then the additional first time prescription of the birth control pills screamed that she’d been having unprotected sex.

  She blinked back tears. She sat and fidgeted. She waited, stalking the magazine aisle, but couldn’t find anything of interest. Finally, they called her name.

  Rushing to the counter, she handed over her credit card and gratefully took the small bottle with one lone pill rattling in it and the pill case with her next method of birth control.

  She fled the scene, stopping only long enough to purchase a bottle of water on the way out. Sitting in the car, she pushed and cranked at the stubborn pill bottle top, finally getting in. Then, with a gulp, she washed it down.

  Relief settling over her, she pulled out of the parking lot. At the first stop light, she shoved the pill pack down in her purse. At a fast food restaurant she pulled through to the back of the lot and threw the pharmacy trash into the dumpster. TJ rode in this car all the time. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t know what she’d done, but something about having evidence upset her.

  By the time she was halfway home she was shaking uncontrollably. She was almost not safe to drive. But she couldn’t call TJ to come and get her and no one was on the road.

  She felt tears splashing down her cheeks and dripping onto her shirt.

  TJ would be there when she got home. There wasn’t anywhere he could go, but there wasn’t anywhere else for her to go either. She couldn’t go to her Dad’s, it was too far from here. Besides she wasn’t a coward, and her problem had been solved. But her stomach churned, and she knew it wasn’t from the medication.

  Norah turned the sedan into the driveway, acting like she wasn’t sick and shaking. Then she forced herself out of the car and up the front porch ramp.

  TJ met her at the door. He was showered and dressed and propped in the door.