Love Notes

by Savannah Kade

  Her father added a scoop of rice to the pot, along with various other things he found in the fridge. The one-pot-dinner was his specialty, and Norah wasn’t much of a cook herself. But the stiffness of his actions while fixing her dinner told her that he didn’t approve of her waiting to tell TJ. She gulped air in.

  “Daddy, I’m so scared.” She broke down right there in the middle of the big, old-fashioned kitchen.

  Her father’s arms found her and enfolded her in another hug. “You’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you think you are.”

  Chapter 30

  Norah picked TJ up three days later for their first walk at the track. She had managed only a little physical distance since she’d left. Her heart still ached.

  She wasn’t sleeping well. There was the possible baby, which occupied a lot of her brain space. When she finally managed to push those thoughts away, her brain wandered to her morning with TJ.

  That was a bad place to wander. It made her want it again, want him again, even while she was still reeling from the effects of the last time. The man was a potent drug.

  She still wasn’t speaking to him much. Not because she was being juvenile, but because she didn’t know what to say. So she put the car in park and waited while he got out. She would have offered support, but she knew what would happen if she had him lean on her. She’d smell him and touch him and, well, only bad things could come of it.

  In the end, she had to help him. Though the track was on level ground, it was at the bottom of a half flight of stairs. It was just the terrain in this part of the state. If there was a flat space big enough to put a track, then the land wasn’t flat around it.

  Holding his hand, she braced him on one side while he let the railing take the bulk of his weight. His movements were jerky, but he still managed to get down the steps. What he lacked in fine motor control he made up for with sheer determination.

  At the bottom of the steps she released his hand, not wanting to maintain the contact. He could walk well enough on flat ground. She was only here in case he fell or over-taxed himself, and to help him back up the dangerous turf of the stairs at the end.

  Norah surveyed the place. It was vacant in these hours. School was in, the early morning practices had been here but gone. The track was just far enough from the school that kids weren’t walking by. A copse of trees stood sentry at the back side, but the flat, reddish pavement was just what he needed.

  She opened the chain link gate, leading him to the inside of the track and forcing herself to set his hand on the fence and stop touching him. “Ready?”

  He nodded.

  She walked away. She wasn’t going quickly, but TJ didn’t catch up.

  Looking over her shoulder, she couldn’t resist. “Have you had a relapse? I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, how can I do that if you’re behind me?”

  He gave her a lazy smile. “View’s better back here.”

  She clasped her teeth together. That’s what she got for speaking to him. Not Norah, I love you—which was really hoping for too much, she knew—but nice ass. She made a mental note not to wear spandex again.

  “You have a great ass.”

  As though she hadn’t gotten that part the first time.

  “I speak from experience.”

  “TJ! Now you can get up here, or I can leave you to crawl back home on your own.” She turned around, grateful that he was proving himself. It would help her get over him faster.

  She waited while he came up beside her, and she stepped aside to give him the inside track. Without a word—those had gotten her in trouble with this man more times than she could count—she resumed a steady pace.

  They were halfway around the track when he spoke. Though it wasn’t accompanied by a charming smile, she was wary. “You lied to JD the other day, just pretty as you please.”

  She didn’t respond.

  “What have you lied to me about, Norah?”

  All at the same time, she melted at the sound of her name from his mouth and her heart crumpled in response to the words. He assumed she had lied to him, and worse, he was right.

  She bit her tongue. She was in too much of a state of limbo already without adding him and his worries to the mix.

  “Norah.” His voice interrupted her jumbled thoughts. “Tell me, please.”

  She shook her head, and tried to veer the subject a little. “What do you think I lied to JD about?”

  He bit. “You said that you wanted to go. I know for a fact that you don’t.”

  “But see, I do want to go. I just can’t.”

  He let it drop then. Or at least it seemed that way for another quiet half lap. When she didn’t volunteer, he pressed again. “Norah, what did you lie to me about?”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “You’re lying now. I can see it, and it’s worrying you. Maybe I can help.”

  She almost laughed out loud. You’ve already helped enough. “You can’t.”

  “You won’t know until you tell me.”

  He stopped, leaning on the fence, but she didn’t realize it until she was a good ten feet beyond him. Norah turned and backtracked. “Had enough for today?”

  “No.” His hands were braced on the fence.

  Hers found her hips. “Don’t forget, you have to get back up those stairs. I can’t carry you.”

  He nodded, and she figured the matter was settled. So she waited for him to either give the signal to start walking or to head to the car. He did neither.

  He’d been staring at the track surface between his braced arms, but he turned his head to look at her. “We aren’t going anywhere until you tell me.”

  “You aren’t in any shape to make threats like that.” The words came out of her mouth easy enough, but it twisted inside to say them. She didn’t like making threats against him, as if she would actually leave him here. In running shorts and a t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off he had no place to hide a cell phone.

  TJ nodded. He turned his back to the fence, and used his hands to climb down, lowering himself to a sitting position. He leaned back against the chain link, looking like he’d just run fifty laps. His face looked defeated. “I got rid of three nurses before you. I liked that you were always honest with me, and there’s a hell of a lot more between us now. If you aren’t going to tell me, then leave.”

  Damn him.

  Norah stood there. Deciding. He’d called her bluff—she wasn’t going to go anywhere. But she wasn’t about to tell him.

  For long minutes neither of them spoke.

  Finally, not knowing what to do, Norah walked off. She kept a pace much faster than they had together. She wasn’t much for jogging, but it was so mindless that she loped into a better rhythm, and it let the steam off better than just a fast walk.

  She kept speeding up until her feet pounded the track. The lanes lay out in front of her, and she ate ground until TJ came back into view as she rounded the last corner. She slowed as she approached him, breathing heavily.

  He sat, patiently waiting until she stopped a few feet away from him. “Made any decisions?”

  “I’ll tell you within two weeks.”

  He frowned. “What the hell happens in two weeks?”

  She could see the gears in his head working. He was mentally thumbing through events and plans, trying to figure it out. But if she told him one thing, he’d figure the whole thing out, and she couldn’t live with that.

  Her hands braced on her knees as she looked at him. He was confused and worried about what she would say. But she couldn’t give any more. “Take it or leave it.”

  “In two weeks, this will all be cleared up?”

  “I don’t know if it will be cleared up, but I’ll be able to tell you about it.” She stretched, imagining that the conversation was over.

  TJ spoke again, his voice soft but full of dread. “Are you sick?”

  Her head snapped to him. God, she couldn’t let him think it was cancer or something like that. “No.”


  “Are you—”

  “Don’t ask me anything else.” She snapped. “I didn’t agree to Twenty Questions.”

  He nodded, conceding, and pulled himself up the chain link. Norah wanted to hold out her hand to him, but the feel of his skin on hers, his hand holding tight to hers, would push her. Her balance was too precarious already. Her Dad’s disapproval of her decision didn’t help. But she was going to tell TJ. Just not yet.

  Of course, the first thing he did when he stood was hold out his hand to her. She wanted to refuse, but there was only open space and seven steps in front of him. She had been around him all summer. She knew that if his legs were going to go out from under him it would be right after he’d exerted himself. Falling on the track would be painful from the burns from the rough asphalt alone, but if he fell on the staircase . . .

  TJ looked at her, both of them knowing that she couldn’t refuse him.

  With a sigh, she grasped his hand from behind, just like Tim had shown her at rehab. It looked like a casual hand-hold, but with a flick of her wrist she could brace his arm, and do it the second he started to buckle.

  Closer than she wanted, but not as close as she wished, they made their way along the fence, then up the steps. He didn’t falter once.

  She walked him through the parking lot to the car, around to his side, and waited until he was in before jogging the last few steps around the hood and slipping into the driver’s seat.

  “Can I ask you a favor?” The words were out of his mouth even as she buckled her seatbelt.

  “I suppose you can ask.” God, she sounded bitchy. And for a moment it panicked her. Maybe it was hormones running away with her because she was pregnant. She tried again. “What do you need? I’ll do it if I can.”

  That earned her a genuine, heart-stopping smile—the kind that made her wish she weren’t the only of-age female around. Kelsey had once called TJ a charm-shark, and Norah so understood that. He was beautiful, but deadly. Even knowing that didn’t change the way her heart told her to take whatever chance she could, that, just maybe, she could win him. Her brain told her that she was being silly. He was TJ Hewlitt, and he had women throwing themselves at him on a regular basis. Or he had. And he would again, very soon. There was really no way for Norah to compete.

  “Can you drive me by my house? I need to get some things.”

  She frowned. “I was going to drop you off at your house. Is there somewhere else you need to go after that?”

  He laughed, the sound rich and full of the liquid voice that had made him famous. “I meant I need to go by my real house. The one I used to live in, and will move back into in a few weeks probably.”

  “Oh.” That made sense. She remembered he did have another house, a non-wheelchair accessible house, “Where is it?”

  He made a face. “On the other side of town. But you probably have things to do at the studio and . . . never mind.”

  This time she laughed at him. “I do have things at the studio, and they can wait. I’ll call Mrs. Kenner and let her know I’ll be late.”

  “No, it’s okay. I’ll get the stuff later.” He waved a hand at her.

  “Just get in my purse and find my cell phone, cowboy.” She took a turn toward his current house, and immediately wondered if she’d gone the right way. “How do I get there?”

  “Oh, jeez. You’ve never been there, have you?” It seemed surprising to him, although she couldn’t fathom why. She hadn’t crossed paths with either of the Hewlitt brothers even though they’d lived in the same town and JD’s daughter attended her dance school for several years.

  “I’ve got it.” He held the phone out to her, then told her to turn right at the upcoming light.

  Norah speed-dialed the studio and told Mrs. Kenner not to expect her anytime soon.

  TJ winced, and Norah sought to calm him. “I’ll be there until around ten tonight, so if I don’t show up before noon it’s no big deal at all.”

  He kept giving her turns, and the houses and businesses kept getting nicer and nicer as they drove. Norah began to wonder what kind of house this man lived in when he chose for himself.

  He directed her to a closed gate with a brick booth sitting just in front of it. Her car seemed suddenly older and clunkier sitting there at the ornate entry. The security guard frowned at her as she stopped. No wonder, this place didn’t look like it had many older model sedans pulling in.

  TJ leaned across as she lowered the window. “Hey, Brett.”

  “Good to see you again, TJ.” The guard smiled as his fingers went automatically to the brim of his embroidered hat. He started to open the gates, but TJ didn’t lean back.

  “This is Norah Davidson. I’d like her added to my list. She can come and go as she pleases.” TJ waited until Brett nodded, then pushed himself back into his own seat. “This will take a minute.”

  Norah just nodded, thinking she’d ridden horseback to his other house and even jumped the fence. She wondered now what he must have thought of her.

  Brett asked her for her driver’s license, and she happily handed it over. When he asked for her signature, she gave that, too. Then he asked her to sit back for a photo. That was when she protested. But not to Brett.

  “TJ! You should have told me I was getting my picture taken. I was just at the track!” Her hair was in a ponytail, and she had on only some tinted sunscreen and a trace of sun block lip-gloss, if any of that remained after the walking and running. She wasn’t supposed to get a photo taken.

  He smiled. “It doesn’t go anywhere. Just here, and it’s just so all the guards can type in your name and ID you. If you don’t do it, then Brett will be the only one who can let you in.”

  “Fine by me.”

  “Come on, Norah. I’m giving you a set of keys, too. You need to be able to get in. Besides, you look beautiful.”

  “Yeah, that’s a little late.” She huffed, but she agreed.

  The guard snapped a photo that Norah was certain was mug shot quality, then commented. “All the women on Mr. Hewlitt’s list are quite beautiful, you’ll fit right in.”

  Her heart felt slapped, but she raised her eyebrows at TJ and tried to cover the hurt. She wasn’t fast enough.

  “Don’t look so insulted.” Then he looked up at the guard. “Tell her the names of the females on my list.”

  Brett laughed and pulled up a list on his computer screen, he read them off. “Kelsey Conklin Hewlitt, Anderson Hewlitt, Allison Hewlitt, and Anna Lee.”

  TJ leaned across her again. “Take Anna off the list.”

  The guard tapped a few keys, “Done,” and the gates opened.

  Norah pulled through. TJ may have thought he saved himself with that short list. But it only showed that he was fairly prompt about deleting names. She reminded herself she’d be wise to keep that tucked away.

  He gave her directions, leading to the top of a hill. The houses here were large with the little space in between filled with tall fences and shrubbery. Each had clearly been built for size and impressiveness. Norah tried not to look like she was gawking.

  He had her turn up a driveway to a tastefully butter-colored mansion. It probably wasn’t much bigger than her Dad’s Farmhouse, but it screamed wealth from the arches over each window, to the pull-through in front of double front doors, to the three car garage.

  Norah felt silly parking in the driveway, but TJ didn’t have the garage opener. Picking his keys and wallet out from under the seat where he’d tucked them, he climbed out of the car and came around to her side. His things held in one hand, he stretched the other out to her. Again, she took it.

  They climbed the stairs together, TJ not needing a smidge of support from her. He unlocked the door and motioned her through.

  Norah made it two steps before she stopped dead. TJ pushed by her, scratching the back of his head. “It’s a bit much, isn’t it?”

  “You could say that.”

  Norah was three feet from a fountain taller than she was. Water splashed
down four tiers of sculpted basins. The entire front entry-way was round: the fountain, the marble flooring radiating out around it, the stairs that clung to the left side, winding up to the second floor.

  She could see large, dark wood doors leading to rooms off the upstairs landing. Down below she could see through to a huge kitchen sporting floor-to-ceiling chrome. She’d thought her father’s kitchen was a waste of space for a man who didn’t cook, but this was ridiculous. “Are you a gourmand when you’re here?”

  He winced. “Nope, mostly spaghetti with sauce from a jar and sandwiches.”

  “You forgot macaroni and cheese.” She couldn’t peel her eyes away, it was just too incongruous.

  “Yeah.” He tugged at her hand, re-locking it with his since she’d dropped the hold the second they’d reached level ground. “My room’s on the second floor.”

  She nodded, letting herself get pulled away. She flanked him up the stairs, her brain churning fifty miles an hour imagining what might be awaiting her up there. The rest of the house had that feel that a professional had ‘done’ it. This was more a showpiece than a place to live. Then again, the bedroom might be all done up S&M. Just because he hadn’t tied her up didn’t mean he wasn’t into kink.

  Again she tugged her hand from his when they reached the landing.

  “This is my room.” He pushed open a wide door revealing the one thing she hadn’t suspected.

  Her mouth fell open. “Did you design this?”

  “The designer did the rest of the house, except the music room. But in here, I picked what I liked.”

  Norah could only nod. The huge room was done in shades of deep, but cool, blue. The carpet was soft and squishy, even through her running shoes, and the sheers hanging to either side of two tall, tall windows matched the color. The bed was big enough to suit the room and she wondered briefly if he had to get the sheets made. The wrought iron head and foot board scrolled gracefully but only touched ground in one spot. It was exquisitely crafted but physically impossible.

  She tipped her head sideways.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, huh?” He reached out a hand and fingered the iron work. “I found the bed, then I made the designer match everything else to it.”